bite my shiny metal accountability (cbmi 18.5)

Started by itsbenderbaby, Apr 02 2022 02:19 AM

157 replies to this topic

#141 itsbenderbaby

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Posted 16 June 2022 - 05:47 AM

wednesday 15th june

intake: 480

weight: 124.4 lbs

notes: basically the first thing my stepmom said after seeing me again was ‘have you lost more weight?’ then she and dad asked lots of concerned questions about food. they’re accommodating my current liquid diet though which is good cos i really don’t think i could cope with stomaches rn :/

it was really really hot today. i went into the garden for a few mins, I’d never been before. saw some horses and a beetle landed on me. there were buttercups at the edge of the yard and the chestnuts are finally growing on the sick tree that struggled last year, it was lovely

song of the day: blue moon by billie holiday

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height: 5’8

lw: 99 lbs (bmi 14.9)
hw: 195 lbs (bmi 29.2)
cw: 122 lbs (bmi 18.5)
no gw

i have trouble expressing myself, plz take my posts with a grain of salt!

#142 itsbenderbaby

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Posted 17 June 2022 - 03:22 AM

thursday 16th june

intake: 420

notes: I really want to hug my best friend

song of the day: her by unloved

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height: 5’8

lw: 99 lbs (bmi 14.9)
hw: 195 lbs (bmi 29.2)
cw: 122 lbs (bmi 18.5)
no gw

i have trouble expressing myself, plz take my posts with a grain of salt!

#143 itsbenderbaby

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Posted 17 June 2022 - 08:01 PM

friday 17th june

intake: 650

notes: i weigh 123.4 lbs. the other side of my family had a barbecue without me and yet they felt that it was fine to talk about their plans for this awesome bbq all day. it happened 1 hour after i left :-( they planned it before they even knew I couldn’t eat properly so it wasn’t a considerate thing. in other news it’s really hot but the temp is gna drop about 15 degrees tomorrow lol. oh and also!! my weigh loss is plateauing slightly which is good because i’m unhappy with the speed rn

song of the day: girls on film by mindless self indulgence

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height: 5’8

lw: 99 lbs (bmi 14.9)
hw: 195 lbs (bmi 29.2)
cw: 122 lbs (bmi 18.5)
no gw

i have trouble expressing myself, plz take my posts with a grain of salt!

#144 itsbenderbaby

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Posted 19 June 2022 - 09:11 AM

saturday 18th june

intake: 635

notes: very sleepy. tried my best to introduce some solid food again but it gives me so much pain. resorting to eating spoonfuls of syrup just for the taste and calories

song of the day: west coast smoker by fall out boy

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height: 5’8

lw: 99 lbs (bmi 14.9)
hw: 195 lbs (bmi 29.2)
cw: 122 lbs (bmi 18.5)
no gw

i have trouble expressing myself, plz take my posts with a grain of salt!

#145 itsbenderbaby

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Posted 19 June 2022 - 06:16 PM

sunday 19th june

intake: 710

weight: 123.6 lbs

notes: had stomachache and nausea all day but didn’t have any bad attacks. ate more solid food, survived, fingers crossed!!!! I’ve missed the taste and texture. it’s SO much more filling than liquid food it’s insane. my weight has plateaued, same measurement 2 days in a row and I’ve only lost 1lb total over the past few days (instead of nearly a pound per day like before). oh also i am not proud of this but I ate baby food and c/sed a bag of chips cos I missed salt so much

song of the day: the hardest button to button by the white stripes

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height: 5’8

lw: 99 lbs (bmi 14.9)
hw: 195 lbs (bmi 29.2)
cw: 122 lbs (bmi 18.5)
no gw

i have trouble expressing myself, plz take my posts with a grain of salt!

#146 itsbenderbaby

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Posted 20 June 2022 - 10:43 PM

monday 20th june

intake: 670

weight: 123.0 lbs

notes: i feel like I’m living in limbo. really lonely and tired of it

song of the day: only shallow by my bloody valentine

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height: 5’8

lw: 99 lbs (bmi 14.9)
hw: 195 lbs (bmi 29.2)
cw: 122 lbs (bmi 18.5)
no gw

i have trouble expressing myself, plz take my posts with a grain of salt!

#147 itsbenderbaby

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Posted 21 June 2022 - 02:32 PM

wowie I’m definitely plateauing. my weight went UP. impressive considering that I’ve only been eating 600kcal for a fortnight. i think my body is finally adjusting to my low intake. I’m hoping i can get out quick cos I’m worried for my metabolism and muscles. i swear I haven’t lost any fat at all, only more muscle and more of my goddamn brain cells. one day I’ll just be jelly and skin :/

the day isn’t over yet so i’ll post my template entry later. but for the time being, have some body checks

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height: 5’8

lw: 99 lbs (bmi 14.9)
hw: 195 lbs (bmi 29.2)
cw: 122 lbs (bmi 18.5)
no gw

i have trouble expressing myself, plz take my posts with a grain of salt!

#148 itsbenderbaby

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Posted 21 June 2022 - 10:03 PM

tuesday 21st june

intake: 810

weight: 123.2 lbs

notes: oh man??? i only just realised how much i miss COFFEE. i haven’t had it in 2 weeks cos of my stomach wtffff my nespresso machine must be so bored. well at least this proves again that my sleep issues are not from coffee. it’s 6am i haven’t slept and there is no caffeine in sight

song of the day: cop car by mitski

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height: 5’8

lw: 99 lbs (bmi 14.9)
hw: 195 lbs (bmi 29.2)
cw: 122 lbs (bmi 18.5)
no gw

i have trouble expressing myself, plz take my posts with a grain of salt!

#149 itsbenderbaby

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Posted 22 June 2022 - 11:53 PM

wednesday 22nd june

intake: 445

weight: didnt measure

notes: doctor called my bmi “very low” and i got a bit annoyed because no one cared when it was lower than this so how come you’re calling it low now when i’m not even underweight? on the upside though i got a dietician again! also today i sat outside for a few minutes it was very warm

song of the day: blue skies by doris day. pretty sure i already used this song once but i listen to it to feel better

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height: 5’8

lw: 99 lbs (bmi 14.9)
hw: 195 lbs (bmi 29.2)
cw: 122 lbs (bmi 18.5)
no gw

i have trouble expressing myself, plz take my posts with a grain of salt!

#150 itsbenderbaby

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Posted 23 June 2022 - 06:46 AM

damn I’m definitely plateauing. weight today is 123.4 again, it’s been days and days. the logic part of my brain is glad I’m not rly losing anymore. but another part of me feels invalidated cos i still have pain and still can’t eat properly yet there’s no physical proof of my struggle anymore except for hot water bottle burns. i have mixed feelings like a bunch of shoelaces tied together and I accept those feelings and embrace them. it would probably be weird if I didn’t have mixed feelings tbh considering everything that’s happened to my body and my diet

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height: 5’8

lw: 99 lbs (bmi 14.9)
hw: 195 lbs (bmi 29.2)
cw: 122 lbs (bmi 18.5)
no gw

i have trouble expressing myself, plz take my posts with a grain of salt!

#151 itsbenderbaby

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Posted 24 June 2022 - 12:55 AM

thursday 23rd june

intake: 770

weight: 122.4

notes: i thought i was plateauing but maybe i‘m not. anyways, I did some drawing and hung out with my sister, and did a few admin things too. i still need to login to this annoying government site and update them on some governmenty things which is just as boring as it sounds. i haven’t slept in uhhh 27 hours now but I’m truckin along. we have entered the headache zone though

song of the day: why can’t i be you? by the cure

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height: 5’8

lw: 99 lbs (bmi 14.9)
hw: 195 lbs (bmi 29.2)
cw: 122 lbs (bmi 18.5)
no gw

i have trouble expressing myself, plz take my posts with a grain of salt!

#152 itsbenderbaby

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Posted 24 June 2022 - 10:14 PM

friday 24th june

intake: 725

weight: 122.6 lbs

notes: working on having more real food instead of liquids. it’s difficult. i’m eating every 1-2 hours but the portions are tiny. also sipping water every 20 mins but only getting 700ml a day

the range of food i’m eating is much better though and I’m proud of that. i’m figuring out what portion sizes are safe and guaranteed pain-free. 1 tbsp applesauce, 1/10 avocado, 1/3 pot of chocolate mousse, 1 tbsp mashed potato, 1 cracker with cheese, 1/4 portion of panna cotta, 1 teaspoon raw honey, 1/6 portion microwave mac n cheese, 1/6 tin of pears.

it’s hard to tell whether the numbers are helping me cope or not but i’m being pedantic anyway because it makes me feel safer. i swear I’m gonna be a fucking mathematician by the end of this month

song of the day: every single night by fiona apple

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height: 5’8

lw: 99 lbs (bmi 14.9)
hw: 195 lbs (bmi 29.2)
cw: 122 lbs (bmi 18.5)
no gw

i have trouble expressing myself, plz take my posts with a grain of salt!

#153 itsbenderbaby

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Posted 25 June 2022 - 11:19 PM

saturday 25th june

intake: 620 kcal

weight: 122.2 lbs

notes: avoiding some very important life things and feeling guilty about it. cleaned my microwave and my sink, my arms hurt. had a big cry because of a loss that I’m apparently so upset about that i can’t even name it. but on the upside my writer friend wrote something beautiful and gorgeous that resonated with me and i just feel so nourished and seen by it

song of the day: two trucks by lemon demon because this song still slays

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height: 5’8

lw: 99 lbs (bmi 14.9)
hw: 195 lbs (bmi 29.2)
cw: 122 lbs (bmi 18.5)
no gw

i have trouble expressing myself, plz take my posts with a grain of salt!

#154 itsbenderbaby

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Posted 26 June 2022 - 10:40 PM

sunday 26th june

intake: 750 kcal

weight: didn’t weigh in

notes: avoiding more stuff. my friends are also avoiding me, including my best friend who i reached out to for support. shared some writing online, got lovely feedback and felt happy. i have hunger pangs rn despite having pain/nausea all day from having too much in my stomach. counterproductive hmm

song of the day: seventeen by sharon van etten and norah jones

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height: 5’8

lw: 99 lbs (bmi 14.9)
hw: 195 lbs (bmi 29.2)
cw: 122 lbs (bmi 18.5)
no gw

i have trouble expressing myself, plz take my posts with a grain of salt!

#155 itsbenderbaby

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Posted 27 June 2022 - 08:17 PM

i’m still basically plateauing but i just hit exactly 122 lbs which is bmi 18.5. i mean it’s actually 18.35 on the new system but I’m not using that rn. anyways the point is that i’m grazing underweight now. i feel extremely heavy at the moment though, and body dysmorphia is messing me up more than it has done in a while

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height: 5’8

lw: 99 lbs (bmi 14.9)
hw: 195 lbs (bmi 29.2)
cw: 122 lbs (bmi 18.5)
no gw

i have trouble expressing myself, plz take my posts with a grain of salt!

#156 itsbenderbaby

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Posted 27 June 2022 - 11:49 PM

monday 27th june

intake: 600 kcal

weight: 122.0 lbs

notes: binge watching my favourite show in a state of panic, got about 8 hours in over the paSt couple days. logged into that government site and messaged The Government. did the online shopping but forgot the mac n cheese and baby food I wanted :-( having bouts of dysmorphia but they’re transient and i feel small right now. weird. loving my own writing and feeling close to my own spirit but desperately lonely. the weather got cold again.

song of the day: silvia by miike snow

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height: 5’8

lw: 99 lbs (bmi 14.9)
hw: 195 lbs (bmi 29.2)
cw: 122 lbs (bmi 18.5)
no gw

i have trouble expressing myself, plz take my posts with a grain of salt!

#157 itsbenderbaby

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Posted Yesterday, 02:57 AM

i’ve been up since 1am alone, feeling unstable and like the night still isn’t over and I’m still not real (a feeling I get at nighttime) even though it’s 11am now. I needed to Do Something to stabilise myself and instead of harmful coping behaviours i managed to open the back door and sat in the doorway looking at the trees. it’s very breezy. muscles are hurting a lot now cos it took some hassle and prep but it was all nature-y outside and i love the world. one of our neighbours trees is massive and moved a lot in the wind, i liked the drama. some guy is going nuts with a hedge trimmer now and it’s draining my energy but luckily i shut the door before he started. resting now and my heart is still beating fast but at least i got 10 mins of connection with the world. i feel like I did a good thing all by myself

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height: 5’8

lw: 99 lbs (bmi 14.9)
hw: 195 lbs (bmi 29.2)
cw: 122 lbs (bmi 18.5)
no gw

i have trouble expressing myself, plz take my posts with a grain of salt!

#158 itsbenderbaby

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Posted Yesterday, 11:49 PM

tuesday 28th june

intake: 840 kcal

weight: 122.2 lbs

notes: wow I’ve been active. went to sit in the living room with my sis for over an hour, also nipped to the kitchen by myself. ate 30g pasta and didn’t have a bad reaction (thank you jesus allah buddha everyone). tried iced tea for the first time, so far it’s the only ‘tea’ I’ve ever liked.

840cal is the most I’ve eaten in 3 weeks so my intake today feels scary, I’m petrified of stomachache and of of the idea of upping calories. if i sit down and think about it I don’t actually care about my weight but i still have knee-jerk feelings about it. for one thing, every time I drink water I think about it sitting in my stomach making me heavier and heavier :/

song of the day: no face by hayley heynderickx

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height: 5’8

lw: 99 lbs (bmi 14.9)
hw: 195 lbs (bmi 29.2)
cw: 122 lbs (bmi 18.5)
no gw

i have trouble expressing myself, plz take my posts with a grain of salt!

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Posted 23 June 2022 - 05:48 PM

Feel like i’m starting to dissociate. I just want food so badly. I want to stuff myself. I want to binge. I want to cry. I cant escape this thought loop

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#336 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted 23 June 2022 - 07:27 PM

I ate 787 calories then purged. I ate half a bowl of spicy fire noodle ramen with an egg. I ate 1 measuring cup of multigrain cheerios. I ate 9-10 sour cherry candies. I was gonna keep it down and just deal with the fact that I went over my limit but I had to go purge. It hurt my stomach and burned my throat. I splashed spicy vomit in my eye. I feel sad and gross.

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#337 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted 23 June 2022 - 08:53 PM

Binged again. Pb and j sandwich, blt with egg, couple bites of a grilled cheese, 1/4 cup cereal, a granola bar, literally a couple candies. Purged. Painfully. Flushed to get it all out. Until all i was coughing and vomiting was bile. My throat hurts so bad. Stomach acid burned all the way down my throat. I feel so terrible. Not looking forward to my swollen face and throat tomorrow. My eyes hurt like they want to pop out of my skull. Binge wasn’t even good. I spit parts out, gave parts away to my boyfriend and even put shit back or straight up didn’t eat some things. But what i did eat i had to get out. So i did. I feel so dead. My back is in pain. My muscles are all sorr. My throat hurts so so so so bad i can barely swallow. At least my heart isnt stuttering so im completely fine. Hopefully i lose weight tomorrow. Im sorry for being a fattie with no self control. My head is pounding. Everything hurts

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#338 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted 23 June 2022 - 09:17 PM

Eating and keeping down a glass of water a few grapes, 2 strawberries, and a few candies. I feel like garbage. This incident has proven to me that bingeing and purging brings nothing but misery and i need to resist the urges at all costs. Restriction and small healthy meals feels so much better. I prefer the hunger to this horrible, painful, foggy, distressed feeling. Can’t wait to go to sleep and pass tf out. Im in so much pain and i just want it all to go away. Fuck knows what i’ll weigh tomorrow after fucking my stomach up tonigjt. I might be dehydrated and have little food inside me but i often retain water. Fuck i just fucked myself over for tomorrow. I want to die. Nothing i can do but go to sleep and be good tomorrow. I didnt deserve to punish myself like this today. I fucking hate myself. STOP BINGEING YOU STUPID FAT CUNT. No more. No more. No more.

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#339 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted 24 June 2022 - 05:29 AM

27 Days until Bday
CW: 110.2 lbs (49.9 kg) BMI: 20.8 BF%: 23.1

Steps: 4,551/10,000
Calories Burned: 1683
Calories Consumed: 300/500 (b/p 787, b/p 980)

[b]Notes:
Ate 787 calories then purged. Proceeded to binge on 980 calories that I purged and flushed myself. Then I ate about 300 calories of sour cherry candy, strawberries and grapes. Kept that down and went to bed. Shouldve taken lax but i was scared since i work the next day.

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#340 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted 24 June 2022 - 05:32 AM

Had a nightmare last night. Zombies of course. Worst part was my ex gf appearing, i wish i could erase her from my mind entirely. And the fact that my bf in the dream got mad at our house guests for not watching me because i would binge and purge our limited food supplies lol rip. Anyways it was a very vivid and convoluted dream that seemed to go on forever. I get weird dreams/nightmares like this whenever I binge. Yet another reason to quit that shit.
Then this morning the scale fucking trolled me. I must have stepped on it weird because it said 108.8, but when i got my phone out to sync and stepped on for a second time I was 109.4. Still a loss but it pissed me off. I unfortunately have to work today. I’m so tired and my throat hurts so bad. I wish I could stay home and sleep all day. I need some recovery time to function. Im gonna have a headache all day. Idk i guess i’ll try and sleep for 4 more hours before i need to get ready for work. I’m not going to fast today because it’ll probably trigger another unwanted binge, i’ll stick to the 500 calorie limit. I’ll schedule a fast for another day to make up for the binge.

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Ruby’s Restriction(5’1”), 30 days until Bday

Started by n0thingleft0fme, Dec 27 2021 09:19 AM

367 replies to this topic

#341 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted 24 June 2022 - 03:21 PM

Horrible binge urges today. I fucking hate it. At work my boss got me a passionfruit pineapple green tea boba drink. I sipped at it a little then threw it out when she went on her break. It was way too sugary and kinda gross. On my break i had yogurt with strawberries, and 1 chicken drumstick. I keep fantasizing about getting off work and going to mcdonalds to binge and purge. Ugh. I’m just so hungry. Or food court food mmm. Fuck im disgusting. Wish i didn’t have these gross urges.

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#342 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted 24 June 2022 - 08:07 PM

I’m at 495 cals for the day with 10k steps. Made it home without bingeing somehow. Now i’m struggling because i should go to bed to avoid food but im hungryyyyyy. God im such a lil bitch lmao. If i don’t get used to hunger then i better get used to being fat because if im not hungry then im not losing weight. 500cal a day is such a rip off. Im so fucking hungryyy.

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#343 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted 24 June 2022 - 09:18 PM

Ended up eating about 600 calories then purging. Now i have a headache and i’m exhausted. Still hungry but i’m worn out enough that all I really want is to curl up in bed. Praying for 108 tomorrow.

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#344 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted 25 June 2022 - 09:41 AM

26 Days until Bday
CW: 109.4 lbs (49.6 kg) BMI: 20.7 BF%: 22.6

Steps: 10,135/10,000
Calories Burned: 2302
Calories Consumed: 495/500 (b/p 600)
Carbs: 55g Fat: 18g Protein: 29g Sugar: 35g
Intake:

Spoiler

Passionfruit pineapple green tea (a few sips)

Monster zero ultra

175g coconut base yogurt
100g strawberries

1 chicken drumstick with honey garlic sauce

1 cherry candy

B/P 600 calories.

Notes:
Almost a good day but i couldn’t help myself. Screw b/p urges.

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#345 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted 25 June 2022 - 10:06 AM

108.6 today. Noice.

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#346 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted 25 June 2022 - 11:42 AM

With every passing day that my weight goes down I grow a bit more confident. I can see the changes and I like them. I need to do more real exercise though bc my muscle tone is absolute shit. Im so flabby. I want to be toned and tight.

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#347 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted 25 June 2022 - 10:10 PM

25 Days until Bday
CW: 108.6 lbs (49.2 kg) BMI: 20.5 BF%: 22.3

Steps: 6,627/10,000
Calories Burned: 1740
Calories Consumed: 511/500
Carbs: 72g Fat: 13g Protein: 26g Sugar: 29g
Intake:

Spoiler

2 homemade pizzas (corn tortilla, pizza sauce, bbq sauce, green bell pepper, red onion, garlic, 10 pepperoni, 2 slices ham, NO CHEESE)

2 strawberries
85g red seedless grapes

Coke zero

35g teriyaki beef jerky

Notes:
Had a good sleep, weird dreams about various ex boyfriends. Slept in until 11am! Made lunch for me and my boyfriend, homemade pizzas! They tasted amazing. The tortillas were only 45cal each, the highest cal part was the pepperoni at 100 for 10. Had fruit on the side.
Did some bodyweight exercises, squats, crunchies, etc. Then got ready for work. Just a short 3 hour closing shift. Picked up a small 100cal pack of beef jerky to eat as a snack.
Afterwork I smoked half a cigarette and went to bed. I wanted to binge so fucking badly but I restrained myself. The binge fantasies are getting out of hand.

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#348 quasimodogirl

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Posted 26 June 2022 - 12:21 AM

We both ate teriyaki beef jerky today

ruby i hope ur doing ok in some aspects i always rly admire u. Ex bf dreams are weird but at least i know that i only dream abt the one i would go back to lol. If those other hoes showed up i would call freddy Kruger

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#349 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted 26 June 2022 - 07:20 AM

quasimodogirl, on 26 Jun 2022 - 12:21 AM, said:

We both ate teriyaki beef jerky today ruby i hope ur doing ok in some aspects i always rly admire u. Ex bf dreams are weird but at least i know that i only dream abt the one i would go back to lol. If those other hoes showed up i would call freddy Kruger

Ayyyy that’s cool! Twins! Lol
I’m doing alright, the weight is coming off, just under lot’s of pressure to make my bday goal.
Idk what aspects of me are admirable but thank you ahahaha. I gave your accountability a follow!
Yes omg ex dreams are so strange, the only ex that gave me severe trauma is the girl, so i usually don’t mind dreaming about the guys. Just so weird what the subconscious drags up lol

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#350 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted 26 June 2022 - 07:33 AM

Maintained this morning

I’m assuming it’s because I barely drank water yesterday. So when i went this morning i barely peed and no bm. Oh well. I suppose I will drink more water today.
Today I plan to eat over my limit, maybe do 1000 instead of 500? My bf’s little brother is coming over to help with yard work, then my bf is gonna give him some cash and gift him an old mountain bike of his. I planned to make lunch for us all, either those homemade pizzas or blt sandwiches. Then for dinner my bf is gonna help me make cornbread muffins to eat with sausages. Depending on when his brother comes over he might share dinner with us instead of lunch which i don’t mind.

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#351 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted 26 June 2022 - 09:55 PM

So in short I binged. I’ll be doing a 36hr minimum fast to compensate and I will not be weighing myself for 2 days just to avoid triggering myself.

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#352 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted 26 June 2022 - 11:09 PM

24 Days until Bday
CW: 108.6 lbs (49.2 kg) BMI: 20.5 BF%: 22.3

Steps: 9,641/10,000
Calories Burned: 1787
Calories Consumed: 2000ish/1000

Notes:
Started out a good day despite maintaining my weight. Went for a walk around the neighborhood then had yogurt and strawberries for breakfast. Lunch was homemade pizza. Then my bfs siblings came over and I got really anxious. Ended up making ramen to try and soothe my nerves but I felt guilty, didn’t finish. Then walked to go get a medium slush and a cyclone. Snacked on cherry candies. Dinner was mashed potato, half a cornbread muffin, and half of a sausage. Snacked on more candies. Ate a couple tortilla chips, a cup of cheerios and half of a pb+j sandwich that i chew and spit. Purged to feel less guilty but because i ate throughout the day instead of bingeing all at once not that much came up. I feel terrible. Going to be fasting for 36 hrs to compensate for my idiocy.

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#353 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted 27 June 2022 - 10:13 AM

Good morning. Haven’t weighed myself and I am 11 hours into my 36 hour fast. Binge urges are crushingly strong. Going to go crack open a monster. I work from 3-8pm so I should be occupied most of the day. Night time will be hard but I have half a smoke to fall back on if urges get too strong.

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#354 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted 27 June 2022 - 11:30 AM

Fed my snake today. Lowkey terrifying. She goes for my hand instead of the rat every time. Probably my fault for never handling her. She makes me nervous ever since living with my parents. I used to handle her all the time, we’d hang out for hours. But when i moved into my parents my mum never let me take the snake out because she was scared. So the snake went about a year without handling then when we moved i was too nervous to handle her because i hadn’t in a long time. And I’m in a loop lol. After she digests and shits this rat out I’m going to handle her more often. I can’t be afraid of my own pet, that’s stupid. Also she is totally a queen, eating just once a month, GOALS.

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#355 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted 27 June 2022 - 09:33 PM

23 Days until Bday

Steps: 11,796/10,000
Calories Burned: 2095
Calories Consumed: 10/500
Carbs: 6g Fat: 0g Protein: 0g Sugar: 0g
Intake:

Spoiler

Monster zero ultra

Notes:
Managed to fast all day! Go me! Just water and a monster. Made it through by meticulously planning out tomorrows intake. I almost tricked my brain into believing that I ate today lol. I didn’t weigh today because theres a high possibility i would’ve been triggered into bingeing, i planned not to weigh tomorrow but I probably will. Hoping for 108.6 or under.

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#356 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted Yesterday, 04:49 AM

Stepped on the scale, 5:45am, no bm. Fucking 109.8 pounds. Disgusting. I heavily considered switching my fast to a 48hr and not eating until tomorrow. Unfortunately I might end up bingeing if I do that. I’m going to follow my original plan and stop fasting at 36 hours, then I will eat 500 calories for the day. And of course pray that tomorrow I’m not fat as fuck.

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#357 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted Yesterday, 05:54 AM

Bodychecks beneath spoiler, warning i’m fat.

Spoiler

Thigh gap only exists while sitting bc my legs chonk as fuck

Standing flexed

Laying down relaxed

Laying down and sucking in

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#358 🐺 Wolf 🐺

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Posted Yesterday, 08:44 AM

I think I used to follow you, cant remember. You look tinier than your current bmi, im jealous xD
Just letting you know I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines again now. ^_^

good luck Ruby!

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#359 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted Yesterday, 11:02 AM

<img src= said

Wolf " data-cid="78082495" data-time="1656431050" data-date="Today, 09:44 AM">
I think I used to follow you, cant remember. You look tinier than your current bmi, im jealous xD
Just letting you know I'll be cheering you on from the sidelines again now. good luck Ruby!

Yes! I used to follow some of your fasting, and you used to follow my bodychecks when I was under 18.5 bmi! Thank you so much! Always nice to see a familiar ’face’

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#360 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted Yesterday, 11:28 AM

Made my 36 hour goal. Celebrated with half a smoke and cracking open a monster. I don’t want to eat. Feel too fat because of my weigh in. I’ll maybe wait another 4 hours. 40 hours is a decent fast right?
Today the weather is splendid. My plants are loving it. I’m going to paint outside today! I think it’ll be fun. Hopefully I can find acrylic paints so I can do the whole painting at once and have it dry quickly. Otherwise i’ll be using oils, and whilst they have more vibrancy and depth, they take days/weeks/months to dry depending how thick the layers are.

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27Unfollow this topic

Ruby’s Restriction(5’1”), 30 days until Bday

Started by n0thingleft0fme, Dec 27 2021 09:19 AM

367 replies to this topic

#361 🐺 Wolf 🐺

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Posted Yesterday, 11:38 AM

I dont think I knew you painted - I do too!! Acrylics mainly

that is so cool <3

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#362 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted Yesterday, 01:34 PM

So heres what I painted, i just call it Crimson Dreams. I was trying to use some old lace to make a pattern but it got messed up so i just used a sponge for texture. Then drip drip drip with some paint. Maybe when it dries i will go in with a small artist brush and paint either eyes or teeth or something creepy onto it. Its a crap painting that a 1yr old could probably recreate but I’m happy I did something that I enjoy. Also a photo of my plants.

Spoiler

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#363 🐺 Wolf 🐺

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Posted Yesterday, 02:06 PM

I love drip painting but I haven't done it in forever! Nice color choices and texture, but more importantly I hope you enjoy making it.
I'm impressed with your plants - I'm only really doing tomatos this year but we've got lettuce, blueberries, and apple trees as well.

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#364 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted Yesterday, 03:03 PM

<img src= said

Wolf " data-cid="78084735" data-time="1656450412" data-date="Today, 03:06 PM">
I love drip painting but I haven't done it in forever! Nice color choices and texture, but more importantly I hope you enjoy making it.
I'm impressed with your plants - I'm only really doing tomatos this year but we've got lettuce, blueberries, and apple trees as well.

Messy painting is the best kind of painting in my opinion lol, very fun! Thank you <3
My favourite plants are hot peppers! I have 11 peppers (9 varieties). Then just some strawberries, green onion and parsley. Homegrown tomatoes are the tastiest! Similar fertilizing schedule and watering to peppers, idk why i didn’t grow any this year. Gardening is so relaxing, i love seeing how much the plants grow every week. Good luck with your tomatoes!

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#365 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted Yesterday, 03:53 PM

41 hours fasted… at a weird point where I don’t want to eat but at the same time I want to binge and purge. Lots of mixed signals lol. Not quite sure what decisions to make. Being good means eating my yogurt and fruit, then rice and chicken for dinner. Bingeing and purging means i get to eat whatever i want but then suffer throat pain, muscle soreness, dizziness, slower digestion of food i keep down, and potentially water retention. I feel dumb as hell weighing the pros and cons, I’m just greedy for wanting to binge all the time lol. Clearly the better option is restriction or fasting. But my goblin brain is obsessed with food.

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#366 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted Yesterday, 07:57 PM

Broke my fast at 41 hours 20 minutes. Had coconut yogurt with protein powder, strawberries and half a banana. Then dinner was an hour later. I had rice, chicken, and veggies. For some reason I was not satisfied and I ate 1.5 cups cheerios and a handful of cherry candies. Purged and everything came up except the yogurt and fruit that I ate earlier. Now i’m cooking ramen to b/p. Might eat some other stuff too. My bf went to bed early and i feel unwanted even though that’s completely stupid. So i’ll b/p until i’m exhausted enough for sleep and no thinking.

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#367 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted Today, 12:10 AM

22 Days until Bday
CW: 109.8 lbs (49.8 kg) BMI: 20.7 BF%: 23.1

Notes:
Fucking gained weight which is terrible. Fasted for 41 hours 20 minutes. Broke my fast with yogurt, strawberries and half a banana. Dinner was chicken, veggies, and rice. I ate 1.5 cups cheerios and a handful of cherry candies then purged those and dinner. Ate ramen, another handful of cherry candies and some tortilla chips. Purged and flushed. Sat around for a couple hours before deciding to eat one last time. 2 slices of gluten free toast with vegan butter, and a handful of grapes. I don’t even know how to calculate calories considering I ate quite a bit but only kept down the yogurt, fruit, toast, and grapes. Idk how to count trace calories from binge purge and frankly i don’t care as long as I lose weight tomorrow. I should’ve just fasted.

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#368 n0thingleft0fme

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Posted Today, 10:43 AM

Back to 108.6. Acceptable. Now lets get 108 flat tomorrow. Or even better, a number in the 107 range.

Had a terrible sleep. I slept on the futon and didn’t go to sleep until past 2:30 am. Then had to wake up at 5 am to drive my bf to work. I stayed up for about an hour then slept 6 am to 11:30 am. I feel so tired still. I want to crawl back into bed. I also feel super dehydrated from purging twice last night. My throat hurts really bad.

Don’t know what I’ll do with my day. My brain feels like exploding whenever I think too hard. Must be a symptom of stupidity.

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#881 fαye

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Posted 20 June 2022 - 08:46 PM

clowndoll, on 20 Jun 2022 - 09:34 AM, said:

Good luck with the tooth extraction! Will you be put on a soft food diet while you heal?

tyty! it went well & yes! i'm probably going to only eat soft food like ice cream, yogurt, refried beans?, soft bread...?, soups, stuff like that... while my mouth heals :> kinda excited lol...

ILiveToMosh, on 20 Jun 2022 - 10:24 AM, said:

I'm sorry you feel so bad about your loose skin

it's fineee it's just for right now. i know that if i maintain my goal weight, my skin will tighten up if i maintain for a while, and it'll be fine. it's just right now, looking at it is sooo bad!

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^{cw (june 8 2022) - 139.8 lbs}

^{ugw (unknown) - 86 ~ 91 lbs - bmi <17.5}

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#882 fαye

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Posted 21 June 2022 - 10:13 AM

140.6

so much water retention

yesterday my orthodontist told me i got skinnier. i love my orthodontist. she's so nice. and pretty!

getting my teeth extracted is high key cool for restriction cause i'm literally too scared to eat in case i open up a wound in my mouth or something like that. so i'm avoiding eating. and what happens when i avoid eating? my stomach gets smaller so when i do eat, it's more ~satisfying~

im obsessed with this meme

intake: ~~who knows!! tbd~~

2 waffles (ouch!) - 190

ice cream - 360

yogurt - 70

620

making my "max" calories 600~650 now

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^{ugw (unknown) - 86 ~ 91 lbs - bmi <17.5}

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#883 ILiveToMosh

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Posted 21 June 2022 - 11:43 AM

That meme is hilarious but I don't get it! Lmao!!

Sent from my Nokia G10 using Tapatalk

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Current Weight and BMI

200.0 / 36.6 (05.16.2022)

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#884 fαye

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Posted 21 June 2022 - 11:53 AM

ILiveToMosh, on 21 Jun 2022 - 11:43 AM, said:

That meme is hilarious but I don't get it! Lmao!!

Sent from my Nokia G10 using Tapatalk

Lmao it's just chaotic and I love it

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^{cw (june 8 2022) - 139.8 lbs}

^{ugw (unknown) - 86 ~ 91 lbs - bmi <17.5}

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#885 fαye

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Posted 22 June 2022 - 11:56 AM

140.6 again :[

intake so far:

ice cream (x3) - 360

ice cream - 220

580

mac & cheese - 460

1040

im healing mmk

(another mac cheese - 460)

1500 kill me

i want to be my ugw already; around 84 lbs to 96 (i know, big range lol), so i can live off of maintenance calories for the rest of my life.

i know it's not a long time, but i'm coming up on an entire year of "dieting." i'm kind of sick of staying in the "weight loss" calorie mode. sometimes i just wanna eat. my "maintenance calories" for my ugw is 1350; that's good enough for me, idc. that sounds good.

it sounds good to eat "maintenance calories" forever starting now so i can live "the same" when i'm my ugw, but not getting there fast first irks me.

is it just me? fuck, i love food too much

i love this song. i love convolk. lil peep. xxxtentacion. juice. shinigami. ugh, i miss this era of music in my life, so nostalgic for it:

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#886 fαye

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Posted 23 June 2022 - 01:08 PM

141.6

i'm going through menstrual stuff day 1 (surprise to me!) so i guess that's why my weight has been higher, sucks though.

intake so far:

1 serving froyo - 120

sherbet - 160

280

kinda sad but it's kinda fitting that i'm running out of soft/liquid food to eat to suit my tooth extraction, since i ate so much of it yesterday lol. i miss crunchy food so much.

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#887 flaneur

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Posted 23 June 2022 - 01:16 PM

still can’t believe that science has advanced so much yet they
can’t figure out how to prevent gaining water weight on your period

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#888 fαye

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Posted 24 June 2022 - 05:00 PM

140.6

im tired

dont wanna do summer class work

just let me starve and play minecraft

intake:

16 yo me knew wtf was up. peanut butter halo top slaps. - 110... x 3 = 330.

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#889 fαye

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Posted 25 June 2022 - 11:56 AM

140.4

i really want to see low 130's or high 120's. really need that sort of motivation.

i'm hoping that my two days of low restriction can counter out the couple of days of high restriction? idk how it works. i know it's math, but i'm lazy. :[

my intake looks like this for this month so far:

300 1740 360 570 1913 0 360

520 330 860 570 250 430 1242

1340 1180 885 1360 0 620 1500

280 330

average: 736.52173913043

not bad i guess? i'm really thinking of spongebob zeropant's signature that says "the longer you stay in ED, the more severe your behaviors need to be to get the same results. It gets way harder over time, not easier, to hit goals."

i average about 700~750 calories a day per month from 245 lbs, and i definitely do not lose 10 lbs a month anymore lol

anyway intake today:

sherbet - 160

again - 160

cookie dough ice cream - 570

890

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#890 fαye

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Posted 26 June 2022 - 12:04 PM

140.0

^{_{hopefully my weight will go down now that my period's over lol}}

intake so far:

2 eggs - 144 calories

ice cream - 320

464?

kinda moving from ice cream to other soft foods & soups...

it's another day of me wishing i wasn't taking summer classes bc i have an essay to write today but i also wanna play minecraft

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Posted 27 June 2022 - 02:01 PM

139.4

water weight, pls go down. i've been eating at a deficit for awhile. there's no way i'm not at least 1 lb below 137.8 (my latest lw).

anyway, intake so far (updating throughout the day yada yada):

chicken noodle soup - 140, but, i took out the chicken pieces bc i'm scared of solid foods right now (still recovering). so, maybe lower than 140? who knows, but i'll keep it at 140 for clarity sake.

CNS again but half serving.. ish - 100

240!

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^{ugw (unknown) - 86 ~ 91 lbs - bmi <17.5}

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#892 fαye

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Posted Yesterday, 11:05 AM

short post cause sleepy

140.6

intake

soups - 130 * 2 = 260

2 waffles - 90 * 4 = 360

ice cream - 210

830

im really... really sleepyyy from playing minecraft all night

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#893 fαye

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Posted Today, 11:09 AM

im tired omg I stayed up 32 hours yesterday and slept a lot

funny bc I used to do 72 hours with no problem

anyway

cw 140.0 somehow. this will go down eventually…

intake/plans/who knows:

they got me arbys last night despite me asking to not get me anything bc of my teeth situation. But they got me soft food anyway because they’re nice. but still my ed brain doesn’t like it lol. ungrateful? maybe.

arbys mac n cheese - 475 for a small ass cup I don’t want to waste food so I guess.

waffles later? - 200

soup later - 140

805 not bad

i spent so much $ on intake cosmetics for black desert online yesterday and idc I’m happy. Love making my characters pretty in every game i play lols. Yet here I am contemplating spending $ on a new bra bc if I’m still losing weight, is it worth the 40some dollars…. hm.