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Posted Yesterday, 08:38 PM
I’ve been fasting 45.5 hrs. Only had monster and water today so far. I really really crave my spicy noodles. I shouldn’t eat though. Aaghhghg i hate fighting with myself every damn day. I was extra triggered by the fact that I saw bitchface today, the girl who triggered me so badly that I relapsed at the end on 2020. Yes im still going on about her in 2022 lol. Shes not emaciated anymore but she’s still thinner than me. I need to keep her words in my mind, “just don’t eat.” I gotta focus on the scale dipping into hopefully 114 or 113 tomorrow. If I eat then I’ll probably just maintain. Fuckkkkkk. I want to eat so bad. Whats wrong with me.
#271 
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Posted Yesterday, 08:53 PM
My boyfriend told me to eat so i’m gonna eat my spicy noodles. His reasoning is that if i starve myself another day or two im gonna end up eating and puking a bunch of food when I break my fast. And quite frankly he’s not wrong lol. The increased appetite after a fast always screws me. So im going to eat my spicy noodles and i dont give a single fuck that they contain gluten and small amounts of sugar. I’ll be back to fasting tomorrow. Lets pray that i still lose weight tomorrow, i have suspicions that i’ll be maintaining but i can hope.
#272
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Posted Today, 08:08 AM
Countdown Day 14/60
SW: 120.2 lbs (54.5 kg) BMI: 22.7 BF%: 27.3
CW: 115.8 lbs (52.5 kg) BMI: 21.9 BF%: 25.4
Steps: 10,826/10,000
Calories Burned: 2179
Calories Consumed: 582/500
Calorie Deficit: 1597
Carbs: 96g Fat: 20g Protein: 8g Sugar: 5g
Intake:
Notes:
Planned on fasting today but I ended up eating dinner when I got home from work. Today was a shitshow. I was so damn clumsy i spilt my monster twice, after the second time i ended up crying and punching myself and nearly spiralled into a panic attack over how worthless and retarded I am. So embarrassing. My boss is a queen though. She told me to take a minute in the back and she went and bought me a brand new monster. I nearly cried again when she gave it to me lol. My bf also stopped by to give me pain meds bc my head was bruised and throbbing, i really walloped myself. Then later in the afternoon I saw bitchface that spurred on my relapse in winter 2020. That was really triggering and I was so happy I hadn’t eaten in so many hours or I wouldn’t have been able to face her. Shes still thinner than me and it gives me so much anxiety thinking about how obese she must think I look.
Anyways I ended my fast at 46hrs. I plan to fast Sunday/Monday if possible. I need to drink more water though. Only had a glass and a couple sips from a water bottle.
SW: 120.2 lbs (54.5 kg) BMI: 22.7 BF%: 27.3
CW: 115.8 lbs (52.5 kg) BMI: 21.9 BF%: 25.4
Steps: 10,826/10,000
Calories Burned: 2179
Calories Consumed: 582/500
Calorie Deficit: 1597
Carbs: 96g Fat: 20g Protein: 8g Sugar: 5g
Intake:
Spoiler
Dairy free
Gluten free
Sugar* free
Alcohol free
Snack
1.5 Monster zero ultra
Dinner
Spicy fire noodles with extra green onion
Dairy free
Gluten free
Sugar* free
Alcohol free
Snack
1.5 Monster zero ultra
Dinner
Spicy fire noodles with extra green onion
Notes:
Planned on fasting today but I ended up eating dinner when I got home from work. Today was a shitshow. I was so damn clumsy i spilt my monster twice, after the second time i ended up crying and punching myself and nearly spiralled into a panic attack over how worthless and retarded I am. So embarrassing. My boss is a queen though. She told me to take a minute in the back and she went and bought me a brand new monster. I nearly cried again when she gave it to me lol. My bf also stopped by to give me pain meds bc my head was bruised and throbbing, i really walloped myself. Then later in the afternoon I saw bitchface that spurred on my relapse in winter 2020. That was really triggering and I was so happy I hadn’t eaten in so many hours or I wouldn’t have been able to face her. Shes still thinner than me and it gives me so much anxiety thinking about how obese she must think I look.
Anyways I ended my fast at 46hrs. I plan to fast Sunday/Monday if possible. I need to drink more water though. Only had a glass and a couple sips from a water bottle.
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Posted 02 June 2022 - 10:14 PM
Weight: n/a
Calories total today: 780
-Morning: Nothing
-Afternoon: Chocolate Almond Brownie Think Thin protein bar (150 cals) + Coffee (0 cals) + Vanilla Nutpods Creamer (30 cals) + Lakanto sweetener (0 cals)
-Evening: Thai Style Coconut Chicken Soup (600 cals) + A&W Root Beer Zero Sugar (0 cals)
Exercise: n/a
Once again my plans to get out for a walk were derailed because I had a migraine, plus there ended up being thunderstorms all evening. I took some maxalt and felt better briefly before the headache came back. Thankfully tomorrow I should finally be able to pick up my meds, and it will get me out for a bit of minimal exercise. I’m still too scared to weigh myself, I feel like there’s no point anymore because I’ve been stuck in the same ~5 lb range for the past 6 fucking months and it’s actually absurd.
I’ve been too lazy to post songs lately, sorry.
Calories total today: 780
-Morning: Nothing
-Afternoon: Chocolate Almond Brownie Think Thin protein bar (150 cals) + Coffee (0 cals) + Vanilla Nutpods Creamer (30 cals) + Lakanto sweetener (0 cals)
-Evening: Thai Style Coconut Chicken Soup (600 cals) + A&W Root Beer Zero Sugar (0 cals)
Exercise: n/a
Once again my plans to get out for a walk were derailed because I had a migraine, plus there ended up being thunderstorms all evening. I took some maxalt and felt better briefly before the headache came back. Thankfully tomorrow I should finally be able to pick up my meds, and it will get me out for a bit of minimal exercise. I’m still too scared to weigh myself, I feel like there’s no point anymore because I’ve been stuck in the same ~5 lb range for the past 6 fucking months and it’s actually absurd.
I’ve been too lazy to post songs lately, sorry.
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#623
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Posted 03 June 2022 - 11:35 PM
Weight: n/a
Calories total today: 780
-Morning: Coffee (0 cals) + Vanilla Nutpods creamer (30 cals) + Lakanto sweetener (0 cals)
-Afternoon: Lemon Two Good yogurt (80 cals) + Cookies & Cream Quest protein bar (190 cals)
-Evening: Tom Yum rice noodle soup bowl (250 cals) + 2 tbsp coconut cream (60 cals) + Baby shrimp (60 cals) + Thai basil (5 cals) + Green onions (5 cals) + Toasted seaweed snack (30 cals) + Soft boiled egg (70 cals) + A&W root beer Zero Sugar (0 cals)
Exercise: A walk
Finally got more Nurtec today, yay. I also bought some groceries, and ended up going to Whole Foods because my two usual stores were BOTH sold out of shrimp; I usually don’t shop there even though it’s within short walking distance of my house, just because the other two stores are even closer and it’s expensive. I did find a couple new soups to try though! And another Nick’s ice cream, I decided to get mint chocolate chip this time because it was the other lowest calorie flavor. Then I went for a short walk but it started pouring rain. At least I got off the couch today and enjoyed a bit of fresh air.
Calories total today: 780
-Morning: Coffee (0 cals) + Vanilla Nutpods creamer (30 cals) + Lakanto sweetener (0 cals)
-Afternoon: Lemon Two Good yogurt (80 cals) + Cookies & Cream Quest protein bar (190 cals)
-Evening: Tom Yum rice noodle soup bowl (250 cals) + 2 tbsp coconut cream (60 cals) + Baby shrimp (60 cals) + Thai basil (5 cals) + Green onions (5 cals) + Toasted seaweed snack (30 cals) + Soft boiled egg (70 cals) + A&W root beer Zero Sugar (0 cals)
Exercise: A walk
Finally got more Nurtec today, yay. I also bought some groceries, and ended up going to Whole Foods because my two usual stores were BOTH sold out of shrimp; I usually don’t shop there even though it’s within short walking distance of my house, just because the other two stores are even closer and it’s expensive. I did find a couple new soups to try though! And another Nick’s ice cream, I decided to get mint chocolate chip this time because it was the other lowest calorie flavor. Then I went for a short walk but it started pouring rain. At least I got off the couch today and enjoyed a bit of fresh air.
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#624
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Posted Yesterday, 11:04 PM
Weight: n/a
Calories total today: 780
-Morning: Ghost Blue Raspberry Sour Patch energy drink (5 cals)
-Afternoon: Plain Instant Oatmeal (110 cals) + Swerve Brown Sugar Substitute (0 cals) + Cinnamon Swirl Nutpods Creamer (20 cals) + Blueberries (60 cals) + Pinch of cinnamon (5 cals)
-Evening: Chicken tortilla soup (370 cals) + 2 tbsp sour cream (60 cals) + Shredded cheese (70 cals) + A&W Root Beer zero sugar (0 cals)
Extra: Lemon Two Good yogurt for “dessert” (80 cals)
Exercise: n/a
My husband wasn’t feeling well today, which is weird because he like NEVER gets sick. He took an at-home covid test and it was negative, but we’ll do another test again tomorrow to be safe since they aren’t always super reliable, especially early after infection. His symptoms are pretty mild (just some congestion and general sort of unwell feeling) and I think he probably just has a cold. I feel okay for the most part, and usually I’m the one who gets sick often.
The left side of my mouth has been tingling nonstop all day though and idk why? Feels like there’s a nerve being compressed or something. It’s really irritating and I’m not sure if I should be concerned or just try to ignore it. Sometimes my body does weird shit for no particular reason, so I’m just gonna wait and see if it goes away before bringing it up - I’m kind of trying to avoid doctors rn.
My blueberry oats 🫐 featuring a curling iron burn that hasn’t faded over a month later
And this good boi
Calories total today: 780
-Morning: Ghost Blue Raspberry Sour Patch energy drink (5 cals)
-Afternoon: Plain Instant Oatmeal (110 cals) + Swerve Brown Sugar Substitute (0 cals) + Cinnamon Swirl Nutpods Creamer (20 cals) + Blueberries (60 cals) + Pinch of cinnamon (5 cals)
-Evening: Chicken tortilla soup (370 cals) + 2 tbsp sour cream (60 cals) + Shredded cheese (70 cals) + A&W Root Beer zero sugar (0 cals)
Extra: Lemon Two Good yogurt for “dessert” (80 cals)
Exercise: n/a
My husband wasn’t feeling well today, which is weird because he like NEVER gets sick. He took an at-home covid test and it was negative, but we’ll do another test again tomorrow to be safe since they aren’t always super reliable, especially early after infection. His symptoms are pretty mild (just some congestion and general sort of unwell feeling) and I think he probably just has a cold. I feel okay for the most part, and usually I’m the one who gets sick often.
The left side of my mouth has been tingling nonstop all day though and idk why? Feels like there’s a nerve being compressed or something. It’s really irritating and I’m not sure if I should be concerned or just try to ignore it. Sometimes my body does weird shit for no particular reason, so I’m just gonna wait and see if it goes away before bringing it up - I’m kind of trying to avoid doctors rn.
My blueberry oats 🫐 featuring a curling iron burn that hasn’t faded over a month later
And this good boi
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