deathfast
#1 
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 12:19 PM
soooo I know the title sounds like really bad, but it's an actual thing and I wanna talk abt it.
I found out abt it through my grandpa who just recently got diagnosed with quite the bad tumor. the doctors said he should move into the hospital but he decided against it. after that, he decided to fast till he dies. for him this meant not eating or drinking until he died from that rather than his tumor.
idk how common this is in other countries, but in germany it is called "sterbefasten" and an actual thing. the original idea is to induce a "natural" death, even tho it actually is suicide. ofc, this is quite a controversial topic, but I wanna know what you think abt this. I know it isn't the fasting that we know bc we (hopefully) drink plenty of water during ours, but I still found it really interesting.
I feel so stupid for this, but it actually triggered me a lot. the whole thing was quite the topic in my family and there was a sense of like praise and respect for the fasting that hit me right on the head
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#2
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 12:26 PM
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#3
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 12:47 PM
my family is indian and i've heard of some isolated cases of that in the past, from what i've been told it's supposedly a more "dignified" death
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 12:57 PM
#5
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 01:09 PM
looked her up, her name was Noa Pothoven and in the article I read it stated she also had AN. TW for SA if you decide to search her up.
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 01:10 PM
looked her up, her name was Noa Pothoven and in the article I read it stated she also had AN. she was 17. TW for SA if you decide to search her up.
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 01:30 PM
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 06:37 PM
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 10:45 PM
I had the idea of a death fast too, I kind of like it but death from dehydration sounds kinda painful (bladder/kidney infections) and really uncomfortable.
It would trigger me too, and I'd feel terrible if my grandma did this. It's really intriguing though, I like it. Sounds holy, spiritual and not human.
how long can u resist the choco bar?
☆*:.｡.٩(｡╥‿╥｡)۶.｡.:*☆
𝖘𝖓𝖔𝖗𝖙 𝖈𝖔𝖐𝖊, 𝖌𝖊𝖙 𝖋𝖚𝖈𝖊𝖉, 𝖌𝖔 𝖙𝖔 𝖈𝖍𝖚𝖗𝖈𝖍 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖕𝖗𝖆𝖞 𝖙𝖔 𝖑𝖎𝖛𝖊 𝖆 𝖑𝖎𝖋𝖊 𝖙𝖍𝖆𝖙 𝖉𝖔𝖊𝖘𝖓'𝖙 𝖘𝖚𝖈𝖐
･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* ૮₍˶Ó﹏Ò ⑅₎ა *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ
in my defense I wasn’t supposed to be around this long
ˏˋ♥̩͙♥̩̩̥͙♥̩̥̩꒰ఎ(ꃋ꒳ꃋ)໒꒱♥̩̥̩♥̩̩̥͙♥̩͙ˊˎ
where is the lyrical content?
All I want to do today is to kill this self of mine. I want to cut open my skin and cut out all the fat underneath it. Then I want to boil my bones clean and pat them dry and put them back in. I want to puke out all my intestines, my stomach, guts, I want them all out in front of me in a trash can. Then I will reach down my throat and stroke my beating heart, grab it, and take it out to lock it in a little wooden box. In its place I will put a cold, sharp stone. This way, I will still feel that it’s there because of the sharp edges of the stone, who will cut me open from the inside. When I am all clean, all flesh and bone and ice and stone, then I will go to bed and sleep until the next morning, at precisely 7:23 I will wake up, with black, glowing eyes and full of energy and nightmares. I will make myself look human again, feel human, sound human and only the bugs in my room and the crows out front of my window will know what had happened.
𓋼𓍊𓍊𓋼𓋼𓍊💗𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓍊🐛𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊𓍊𓋼🕷𓍊𓋼𓍊૮₍´｡ᵔ ꈊ ᵔ｡`₎ა𓍊𓋼𓍊🦋𓋼𓍊𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼🐍𓍊𓍊𓋼𓍊𓋼𓍊💗𓍊𓋼𓋼𓍊𓍊𓋼
#10
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 10:50 PM
Name:, on 08 May 2022 - 1:10 PM, said:
oh yeah I think I heard of a girl who refused food & fluids as a means of suicide and died
looked her up, her name was Noa Pothoven and in the article I read it stated she also had AN. she was 17. TW for SA if you decide to search her up.
Oh yeah there was a huge global debate on her case. Misinformation came out about it being euthanasia but that wasn't what happened. Even the pope entered the debate on twitter by making a post about assisted suicide.
I'm reading Noa's book right now. It's a heavy story.
snail's pace
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Posted 16 April 2022 - 10:52 AM
tsukimishin's accountability
my last attempt at this didn't go as planned but that's to be expected so new accountability thread wooo... i'll update whenever i remember and probably use this as a bit of a diary since i honestly need a place for that, feel free to follow/reply/whatever or don't i am just here to rant ^^
goals
- cut down bp and attempt to spend less on it, ideally to twice a week at most but right now anything less than every day is an improvement
- keep losing weight, at this point any rate is fine as long as i'm consistently losing and will hit gw eventually
- take vitamins every day and replenish electrolytes after every purge
- keep smoking less than 5 a day
- bp as quickly as possible and keep it to only consuming an hour or two on the days i do it, spend the rest of my time doing things that are either enjoyable, productive or both, no more laying around depressed or dedicating entire weeks to bping!
- do some stretches and light exercise to improve my health a little when i can
hopefully i can achieve a healthier balance between ed and life, i know i'm not gonna quit forever or recover right now but i can make steps towards a better quality of life:)
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Posted 16 April 2022 - 11:32 AM
been sipping an electrolyte drink since last night and i feel better, had a multivit before sleeping so i'll have another soon, i was so scared i might not make it thru the night, bped 4 times yesterday and flushed hard then didnt have the energy to get up and get something to replenish electrolytes until my heart started fluttering and i honestly felt like i was dying so i dragged myself up to get those then fell asleep after and woke up ok i think. i cant bp until the 20th because i have no money now so i'll probably just have liquids until then (soup/coffee/etc) because i dont even feel like eating and my stomach feels so fucked up. no point weighing myself rn because im so dehydrated anyway so i'll weigh in a few days when i'm more hydrated. i need to clean... nearly every dish i own is in the sink dirty rn and my kitchen is vile, i also need to shower, i feel so gross, i hate this shit.
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Posted 16 April 2022 - 03:23 PM
figured i should eat something and was actually hungry so got soya yoghurt w/ a 10cal jelly and sweetener, ended up pouring too much in the bowl but too tired to care tbh, had a little more than halfthe thing i think and it's 51cal for 1/4 so i'll count 150, 10 for the jelly, 20 for sweetener in that and a coffee and some sf squash so 180 for the day, doubt i'll eat all this yoghurt i've had like 2 spoons and i dont even want more but i can graze on it ig. took all my meds/vitamins and been drinking water and starting to feel a little better i think. eeuuughgghh. will stay under 300/400 next few days then weigh on wednesday.
#4
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Posted 17 April 2022 - 04:06 PM
feel like shit still i don't know how to feel better my body is falling apart and im not even underweight lmaooo hilarious. also my pipes broke and started leaking into the flat downstairs and the plumber had to come in to my gross bathroom and fix it bc i didnt get chance to clean beforehand awkward. will eat smth small soon i suppose maybe some soup and try stay under 300 im so anxious and bleghfhgh i want to bp but i cant bc im scared my heart is gonna stop or something. i need to keep drinkign enough water im slipping with that already. barely smoking tho bc im scared of how bad my chest feels sooo thats pretty good at least. weighed myself but i think my scale is inaccurate and i need a better one so im gonna hold off on weighing in properly until i can buy a new one next week. weight is coming up at 113-114 but i think its more than that for sure so im taking it w a pinch of salt.
heinz chicken noodle soup (128) + monster (10) + squash (10) = 148 for the day i suppose
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Posted 18 April 2022 - 04:27 PM
had a health scare a bit so upping my intake despite really not wanting to at least for a few days and no purging until this is completely better im not fucking around w this anymore, having 136 cals rn and will have something else in a bit probably gonna aim for 500 again or even 600-700 until i feel better bc i would rather lose a tiny bit slower than end up in hospital or die and lose nothing 
good grief
yeah ok that didnt happen i fell asleep before i ate smth else so 136 total
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 04:32 PM
finally got money again and had planned to bp today but i dont wanna do it yet since i still dont feel good, bought a new scale though so i can get an accurate weight, it arrives tmrw im lowkey excited. weighed in on my shitty scale at 113 but idk how accurate that is, if it is then im almost at my first gw of 112 so i will def not bp until i get under that. got a measuring tape too so i can get my measurements 0_0 i have no idea what they actually are
only had squash so far today so ~10cals but will def have at least something later, i guess aiming for ~500 
feeling a bit better generally today and more positive i think although that might just be bc i have money ........... so much i wanna buy but im holding off rn. im not buying any clothes or accessories until my ugw i think.
having caramel laatte for 68 anddd 3 of these little sf butterscotch sweets for 9 each so 27
105 cals so farrrr
i dont feel like eatign anything else i know its contributing to how crap i feel and i cant keep eating under 200 every day but to be fair i am completely sedentary so its probably ok? idk but i really just dont feel like eating unless i can bp which i cant so i see no point i barlely even feel hungry ... i guess ill get to my gw quicker hope i can eat normally when that happens ig. idk . doing good tho i did some cleaning:))
hope everyone is well:)
#7
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Posted 20 April 2022 - 06:06 PM
so far today i just had 0cal electrolyte drink only had half the dissolvable thing ill have the other half soon. need my mum to give me a lift to the bank to update my name change and cash in a cheque (free £30 lmaoo) and she wants to go out to eat but im not too bothered, i'm sure i can keep it at like 800 or less and even if not ive been restricting so low im sure one maintenance day wont matter, im not gonna purge it bc im still trying not to purge for a while. i weighed in at 112 today but as i said idk if my scale is accurate. new one comes soon sooo we will see.
will prob just have coffee or smth today, aiming for 300 or less i thinkk also gonna deep clean my bathroom to put me off purging and dirtying it lmao. hope everyone is well.
had 10cal squash, caramel latte for 68 and 4 sweets for 36 so 114 so far:) cleaned my bathroom n had a nice shower
10 cal monster energy = 124. i neeeed a better format for this. i'll mke smth nicer and more organized for tmrw :] had the rest of those sweets (63) so total 187 for the day also I realised I haven't been counting the fish oil vitamins I take every morning that are like 25cal but I'm stopping them anyway bc they don't seem to do much and cost too much for no reason (not bc of calories lol) so technically every day I've logged intake I've had 25 more whoops but I'm done w them now anyway. My scale gets here in the next few hours then I'll sleep after that and set it up nd weigh myself tmrw and also measure myself exciting stuff lmaoo
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Posted 21 April 2022 - 08:57 PM
22/04/2022
weight: 111.6lbs / 50.62kg (bmi 18.8), reached and surpassed my first goal of 112lbs/bmi 19 woo! i also took my measurements which i'm not sure are perfect because it's hard to measure yourself and i have poor coordination but i'll write what i got anyway:
waist: 26 inches
hips: 31 inches
thigh: 19.5 inches
bust: 34 inches
i think either the bust or band size i measured are wrong bc it says online i'd be a C cup but I haven't worn bras in years and at my hw I was only a B plus I wear the smallest size binder but idk maybe C is smaller than I imagine... I hate my chest but I think it's smaller than that. Oh well, not like I need to know it anyway
intake:
coffee (10)
sf squash (10)
2 x cigarette (0)
costa coffee iced almond latte (119)
egg and cress sandwich (371)
half a packet of crisps (100ish)
total: 610kcal
notes: going out for lunch with my mum today bc i just say yes to food stuff she offers since i rarely see her and it's not worth arousing suspicion and getting nagged when i can just eat maintenance for one single day and it won't change anything. i'll only eat lunch w/ her and nothing else and try keep it to 800ish if possible but my tdee is around 1300 i think so i'm all good. i got my new scale and my weight is the same on both scales i have so i am confident and reassured that it's accurate bp urges are kinda bad so i feel like after today i might end up slipping into that a little btu as long as i dont let it become a daily thing i should be fine. hope everyone is good 
also if anyone is reading this lmk if the font and color are easy enough to read i don't wanna strain anyones eyes !
back home now, got new pyjama shirts and cleaning stuff also got a few binge food items but i'm just gonna keep them for future rn. having so much at once compared to what i've been having has made me feel so sick i thought i was gonna puke in the street but im trying sooo hard to keep this inside me lmao. sandwich was good af tho and ended up way lower than i had anticipated so im happy
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Posted 22 April 2022 - 10:45 AM
pukebreath, on 22 Apr 2022 - 09:25 AM, said:
u seem so very kewl do u have a twitter or sumfin
thank u!! i do but it's not ed related it's just for retweeting things i like 
i have discord tho?
#11
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Posted 22 April 2022 - 10:11 PM
intake:
2 x cigarette (0)
sf squash (10)
cup a soup (89)
electrolyte tab (0)
bped LMAO
total: nooo clue
notes: today i will go pick up my celexa and start that again, hopefully do some more cleaning and just chill really
hope everyone is goodgonna put this here so i remember but i think when i get to bmi 18.4 im gonna consciously try to hit 400 a day to hopefully have more energy and feel a bit better, i'll probably have 2-3 small things through the day to keep my energy and blood sugar a bit more stable even if i have no appetite, then at some point down the line, maybe when i get under 18 i'll move that to 600 then probably 1000 at my gw and eventually work up to maintenance when i hit ugw because im struggling so much to eat but i know what im eating rn isnt sustainable longterm so it's good to have a plan. if i bp i wont eat outside that bc i probably keep down 400-600 at least with that since i try not to flush.
Bp was shit, my mind was like "this will make us feel better!!!" And then it didn't, couldn't finish even half of what I bought and I just felt sick the whole time and wished I hadn't bothered, put the rest in the fridge in case I want it another time tho so I don't have to spend more but what a waste, had to use fingers to purge too bc hf didn't work for some reason. Idk if I got it all out but I couldn't get any more out so I just left it because it wasn't even much to begin with. I'm so frustrated by this like wtf man, can't even get a good bp these days. All food seems tasteless and inedible to me and idk if it's depression or what but I can't find anything to fill the void now. Makes weight loss easier but eating nothing is not fun either. I guess I'll stick to soup/hot drinks since those are all I can eat and enjoy now. Weird
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#13
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Posted 03 May 2022 - 10:33 AM
im thinking of you my dear friend! i hope your absence is a sign of good things for you and that you are taking care. im always here or on discord if you ever want to chat about anything!
WARNING: BULIMIC NIGHTMARE BEING
please do not PM me if you are under 18
lunoct / coda | 23 | she/her
epic bulimic* who really likes video games.
also really into politics, being a debate lord, and trolling.
♡ Christian, aroace, autistic (prof-dx), pizza luvr. ♡
BMI is a myth based on eugenics and racism.
*i'm not AN b/p.
Romans 15:13
0
just binged. fasting the rest of the day.
#1
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Posted 13 June 2018 - 09:14 AM
everything i ate this morning in the span of like 2 hours
- unsweetened coconut yogurt (90 cals)
- 15 strawberries (60 cals)
- 2 tbsp of trail mix (70 cals)
- 15 blackberries (20 cals)
- 2 oz of almond dried fig cake (170 cals)
- 6 baby carrots (20 cals)
- 2 small slices of multigrain bread (130 cals)
- 3 tbsp of PB2 (75 cals)
- half a tbsp of spicy jelly (25 cals)
- 1 small pear (90 cals)
total: 730 cals, and if i stick to my workout plan today my TDEE for the day will be 2300 cals, which means i'll still be in a 1570 cal deficit. RIP the healthy, balanced lunch and dinner i planned lol.
and yes this probably belongs in an accountability thread but i feel like i needed to make a public proclamation of this hahahah
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Posted 13 June 2018 - 09:39 AM
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