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Posted Today, 05:44 AM
SW: 120.2 lbs (54.5 kg) BMI: 22.7 BF%: 27.3
CW: 118 lbs (53.5 kg) BMI: 22.3 BF%: 26.1
Steps: 10,777/10,000
Calories Burned: 2301
Calories Consumed: 10/500
Calorie Deficit: 2291
Carbs: 6g Fat: 0g Protein: 0g Sugar: 0g
Intake:
Dairy free
Gluten free
Sugar* free
Alcohol free
Monster zero ultra
Notes:
Planned on eating 500 cals but I ended up fasting. Only had a monster and a glass of water today. I nearly caved in the evening and ate spicy noodles but I convinced myself I’m too fat to eat and that I’m better off sleeping instead.
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Posted Today, 06:21 AM
03 ✸ June
57,3kg / bmi: 22,7
1.420 - 1.650 = -230
avo sandwich (260)
cookies (110)*
coffee (50)
burger (430)
more cookies (170)
choco chips poundcake (400)
friday! my coworkers are insane and i love it. i
didn't think people like that worked in real
state? i feel back in high school haha.
they've been really nice to me and i feel like i've
been working there for a long time ;_; but it also
feels so surreal. i'm a capricorn, moon and rising
in taurus. i expected something more serious haha.
my friend watches the simpsons all day while
working. i love it.
i'm having a really good time tbh i'm scared something
bad is going to happen haha.
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Posted Today, 03:31 AM
weigh in: 153.3lbs
intake:
my sister has picked up the dog early so idk my plans for the day. the weather is so crap it is forecasted to rain for the next 10 days it’s ridiculous i think im gonna have my lunch at 1 and then go to the post office and grab some bits for holiday i think. its supposed to stop raining at like 1ish so i might go to town to to take back some stuff and also post some parcels hmmm
parceled up the stuff to post and was gonna go to the postie n town but im going with my dad to buy a bike! theres a lil secondhand place, my sister has my bike in london bc i thought she’d have more use for it but has never ever used it but its too much of a faff to get it home bc we would have to drive 2+ hours rip. so im grateful dad said we could go look at getting another, i hope they have one with a basket so i can do my food shop on it
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Posted Yesterday, 01:14 AM
|| thoughts
wow im really feeling it with bodychecks these days
but like, only my legs because im still bloated
(rip my hipbones)
i got black tights though and im obsessed with them : ))))
my upper thighs are still so massive but at least im seeing progress (?)
right.
my neck pain is persisting unfortunately. it was really bad last night, which ended up benefiting me cuz i went to bed earlier (benefit as in i got more sleep !!! not so much as (a) i was in pain and (b ) i slept in late anyway)
it was still bad when i woke up, but after stretching my shoulder a bit it seemed to improve. i also actually laid down for awhile, which helped as well.
currently its not so unbearable so thats good : ) i couldnt really turn my head to one side last night but i can now so-
i havent been feeling as disordered these past few weeks so ive been posting less on here. which isnt bad per say, my mental health has definitely improved now that ive steered away from constantly triggering myself.
but at the same time should i even be posting on this site? im losing weight intentionally and all, but im not so focused on it at the moment like most other people on here are.
i need to weigh myself again, the bloat has made me scared to step on the scales : (
ill try to tomorrow, im expecting it to have gone up.
...
i found an old paper i had written on almost 3 years ago, with my fanfic "rec list" on it lol
so ive been trying to reread some of them because ive been in that sorta mood lately,
(most are really good! thank god id long since moved past my wattpad era)
..... which is eating up waaaay too much of my time (time that should be spent studying 
)
but wow im so smart and remembered podfics are a thing.
so i downloaded a bunch of those and bam, now i can multitask.
yay
anyway, my whole family (except my dad) are gonna be out of the house tomorrow so it will be nice and quiet, and hopefully i can get more done.
not much else to say about today, it was pretty average overall
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#135 
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Posted Today, 12:15 AM
|| 6/3/22
- weight:: 99.6
- last bmi:: 17.1
- intake:: 1405kcal
- steps:: 15,006
- exercise:: 45 minutes (pilates)
|| food pictures
- cereal with cashew milk and vitamins (195kcal)
- tomatoes with hot sauce (40kcal)
- cream filled vegg (60kcal)
- frozen strawberries (50kcal)
- pb2 with dark chocolate (140kcal)
- corn thins with raspberry jam (155kcal)
- burnt broccoli and textured vegetable protein (160kcal)
- english muffins with veg cream cheese (360kcal)
- protein cereal and coffee (245kcal)
- (unpictured) coffee, zevia soda
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#136
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Posted Today, 12:15 AM
|| thoughts
by the way
the awesome thing i keep forgetting to mention is how fucking hot its gotten where i live.
which changes nothing for my daily attire really-
ive been going years doing the 20+ layers look for a variety or reasons (hiding the s/h, hiding the weight loss, general dysmorphia/possible dysphoria, the works basically)
but oh boy are nights becoming the bane of my existence
i cannot sleep in this weather.
im going to cry.
…
had a few anxiety attacks today about accidental vitamin overdose. (context: i did NOT actually accidentally overdose)
which was no fun, but i calmed down and im trying not to think too hard about it.
we got a new toaster cuz the old one wasnt really toasting anything anymore. its pretty nice and even has an english muffin setting lol
i got lots of stuff done today, im feeling so accomplished.
and i had time left over to just….. rest. which was nice.
it ended up raining on and off most of the day. the power actually went off for about two seconds at one point.
i love the rain, so long as its not super windy, it makes me feel very safe.
uh and yeah my weight was up. surprise.
it was actually like….. 100.4 at first. which almost made me throw up.
turns out even my thinnest pajamas can add up. oops lol.
and i had to weigh AFTER breakfast, which i try not to do but 
ill try to get a proper reading tomorrow.
also last thing. my neck pain is 90% gone!!!! : )
i woke up this morning and it felt so so much better, im so relieved.
now all i have to do is not aggravate it again lol
|| song of the day
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Posted Yesterday, 01:29 PM
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#125
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Posted Today, 04:47 AM
98.2 lbs ; 44.5 kg
bmi: 19.2
figured as much, water retention is mad. hoping to see 90 by the time the sgd ends, or if i’m lucky maybe even the 80s. is that too optimistic?
#126
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Posted Today, 08:50 AM
don’t quote or i’ll replace ur low cal salad dressing with ranch
idk what i look like LMAO. these clothes are massive n i wear them for exactly that reason but i feel like they make me look fatter than i am. there’s no winning lols it’s either look fatter than you are or let your clothes highlight your fat. which is worse is da questionnn
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Posted 25 May 2022 - 06:58 PM
I've been thinking here lately about starting a second blog on here. More for just things on my mind, not necessarily ED related. Sometimes I'm on here a lot and I want to just write and write and write but I don't know if I want to really publish it? I am almost too scared to just type it up on the computer and save it. But I also don't want to necessarily write it down on paper either. A. because then it seems more permeant and risk of getting found out. B. I have carpel tunnel and writing hurts a million times more than using a laptop and a type as fast as I can think but writing is so much slower. But also I came across EDC & created an account. Just sort of lurking there for the time being but I don't know. MPA is such a comfort. No matter what I come back to it. I think I might just make a new blog and then maybe later choose whether or not to publish the posts. I just need something to gather and organize my scattered thoughts here lately. the last couple days have felt different to me. I would like to say I don't know why, but I think I do.
Anyways. Sorry just rambling. Nothing ED related here today I guess.
#63
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Posted 25 May 2022 - 09:33 PM
NOT TOTALLY ED RELATED :BINGED: JUST NEED TO BREATHE :
ALL GOOD THINGS COME TO AN END :::
I am not in a good place today. I knew it was coming. Like an inevitable storm. I could feel it building all week. And today I not only ate nearly all day, but I binged. It was not a huge binge, and really if it hadn't been high calorie I probably wouldn't of usually called it a binge. But it was the feeling. The uncontrollable want to just stuff my face. I just feel very upset the last couple days. I wanted to say it was just the PMS and it's possible it could be mostly just my hormones going crazy, but also it was seeing someone from my past, someone I'm still friends with, move on from his shitty marriage, and into the possibility of being truly happy. And I'm happy for him, but somewhere I've always wondered what would of happened if I had of chose him all those years ago. I would of taken a left instead of a right. But would I of just brought him down? He has such an adventurous spirit. Anyways. I mean it doesn't even matter, my god that was long since past. We're talking high school here. We've remained very good friends since then though, but that wonder has always remained. I took the comfortable, safe, secure choice instead of taking a leap, being adventurous. And now well we're down two separate paths. They crossed at one point in time. Now he's onto his next adventure and I'm trying to create a stronger marriage with my life. I think it will remain my constant what if, but our lives are created from what ifs and choices.
Anyways, between that and a friend of my going on a trip to Hawaii just sort of jump started stupid jealousy. I have always been the worst when it comes to being jealous. Not just the fact she's in Hawaii but she's also lost a ton of weight after we both got HUGE at the same time while pregnant. I'm where I'm at in the 230's and she is easily back down to 115-120s. She just looks so bubbly and she has her life all together compared to when we hung out I know this is all petty, and I'm stupid for making such a big deal about all this, and I don't know why I am. I don't know why it's getting under my skin. But I also know that this is probably one of the first times in years I've literally been able to want to nail why I feel the need to stuff my face. I usually will not stop myself and I did. I usually will not sit there and wonder why I am doing it. But here I am. And sure all good things sometimes come to an end. But I did 16 days binge free and essentially stopped myself mid-binge. The actual binge itself was 895 calories. I mean yes I went way over what I wanted. Yes I went over what my output was. I have not had a single day that I have gone over my output. But you know one day will not kill me, one day will not set me back. It. Is. Just. Once. Just. One. Day. I can pick myself up from this and I can do better. I use to be well fuck it and we're going to do what we want the rest of the week and then it turned into months/etc. But this is a one time thing. I mean even if I only have one bad day a month, we're all allowed to have those. Anyways. I'm not beating myself up, but I'm also not happy with myself either. I'm not disappointed. But I am upset. And eating didn't help that. That's one thing I'm learning that food cannot make me happy. Food does not make things better. It honestly makes things worse across the board.
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#64
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Posted 25 May 2022 - 09:51 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about the binge, god I know that feeling all too well. I've been fighting off urges this whole week as well, hell- these past two months have been a struggle. I cannot bring myself to restrict low and I'm ready to give up so often. I commend you for being able to figure out one of the root causes of your binging, that is honestly such an important step to,,, well,,, stopping them.
I also definitely empathize with how you're feeling, there's something so bittersweet about seeing people from your life move along and reach their goals, especially when you feel like you might be stuck in place, or wondering when/how your paths diverged. Life has this crazy way of sending you on a vastly different path, and sometimes it really, truly sucks.
You did amazing, nonetheless. Sometimes, you really cannot avoid binges, but it takes a great deal of strength to minimize the damage. I hope these following days treat you better. <3
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~Hufflepuff | INFP | 9w1 | They/Them | Pisces~
Stats/Diagnoses/Weight-Loss:
"I begin to assemble what weapons I can find, 'cause sometimes to stay alive you gotta kill your mind."
~Migraine, twenty one pilots
"I was once told that the love I felt beating inside my chest was nothing more than my mind playing an unfair trick on my heart.
And like a pair of dice dancing along the uneven pavement, their fate, much like yours or mine, had already been decided." ~Find Me, Forest Blakk
"Of course I'll be here again, see you tomorrow, but it's the end of today,
End of my ways as a walking denial
My trial was filed as a crazy suicidal head case." ~Addict With a Pen, twenty one pilots
#65
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Posted 25 May 2022 - 11:23 PM
L0LLIR0T, on 25 May 2022 - 9:33 PM, said:
But I also know that this is probably one of the first times in years I've literally been able to want to nail why I feel the need to stuff my face. I usually will not stop myself and I did. I usually will not sit there and wonder why I am doing it. But here I am. And sure all good things sometimes come to an end. But I did 16 days binge free and essentially stopped myself mid-binge. The actual binge itself was 895 calories. I mean yes I went way over what I wanted. Yes I went over what my output was. I have not had a single day that I have gone over my output. But you know one day will not kill me, one day will not set me back. It. Is. Just. Once. Just. One. Day. I can pick myself up from this and I can do better. I use to be well fuck it and we're going to do what we want the rest of the week and then it turned into months/etc. But this is a one time thing. I mean even if I only have one bad day a month, we're all allowed to have those. Anyways. I'm not beating myself up, but I'm also not happy with myself either. I'm not disappointed. But I am upset. And eating didn't help that. That's one thing I'm learning that food cannot make me happy. Food does not make things better. It honestly makes things worse across the board.
I admire the way you come down after a binge-- 'one day won't set me back', and diagnosing the initial trigger, so to speak. It's good to stop and reflect sometimes. Losing a no-binge streak blows. I hope you have a good rest of your day/night/whatever you're in (thanks, time zones).
Call me Distortion, or Dis for short.
They/Them | 21
Accountability/Rambles
High-restricting fatass trying to avoid binge-eating.
#66
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Posted 26 May 2022 - 06:52 AM
something_of_an_aimless, on 25 May 2022 - 9:51 PM, said:
I'm so sorry to hear about the binge, god I know that feeling all too well. I've been fighting off urges this whole week as well, hell- these past two months have been a struggle. I cannot bring myself to restrict low and I'm ready to give up so often. I commend you for being able to figure out one of the root causes of your binging, that is honestly such an important step to,,, well,,, stopping them.
I also definitely empathize with how you're feeling, there's something so bittersweet about seeing people from your life move along and reach their goals, especially when you feel like you might be stuck in place, or wondering when/how your paths diverged. Life has this crazy way of sending you on a vastly different path, and sometimes it really, truly sucks.
You did amazing, nonetheless. Sometimes, you really cannot avoid binges, but it takes a great deal of strength to minimize the damage. I hope these following days treat you better. <3
Thank you for your kind words. I know there isn't really a "cure" to an ED and usually it flops around from one version to another, but this time I just want the binges to stop. Like I'm working on myself as well, trying to navigate self acceptance, self love, and all that. Instead of basically just laying on the floor being upset and allowing myself to be upset about things I've started wondering why am I upset about something, why do I resent certain things, or jealous of others. I think it's come with trying my best to be a cycle breaker. My parents tried their best I can say that, but my mother has a silver tongue that could cut your will to live in two. I said something a year ago that was something I remember my mom saying to me around the age of 6 all the time (I talked a lot, come to find out it's due to ADHD) and I was like stopped in my tracks. I knew I needed to do something to be a different, nicer, kinder parent than my mother was. It's hard, as getting my son diagnosed with ADHD/autism we have a lot of similarities with the way with process sensory overload. My wife is complete neurotypical so she doesn't realize what we go through. She just sees us both fly over the edge and then be completely fine 5 minutes later.
I appreciate you taking the time and validating my feelings. <3 I hope the world is wonderful to a great soul as yourself.
distortion, on 25 May 2022 - 11:23 PM, said:
I admire the way you come down after a binge-- 'one day won't set me back', and diagnosing the initial trigger, so to speak. It's good to stop and reflect sometimes. Losing a no-binge streak blows. I hope you have a good rest of your day/night/whatever you're in (thanks, time zones).
That's a new feeling for me. Thank you. As stated, this has nearly never been how I reacted to a binge. But I think it was knowing I was upset about something and then seeing the binge sort of made the two click. Like "Oh this is why I binged." if that makes sense. I can even see it in my food log that I've been slowly spiraling this week. My intake has been much higher, and my emotions have been all over the place. I hope you have a wonderful day/ night yourself and thank you for taking the time to comment in here. It's good to know I'm not alone.
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#67
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Posted 26 May 2022 - 07:01 AM
Thursday May 26 2022 233.0
-------------------- -----
coffee 200
Totinos pizza 640
Pasta side 540
animal crackers 120
cookies 170
popsicles 90
poptart/mandarin oranges 400
Intake - 2160
Output - 2187
Steps - 4374
Deficit - 17
Doesn't surprise me that I moved up to 233.0 but I know that is nearly all food weight and that my intake yesterday was not high enough to put on any real weight, even if I did binge and go over TDEE (by 140 calories). I wont go over the details because that's in a post above but today is a new day. I have a new chance to make a change. I have to actively move forward from this. I have to work through emotionally what is bothering me or it will just keep resurfacing and possibly causing binges. I can and will do/be better. Including today I have 4 days left of this week. I can still get on track. It wont be better that last week and that's okay. I can still have a great deficit this week, I can still lose weight before Mondays Week #4 Weigh in. We've only 8 days until our vacation and I'm not going to let one day ruin what I'm doing.
I knew I was going to have a "nice to myself" day. And honestly I've felt really full and satisfied all day. I probably could of eaten less of my pizza, and I didn't finish all my dinner. Somehow eating foods that I had deemed "too high" or "splurge" foods put me still within a good or acceptable range today. I didn't expect to feel this way at the end of a "eat whatever but log it day, just eat food that makes you feel good" and I did. Not that the food itself made me feel good but it was more or less knowing I can eat things I usually wont let myself. I am still going to try to eat better foods, not so processed / etc but still today I felt like I earned it.
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#68
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Posted 26 May 2022 - 07:08 AM
Friday May 27 2022 232.6
------------------ -----
Monster energy drink 220
hot pocket 280
animal crackers 240
cookies 120
popsicles 35
Taco Bell (chicken chalupa, meatless nacho bell grande, chips & cheese ) 1330
Intake - 2225
Output - 2565
Steps - 6776
Deficit - 340
Well this morning started out rough, but I took a different approach to a persons ugly attitude / lack of affection. I just ignored it after stating how it made me feel. Then we took a couple loads of crap to the dump. Ate lunch and here I am. I didn't get coffee today but had an energy drink instead. There is a bit going on here lately. We realized our back door is leaking under the vinyl and making the wood soft. Supposed to look at that and the door frame later today after she gets a nap. I'm hoping we don't have to replace all of that area and new door. Just something else about this house causing problems. Whatever. And no matter what I do we can't get rid of the pissants in the kitchen and bathrooms. there is literally nothing for them to get into but yet they are there. She's also going to get ant spray for the house and the yard. So that's another thing I guess. Just piling up it feels like. Intake wise I've had a bad week, somehow I made it out with a deficit yesterday and somehow dropped weight from yesterday. But it is what it is I guess. Lol Our bodies are odd.
We ended up napping this afternoon, doing some running around errands and then because it was so late, we stopped by Taco Bell. I got my usual (of course) I did skip the Baja Blast. which is unusual for me. I'm proud of myself for that I guess. I'm sure we're going to do tons of chores outside and everything tomorrow probably get in the pool. Hoping to burn a lot more calories and perhaps maybe consume less tomorrow.
#69
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Posted 26 May 2022 - 07:09 AM
Saturday May 28 2022 233.0
-------------------- -----
coffee 300
egg mcmuffin 330
egg noodles w/parm 700
candy/chips 200
animal crackers 120
popsicles 30
Intake - 1680
Output - 2831
Steps - 6048
Deficit - 1151
Sheesh I felt like I didn't eat anything today, but I know I did based on calories. We did a lot of painting trim/doorways outside. I moving shit around. I had no idea I had burned that many calories but hunger wise I could definitely tell. I also am worn out. Glad to have a great deficit today. Not much has gone on this weekend. Just been busy doing things around the house and making lists of things that still need to be done.
#70
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Posted 26 May 2022 - 07:10 AM
Sunday May 29 2022 231.2
------------------ -----
coffee 300
bean & cheese burritos 500
salmon patties 200
mac n cheese 200
green beans 100
mashed potatoes 200
popsicles 30
Intake - 1530
Output - 2815
Steps - 5753
Deficit - 1285
Well it has been a really active weekend. I cannot believe what the scale said today. I had to reweigh myself like 3 times because I couldn't even believe it was really what it said. Lol Guess the whoosh decided to hit. It has been a CRAZY high calorie burn weekend. So much done around the house, painting and then today we got in the pool again. I am hoping that plays into some crazy weight loss this summer. We're getting a bigger/nicer pool next year but that definitely means that I need to get a job so we can just pay for it out right instead of a payment plan. But that sort of makes it where I probably wont get a new car. Not that I need one, just want one. But that's whatever. Lol Just wanting to downsize.
Well week 3 is over, and only a few days left until we leave for our beach vacation. I'm trying not to be too nervous/anxious or upset about this trip. I want it to be a good time without any worries. It's just that we booked it in January 2021 and I had this big huge amazing plan to lose 100 lbs before our trip. I mean that was almost 17 months. This grand plan was a slow and steady plan too. But it never took off much more than a couple days in a time. I just couldn't get my feet under me to pick up speed and stick to it. My mental capacity was shot to shit and the more I ate, the worse it got. It was a horrible vicious cycle. I don't know how I shook it off or how it go better but here I am. But I mean my goal was 100 lbs less. I was 220. Goal was 120 lbs. I ended up gaining 20 lbs in that 16 months. I started off at 240, and it really made something snap. I literally weighed the same amount as I did when I was pregnant back in 2015. I lost all the way down to 160 within 2 years of having my son. Then over the last 5 years, gained 80 lbs back. I just couldn't handle that. And I refuse to continue down this path. I had to do something and here I am. Doing something. It might not always be a lot of something. I might not be doing all that could be done, but I am giving it my all and I'm doing SOMETHING about it. I'm moving that scale in the right direction. Something had to give in my life and here I am.
#71
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Posted 26 May 2022 - 07:23 AM
I wish you the best. I have had a pretty sad day mood wise too, for some reason. I’m thinking of you ❤️ Remember to take care of yourself. Have your favorite tea, or do something that feels soothing to you ❤️
#72
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Posted 26 May 2022 - 08:34 AM
Me., on 26 May 2022 - 07:23 AM, said:
Sounds like you had a rough day. Binges happen. I don’t know about you, but for me they will eventually always catch up with me. It’s hard to to think of it as anything other than “I lost control, I’ve fucked up” but it’s just that. Sometimes it’s out of your control regardless how much you try. Even though it feels like you could’ve stopped or hindered it, sometimes it’s just not within your control. And that’s okay.
I wish you the best. I have had a pretty sad day mood wise too, for some reason. I’m thinking of you ❤️ Remember to take care of yourself. Have your favorite tea, or do something that feels soothing to you ❤️
Thank you so much for saying this. You are so very kind. Your words are so true. Sometimes we can't control having control and letting go is just really the hardest thing. It's like holding on until you can't anymore. I think that's the story of my 30th year. Is sometimes you just have the breath and let go. You cannot control everything and even then you cannot control what you do control all of the time. It's the accepting that part that's the hardest. I'm here for you always if you ever need to talk - also be kind to yourself as well. I'm splurging with Almond Joy coffee creamer and it's raining so that just seems like such a great day. I absolutely love the rain, it grounds me. So seems perfect after the couple days I've had. <3 Thank you again.
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#73
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Posted 27 May 2022 - 11:18 AM
I'm sorry about your binge and it making you feel bad, hell you know I've been there since you follow my thread too lol but I really admire how you talked to yourself afterwards instead of beating yourself up afterwards. I try to do the same and rationalize it and it does really make you feel so much better. What you binged on is such normal intake for people who don't have EDs so try not to worry. Just another day down, there are so many more days going forward
H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#74
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Posted 27 May 2022 - 08:19 PM
TheHollowBones, on 27 May 2022 - 11:18 AM, said:
I'm sorry about your binge and it making you feel bad, hell you know I've been there since you follow my thread too lol but I really admire how you talked to yourself afterwards instead of beating yourself up afterwards. I try to do the same and rationalize it and it does really make you feel so much better. What you binged on is such normal intake for people who don't have EDs so try not to worry. Just another day down, there are so many more days going forward
Thank you for being such a kind friend and saying such nice things. <3
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#75
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Posted 29 May 2022 - 10:01 PM
Week 3 Recap May 23 - 29 2022 233.4 - 230.6
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Totals ::
Intake - 13680
Output - 17289
Deficit - 3609
Steps - 36240
Weight Lost - 2.8 lbs
Total Lost - 6.3 lbs
Daily Averages ::
Intake - 1954
Output - 2469
Deficit - 515
Steps - 5177
Next Week Goals & Reflections ::
Did not hit any of the goals this week but that's okay. I had a binge day on 5/25/2022 and now I am 4 days binge free as of 5/29/2022. I am still walking away from this week with a deficit. I have to remember that. Our vacation is coming up some I will be MIA from Week #4 day 5 til Week #5 day 5. A solid week of not being able to weigh myself. I am very nervous about that. Not just because it helps keep me in check with eating, but also it will throw off my journal/postings without having a weight. I've got to get over that. This is a family vacation and I'm going to enjoy it to the best of my ability. I do not have any goals going into Week #4 and wont have any for Week #5 either. I will resume those in Week #6 (maybe). My averages compared to last week are as follows { 276 calories per day increase, 55 more calories burned per day, 683 less steps per day, and 221 less daily deficit } Not a great week but my absolute always goal is not to binge, which I only did once after 16 day binge free streak. And to have a 500 calorie daily deficit average minimum. I did hit that. So where as this week was not a great week, it was not a bad week. It wasn't a wash out. Progress was still made.
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#76
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Posted 29 May 2022 - 10:18 PM
Monday May 30 2022 230.6
------------------ -----
coffee 300
bean/cheese burritos 500
fried ravioli 400
salad 150
animal crackers 200
pie 200
candy 100
Intake - 1850
Output - 2382
Steps - 3993
Deficit - 532
I don't think I really like this orange font but it is what it is. Lol I'll choose a better color next week (for the few days I'm on here - probably just make a big update-ish post when I get back from vacation)
I honestly couldn't believe the scale this morning. I was shocked. I might almost be on my way out of the 230's. I've lost 6.3 lbs since starting this thread, but I've lost 9.4 lbs since my HW of 240. And it literally was 240.0 on the scale. (which was about a week before starting this thread) Either way it's not the official weight loss, just noting to myself that I'm almost 10 lbs down from my HW - freak out day. That what I am doing is working. I am feeling validated in what I'm doing, at the pace I'm doing it. It's not the fasting weight loss, but it certainly seems to be the best for me right now. I am just so hoping this week long vacation does not throw a million wrenches into my work and progress. I will be taking my food log journal with me. Since I'm eating at a higher intake I don't care if my wife knows about it. She honestly thinks it's really cool that I'm keeping up with what I'm eating and it's working towards losing weight. She wants to lose weight but doesn't want to put in the work of calorie counting/ exercise / and not eating whatever she wants. She always says "if we have it, I'll eat it, so just don't buy it" but then bitches when we don't have garbage that she wants. Not really bitching but like "aw man" sort of attitude. So I have been working on buying less of that sort of food she likes (per her request) and making healthier dinners for her. And lunches. When we get back from the beach she says she really wants to try to lose some weight big time. So that might actually help with my own weight loss. I already make two dinners (sometimes 3 for the kiddo) but if she wants to eat healthier I can just make a bunch of veggie sides and I can eat that with maybe some rice & she will have that with meat. Be lower in calorie for both of us. Anyways it's looking like it's going to be a speedier weight loss when we get back from vacation.
I'm not going to lie, I've sort of got it exactly figured out what/where we're eating on vacation and so I honestly should lose weight on the 7 days we're gone. It wont be much of a daily deficit (unless I burn an ungodly amount of calories every day like this past weekend - hitting the 2800 calorie burned area) but it will be a deficit none the less. My goal is roughly 500 calorie deficit a day which will be about a 1 lb weight loss for the time I'm gone. Could be more though. Still allows me to eat out and have a fun trip. Ugh I've got so much to do before we leave on Friday. Lol On top of making sure the kiddo has fun every day. Maybe these next few days I'll burn a ton of weight too. Also maybe skip some meals here and there. Sorry for this long post. 
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#77
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Posted 30 May 2022 - 08:19 AM
Tuesday May 31 2022 230.8
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coffee 200
nuggets 300
fries 250
apple juice 300
rice 200
broccoli & carrots 130
popsicles 50
animal crackers 120
bread & butter 240
Intake - 1740
Output - 2417
Steps - 5325
Deficit - 677
#78
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Posted 30 May 2022 - 08:20 AM
Wednesday June 1 2022 230.8
--------------------- -----
coffee 200
bean & cheese burritos 500
2 toaster strudels 350
apple juice 120
popsicle 40
animal crackers 120
candy 100
chips/cheese 200
Intake - 1580
Output - 2633
Steps - 5754
Deficit - 1053
Phone call w/ health coach. I guess that went okay. It was supposed to be 30 minutes. Nope 15. And apparently I just answer some questions, then on to the next one I guess. It's whatever. I'm just doing it for the percentage off our health insurance. I don't know why I thought it would be anything actually helpful. I swear the way the mental health care is in the US, makes me just want to go to school and go out and help people. However my mental health would never allow me to finish all that schooling, plus that will put us so far in debt with student debt I could never do that.
Anyways. I got a last few things we needed for the trip that we're not getting down there on our way to the condo. But today has been a really busy day between shopping, dealing with the phone call, which had given me anxiety for weeks. For no reason apparently. Then got in the pool with the kiddo. Now I'm so ready to just go to bed. But I've gotta cook the wifes dinner. I honestly don't know if I'll even fix me anything for dinner. I'm not really hungry but I'm freaking exhausted. I don't know why I'm so physically tired but I am. But I need to get a great nights sleep because I have a super busy day tomorrow. MIL is watching the kiddo and I'm going to have to clean the house, and get everything packed and ready to be loaded on Friday morning. I thought our goal was to leave by noon, but she's thinking even earlier than that, closer to I think 10. But that's okay. I can get everything done but it's going to be a really busy day tomorrow. Then we will be off on Friday. I nearly can't wait. But I'm so nervous. I'm not too happy about the 2 of the 3 pairs of shorts that I bought. They fit but too tightly so probably need another 20 lbs lost before they fit well. So that means I still need the 2xl shorts instead of just xl. Ugh. So pissed off about that. I guess that's my fault anyways. I wish I could go ahead and buy dresses for next year but obviously I'm not going to. I don't know what size I will need. Hopefully a medium or small. Just have to hope they still have them next year.
They've had them for two years so hopefully so. I guess if these are too big I can figure out a way to make them smaller.
#79
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Posted 30 May 2022 - 08:20 AM
Thursday June 2 2022 230.2
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coffee 300
Intake -
Output -
Steps -
Deficit -
Omgosh I'm so close to leaving the 230's I can nearly feel it. That almost just seems crazy to me. I didn't hit the 10 lb weight loss in May, but I'm okay with that. I'm at least moving in the right direction. (also, came pretty close) May 1st I was 240 lbs, June 1st I was 230.8 I mean I can about throw a stone and knock out the .8 lbs. Close enough to me. Now I want 10 lb weight loss in June. That would be FAN-FUCKING-TASTIC. Either way I am on my way. Slowly, but I'm headed there. If I can lose 8 lbs a month minimum I can lose 56 lbs by the end of the year. If I can lose 10 lbs per month I can lose 70. So for safe/sane goal is to lose 50 lbs by the end of the year. That puts me at 180. Not ideal, but okay progress. If I can lose 70 lbs, I could be 160. Which is a helluva goal and so makes me want to restrict further or exercise more. Because if by January I can be 160, then that means I can surely lose another 40 lbs by summer time and be my goal of 120 before our first trip to the beach. But as long as I'm not binge eating, as long as I've got consistant weight loss then I should be happy. Maybe not elated, or ecstatic but at least I'm losing and not gaining, or hell even maintaining. Because I DO NOT what to maintain this bullshit weight that I'm at.
I'm not going to lie, I was really hoping to see the 220's on the scale this morning, absolutely was. Close, but not quite. Maybe by the morning which would 100% set this trip off right!! I'm so excited, and nervous all at the same time. I've gotten a good bit of everything packed. Since we're heading out pretty early for us in the morning. (by 10am, packed and loaded, breakfast eaten and ready to go) We will go through the drive thru - probably mickey d's for lunch and then pizza for dinner. So it's going to be a high calorie day, especially with not burning any riding in a car. but that's okay. Today I'm aiming to skip lunch, and we're having sushi/hibatchi takeout for dinner. Well mine is just a california roll & then a california roll w/mango & maybe a peanut roll. Just have to see. We decided on that because if I cooked anything it would basically end up making leftovers and currently the only thing in the fridge that needs to be thrown out is just a smidge of leftovers but not enough for a meal. Idk why we are the worst about putting something back in the fridge with just a couple spoonfuls left. Ugh. I hate it. Lol Now granted I was planning on eating the beans and nacho cheese but the kiddo finished off the shredded cheese. So no burritos for me today. Also wife finished off the rice. So the veggies I'll just heat up and feed to the dog. He loves them. Lol
Anyways Here is probably my last log in for awhile, unless I just get on MPA through my phone while we're gone (but I doubt it, we usually put our phones up unless for pictures on vacations) We have a ton of things planned, and my little mini goal (aside from not gaining) is to be 2-3 lbs less when we get home. I know it wont happen unless I just burn a FUCK ton at the beach - which is possible. But whatever my weight is tomorrow morning, I don't want to be above it by next Friday. Fingers crossed for 220's. That would be fucking perfect.
Either way, I will touch base probably on June 10th. Wish all of you lovely people the best and well wishes to all. <3 Please stay safe.
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#80
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Posted 30 May 2022 - 08:22 AM
Friday June 3 2022 23-.-
------------------ -----
coffee
Intake -
Output -
Steps -
Deficit -
Leaving for vacation today! { be back June 10 }
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Posted 31 May 2022 - 07:52 AM
Ugh I'm already having feelings of abandoning this thread to make one that looks better and better laid out. I hate it when I get that feeling and then end up making a ton of them. I'm not going to this time but the urge is so there. I hate having an ugly accountability but yet I lack to skills to make a gorgeously aesthetic one. Never have been able to. I just have to suck it up. lol
Something was bugging me about the candy icons around my thread title and link and that gaudy ass thread banner so got rid of all that. Just bothered me. I don't know if it was the colors or what but whatever.
When we get back from vacation & I start on Week #6 I will be starting my original plan of decreasing my intake average every week. That was my original plan and it will be a great plan I just have to get it started and stick to it. Now that I have the confidence that I can go over 2 weeks without binging (which by the time we get back from vacation I'll be at 15 days binge free again) then I feel like I can do my original plan. I really want to speed up the weight loss before the kiddos party on the 23rd. That's 43 days from the time we get back from my parents until they see us again that weekend. If I can average an 850 calorie daily deficit I should be able to be 10 lbs less by then. I'm just biting everything off in 10 lb increments. (which is roughly the 1.5-2 month time between visits with my parents)
I have 3 more weigh ins before we leave for our trip and as stated a million times before I wont be able to weigh on the trip. Even though I have highly debated on taking my scale. But I wont. I wont have any weigh ins logged for June 4th - 10th (since we wont get home til late on the 10th)
I really want to see the 220's before we leave and I am keeping my absolute fingers crossed that I am less when I weigh in on the 11th. Although I'm not expecting it. The last time we went on vacation for a week when I was actively watching what I ate I came home almost 4 lbs heavier. I'm sure a lot of that was food/water weight but it was not pretty. I don't think I weighed myself for like months after that. I was so upset. I think that's why I'm so nervous about this trip is because I've been doing alright with the weight loss, at least it's mostly steady, and then knowing I'll be eating dinner out for 3 days just worries me. But even more so is the food my mom cooks. It's freaking tasty as hell but so high in calories like all the time. Although I'm like "how often do I get her cooking" so maybe I'll just shut up and enjoy it? I know it's a vacation and I should enjoy it and I don't want to spend my time thinking about my ED crap but I know it'll be there in the back of my mind. Oh well.
Look forward to my massive daily food log post when I get back. haha.
Of course this post would be first on page 5.
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#82
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Posted 01 June 2022 - 03:11 PM
L0LLIR0T, on 31 May 2022 - 07:52 AM, said:
Ugh I'm already having feelings of abandoning this thread to make one that looks better and better laid out. I hate it when I get that feeling and then end up making a ton of them. I'm not going to this time but the urge is so there. I hate having an ugly accountability but yet I lack to skills to make a gorgeously aesthetic one. Never have been able to. I just have to suck it up. lol
Something was bugging me about the candy icons around my thread title and link and that gaudy ass thread banner so got rid of all that. Just bothered me. I don't know if it was the colors or what but whatever.
To me, aesthetics don’t really matter that much (as long as there is some sort of system, to some extent, that is), so I can’t relate that much to this, but I’m sorry to hear the aesthetics are bugging you out. If you’re bothered by the aesthetic of each individual post there’s always the option of editing them to your liking, if you have the time and patience for that. I edited my “front post” a couple of times to change how it looked, so there’s always that. Regardless, I hope in some way you can find peace with it, whether you end up editing or just leaving it as is. It’s all your decision ❤️
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#83
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Posted 01 June 2022 - 09:23 PM
Me., on 01 Jun 2022 - 3:11 PM, said:
To me, aesthetics don’t really matter that much (as long as there is some sort of system, to some extent, that is), so I can’t relate that much to this, but I’m sorry to hear the aesthetics are bugging you out. If you’re bothered by the aesthetic of each individual post there’s always the option of editing them to your liking, if you have the time and patience for that. I edited my “front post” a couple of times to change how it looked, so there’s always that. Regardless, I hope in some way you can find peace with it, whether you end up editing or just leaving it as is. It’s all your decision ❤️
Thank you for taking time to respond to this. I think it's just seeing others lovely layouts makes me jealous (my worst trait by far) lol I appreciate all the kind words you always take time to write. They really do make a difference.
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#84
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Posted Yesterday, 12:32 PM
I hope you have a blast on your vacation!
H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#85
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Posted Today, 03:53 AM
Yes, hope it’ll be good for all of you ❤️
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