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Posted 06 July 2022 - 12:17 AM
TPWLMST, on 05 Jul 2022 - 7:11 PM, said:
yeah i agree. i'm less trying to make light of the people who're hurt by this shit (and it's been running long enough that it's a self-perpetuating system whose victims are the ones spread on all rungs of the ladder at this point) as much as i've been just baffled as an outside spectator by the troves of information and structure its built up. some of the shit coming out of this sounds like a satirical parody of the concept of cults. after doing further reading my stance has gone from "this is a cult" to "this is so much cultier than it looks on the surface" to "this is a death cult" into my final stance of "this is a death cult with the least compelling narrative of the apocalypse and ensuing paradise that i've ever come across"
ultimately i hope that my coworker (and honestly everyone else in it who hasn't been so entrenched in this to the point where its dissolution would more or less shatter them, it's a pretty all encompassing worldview) is able to escape from this relatively unscathed and able to retain a relationship with her mom because hoo boy i'm not a 'religion is the opiate of the masses' reddit nu-atheist by any means but having the idea that nothing is permanent so you aren't allowed to engage with anyone around you and instead need to prepare to prove yourself devout and unwavering through the imminent 1000+ years of torment to be worthy of eternal paradise is bleak
its one saving grace is that she's pressured to convert people in general just to prove her faith in order to qualify for that torment rather than to convert me, personally, as a (non-practicing) jew in order to kickstart the apocalypse like is expected of evangelicals. not that i think she'd engage in that at work. but that's also a pitfall in its own way because i can't imagine how shitty it must be to constantly carry the expectation that you're only allowed to engage with others if you have proselytization as an ulterior motive
on an unrelated note i hope you've been well too! i saw that you're getting involved in some sort of study? good luck, hope the financial compensation's decent
oh don't worry! i hope i didn't sound accusatory or anything. i was mainly just saying whenever i hear or see any type of cult like rambling like that, i find it kind of funny but then i remember how scary it is.
also lol i wish i was getting paid. thanks for the luck <3 i hope it works out too because this is getting oooold.
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H: 5'7.5 LW: 150 (2014) SW: 158 (2014) HW: 216 (Dec. 2019..that's embarrassing) CW: ?
Gw 1: 190 lbs (86 kg) BMI - 29.3
Gw 2: 180 lbs (82 kg) BMI - 27.8
Gw 3: 170 lbs (77 kg) BMI - 26.2
Gw 4: 160 lbs (73 kg) BMI - 24.7
Gw 5: 150 lbs (68 kg) BMI - 23.1
Gw 6: 140 lbs (64 kg) BMI - 21.6
Gw 7: 130 lbs (59 kg) BMI - 20.1
Gw 8: 120 lbs (54 kg) BMI - 18.5
♥ UGW: 114 lbs(51 kg) BMI - 17.6 ♥
MAINTAIN BETWEEN 107-114
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#529 
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Posted 06 July 2022 - 08:41 AM
weight: 255 lb/115.67 kg
trying not to get hung up over this but i wish i'd go back to under this weight already 😭 should head off and get some studying done before work though
and @choco_bitch no dw i didn't think you were being accusatory! i just have a tendency to ramble when i get on a topic haha. shame they're not paying you for the study at all, they really ought to
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#530
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Posted 06 July 2022 - 09:45 PM
would still like to get out of the fucking 250s already though :///
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#531
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Posted Yesterday, 12:01 AM
My accountability:
https://www.myproana...h-your-husband/
HW: 69 kgs - 152 lbs
after I tried recovery with the help of medication, and I really, really tried
LW 1: 38 kgs - 84 lbs
as a minor
LW 2: 42 kgs - 92 lbs
as an adult
GW: 47 kgs - 103 lbs
Height: 166 cm - 5.4 feet
- AN-R diagnosed at the age of 9
- AN-b/p diagnosed at the age of 13
- since then a mix of AN and B
- 37, mom of two, healthy BMI
- I suffer, I am not on a diet!
02/25/2022
After two days and 15 hours of b/p (fainted out the third time during a session) smart brain kicked in:
Trying to maintain BMI 19 at the moment.
#532
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Posted Yesterday, 10:56 AM
Orio, on 07 Jul 2022 - 12:01 AM, said:
like i've said, we all have our own struggles. i've internalized (and apply only to myself) what i can recognize are pretty nasty mindsets regarding dependency, disability, and physical weakness due to my own experiences with physical disability/injury and being underweight conflicts with thatI am jealous, I just want to starve myself to skin and bones. Just wish I could be so body positive like you are - it sounds like that, you are so strong compared to me. Physically and spiritually you know. I just feel like the victim of victims.
also i have low grade muscle dysmorphia
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#533
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Posted Yesterday, 10:35 PM
1.15 mile 15 minute treadmill warmup - .5 miles ran
10 rear deltoid @ 70 lb x 3
15 pectoral fly @ 70 lb x 2
40 seated leg press @ 160 lb
10 squats w/ 50 lbs x 3 (does it count if i did it at work…)
20 lateral pulldowns @ 75 lb x 3
60 lower back extensions @ 105 lb
10 tricep press @ 135 lb x 2
20 hip abductions (internal + external) @ 145 lb x 2
30 abdominal crunches @ 95 lb x 2
at some point i should start actually doing proper heavy lifting instead of medium lifting but that involves doing only like 3-5 reps for 1-3 sets and my brain likes the higher number better. i really need to start incorporating more cardio if i ever want to hit my 'be able to run a 30 minute 5k again' goal but the problem is that i'm going to gym after working on my feet for 8 hours most of the time and lifting's more fun. i listen to podcasts or music while going either way but :/
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#534
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Posted Today, 09:16 AM
food:
1/2 chicken and lamb over rice
energy drink
coke because we're out of diet and with the way this shift is going i needed caffeine STAT
weight: 255 lbs again 😭 at least it makes sense in terms of exercise induced water retention. DOMS hasn't hit yet but i'm ready for it
i woke up thinking today was saturday for some reason and got really excited to have only one shift left for the week. needless to say reality isn't living up to that idealized world i was briefly inhabiting
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Posted Today, 11:23 PM
TPWLMST, on 08 Jul 2022 - 09:16 AM, said:
7/7
food:
1/2 chicken and lamb over rice
energy drink
coke because we're out of diet and with the way this shift is going i needed caffeine STAT
weight: 255 lbs again 😭 at least it makes sense in terms of exercise induced water retention. DOMS hasn't hit yet but i'm ready for it
i woke up thinking today was saturday for some reason and got really excited to have only one shift left for the week. needless to say reality isn't living up to that idealized world i was briefly inhabiting
I had the exact same thought when I woke up today (well, yesterday in my timezone). Several of my coworkers did as well. Must be something in the air?
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Distortion (or Dis, for short)
They/Them | 21 | USA
Stats/Goals/More | Accountability/Rambles
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