asunder ๐ก trying to maintain ~16.5 and my sanity
#1 
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Posted 17 April 2022 - 01:57 AM
max weight: 67.3 kg / 148.3 lbs BMI 22.23 (february 2016)
min weight: 48.25 kg / 106.3 lbs BMI 15.94 (january 2022)
current weight: 51.4 kg / 113.3 lbs BMI 16.98
current stats at 51.4 kg / 113.3 lbs
bust 81.5 cm
waist 63.5 cm
hips 87.5 cm
upper thigh 46.5 cm
lowest stats at 48.25 kg / 106.3 lbs
bust 79 cm
waist 61 cm
hips 84.5 cm
upper thigh 44 cm
relapsed for the millionth time at the end of july (i was at 58.2 kg / 128.3 lbs) restriction changed into full blown b/p (every day for at least 2+ times). i need to get back to high restriction to feel semi-human again (with b/p i feel like my brain is constantly simmering) and I really need to save up some money without b/p
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#2
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Posted 17 April 2022 - 02:11 AM
BMI 16.98
weight: 51.4 kg / 113.3 lbs
TDEE: 1700 kcal
intake: 1373 kcal
i was having the urge to calm my irritated mind with b/p again around midnight but thankfully i endured and didn’t do it because mom was staying at my apartment today and was already sleeping in the next room, she has trouble with falling asleep and i knew that with my actions i could wake her. so it’s my first day of b/p free in like 2 months for sure
i really don’t know my “true” tdee of my fucked up body (i’m using apple watch so it could be lower) i’ll try to stay at 1400 kcal and hopefully i’ll have a small deficit, i can’t restrict any lower with my bottomless bulimic stomach and at the same time i’m still terrified of eating “that much”. although i know that with the same low activity that i have now i could be slowly losing at 1500 kcal like i did back in october-november last year (i think it was around 3 weeks without b/p)
#3
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Posted 18 April 2022 - 01:45 AM
BMI 16.89
weight: 51.15 kg / 112.7 lbs
TDEE: 1608 kcal
intake: 1400 kcal
starting to feel a mild hunger, also more focused and my mind is a little but clearer. i still had the urge to b/p around midnight because it’s already an addition and my body got used to b/p at the late evening/midnight, but the urge wasn’t intense so it didn’t bother me that much. i’ve noticed my stomach was bloated because today i ate more low cal high volume food, well whatever just gotta deal with it
#4
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Posted 19 April 2022 - 01:10 AM
BMI 16.88
weight: 51.1 kg / 112.6 lbs
TDEE: 1675 kcal
intake: 1398 kcal
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Posted 20 April 2022 - 01:02 AM
BMI 16.76
weight: 50.75 kg / 111.8 lbs
TDEE: 1654 kcal
intake: 1397 kcal + 2 b/p around midnight
i’m disgusted with myself, what else is new? it could’ve been 4 days b/p free but i’m weak minded and it’s easier to numb the irritated brain for just a little while longer than to deal with the problems
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Posted 21 April 2022 - 02:18 AM
BMI 16.53
weight: 50.05 kg / 110.3 lbs
TDEE: 1708 kcal
intake: 1411 kcal + 2 b/p
another day wasted. i want to feel my bones sticking out, but at the same time i can’t low restrict because the only coping mechanism that’s working right now is b/p. i can’t focus and enjoy watching tv series, reading books, listening to music and playing video games. everything irritates me and only hours of b/p do work and distract me till it’s 2-3am and i’m too exhausted and finally fall asleep. i work too much for a little pay, i have just enough money for food and monthly apartment services. i want to leave the country and move somewhere and live in peace but i see no goddamn future for myself other than continue living like this and slowly rotting
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Posted 22 April 2022 - 12:58 AM
BMI 16.74
weight: 50.7 kg / 111.7 lbs
TDEE: 1652 kcal
intake: 1424 kcal + 2 b/p
another groundhog day of doomscrolling news every 5 minutes and numbing my brain with b/p till it’s 1am
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Posted 23 April 2022 - 04:02 AM
BMI 16.53
weight: 50.05 kg / 110.3 lbs
TDEE: 1726 kcal
intake: 1416 kcal + 2 b/p
buying 3 bags of food with the intention of eating it bit by bit never ends well yet i keep doing it ๐คก๐๐ป
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Posted 24 April 2022 - 04:51 AM
BMI 16.45
weight: 49.8 kg / 109.7 lbs
TDEE: 1774 kcal
intake: 1414 kcal + 2 b/p
chipped off another piece of my tooth after first b/p ๐คก
stats
bust: 81 cm (-1)
waist: 62.5 cm (-1.5)
hips: 87 cm (-0.5)
upper thigh: 45 cm (-1.5)
#11
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Posted 25 April 2022 - 01:10 AM
BMI 16.38
weight: 49.6 kg / 109.3 lbs
TDEE: 1565 kcal
intake: 1366 kcal + 2 b/p
tried to watch the new batman movie and couldn’t focus and finish it in one sitting. at least i got enough sleep today and woke up at 1pm
#12
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Posted 26 April 2022 - 12:48 AM
BMI 16.65
weight: 50.4 kg / 111.1 lbs
TDEE: 1684 kcal
intake: 1385 kcal + 1 b/p
slept for 3 hours, woke up with stiff and swollen fingers (water retention and lack of sleep). around 12am i tried to watch the owl house and couldn’t focus on what was i seeing, the desire to b/p is overwhelming and i’m choosing to be weak
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Posted 26 April 2022 - 11:20 PM
BMI 16.88
weight: 51.1 kg / 112.6 lbs
TDEE: 1751 kcal
intake: 1044 kcal + 1 b/p + ??? (2 massive pastries, more than 1000 kcal)
sore throat and inflamed tonsils didn’t stop me from b/p. the task to “consume” overrides everything in my brain
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Posted 28 April 2022 - 03:08 AM
BMI 16.88
weight: 51.1 kg / 112.6 lbs
TDEE: 1691 kcal
intake: 1290 kcal + 3 b/p
i took a day off and stayed at home today, wasted so much money on b/p food holy fuck
#15
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Posted 29 April 2022 - 06:26 AM
BMI 16.65
weight: 50.4 kg / 111.1 lbs
TDEE: 1570 kcal
intake: 1381 kcal + 3 b/p
the feeling of constant dread changed into anger, hatred and irritation to myself and everything around me. i still can’t comprehend how bingeing for hours became such a mundane thing for me and is more “fun” than everything else
#16
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Posted 30 April 2022 - 11:39 AM
BMI 16.65
weight: 50.4 kg / 111.1 lbs
TDEE: 1758 kcal
intake: 1377 kcal + 3 b/p
for years i felt bad about it and now i’m glad that i don’t have any friends/close acquaintances and i’m not ruining their life with my whining and not dragging them down by being a bad influence, i’m just slowly rotting by myself behind closed doors
#17
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Posted 01 May 2022 - 03:58 AM
BMI 16.53
weight: 50.05 kg / 110.3 lbs
TDEE: 1542 kcal
intake: 1327 kcal + 2 b/p
tried to distract myself by playing apex and watching moon knight and still ended up with 2 b/p and tooth pain
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Posted 02 May 2022 - 03:49 AM
dreadedmonocle, on 01 May 2022 - 04:29 AM, said:
I understand. I’ve completely ruined my teeth.
and the most fucked up thing is that i know that i’ll be in such tremendous pain after the purge when everything feels too loud, it even hurts to look or sit straight and not to move, and it takes a few hours to fall asleep because my jaw is hurting, yet i keep bingeing on nuts, hard and dry crackers and cookies because i don’t have anything else beside me at the moment and too weak to stop myself ๐คก
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Posted 02 May 2022 - 04:07 AM
BMI 16.27
weight: 49.25 kg / 108.5 lbs
TDEE: 1651 kcal
intake: 1365 kcal + 3 b/p
because of the constant purging i look more and more like these frogs (protruding salivatory glands)
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asunder ๐ก trying to maintain ~16.5 and my sanity
#21
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Posted 03 May 2022 - 09:02 AM
BMI 16.31
weight: 49.4 kg / 108.9 lbs
TDEE: 1658 kcal
intake: 1388 kcal + 3 b/p
#22
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Posted 04 May 2022 - 12:38 AM
BMI 16.31
weight: 49.4 kg / 108.9 lbs
TDEE: 1628 kcal
intake: 1386 kcal + 3 b/p
#23
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Posted 05 May 2022 - 12:21 AM
BMI 16.41
weight: 49.7 kg / 109.5 lbs
TDEE: 1573 kcal
intake: 1393 kcal + 2 b/p
#24
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Posted 06 May 2022 - 02:14 AM
BMI 16.46
weight: 49.85 kg / 109.9 lbs
TDEE: 1561 kcal
intake: 1398 kcal + 2 b/p
#25
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Posted 07 May 2022 - 04:57 AM
BMI 16.51
weight: 50 kg / 110.2 lbs
TDEE: 1754 kcal
intake: 1349 kcal + 2 b/p
feels like i’m in an endless nightmare since february 24th. i don’t know how to live and function with everything that’s going on
#26
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 05:44 AM
BMI 16.43
weight: 49.75 kg / 109.6 lbs
TDEE: 1559 kcal
intake: 1406 kcal + 2 b/p
the b/p happened after midnight, i didn’t even notice when it was already 5am holy fuck my sleep schedule is so fucked
#27
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Posted 10 May 2022 - 04:00 AM
BMI 16.68
weight: 50.5 kg / 111.3 lbs
TDEE: 1693 kcal
intake: 1233 kcal + 2 b/p
#28
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Posted 10 May 2022 - 04:03 AM
BMI 16.91
weight: 51.2 kg / 112.8 lbs
TDEE: 1590 kcal
intake: 1363 kcal + 3 b/p
nothing brings joy anymore, i can’t even play the sims for hours and hours like i did before
#29
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Posted 11 May 2022 - 12:31 AM
BMI 16.79
weight: 50.85 kg / 112.1 lbs
TDEE: 1631 kcal
intake: 1405 kcal + 3 b/p
another day of bingeing till it’s 4:30 am ugh
#30
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Posted 12 May 2022 - 12:15 AM
BMI 16.93
weight: 51.25 kg / 112.9 lbs
TDEE: 1663 kcal
intake: 1414 kcal + 2 b/p
4 hours of sleep. another day of self-destruction, another day of telling myself lies that that’s the last time when i bend over a toilet exhausted and drained at 3am
oh man i’m too broke to binge yet i do it anyway (i literally have like less than 2$ left)
#31
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Posted 13 May 2022 - 04:13 AM
BMI 16.79
weight: 50.85 kg / 112.1 lbs
TDEE: 1615 kcal
intake: 1424 kcal + 1 b/p
maybe it’s my wishful thinking but after a week of taking vitamin D drops i’m feeling less dead.
i’ve been thinking about that in less than 2 months it’ll be an anniversary of my full blown bulimia and i don’t want it to happen. i’ve been disordered on and off for about 11 years but it was never that bad with more daily purging than normal/restrictive days without it in 2021-2022
#32
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Posted 14 May 2022 - 08:18 AM
BMI 16.76
weight: 50.75 kg / 111.8 lbs
TDEE: 1775 kcal
intake: 1421 kcal + 2 b/p
#33
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Posted 15 May 2022 - 05:13 AM
May, 14
BMI 16.76
weight: 50.75 kg / 111.8 lbs
TDEE: 1668 kcal
intake: 1375 kcal + 3 b/p
me after a series of b/p drinking camomile tea thinking it'll help to fix my head
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#34
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Posted 16 May 2022 - 04:32 AM
BMI 16.55
weight: 50.1 kg / 110.4 lbs
TDEE: 1704 kcal
intake: 1411 kcal + 3 b/p
#35
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Posted 17 May 2022 - 12:28 AM
BMI 16.69
weight: 50.55 kg / 111.4 lbs
TDEE: 1710 kcal
intake: 1371 kcal + 2 b/p
#36
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Posted 18 May 2022 - 12:46 AM
BMI 16.46
weight: 49.85 kg / 109.9 lbs
TDEE: 1703 kcal
intake: 1379 kcal + 1 b/p
#37
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Posted 19 May 2022 - 01:12 AM
BMI 16.53
weight: 50.05 kg / 110.3 lbs
TDEE: 1571 kcal
intake: 1418 kcal + 1 b/p
#38
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Posted 20 May 2022 - 01:48 AM
BMI 16.63
weight: 50.35 kg / 111 lbs
TDEE: 1630 kcal
intake: 1346 kcal + 2b/p
opened my frontal camera and noticed that my protruding glands are bigger than my boobs now lol. it’s horrifying and so ugly, yet i can’t no longer function a day without at least one midnight b/p session to calm my stupid brain
#39
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Posted 21 May 2022 - 07:39 AM
May, 20
BMI 16.48
weight: 49.9 kg / 110 lbs
TDEE: 1669 kcal
intake: 1373 kcal + 3 b/p
mood:
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Posted 22 May 2022 - 05:02 AM
BMI 16.4
weight: 49.65 kg / 109.4 lbs
TDEE: 1468 kcal
intake: 1468 kcal
another miserable day but at least i didn’t b/p today thank fuck.
lol my intake for the day was the same as tdee. i slept till 2pm today, woke up with a massive headache, my teeth hurt for hours and hours after i had my lunch probably because of soy meat chunks (around 6pm) and were still hurting when i went to sleep (at 3am). and chewing apple slices is a goddamn torture, few months ago it didn’t hurt like that, gonna buy bananas from now on. fuck, the pain was throbbing in my temples and affected my vision. i was so angry and irritated today, literally forced myself to focus on watching and finishing some tv shows when all i wanted to do is to binge sitting on a kitchen floor staring at nothing. how laughable and pathetic my life has become
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Posted 23 May 2022 - 12:32 AM
BMI 16.78
weight: 50.8 kg / 111.9 lbs
TDEE: 1683 kcal
intake: 1615 kcal + 1 b/p
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Posted 24 May 2022 - 02:06 AM
BMI 16.89
weight: 51.15 kg / 112.7 lbs
TDEE: 1644 kcal
intake: 1361 kcal + 2 b/p
#43
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Posted 25 May 2022 - 01:32 AM
BMI 16.65
weight: 50.4 kg / 111.1 lbs
TDEE: 1589 kcal
intake: 1426 kcal + 2 b/p
#44
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Posted 26 May 2022 - 02:16 AM
BMI 16.58
weight: 50.2 kg / 110.6 lbs
TDEE: 1727 kcal
intake: 1423 kcal + 2 b/p
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Posted 27 May 2022 - 03:39 AM
BMI 16.47
weight: 49.85 kg / 109.9 lbs
TDEE: 1760 kcal
intake: 1365 kcal + 2 b/p
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Posted 28 May 2022 - 04:37 AM
May, 27
BMI 16.53
weight: 50.05 kg / 110.3 lbs
TDEE: 1656 kcal
intake: 1401 kcal + 2 b/p
another beautiful day of puking my soul out till 4:30am
#47
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Posted 29 May 2022 - 04:57 AM
BMI 16.4
weight: 49.65 kg / 109.4 lbs
TDEE: 1493 kcal
intake: 1419 kcal
finally a day without b/p. at 2am i wanted to binge because my mind was on fire again but instead i had a massive in volume meal for 600 kcal and wrote it down for the next day. the scales are gonna be acting up crazy for a couple of days but i just gotta deal with it
watched a couple episodes of stranger things season 4 (got triggered by mike’s legs lol ๐คก) which is surprising because i can’t concentrate and focus for more than 10 mins and i’m watching and can’t finish elite season 2 for like month a half now
#48
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Posted 30 May 2022 - 12:41 AM
BMI 17.06
weight: 51.65 kg / 113.8 lbs
TDEE: 1680 kcal
intake: 1418 kcal + 3 b/p
๐คก๐ซ being an alcoholic is much cheaper than a bulimic these days
#49
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Posted 31 May 2022 - 03:55 PM
May, 30
BMI 16.66
weight: 50.45 kg / 111.2 lbs
TDEE: 1750 kcal
intake: 1337 kcal + 3 b/p
i'm not obsessed with bodychecking like i did before around half a year ago, probably because i'm not in restriction mode now and my brain is more "docile" because of the constant b/p and because i fluctuate around the same weight 49-51kg since september, my brain adapted (i no longer feel like i'm back at being around 58-63kg for the last 6 years) and body dysmorphia isn't fucking with my brain 24/7 like it did before when i rapidly lost weight, tho i'm sure it'll be back sometime soon. but yeah anyway it's whatever, i'll just leave a few pics of my mortal shell. it's almost summer, people wearing skirts and t-shirts and i'm freezing in a sweater
#50
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Posted 01 June 2022 - 12:39 AM
BMI 16.41
weight: 49.7 kg / 109.5 lbs
TDEE: 1708 kcal
intake: 1369 kcal + 2 b/p
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Posted 01 June 2022 - 06:25 AM
Alyufrin, on 31 May 2022 - 3:55 PM, said:
Oh my goodness you literally have the body of a model I'm super jealous of your figureMay, 30
BMI 16.66
weight: 50.45 kg / 111.2 lbs
TDEE: 1750 kcal
intake: 1337 kcal + 3 b/p
i'm not obsessed with bodychecking like i did before around half a year ago, probably because i'm not in restriction mode now and my brain is more "docile" because of the constant b/p and because i fluctuate around the same weight 49-51kg since september, my brain adapted (i no longer feel like i'm back at being around 58-63kg for the last 6 years) and body dysmorphia isn't fucking with my brain 24/7 like it did before when i rapidly lost weight, tho i'm sure it'll be back sometime soon. but yeah anyway it's whatever, i'll just leave a few pics of my mortal shell. it's almost summer, people wearing skirts and t-shirts and i'm freezing in a sweaterSpoiler
and love the sweater and jeans 
where did you get them from?Gesendet von meinem M2007J17G mit Tapatalk
#52
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Posted 02 June 2022 - 09:05 AM
StarvingLlama*-*, on 01 Jun 2022 - 06:25 AM, said:
Oh my goodness you literally have the body of a model I'm super jealous of your figure
Gesendet von meinem M2007J17G mit Tapatalk
10 years ago i’d be flattered and it would made my day hearing those words, but now i know it’s just a fake shell and it feels like the goddamn abyss is inside of me. i got the sweater from shein.com and jeans are from some local cheap store
#53
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Posted 02 June 2022 - 09:19 AM
June, 1
BMI 16.41
weight: 49.7 kg / 109.5 lbs
TDEE: 1729 kcal
intake: 1425 kcal + 1 b/p
i just know it that this summer is gonna be the worst one.
"It's just me and my mind getting fucked up together just to pass the time"
i had hopes for no b/p in june, to finally see how much i spend on food that i actually eat and digest, but oh well i broke at 11:30pm
a few more pics of this meatsuit, posing and not
#54
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Posted 03 June 2022 - 01:57 AM
BMI 16.53
weight: 50.05 kg / 110.3 lbs
TDEE: 1732 kcal
intake: 1400 kcal + 2 b/p
i feel so exhausted by the end of the week, at least i finally got to sleep for 7 hours
#55
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Posted 04 June 2022 - 02:58 AM
June, 3
BMI 16.41
weight: 49.7 kg / 109.5 lbs
TDEE: 1583 kcal
intake: 1418 kcal + 2 b/p
me at 1:30am laying down with a fucked up mouth after 2 b/p and my brain telling me i need to go to the kitchen to consume crackers:
"nothing seems to make me feel ok"
#56
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Posted 05 June 2022 - 03:43 AM
June, 4
BMI 16.3
weight: 49.35 kg / 108.7 lbs
TDEE: 1666 kcal
intake: 1387 kcal + 2 b/p
me: tries to live a day without b/p
my ed brain:
watched new episodes of "the boys", got triggered again by starlight actress's slender body and narrow bone structure (her shoulders, rib cage). it doesn't matter how much weight i could lose i'll always feel big and wide like a cupboard
#57
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Posted 06 June 2022 - 12:51 AM
BMI 16.22
weight: 49.1 kg / 108.2 lbs
TDEE: 1595 kcal
intake: 1405 kcal + 3 b/p
measurements
chest 80.5cm (-0.5)
waist 62cm (-0.5)
hips 86cm (-1)
upper thigh 45cm (0)
#58
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Posted 07 June 2022 - 02:07 AM
BMI 16.31
weight: 49.4 kg / 108.9 lb
TDEE: 1610 kcal
intake: 1495 kcal + 1 b/p
#59
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Posted 08 June 2022 - 05:44 AM
BMI 16.27
weight: 49.25 kg / 108.5 lbs
TDEE: 1651 kcal
intake: 1487 kcal + 3 b/p
i wanna sleep for the rest of this awful year
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Posted 09 June 2022 - 02:33 AM
BMI 16.3
weight: 49.35 kg / 108.7 lbs
TDEE: 1684 kcal
intake: 1598 kcal + 1 b/p
i still want to lose around 2.5 kg to be at bmi 15.5 and at the same time i want to eat up to 1600 (basically maintain) without b/p for at least few days in a row yet i still fail at everything ๐คก
13asunder ๐ก trying to maintain ~16.5 and my sanity
#61
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Posted 10 June 2022 - 11:07 AM
June, 9
BMI 16.43
weight: 49.75 kg / 109.6 lbs
TDEE: 1671 kcal
intake: 1386 kcal + 2 b/p
#62
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Posted 11 June 2022 - 05:41 AM
June, 10
BMI 16.4
weight: 49.65 kg / 109.4 lbs
TDEE: 1725 kcal
intake: 1458 kcal + 1 b/p
it could’ve been the first day in forever b/p free, but i couldn’t fall asleep till 5am and yeah binged again
my favorite t-shirt to wear at home
↓
protein ice cream recipe if anyone is interested
https://www.myproana...luff-ice-cream/
my before and after pics
https://www.myproana...-bmi-216-→-165/
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Posted 12 June 2022 - 09:36 AM
June, 11
BMI 16.4
weight: 49.65 kg / 109.4 lbs
TDEE: 1727 kcal
intake: 1440 kcal + 2 b/p
"i have no appetite for this
wrap your arms around my skin then kiss
all the bone sticking out of my flesh
i'm sick of being this way when self-hate is the game"
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Posted 13 June 2022 - 10:08 AM
June, 12
BMI 16.31
weight: 49.4 kg / 108.9 lbs
TDEE: 1600 kcal
intake: 1496 kcal + 3 b/p
morning sKinNi
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Posted 14 June 2022 - 04:15 AM
BMI 16.43
weight: 49.75 kg / 109.6 lbs
TDEE: 1528 kcal
intake: 1598 kcal + 2 b/p
for the past two days i spent my free time playing “the quarry” video game. these days it’s so rare for me to find something really interesting that would keep my interest and i won’t just abandon it after 15 minutes. i was really immersed in the first half of the game, but another half turned out not so good. no epilogue, underdeveloped characters and relationships don’t matter, i’m so disappointed and don’t see myself going back to replay it once in a while. “until dawn” from the same devs is still better even after 7 years
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Posted 15 June 2022 - 12:47 AM
June, 14
BMI 16.61
weight: 50.3 kg / 110.8 lbs
TDEE: 1759 kcal
intake: 1417 kcal + 2 b/p
my body is deteriorating, the twitches in my fingers and toes has gotten worse in the past few months, more frequent and annoying. yet i’m still having my period right on time, oh wonders. first day is always the worst, i wanted to rip my gut open and scrub clean all of my intestines. the pain was so intense that i couldn’t take it anymore and decided to buy painkillers, but the ones i wanted wasn’t in stock so i took as a sign to continue suffering
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Posted 16 June 2022 - 12:56 AM
BMI 16.61
weight: 50.3 kg / 110.8 lbs
TDEE: 1647 kcal
intake: 1595 kcal + 2 b/p
#68
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Posted 17 June 2022 - 12:39 AM
BMI 16.81
weight: 50.9 kg / 112.2 lbs
TDEE: 1603 kcal
intake: 1433 kcal + 2 b/p
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Posted 18 June 2022 - 04:09 AM
June, 17
BMI 16.76
weight: 50.75 kg / 111.8 lbs
TDEE: 1818 kcal
intake: 1561 kcal + 2 b/p
"all i want is to feel a bit"
meh
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Posted 19 June 2022 - 04:29 AM
June, 18
BMI 16.76
weight: 50.75 kg / 111.8 lbs
intake: 1560 kcal
oh man, finally no b/p today and hopefully i'll last for more than 2 days now. i no longer want to track tdee with apple watch (on average may's tdee was 1650 and for june it's 1667) but i don't know how actually accurate that is and it's kinda triggering. but i'll continue to weight myself daily and track calories because i'm ok with that
i hate seeing first number 5 and not 4 on the scales (it feels more like i weigh 60kg again and not 50) but i actually look fine today so here's that
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Posted 19 June 2022 - 02:54 PM
June, 19
BMI 16.43
weight: 49.75 kg / 109.6 lbs
intake: 1590 kcal
finally period bloat is gone and i'm feeling a little bit better after seeing first number 4 on the scales, but still the weight will fluctuate and i just gotta deal with it.
spending sunday on cleaning up the apartment and going grocery shopping to replenish food supplies after the b/p haze is not fun.
and i kinda randomly came up with a quick recipe for protein cookies. it's not perfect by all means, but they turned out with a fine taste and well obviously high in protein which is good for satiety
recipe ↓
1 egg
30g soy protein powder
40g blended oats
40g banana or yougurt
10g peanut butter
1g cinnamom
2g baking powder
zero cal sweetener
3g choco drops
mash banana with a fork, add everything else and mix it well. use wet teaspoon every time you place the batter on a parchment paper, then again use a wet spoon to flat out the cookies. preheat the oven to 190C or 375F and bake it for no longer than 10 mins.
the whole batch is 446 kcal and one cookie is 32 kcal
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Posted 21 June 2022 - 12:58 AM
BMI 16.43
weight: 49.75 kg / 109.6 lbs
intake: 1566 kcal
i had two massive in volume meals for dinner (1100 kcal) and around 12am i started craving ice cream i bought today. i wasn’t hungry (i looked 5 months pregnant with all that food in my stomach) my mood was okay-ish so i dunno why i wanted it. yeah i could’ve eaten it but i felt like it’s gonna be a disaster again, that i’d freak out about eating over 1600 kcal (around my tdee) and then i’d exterminate all the food in the kitchen again, and then i’d have to spend time and money to replenish it again, and my teeth would start hurting again and i’d be angry and miserable at myself in this never ending hell
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Posted 22 June 2022 - 12:35 AM
BMI 16.65
weight: 50.4 kg / 111.1 lbs
intake: 1571 kcal
it’s only tuesday and i’m already exhausted as fuck. i slept in for 20 min after my alarm went off and it rarely happens with me even when i have like 3 hours of sleep at night. because of that i didn’t have the time to make my usual breakfast (protein pancakes) and made instead quick oats. i added to it 9g of peanuts and 12g of crunchy granola and oh boy did it fuck me up real good. 30 mins later my teeth started hurting and the pain lasted for 5 hours, it affected my eyes and everything was so loud and irritating again i wanted to lie on a floor and just stop existing. later in the day had some weird muscle twitching in my left boob near the heart wtf it scared me shitless it lasted for like an hour ๐คฏ
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Posted 22 June 2022 - 01:06 PM
BMI 16.74
weight: 50.7 kg / 111.7 lbs
intake: 1576 kcal
weight keeps creeping up up up how fun
but at least i finally had a bm in like 4-5 days? yay me. and instead of flushing money down the toilet i bought myself new earrings and it kinda upped my mood a little bit, but my veiny arms ruined it ugh i don't like it
new season of the umbrella academy just dropped today, so it's time to get triggered by five's bony knees again lol ๐คก
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Posted 23 June 2022 - 01:35 PM
June, 23
BMI 16.69
weight: 50.55 kg / 111.4 lbs
intake: 1617 kcal
woke up 10 mins earlier to make a recipe i found on volume eating sub and because i had exactly one ripe banana left. changes i made: used blended oats, cranberry instead of blueberries and choco chips, added cinnamon. it was tasty and filling (27g of protein) but was too moist for my taste and didn't really impress me, so it's not worth it for me to wake up earlier because even tho it's quick to mix it takes 30 mins to bake and my favorite protein pancakes take less than that
recipe and more pics
before and after
11pm arm of a 80 years old grandma
#76
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Posted 24 June 2022 - 01:53 PM
June, 24
BMI 16.93
weight: 51.25 kg / 112.9 lbs
intake: 1578 kcal
7 days without b/p, for sure it's the longest i had since the start of the year. last streak was 18 days in october, but back then it was a bit easier for me, i didn't b/p every day and it only got worse this winter. well it's only been a week and i did b/p for 10 months, but there is something i've noticed: the skin on my face is definitely looking a bit better because i don't gorge on mountains of sugary and processed food and maybe it's my wishful thinking but i see that my cheekbones are more sharp looking even tho i gained weight this week. i'm still feeling sleep deprived (5 days a week i have less than 6 hours of sleep) but overall i think i have a bit more energy to function on a daily basis and not like i'm gonna crumble to dust any minute
yeah i know it's because yesterday i had a massive dinner with veggies and then a whole ass blender of protein ice cream and i know it always fucks up the scales the next day but it's still irritating
my recipe for protein pancakes if anyone is interested
1 egg
30g of whey protein (flavor of choice)
25g of wheat/oat flour + 15g of soy flour for more protein and more thick texture (or use 40g of wheat/oat flour and add just a little bit less milk)
30g of low cal yogurt
30g of pumpkin puree (it has less calories) or applesauce
100-115g of low cal milk or kefir
1/2 teaspoon of baking powder if using milk or 1/2 of baking soda if using kefir
a little bit of cooking spray
~400 kcal for the whole plate
i don't add any sweetener because protein powder already has it and i always top the pancakes with zero cal syrup
i'm using a special pancake pan like this one and this thing is really great for saving time
#77
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Posted 25 June 2022 - 03:19 PM
June, 25
BMI 16.35
weight: 49.5 kg / 109.1 lbs
intake: 1599 kcal
yesterday i ate more calorie dense and less high volume food, had 2 b/m (yay my guts are functioning properly on its own) and slept for 6 hours more than usual (woke up at 2pm) hence the weight fucked off, but oh well tomorrow it'll probably go up because i made again a whole blender of ice cream when i was watching new doctor strange movie.
today i tried the cookie recipe from my youtube recommendations list. it was a bit dry for my taste (probably because of a high amount of coconut flour) but at least it kept me satiated for 5 hours and i could actually distract myself by playing apex and enjoing it (i always have a love-hate relationship with this online game)
it's really quick to mix and bake, so i'll probably continue to make them but probably will lower the amount of coconut flour to make it less dry
382 kcal and 38g of protein for 2 massive cookies
recipe below ↓
video is long but for anyone who is interested
the original recipe:
41g of whey protein powder
81g of egg whites
lots of sweetener and choco chips
35g of peanut butter
30g of coconut flour
3g of baking powder
bake in preheated for 175C/350F oven for 7 mins
i don't have egg whites at home because it's a bit problematic for me to find and buy it nearby, and i don't like to throw out the yolk while cooking (b/p is ok but intentionally throwing out food is not yeah i'm weird like that) so i used 1 whole egg instead and changed the weight of other ingredients accordingly
26g of whey protein powder
1 egg
23g of peanut butter
19g of coconut flour
2g of baking powder
2g of choco drops
a bit of sweetener and zero cal syrup because the batter was too thick
bodycheck after the weight whoosh. lensa app did a weird background cropping today with the arm and inner thigh (bad lightning) but meh it's whatever
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Posted 27 June 2022 - 01:03 PM
June, 26
BMI 16.22
weight: 49.1 kg / 108.2 lbs
intake: 1572 kcal
changed yesterday's recipe a bit: added pumpkin puree, put a bit of blended oats and less cococut flour. the batter was way more moist so i decided to make little cokies using a teaspoon, i liked this recipe version much better, cookies were way more soft without the spongy taste of protein powder
recipe ↓
26g of whey protein powder
1 egg
30g of pumpkin puree
23g of peanut butter
10g of coconut flour
5g of blended oats
2g of baking powder
2g spkinkles
a bit of zero cal sweetener
temperature and time is the same 175C/350F for 7mins. calories are the same: 380 for the whole batch
took a meatsuit grocery shopping. it's been 3 years since i could fit in this crop top again
measurments are pretty much the same as it was on may 5th
chest 80.5 cm (0)
waist 62 cm (0)
hips 85.5 cm (-0.5)
upper thigh 45 cm (0)
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Posted 27 June 2022 - 01:14 PM
June, 27
BMI 16.35
weight: 49.5 kg / 109.1 lbs
intake: 1644 kcal
june is almost over and i have no tan sosigs because i'm a weirdo who doesn't go out and didn't learn how to socialize
just some food pics
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Posted 27 June 2022 - 03:09 PM
StrungOut, on 27 Jun 2022 - 1:45 PM, said:
May I ask how you made that last smoothie/sorbet thing (not sure what to call it)? It looks amazing!
P.S.
It’s shocking how much dramatically skinnier you look and we are almost the exact same height/bmi.
https://www.myproana...luff-ice-cream/
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Posted 28 June 2022 - 07:37 AM
Alyufrin, on 27 Jun 2022 - 1:14 PM, said:
June, 27
BMI 16.35
weight: 49.5 kg / 109.1 lbs
intake: 1644 kcal
june is almost over and i have no tan sosigs because i'm a weirdo who doesn't go out and didn't learn how to socialize
Spoiler
just some food picsSpoiler
Can you please share how you made the potatoes and the fritter looking things? they look so good!
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Posted 29 June 2022 - 09:56 AM
odile's coda, on 28 Jun 2022 - 07:37 AM, said:
Can you please share how you made the potatoes and the fritter looking things? they look so good!
potatoes: i thoroughly wash potatoes (300-500g) with a brush then cut it without peeling the skin (just a personal preference). i place potatoes into a bowl and add 15g of low cal cheese sauce (optional), 3g of paprika, 7g of garlic powder and a bit of salt. then i give a bowl a good shake so that all the stuff would cover the potatoes equally. then i place the potatoes on a parchment paper and shove it into a preheated to 200C/390F oven for 20-22 mins.
for the fritters it’s just a usual zucchini fritters recipe and i added a bit of soya mince to it for more protein (ground meat would suffice too, i just prefer soya substitute because it has a long expiration date and fresh raw meat gives me anxiety lol ) 450g of grated zucchini (squeeze as much liquid out of it as possible), 1 egg, half an onion (50g chopped), 50g of regular wheat flour, 3g of paprika, 2g on black pepper, 3g of garlic powder, salt, 60g of soya mince (soak it in hot water for around 10mins). i mixed it all together in a bowl and cooked on low heat till it's crispy for 8-10 mins on each side
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Posted 29 June 2022 - 10:04 AM
June, 28
BMI 16.46
weight: 49.85 kg / 109.9 lbs
intake: 1475 kcal + 2 b/p
stressed at work + stressed about some stuff going on at home + 5 hours of regular sleep = shitty combo that always detonates in my face with a b/p effect
#85
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Posted 30 June 2022 - 01:02 AM
BMI 16.33
weight: 49.45 kg / 109 lbs
intake: ??? + 2 b/p
reprising my lead role as a dumb bitch in season 59 episode 215 of “would you look at that she never learns and why the hell is it still airing”
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Posted 01 July 2022 - 11:22 AM
June, 30
BMI 16.12
weight: 48.8 kg / 107.5 lbs
intake: 1607 kcal + 1 b/p
oh i wish it wasn't my dehydrated weight today.
i think i have a thing for baking cookies when life is shit, like that's magically gonna solve everything right away
recipe ↓
400 kcal for the whole batch
1 egg
30g of soy protein powder
40g of cottage cheese
10g of coconut flour
20g of blended oats
25g of yogurt
10g of peanut butter
2g of baking powder
zero cal sweetener, a pinch of salt and cinnamon
same as before mix it together with a fork and use a wet teaspoon each time placing a cookie on a parchment paper, then flat them out with a wet spoon
bake for 10 mins in a preheated oven at 180C/355F
some other food from the last couple of days that my body digested
late night armcheck in a cringe t-shirt that was dirt cheap at second hand shop and i only wear it at home so who cares lol
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Posted 02 July 2022 - 04:38 AM
BMI 16.46
weight: 49.85 kg / 109.9 lbs
intake: 1590 kcal + 2 b/p
trouble with falling asleep at a proper time fucks me up big time. frustrated and irritated i b/p again at 2-3am, went to sleep around 4am after i finished watching last new episodes of stranger things (first part of the season was better)
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Posted 04 July 2022 - 01:21 AM
BMI 16.41
weight: 49.7 kg / 109.5 lbs
intake: 1612 kcal + 1 b/p
July, 3
BMI 16.41
weight: 49.7 kg / 109.5 lbs
intake: 1626 kcal + 2 b/p
the weekend was like a blur again: sleeping for like half a day, mindlessly scrolling through something, taking time going grocery shopping looking for more cheap food ‘cause i’m broke just to end up b/p again at night time ๐คก๐๐ป
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Posted 04 July 2022 - 02:49 PM
July, 4
BMI 16.45
weight: 49.8 kg / 109.7 lbs
intake: 1513 kcal
oh boy, another "first day" of no b/p, wonder how much longer i'll last this time
i keep telling myself that thanks to 136g of protein today, i'm feeling fine so far
so like a week ago there was a sale on aliexpress and i decided to order a small waffle maker because it was like dirt cheap and with shipping it cost me around 12 bucks. i had a different one a while ago, but it broke last autumn and after grieving my loss i randomly came up with a protein pancake recipe and i got obsessed with it, so the thought of getting another waffle maker because i love waffles too (and was too obsessed eating it nearly every morning) wasn't that urgent and was left at the back of my mind because the pancakes are just as good.
i was nervous mixing my old recipe, thinking maybe it'll stick and i'll ruin everything and out of frustration i might go back to b/p again, but in the end it was alright and the taste came out just the same as i remember. i gotta adjust the measurments just a bit because seeing the last waffle not the same size as the other ones is irritating.
320 kcal for 6 waffles (without yogurt)
i don't like taking photos of my b/p food so here's basically the same thing that i eat every day and keep it down
#90
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Posted 05 July 2022 - 12:31 PM
BMI 16.71
weight: 50.6 kg / 111.5 lbs
intake: 1584 kcal
jeans felt a bit too tight today that's for sure and for half a day it felt like something was bubbling in my guts and then it felt like a brick was sitting in there. oh the joy of first days of no b/p
another improv baking without the recipe. well basically if you use eggs, milk, flour in your recipe by definition it won't ever taste awfully bad i guess. maybe i'm just used to the taste of protein powder after 2 years of regularly having it in my ration, but the little thingies (i dunno what to call it, it's not donuts and not muffins) were soft with a good taste, next time i'll add around 30-40g of banana because the taste of cottage cheese stands out after you consume half of it
recipe (i guess mostly for myself it's easier with pics if i decide to make it again)↓
531kcal for 6 pieces / 89 kcal a piece
1 egg
150g of cottage cheese (moist not the dry one)
100g of milk
60g of soy protein
25g of coconut flour
5g of baking powder
sweetener
blend together an egg with milk and cottage cheese, add the rest and mix it well with a fork. bake it at preheated to 180C/355F oven for 18 mins
food again (with a couple of days old pics)
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Posted 05 July 2022 - 04:51 PM
I’m not doing very good because I make my meals too low cal then I eat a bunch of snacks to hit my calorie goal. Which makes me anxious bc then I feel like I ate too much. I’m also eating more calories (about 2000) because I walk about 17,500 steps a day and I’m having a hard time shaking my exercise compulsion. I think 2000-2100 is accurate TDEE for me because when I was losing weight justcico said that was my TDEE and it was very accurate. Do you find your TDEE with an online calculator every day?
Sorry if this is rambly and annoying I have autism and I really don’t know know what’s “necessary” in terms of details honestly. Just wanted to say you’re not alone in maintaining right now I guess and also any tips you have for helping maintain? If this whole post is unnecessary and annoying to you then just ignore it. Hope you have a good day
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Posted 06 July 2022 - 05:59 AM
like you put so much effort into making it look aesthetically pleasing I love it! Also I'm living for your recipes I literally saved every recipe 
Gesendet von meinem M2007J17G mit Tapatalk
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Posted 06 July 2022 - 02:03 PM
VioletDetector, on 05 Jul 2022 - 4:51 PM, said:
Hi there. I am almost the exact same height as you and similar bmi too. I am having to maintain right now as well. My doctor said I have to because my body is kind of borderline health wise, basically. And I really don’t want to be hospitalized. (Shocking I know but I’d rather keep what I have now than lose more and have it taken from me tbh.)
I’m not doing very good because I make my meals too low cal then I eat a bunch of snacks to hit my calorie goal. Which makes me anxious bc then I feel like I ate too much. I’m also eating more calories (about 2000) because I walk about 17,500 steps a day and I’m having a hard time shaking my exercise compulsion. I think 2000-2100 is accurate TDEE for me because when I was losing weight justcico said that was my TDEE and it was very accurate. Do you find your TDEE with an online calculator every day?
Sorry if this is rambly and annoying I have autism and I really don’t know know what’s “necessary” in terms of details honestly. Just wanted to say you’re not alone in maintaining right now I guess and also any tips you have for helping maintain? If this whole post is unnecessary and annoying to you then just ignore it. Hope you have a good day
hi hi hi! don't worry at all you're not rambling and i don't mind sharing any details. i'm no expert in maintaining weight so i'll just tell you a story from my experience. so when i was a teen back then i didn't have ed yet, i had friends and because of that i was pretty active (we played sports for fun, came on walks together, rode bicycles. especially summer time was very active, we spent a lot of time swimming in a river). i ate when i was hungry and stopped when i was full, i didn't really think that much of food back then only years after my mind got fucked up. back then i wasn't obsessing over anything, i ate junk food, i ate healthy food, i ate basically evertything that i really liked and just naturally wasn't regularly overeating and was maintaing around the same weight i am now (50 kg / 110 lbs) i guess with my activity and hunger/satiety levels back then it was my natural "set point weight". then some shit happened in my last year of school, i had no friends left and i stayed mostly at home all the time playing video games and watching tv shows, i didn't even notice how the weight gain sneaked up on me and i started indulging in more food because when you're not active and spend most of the time sitting on your ass being bored and lonely i guess it just happens. then with the very first goal to lose weight (i was 60 kg / 132 lbs) by being a dumbass and soaking up stupid tips from the internet i lost 4 kg / 8.8 lbs in just a week, because of low restriction my body by not being used to this shit was like "yooo wtf you doing" and the first binge came, and after that the very first purge because i didn't want to ruin the massive weightloss that i had. and after that years and years are like a blur: bingeing and gaining, few days of low restriction leading to more binges, low restriction + regular workouts + b/p, bingeing and gaining again, and last year's relapse with heavy b/p wasn't really about food and more of a punishment and self-hatred to myself because of a close family member's health issues (in september i remember i ate around 300 kcal for breakfast, came back home at 8pm and spent the time by just b/p everything, at least now i'm keeping down 1600 outside of my b/p episodes). the longest i had last year of not b/p is 19 days in october. i randomly found excel TDEE spreadsheet file and was interested in testing it because a lot of people in the comment section were happy with it and i didn't really trust online TDEE calculators. so to find out your TDEE you need to log in your weight and calorie intake every day for at least 28 days so that the results are more accurate. well, i never got the full picture of it because after 19 days i fell back into the b/p cycle again, and the results are not that accurate but i'll still post it. i ate 1500 kcal on average and had one binge for 4500 kcal without purging, on average after 19 days my TDEE was around 2000 kcal, my activity level was the same as i have today (on average around 6k steps a day just from working, grocery shopping, running some errands on weekdays)
link to reddit post with instruction and downloadable links if you wanna try it out
https://www.reddit.c...dee_calculator/
at the start of my accountability i ate for 1400 kcal with intention to lose a bit more weight and had b/p episodes, i just feel like it's too low for my body now, 1500 i dunno i think is borderline manageable and at 1600 i feel better so i stick with 1600. around july and august last summer i had an obsessive thoughts of hitting 25k steps every day and when it was too hot outside to go out i was just pacing from room to room in my appartment. right now i just feel so drained and just no longer bother with steps and getting more active, i just embraced being a couch potato because after all the shit that i put my body at least i'm somewhat maintaining on adequate daily caloric intake and not like 800-1000 kcal. oh and about TDEE i 've been writing down in this accountability it's from Apple Watch, you can see it in fitness app (yellow circle). but i no longer pay attention to it because i don't know how much accurate that number is and seeing around 1500 on the weekend with zero activity is kinda irritating and triggering when you're eating 1600 (even tho for the whole week you probably didn't go over your maintenance calories)
seing you have a hight activity level i'd say your estimate of 2000-2100 is pretty accurate, pick a target intake and start at that and for a week just track how you feel, if you feel it's too low add another 100. like i said before for me with my sedentary lifestyle 1400 is low, 1500 is manageable, 1600 is alright. about snacks and feeling like you're eating too much at the end of the day, i perfectly understand you, i feel like that too pretty often. i guess what keeps me grounded is weighting myself daily (i no longer have anxiety because of it) and by just accepting the weight go up for a couple of days and seeing it go down again, accepting that weight fluctuations (period, salt, carbs, lack of sleep, water when you're thirsty at midning) are normal and my whole existense won't crumble to dust if i won't keep seeing the weight go down every morning. i don't exactly have a perfect meal time schedule, i eat breakfast for around 450-500 kcal, skip lunch because i don't like eating at my work place surrounded by people, i don't want to spend more time cooking lunch to take it with me when i can have more calories saved up for later in the evening when i get back home and have dinner in a more mentally comfortable place. well i don't know how to excactly end my speech diarrhea on a high note but i hope something that wrote will help you get some new perspective
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Posted 06 July 2022 - 02:07 PM
StarvingLlama*-*, on 06 Jul 2022 - 05:59 AM, said:
Your food looks incredibly delicious and pretty
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i guess it comes to some people with a restriction phase when you have a more clear mind to make food more good looking for taking pics (even tho i'm no perfectionist) and i certantly don't give a flying fuck about food pics and how food looks when the b/p phases hit lol
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Posted 06 July 2022 - 02:54 PM
July, 6
BMI 16.51
weight: 50 kg / 110.2 lbs
intake: 1607 kcal
i somehow ended up having too much of cottage cheese in my fridge so i guess for the next days it's more improv baking with it before it goes bad. i already had silicone baking cups for muffins but putting them all on a grill rack was a bummer without putting them in a metal baking tray first, so i bought it and today it was delivered.
the taste was alright but i liked yesterday's donut looking thingies more, and i shoud've left those muffins in the oven for more time, 20 mins wasn't enough (it was just a bit undercooked in the middle)
recipe ↓
840 kcal for 12 pieces, 70 kcal a piece
1 egg
150g of cottage cheese (less moist and more dry consistence)
80g of blended oats (cheaper than oat flour)
60g of soy protein (i used half chocolate, have caramel)
200g of milk
5g of baking powder
2g of cinnamon
pinch of salt and sweetener
7g of choco drops
blend together the egg with coottage cheese and milk, add the rest and mix well. bake at preheated to 180C/355F oven for more than 20 mins (i dunno around 23-25)
i use soy protein more frequently in baking because it's cheaper than whey, it soaks more liquid and i actually like the taste of soy protein in cookies and muffins. but for pancakes i only use whey protein because the taste is closer to the real pancakes and with soy the taste is not that great
i bought htis skirt 3 years ago and today was the day when i finally wore it. riding a public transportaion in +32C heat in a skirt when your thighs are sweating and the seat feels sticky is no fun do not recommend. fuck skirts i wanna forever exist in grey oversized hoodies and ripped jeans
finished watching outer banks season 2. i liked the hot summer vibe and the lightning during the scenes was so warm most of the time (i really like it, reminded me of sunsets in the witcher 3 it was gorgeously looking too). but the dialogues between characters and the story felt a bit off, too artificial i guess? i'm just craving something like shameless season 1 to 5 and i'll never find something like that ever again. i'll still watch the third season when it drops tho. started watching elite season 4. first season was fine, second was meh, third is just plain boring and season four is pure mega cringe so far. i guess i'm still watching it because i'm a pathetic loser with no friends existing only in my 4 walls bedroom space and teen/young adult series is my guilty pleasure
more food pics
couple of days old pic
and from today. yay to pancake obsession
just a few small apples that gave me a massive tooth pain for like 5 hours a week ago even tho i sliced them, this is the result of almost 11 months of constant b/p
filling for the wrap with soya mince
it was a first time in a long time eating potato chips outside of massive bags in b/p phase
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Posted 06 July 2022 - 04:05 PM
Alyufrin, on 06 Jul 2022 - 2:03 PM, said:
Thank you for sharing the spreadsheet with me! I appreciate it, it seems very useful. Admittedly I have only been eating 1950 and started doing about 20,000 steps because of the anxiety. So this spreadsheet will be very helpful! My Fitbit has a calories burned meter too but I don’t trust it because it says almost 2,400 burn which feels very much like an overestimate. But the spreadsheet should prove it either way I suppose.
And thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I’ll definitely keep what you said in mind for the future
#97
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Posted 07 July 2022 - 02:32 PM
July, 7
BMI 16.65
weight: 50.4 kg / 111.1 lbs
intake: 1603 kcal
been listening to this on repeat again, my ultimate summertime sadness version
today was another "panel from hell" stream from larian studios about new baldur's gate 3 update. they're all huge dorks who genually love what they're doing and i adore them so much. i updated the game with the new patch and hopefully i'll feel like playing the game on this weeked and will enjoy new bard class and features the game has to offer
#98
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Posted 09 July 2022 - 04:31 AM
July, 8
BMI 16.58
weight: 50.2 kg / 110.6 lbs
intake: 1601 kcal + 2 b/p
overall it was an alright day until in a blink of an eye something snapped again in my brain, b/p twice starting 12am and went to sleep at 3:30am
i like apples and they're one of the cheapest fruits to buy but my teeth are so sensitive now and even when i eat apples in slices it causes tooth pain lasting up to 5 hours, so i guess grated and baked apples it is from now on.
here is a quick and really tasty recipe to make, kinda like a cheap version of an apple strudel.
recipe with pics ↓
561 kcal for the whole thing, yours could vary
1 egg
300-320g of grated apples
5g of cinnamon
1 lavash bread( flatbread) mine was 110g
sweetener
add sweetener and cinnamon to grated apples. use a fork to whip an egg with a little bit of sweetener. use a silicone pastry brush and smear one side of the lavash bread with an egg mix (leave 1/4 of it for later)
roll it like that and use the leftover egg mix to smear the top, left and right side of lavash bread and bake it in a preheated oven at 180C/355F for 30 mins
you can let it cool off a bit and eat it right away but just trust me on this one it's sooooo much tastier if it spends at least 6 hours in a fridge and you eat it cold (that's why i made it around 11pm to have it for breakfast the next day)
we don't have a fancy high protein low cal version of lavash bread so i used a regular version (285 kcal for 100g). you can add walnuts, raisins into the mix, cottage cheese is good with apples too (it'll be higher calorie tho)
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Posted 10 July 2022 - 04:38 AM
BMI 16.22
weight: 49.1 kg / 108.2 lbs
intake: 1610 kcal + 1 b/p
can i have a single goddamned normal night without feeling overwhelmed and using b/p to cope with it? ugh i hoped this weekend would be better but it didn't happen, well i still have a sunday left.
or bake in my case. i baked waffles today, brownies and cookies.
today i used a bit more ingredients for waffles and now they're looking almost equally sized
look how beautiful it is. 312 kcal for thew whole thing (with choco drops). it's really tasty, filling because of a high amount of protein (and you don't need to use protein powder in this one), quick and easy to make. so i higly recommend to try it out
recipe ↓
i used recipe from this video and adapted it just a little bit for myself. because greek yogurt is so expensive where i live i'm using a regular homemade yogurt instead, i just added a bit less of it because it's not as thick as greek yogurt. and my pan is smaller 7x7 instead of 9x9 so i baked it for a bit longer: 20 mins instead of 18
i'll write down all the ingredients you need and you better watch the whole video to see how to mix it all:
3 eggwhites (around 100g if you have eggwhites prepared in a bottle/pack)
20g of oats / flour
40g of cocoa powder
30g of milk
170g of greek yogurt (i used 150g of regular)
3g of baking powder
5g vanilla extract (too expensive for me, i don't have a good substitute for that so i used zero cal flavoured syrup instead)
1/2 teaspoon of instant coffee (optional)
pinch of salt
sweetener
optional choco drops (3g)
i had 3 egg yolks left after making brownies and didn't wanna throw it out so i typed "egg yolk cookies" in youtube and decided to try the first recipe i found. 2 egg yolks were required for the recipe so i used more ingredients accordingly. but when i tried to mix it the batter was off, it was too thick and sticky so i had to add some milk to make it look like it looked in the video, apparently i added too much milk and now the batter was runny so i added a bit of coconut flour to thicken it up (coconut flour is great for that because it absorbs the liquid much better than the regular wheat flour). finally i was content with how the batter looked, i don't have a pastry bag and a special tray for small cookies, so mine came out not perfectly looking because i used a teaspoon to place the batter on a parchment paper. i baked it in a preheated to 150C/300F oven for 20 mins like it was suggested in the video but for my taste it's a bit too much, 15 would've been enough.
336 kcal for 19 cookies, 18 kcal a piece. i'll definitely be making them again just need to bake it for less time so they're not that crispy looking in the end.
original video and my changes ↓
my changes:
3 egg yolks (54g)
8g of cornstarch
2g of baking powder
30g of regular wheat flour (i don't have a cake flour)
35g of milk
5g of coconut flour
sweetener
yesterday as i planned before i wanted to play baldur's gate 3 with the new update but my pc started having some problems, fans on the video card started spinning too loud on and off again for 10-15 sec. i was hoping that changing the thermal paste would help to solve the problem so i changed it on both cpu and gpu, and i guess it helped at least for now, no loud fans spinning like it about to take off like an airplain, i noticed more smooth gameplay too and less lags when i played apex. i'm always a bit nervous when i take apart my pc but the process of cleaning and changing stuff in it is kinda calming too at the same time.
random bodycheck i guess, noticed more muscle definition in my arms because of dehydration.
do you even lift bro?
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Posted 10 July 2022 - 04:49 AM
more food pics because of a 10 pics limit per one comment
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asunder ๐ก trying to maintain ~16.5 and my sanity
#101
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Posted 11 July 2022 - 09:38 AM
July, 10
BMI 16.19
weight: 49 kg / 108 lbs
intake: ??? + 2 b/p
i have zero energy to rant. my mental health this sunday was like
#102
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Posted 13 July 2022 - 10:00 AM
BMI 16.08
weight: 48.7 kg / 107.3 lbs
intake: ??? + 3 b/p
July, 12
BMI 16.02
weight: 48.5 kg / 106.9 lbs
intake: ??? + 3 b/p
July, 13
BMI 16.18
weight: 49 kg / 108 lbs
intake: ??? + 2 b/p
July, 14
BMI 16.41
weight: 49.7 kg / 109.5 lbs
intake: ??? + 3 b/p
#103
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Posted 17 July 2022 - 05:34 AM
BMI 16.65
weight: 50.4 kg / 111.1 lbs
intake: ??? + 4 b/p
July, 16
BMI 16.89
weight: 51.15 kg / 112.7 lbs
intake: ??? + 4 b/p
July, 17
BMI 16.89
weight: 51.15 kg / 112.7 lbs
intake: ??? + 3 b/p
i payed for communal services and now i’m broke again and have no money (not only for b/p food but like at all). i guess it’s the only way to slow it down (i don’t steal food and don’t ask to borrow money so at least that’s a plus)
#104
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Posted 19 July 2022 - 01:02 AM
BMI 16.98
weight: 51.4 kg / 113.3 lbs
another day of clownery, mind and body deteriorating, gums are bleeding, yet somehow i still find food to binge on even without money
#105
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Posted 20 July 2022 - 12:26 AM
BMI 17.17
weight: 52 kg / 114.6 lbs
intake: ??? + 2 b/p
52kg RIP. yet again i still keep doing fuck knows what
#106
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Posted 21 July 2022 - 12:18 PM
July, 20
BMI 17.17
weight: 52 kg / 114.6 lbs
intake: 1563 kcal
no b/p today. probably helped me being too exhausted to keep doing it. i slept for less than 4 hours at night and around 8pm i was too sleepy and decided to take one and a half hour nap, i wanted to wake up and watch or play something and then go to sleep for good this time. the alarm woke me up and i was like fuck it, set the alarm for the morning and went to sleep. it was a restless night of waking up a few times and having fever-like dreams but at least i got around 12 hours of sleep and was feeling a bit better in the morning.
bodycheck from 10th july
food pics
#107
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Posted 21 July 2022 - 12:23 PM
legs on july 11th
more food pics
mixed blue and pink food coloring drops and it looked like i was eating a liquid concrete lol
#108
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Posted 21 July 2022 - 12:30 PM
bodycheck from july 12th
more food pics
banana protein brownies with no flour tasted kinda meh so no point posting the recipe
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Posted 21 July 2022 - 12:34 PM
and hey there is more food pics
#110
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Posted 21 July 2022 - 12:38 PM
yep there is still more
two more cup coasters
a cooking timer and a measuring tape
#111
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Posted 21 July 2022 - 12:45 PM
aha you guessed it right
one little piece of this banana bread was around 290 kcal so infuriating
currently obsessed with shawarma-like wraps, i'm making it with soya meat now. still really tasty, has less calories than the one i made earlier with the real chicken meat, it's more cheaper and i don't have the anxiety about raw meat going bad
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Posted 21 July 2022 - 12:50 PM
look at her she's eating the same food over and over again how boring
the happy face you make when you know you're gonna be eaten soon
#113
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Posted 21 July 2022 - 01:02 PM
July, 21
BMI 17.12
weight: 51.85 kg / 114.3 lbs
intake: 1663 kcal + 2 b/p
b/p yet again after just one day, ugh no suprise here.
i got my international passport today. i don't have the money and job opportunities to leave this shithole of a country anytime soon (or maybe or even probably ever because i don't do shit and only slowly swin towards my imperitable doom) but still i'm feeling just a bit better because it's good to have one at hand if some serious shit would go down.
i've been playing "stray" yesterday and today, it won't magically fix my garbage brain but it's nice to distract myself with little things even if it's just for a while
it was raining in the morning hence crappy lightning
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Posted 22 July 2022 - 06:12 AM
Alyufrin, on 21 Jul 2022 - 12:38 PM, said:
Your food looks so incredibly delicious and prettyyep there is still more
Spoiler
two more cup coasters
a cooking timer and a measuring tape
I'm always so jealous 
Do you have a recipe for the puff pastry that looks like some kind of borek? It looks absolutely delicious
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#116
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Posted 22 July 2022 - 11:04 AM
StarvingLlama*-*, on 22 Jul 2022 - 06:12 AM, said:
Your food looks so incredibly delicious and pretty
Do you have a recipe for the puff pastry that looks like some kind of borek? It looks absolutely delicious
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sadly my cooking skills are pretty much primitive, this pastry was store-bought
#117
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Posted Yesterday, 07:25 AM
BMI 16.83
weight: 50.95 kg / 112.3 lbs
intake: ??? + 2 b/p
today is one year anniversary of my latest relapse, probably the longest one yet. congratulations you dumb fuck! you get more ruined teeth, finger and hand twitches, sleep deprivation, no satiety senses, no money, swollen glands and a weird looking jaw. and of course my latest achievement is chest pains. today was probably the worst one, i woke up with a chest pain and the feeling didn’t subside till i went to sleep. it felt like i had a heavy stash of hot knives in my chest. around 2pm the feeling intensified i thought i’m gonna cry right there at my work place. i wanted to go home, lay down in my bed and don’t move. but i’m working with a family member and what would i say if i asked to go home earlier? that i’m a dumbass and it’s all my fault i did this all to myself and now all i do is keep whining. and it’s like i don’t fully comprehend that i could have a heart attack and drop dead at any moment, i could die in my own vomit, at the very least my teeth could fall out. i’ve become dumb and so soooo lazy
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