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I can't see my ribs today ! HELP
#1 
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Posted Yesterday, 03:01 AM
I binged fo 7 days last week around 2700 calories and today i can't see my ribs !!! HELP !! Is that caused by bloating ?? I need your help i'm panicking so much !!! 1 week can't have undone more than 1 year of hard work ?! PLEASE i swear kill myself right now.
I do not deserve to live anymore.I WANT TO SEE MY RIBS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
PLEASE CAN SOMEONE TELL ME THIS IS CAUSED BY WATER RETENTION ! They were very very prominent before this fucking binge week !!!!! I HATE FOOD !! FOOD IS SO USELESS !! I WANT TO LOOK LIKE A SKELETON WHY CAN'T MY BRAIN UNDERSTAND THIS
#3
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Posted Yesterday, 03:54 AM
Avoid the scales for a few days and eat low carb, it will flush out the water. Don't worry, it's not as bad as you think.
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Posted Yesterday, 03:59 AM
skin-of-me, on 28 Jun 2022 - 03:54 AM, said:
No panicking needed. It is bloat, a bunch of water weight.
Avoid the scales for a few days and eat low carb, it will flush out the water. Don't worry, it's not as bad as you think.
thanks you saved my life fr.
has it happened to you ? Can 1 week of binging mess with the visibilty of bones ?
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Posted Yesterday, 04:06 AM
iswater0cal, on 28 Jun 2022 - 03:59 AM, said:
thanks you saved my life fr.
has it happened to you ? Can 1 week of binging mess with the visibilty of bones ?
It happens to me every time I eat more simple carbs than I’m used to now. For me goes away with a few days of eating very low carb and high protein. Plenty of water but don’t go overboard because that will freak your body out even more. I hate not seeing my bones. Every body is different obviously so how long it takes for you or how much water is the right amount for you (for me it’s between 2.5-3 litres a day, more and I retain more, less and I also retain more), I can’t know. But it will go away. Be kind to yourself, try to avoid the scales for a few days if you can, and breathe.
𝐬𝐮𝐠𝐚𝐫 & 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐞 & 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐞 ♥
#21
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Posted 20 June 2022 - 12:04 AM
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JUNE 18
weight
no weigh-in
water intake
0.6 / 2L
food intake
cherries: 230
lentil chips: 250
cauliflower salad: 250
flatbread with hummus: 340
trek bar chocolate: 230
vegan tiramisu: 250
falafel: 440
total in: 1840
exercise
17.7k steps
total out: 2540
daily goals
☒ no social media
☐ journal
☒ learn language
☒ read book
☒ take a walk outside
diary
i got my first grade back from this semester’s finals and holy shit was i surprised cause it’s High !! capital h !! first class high. so turns out i’ve still got it !! honestly this was a much much needed confident boost. i really needed some good news. y’all .. self-doubt is lethal and it has got to go !! i’m the only person standing in my way truly.
also i saw two cats today on my walk and they were both super cute and not people shy so i petted them for like 10 minutes <3
i have a perpetual sadness in me lol but relatively speaking today was actually good. feels weird saying that cause i haven’t said that in what feels like forever.
my water intake has been abysmal though. seems like the warmer it gets the less i drink.
no outfit i wear looks cute cute cause i’m not skinny :c it’s frustrating. there’s no point in even trying to dress up cute cause it always just looks like shit regardless. i just want to be skinny and cute again maybe then someone will love me </3
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Posted 20 June 2022 - 12:06 AM
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JUNE 19
weight
no weigh-in
water intake
1.5 / 2L
food intake
cherries: 200
trek bar salted caramel: 230
cauliflower spinach hummus salad: 450
veggie burger, asparagus & potatoes: 560
cookie dough protein bar: 220
mango smoothie: 200
total in: 1830
exercise
4.1k steps
total out: 1850
daily goals
☒ no social media
☐ journal
☒ learn language
☐ read book
☐ take a walk outside
diary
rest day i guess. i really couldn’t get myself to leave my flat today. the magic of yesterday’s good news has worn off.
the protein bar tasted like shit btw. what a waste of calories. and money. (it was expensive). i was so excited for it too cause i usually luv anything cookie dough. i hate when this happens. this is why i eat the same food all the time cause i know it tastes good.
i keep forgetting to weigh myself. since i’ve been eating close to maintenance the past weeks i don’t imagine i’ve lost anything but i just want to check that i haven’t gained. cause tbh i don’t trust fitbit at all i think it overestimates my tdee (even though i already set my weight 5kg lower than my actual weight).
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#23
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Posted 20 June 2022 - 04:13 AM
hey, congrats on your grades! i'm proud of you :> and also omg two cats??? you're living the DREAM
i'm sorry today wasn't good- also i totally feel you on how you think something'll be good and it's just not... it's like damn i chose this? at least you know for next time not to get it again ;w;
also don't worry too much about not weighing yourself- if anything, weighing less frequently gives us more consistency in our results haha!
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[ falling deeper everyday as the gravity calls my name ]
163cm (5'4) // 57kg ;w;
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have a good day ♡
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Posted 21 June 2022 - 02:51 AM
liliaceae, on 20 Jun 2022 - 04:13 AM, said:
hey, congrats on your grades! i'm proud of you :> and also omg two cats??? you're living the DREAM
i'm sorry today wasn't good- also i totally feel you on how you think something'll be good and it's just not... it's like damn i chose this? at least you know for next time not to get it again ;w;
also don't worry too much about not weighing yourself- if anything, weighing less frequently gives us more consistency in our results haha!
thank you sm bub ♡
ikrrr i was thinking wow i’ve somehow landed in heaven (*
‿*) hahayeah exactly ! better luck next time ig haha
but it’s still really fun finding new vegan stuff to try ♡
that’s so true ! i definitely don’t want to become obsessive again and weigh myself every day and see all the fluctuations. won’t do me any good lol. but i also don’t want to go too long without weighing myself cause then i’ll become super afraid of the scale and will never weigh myself and history has proven that’ll make me fall into a long period of maintaining the same weight. i think once a week / once every two weeks is the sweet spot for me !
hope you have a good day ♡ xxx
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Posted 21 June 2022 - 03:41 AM
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JUNE 20
weight
62.8 kg (- 1.2) / bmi 20.3 (- 0.4)
water intake
1.1 / 2L
food intake
green juice: 170
mango slices: 190
cauliflower salad: 280
hazelnut chocolate bar: 210
two trek bars raspberry: 460
strawberry smoothie: 150
chili noodles: 290
total in: 1750
exercise
15.3k steps
total out: 2360
daily goals
☒ no social media
☒ journal
☒ learn language
☐ read book
☒ take a walk outside
diary
i’m so relieved i lost!!! and very surprised cause i’ve been eating so much lately.
genuinely hand on my heart wasn’t expecting this.
it’s nice to know fitbit is quite accurate after all.
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Posted 22 June 2022 - 02:22 AM
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JUNE 21
weight
no weigh-in
water intake
1.5 / 2L
food intake
banana: 100
croissant: 200
green smoothie: 100
tempeh with veggies & rice: 520
two trek bars chocolate: 460
blueberries: 170
total in: 1750
exercise
5k steps
total out: 1930
daily goals
☒ no social media
☐ journal
☒ learn language
☒ read book
☐ take a walk outside
diary
zero energy today :c
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Posted 22 June 2022 - 02:21 PM
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JUNE 22
weight
no weigh-in
water intake
1 / 2L
food intake
two bananas: 200
two croissants: 400
trek bar chocolate: 230
grilled veggies & rice: 330
mango smoothie: 250
mango slices: 140
cherries: 150
total in: 1700
exercise
14.1k steps
total out: 2320
daily goals
☐ no social media
☐ journal
☒ learn language
☒ read book
☒ take a walk outside
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Posted 24 June 2022 - 02:00 AM
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JUNE 23
weight
no weigh-in
water intake
1.25 / 2L
food intake
bananas: 200
strawberries: 130
two croissants with jam: 440
lebanese bread with hummus: 450
trek bar banana: 210
vegan burger: 350
total in: 1780
exercise
17.2k steps
total out: 2400
daily goals
☒ no social media
☐ journal
☐ learn language
☒ read book
☒ take a walk outside
diary
i measured my thighs and they’re 51 cm. no clue if that’s big or small (for my height & current bmi). it’s an empty number to me. i have nothing or nobody to compare it to. it sounds big though lol. seems like a lot of centimeters. i just know my thighs need to be smaller cause i want a thigh gap when my knees are touching.
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#29
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Posted 24 June 2022 - 03:22 AM
isabella ♥, on 24 Jun 2022 - 02:00 AM, said:
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JUNE 23
weight
no weigh-in
water intake
1.25 / 2L
food intake
bananas: 200
strawberries: 130
two croissants with jam: 440
lebanese bread with hummus: 450
trek bar banana: 210
vegan burger: 350
total in: 1780
exercise
17.2k steps
total out: 2400
daily goals
☒ no social media
☐ journal
☐ learn language
☒ read book
☒ take a walk outside
diary
i measured my thighs and they’re 51 cm. no clue if that’s big or small (for my height & current bmi). it’s an empty number to me. i have nothing or nobody to compare it to. it sounds big though lol. seems like a lot of centimeters. i just know my thighs need to be smaller cause i want a thigh gap when my knees are touching.
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I am your height, around 62kg and my thighs are 55-55.5cm so yours are pretty thin in my opinion. Around 54cm I have a tiny little thigh gap, but as you can see, it doesnt really mean anything, I still have bigger thighs than you do.
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height: 177cm/5'9
HW: 68kg (BMI 21,7)
LW: (back in 2010...) 53,5kg (BMI 17,1)
SW: 65kg (BMI 20.75)
CW: 63 kg (BMI 20.1) (thighs: 55cm)
Goals (0/10):
- Being under 18.5 BMI according to the newly proposed BMI - 59.3kg
- losing 2 BMI points - 58.7 kg (BMI 18.7)
- losing 10% of my weight - 58.5
- Being under BMI 18.5 - 57.95 kg
- Being under BMI18 according to the newly proposed BMI - 57.7kg
- Being under BMI 18 - 56.4 kg
- Being at BMI 17.5 - 55kg (I just put this here so that I can have 10 goals)
- Being under BMI 17 according to the newly proposed BMI - 54.5 kg
- Being under BMI 17 - 53.25 kg
- Having thighs under 20''/50.8 cm - 52.5kg
#30
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Posted 24 June 2022 - 03:36 AM
Iris90, on 24 Jun 2022 - 03:22 AM, said:
I am your height, around 62kg and my thighs are 55-55.5cm so yours are pretty thin in my opinion. Around 54cm I have a tiny little thigh gap, but as you can see, it doesnt really mean anything, I still have bigger thighs than you do.
thank you for sharing !! yeah my legs have never really been my biggest issue. my problem areas have always been my waist/stomach & my sausage arms :/ i'm top heavy (but with no boobs :c so that's another loss for me). i'd rather it was the other way around tbh i hate my proportions.
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Posted 25 June 2022 - 05:47 AM
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JUNE 24
weight
no weigh-in
water intake
0.75 / 2L
food intake
strawberry smoothie: 150
two trek bars banana: 420
two croissants with jam: 480
lebanese bread with hummus: 250
salad with falafel & olives: 500
total in: 1800
exercise
4.5k steps
total out: 1900
daily goals
☒ no social media
☐ journal
☐ learn language
☐ read book
☐ take a walk outside
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Posted 25 June 2022 - 11:42 PM
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JUNE 25
weight
no weigh-in
water intake
1 / 2L
food intake
toast with jam: 240
banana & apple slices: 220
salad with spinach falafel & olives: 570
lebanese bread with hummus: 500
mango smoothie: 170
total in: 1700
exercise
8.5k steps
total out: 1970
daily goals
☐ no social media
☐ journal
☒ learn language
☒ read book
☒ take a walk outside
diary
my legs are really bothering me today :/
especially my calves they’ve always been huge i feel like jack grealish :/
and yet i continue to eat close to maintenance every single day lol.
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Posted 26 June 2022 - 03:07 AM
i love your outfit! <3
also your legs look really slim; i'm sorry you can't see it atm :/
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Posted 27 June 2022 - 02:23 AM
ᴀɴᴀɴʏᴀ, on 26 Jun 2022 - 03:07 AM, said:
i love your outfit! <3
also your legs look really slim; i'm sorry you can't see it atm :/
thank you love!! <3
ngl i think the pose really helps haha
hopefully someday i can see myself without ed glasses on lol
xxx
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Posted 27 June 2022 - 02:24 AM
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JUNE 26
weight
no weigh-in
water intake
1 / 2L
food intake
frozen mango: 200
trek bar salted caramel: 230
tortilla wraps with hummus: 640
veggie nuggets: 380
green olives: 150
total in: 1600
exercise
3k steps
total out: 1750
daily goals
☒ no social media
☒ journal
☒ learn language
☒ read book
☐ take a walk outside
diary
another zero energy today :c
i couldn’t really get myself out of bed today.
also didn’t study so i’m in trouble again yikes.
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Posted 27 June 2022 - 09:58 PM
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JUNE 27
weight
no weigh-in
water intake
1 / 2L
food intake
blueberries & strawberries: 280
two trek bars salted caramel: 460
tortilla wraps with hummus: 660
orange & banana smoothie: 100
total in: 1500
exercise
12.4k steps
total out: 2200
daily goals
☐ no social media
☒ journal
☒ learn language
☐ read book
☒ take a walk outside
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Posted Yesterday, 10:26 PM
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JUNE 28
weight
no weigh-in
water intake
1 / 2L
food intake
trek bar chocolate: 230
orange & banana smoothie: 210
pita bread with hummus: 360
falafel & couscous salad: 700
total in: 1500
exercise
12.1k steps
total out: 2230
daily goals
☐ no social media
☒ journal
☒ learn language
☒ read book
☒ take a walk outside
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Anybody follow Fiona Hollings on Tiktok and/or Instagram?
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Posted Yesterday, 04:15 AM
Sahara1, on 08 Jun 2022 - 11:39 AM, said:
(Not that she’s eating anywhere near enough 8 months into recovery, not at all. But she surely is having enough to have gained something at least, at that BMI, and on bed rest/in a wheelchair??
I'm extremely confident she's a pacer. She has said in a video somewhere that exercise (not sure the specific word she used) was her biggest struggle so I suspect she spends several hours a day pacing. I'm myself an extreme pacer so it makes sense why she's not gaining to me, I binged severely the past week (like half to a full loaf of bread daily & lotsa cheese & some other stuff & I paced & went for v fast walks enough 6-8 hours a day to not gain significant weight. Anyway my point being I was eating less then her in hosp recently & I was the low end of a normal bmi (so it woulda been harder for me to gain supposedly) but I still had to pace for hours (admittedly I lost weight but I would have had to do several still I believe to maintain, so I'm certain she does about 2-4 hours pacing at a decent speed to maintain daily
#642
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Posted Yesterday, 06:58 AM
Sahara1, on 27 Jun 2022 - 1:08 PM, said:
Thing is, if she's diagnosed with BPD, it isn't a nice diagnosis to have in that it carries a lot of stigma. She may have researched ASD (and a lot of the rigidity and routine could be attributed to anorexic thinking) to explain away her BPD symptoms.A cynical person might say she has heavily researched ASD…she totally does not appreciate her privilege, she is completely out of touch with the real world, ha. I wanna know if BPD diagnosis has been removed, and if she has been assessed for other personality disorders…
Can't tell you how relieving it felt to be re-diagnosed with C-PTSD after years of carrying the weight of BPD. (I didn't ask for a reassessment, just many different psychiatrists both IP and OP were confused by it as they felt it wasn't suited.
ASD/ADHD or PTSD garner more sympathy from others.
However, it should be known that she used to make posts about psychosis (very stereotypical ones) and suddenly dropped them, switched to talking about flashbacks, dropped it etc.
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Posted Yesterday, 07:25 AM
Diettea123, on 28 Jun 2022 - 06:58 AM, said:
Thing is, if she's diagnosed with BPD, it isn't a nice diagnosis to have in that it carries a lot of stigma. She may have researched ASD (and a lot of the rigidity and routine could be attributed to anorexic thinking) to explain away her BPD symptoms.
Can't tell you how relieving it felt to be re-diagnosed with C-PTSD after years of carrying the weight of BPD. (I didn't ask for a reassessment, just many different psychiatrists both IP and OP were confused by it as they felt it wasn't suited.
ASD/ADHD or PTSD garner more sympathy from others.
However, it should be known that she used to make posts about psychosis (very stereotypical ones) and suddenly dropped them, switched to talking about flashbacks, dropped it etc.
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After you posted about HPD, I googled, and it made a lot of sense…
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Posted Yesterday, 08:25 AM
Okay so I had no idea where people discovered Fiona from, but I was trying to go to her Youtube and instead I came across this:
Am I late to the party and has everyone else already seen this? I didn't know she was a 'famous' case lol. I thought someone from MPA just found her Tiktok and recovery suspicious.
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Posted Yesterday, 09:14 AM
v!wvuv, on 28 Jun 2022 - 08:25 AM, said:
Okay so I had no idea where people discovered Fiona from, but I was trying to go to her Youtube and instead I came across this: https://www.youtube....h?v=D4AIJuxgxro
Am I late to the party and has everyone else already seen this? I didn't know she was a 'famous' case lol. I thought someone from MPA just found her Tiktok and recovery suspicious.
why is always so weird to see before pictures of her, like no she can’t be that healthy smiling girl when i know that she is a manipulative skinny girl
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Posted Yesterday, 05:55 PM
v!wvuv, on 28 Jun 2022 - 08:25 AM, said:
Okay so I had no idea where people discovered Fiona from, but I was trying to go to her Youtube and instead I came across this: https://www.youtube....h?v=D4AIJuxgxro
Am I late to the party and has everyone else already seen this? I didn't know she was a 'famous' case lol. I thought someone from MPA just found her Tiktok and recovery suspicious.
no this is literally what we’ve been referencing when discussing why she hasn’t either
1. been discharged for ‘non compliance’ and failure to gain weight sufficiently
or
2. booted back into inpatient
instead she gets seemingly endless therapy, dietician appts etc.. resources that other people would kill to have but that she’s pacing (or purging) away, all because the head honchos of funding in the NHS are too scared to have her mummy and daddy go to the papers again
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Posted Today, 12:53 AM
silenciobruno, on 28 Jun 2022 - 5:55 PM, said:
no this is literally what we’ve been referencing when discussing why she hasn’t either
1. been discharged for ‘non compliance’ and failure to gain weight sufficiently
or
2. booted back into inpatient
instead she gets seemingly endless therapy, dietician appts etc.. resources that other people would kill to have but that she’s pacing (or purging) away, all because the head honchos of funding in the NHS are too scared to have her mummy and daddy go to the papers again
This is exactly why this whole thing with her pisses me off, she burns through resources and no one seems to see that none of it is working. She's in her twenties, she needs a kick up the arse not all this unwavering support. Sounds harsh but if struggling = attention and love in her mind then how can she ever truly get better?
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Posted Today, 01:59 AM
So I guess this is a common scenario; people play the system all the time, because the system is under-resourced and can’t support everyone who needs it. And those who are proactive and educated always get more. Should not be how it is, but, that’s the society we live in. What really pisses me off tho, is the harm she is doing to other’s recovery by being dishonest on social Media. Cos whatever is happening, she is never telling the full story/truth, but isn’t making that clear. In fact she goes to great pains to always say ‘it’s a bad day, but on bad days we keep on going, so I’m still following my plan/sitting down to have my snack’ etc etc etc.
Ugh, I can’t.
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Posted Today, 02:03 AM
#651
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Posted Today, 06:18 AM
Sahara1, on 29 Jun 2022 - 02:03 AM, said:
Have you seen the lady called Amy in Wales who was in the media the other day? She’s literally dying, and they won’t give her any support at all, literally nothing. Obviously don’t know the full story, but how can the nhs justify this disparity is provision? I will be interested to see if she now gets help, now her case has made the national media…
Yes,she's been posting on TikTok for several months trying to raise money for private inpatient treatment. She's 42 (I think) and has been ill since she was a child; it seems the NHS have exhausted all options and washed their hands off her. I think going to the media is a lifeline for many people, but the system is so overwhelmed that only the "loudest" sufferers are heard, ie: the middle classes with money and a huge support network.
Regarding BPD, I've had the diagnosis slapped on me since I started to present as a "complex case". I shudder to think about the times I've been let down by the system because of the stigma. CPTSD is seen as interchangeable and sometimes preferred as a diagnosis to BPD because of this. Fi makes me so angry because she's so manipulative and should know better with this version of "recovery" she is presenting. My sympathy is spent with her and her privilege.
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#652
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Posted Today, 06:43 AM
Sahara1, on 29 Jun 2022 - 02:03 AM, said:
Have you seen the lady called Amy in Wales who was in the media the other day? She’s literally dying, and they won’t give her any support at all, literally nothing. Obviously don’t know the full story, but how can the nhs justify this disparity is provision? I will be interested to see if she now gets help, now her case has made the national media…
Yes,she's been posting on TikTok for several months trying to raise money for private inpatient treatment. She's 42 (I think) and has been ill since she was a child; it seems the NHS have exhausted all options and washed their hands off her. I think going to the media is a lifeline for many people, but the system is so overwhelmed that only the "loudest" sufferers are heard, ie: the middle classes with money and a huge support network.
Regarding BPD, I've had the diagnosis slapped on me since I started to present as a "complex case". I shudder to think about the times I've been let down by the system because of the stigma. CPTSD is seen as interchangeable and sometimes preferred as a diagnosis to BPD because of this. Fi makes me so angry because she's so manipulative and should know better with this version of "recovery" she is presenting. My sympathy is spent with her and her privilege.
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Posted Today, 07:58 AM
I think those bowls and eating utensils that say things like "hope" are pathetic. I'm genuinely embarrassed for her and think she needs some tough love and to grow up.
I'll admit that I'm bulimic, not anorexic, and I truly don't know the struggle of being in that state and at such a low BMI.
But still...I'm embarrassed for her and agree with what 90% of peeps in this thread said (I've only read to page 12 of this thread so far tho)
cbmi: 20 gbmi: 17 height: 5'10" accountability: https://www.myproana...countability-♡/
#654
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Posted Today, 08:18 AM
Lol can someone tell me what WIEIAD and OOTD stand for?
cbmi: 20 gbmi: 17 height: 5'10" accountability: https://www.myproana...countability-♡/
#656
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Posted Today, 08:41 AM
I could post on my Instagram what I eat in a day. And get attention cos of the low restricting (tho today I did manage almost 800. I hate that). But yea. I dunno. It’s just off.
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
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Posted Today, 08:46 AM
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Posted Today, 08:54 AM
silenciobruno, on 27 Jun 2022 - 4:42 PM, said:
THIS IS WHAT I THINK.
Lol legit i’m convinced she has BPD, but didn’t like the label or the fact she was being held accountable for her actions and having to actually do adult things, so just heavily researched ASD and presented that way. I know they ask your parents about childhood traits, but given her long history of MH issues it wouldn’t surprise me if she was demonstrating things that -could- be perceived as traits of ASD… especially if you are a manipulative arsehole trying to convince everything around you that you really do have ASD so that you can continue to be infantilised, enabled and mollycoddled by those around you.
Damn as an autist, I really hope she's fucking not doing that. Being autistic, an adult, independent and having to work full time and earn a living like everyone else is extremely hard. Most of us don't get to appreciate the 'infantilisation' (lol not that I would appreciate it) because we are surrounded by people who absolutely don't want to care or understand or make adjustments for us.
If it turns out she is just leveraging that to be able to stay in a childlike state and not have any responsibilities in life, and then is able to drop it as and when she feels like, then that is just straight up gross. Legitimate autistics don't get to do that Fi
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Posted Today, 10:23 AM
musicalfailure, on 29 Jun 2022 - 08:54 AM, said:
Damn as an autist, I really hope she's fucking not doing that. Being autistic, an adult, independent and having to work full time and earn a living like everyone else is extremely hard. Most of us don't get to appreciate the 'infantilisation' (lol not that I would appreciate it) because we are surrounded by people who absolutely don't want to care or understand or make adjustments for us.
If it turns out she is just leveraging that to be able to stay in a childlike state and not have any responsibilities in life, and then is able to drop it as and when she feels like, then that is just straight up gross. Legitimate autistics don't get to do that Fi
Whatever is actually wrong (maybe ‘wrong’ isn’t a good word, her therapist has said nothing is ‘wrong’ with her), so, whatever condition(s) she has, whether it’s BPD or autism, both, or something else, her videos suggest she really struggles to manage adult life and any kind of responsibility, for whatever reason. I feel as frustrated as you, because so many people don’t have what she has, and yet she still struggles, on the daily. But actually, would I want to be in that position? No. I would rather at least be functioning as an adult, even if it is insanely hard, than be relying on my parents, a social media following and special spoons and bowls, to get by in life.
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Posted 23 June 2022 - 10:35 AM
weight loss makes sense, ur losing all ur water weight + a metabolism boost from eating 
H: 5'7.5 LW: 150 (2014) SW: 158 (2014) HW: 216 (Dec. 2019..that's embarrassing) CW: ?
Gw 1: 190 lbs (86 kg) BMI - 29.3
Gw 2: 180 lbs (82 kg) BMI - 27.8
Gw 3: 170 lbs (77 kg) BMI - 26.2
Gw 4: 160 lbs (73 kg) BMI - 24.7
Gw 5: 150 lbs (68 kg) BMI - 23.1
Gw 6: 140 lbs (64 kg) BMI - 21.6
Gw 7: 130 lbs (59 kg) BMI - 20.1
Gw 8: 120 lbs (54 kg) BMI - 18.5
♥ UGW: 114 lbs(51 kg) BMI - 17.6 ♥
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Posted 23 June 2022 - 12:18 PM
omg YAY you got your diagnosis!!! that's amazing news!!! it sounds like your reviewer super knows her stuff! AND you KILLED it at your interview!!!! it sounds like you were your charming self on the phone so i'm sure the next stage will go really well too. we'll keep fingers crossed for youuu!
also not to be that person but the way i would demolish that pizza toast. was it 320 including quavers? i honestly might have to copy you
SW: 176 // 80 · GW1: 165 // 75 · GW2: 154 // 70 · GW3: 143 // 65 · GW4: 132 // 60 · GW5: 121 // 55 · UGW: 110 // 50
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Posted 23 June 2022 - 12:19 PM
ALSO well done on losing so fast!!! no wonder it's dropping off you so quickly, you've gotten right back into the swing of things as soon as you're back (and your intake while you were away was still supes sensible too). 150's just around the cornerrr
SW: 176 // 80 · GW1: 165 // 75 · GW2: 154 // 70 · GW3: 143 // 65 · GW4: 132 // 60 · GW5: 121 // 55 · UGW: 110 // 50
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#354
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Posted 24 June 2022 - 12:34 AM
Choco_Bitch_612, on 23 Jun 2022 - 10:35 AM, said:
weight loss makes sense, ur losing all ur water weight + a metabolism boost from eating
this is true! i never considered the metabolism boost! i knew the water weight would come off but not this fast
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Posted 24 June 2022 - 12:41 AM
earthmoon, on 23 Jun 2022 - 12:18 PM, said:
omg YAY you got your diagnosis!!! that's amazing news!!! it sounds like your reviewer super knows her stuff! AND you KILLED it at your interview!!!! it sounds like you were your charming self on the phone so i'm sure the next stage will go really well too. we'll keep fingers crossed for youuu!
also not to be that person but the way i would demolish that pizza toast. was it 320 including quavers? i honestly might have to copy you
earthmoon, on 23 Jun 2022 - 12:19 PM, said:
ALSO well done on losing so fast!!! no wonder it's dropping off you so quickly, you've gotten right back into the swing of things as soon as you're back (and your intake while you were away was still supes sensible too). 150's just around the cornerrr
thank you lovely!! it feels like such a weight off my shoulders, its been such a ball ache getting to this point🥲 and it was a really lovely phone interview, im hoping the face to face goes well! thank u sm!!
HONESTLY IT WAS STUPIDLY GOOD???? it was like 206 for the pizza toast?? n 320 for everything! the bread is called “danish” its from tesco and 62 cals per slice i think, they also do a hovis one which is brown bread and 52 cals per slice but my local one doesnt sell that annoyingly, then leerdam light cheese which is 52 cals per slice and the slices are huge so i had one and split it up, then 15g of tescos own brand pizza sauce on each slice but i couldve done 10g on each slice bc it was actually quite a lot! then threw on some sweetcorn but next time i will put ham on it also! it would be so nice with mushrooms n olives or something. i cant believe how nice it tasted i was quite shocked
it had the exact texture of pizza bc the bread had been toasted perfectly it was SO GOOD defo do it! ive used naan breads as bases before and it is so good but toast hit different lmaothank you so much!! i weighed myself at 8am when i woke up and i was in the 151s, idk how the hell its possible for it to drop this fast but i assume it was the retention from a lot of carbs and being a bit constipated :’)
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Posted 24 June 2022 - 01:16 AM
weigh in: 150.6lbs… WHAT ???????? it was a bit sad bc i weighed myself and saw that id hit my first gw (well off by 0.6lbs but im in the 150s) and like, i felt nothing??? it was just like any other weigh in but i think its because i truly dont believe the scales like to me there is no way ive lost almost 6lbs of water weight in 3 days ??? like i just dont believe im really 150.6lbs so i dont have much emotion because i dont wanna get myself too excited for it to be wrong but i changed the batteries in the scales, ive calibrated it like the scale is working so idk but i guess here we are :’) it will be interesting to see what tomorrow says
intake: definitely no more than 1000, but probably no more than 800
off to my grandparents today. they live about 30-40 mins away and grandma was struggling with contacting the bank as on the phone its all automated and she was losing her patience bless her and wanted help
she said her and grandad would meet me at my parents (my house has nowhere to sit apart from two broken bar chairs for our breakfast bar and a two man sofa so not v accommodating for guests lol) and i would come to help and i was like dont be silly i will come to you and she said “thats not fair for you to have to come all the way out here” and i was like … but you and grandad have to come all the way out here?! so i insisted id come to theres and then i got a message the next day saying she had managed to sort out the problem so if i didnt want to come anymore it was okay and theyd see me another time and just,,, my heart broke i ADORE my grandparents and spending time with them and my heart shattered that she thought now i dont need to be there to do something i wouldnt want to come so i obviously texted back saying if i am still welcome id really love to see them and oh GOD you know when someone just says something and you are like why would you think i wouldnt wanna come
so anyway i will be having lunch at my grandparents - i might potentially omad depending on what we have okay so today was so busy! went to my grandparents at about 11:30 n left at 3ish, then went to an antique store and spent an hour and a half there :’)) bought some super cool things!! then went to tesco on the way home to do a food shop, then got home and my new med prescription had arrived so went out to get it bc i assumed theyd have to be ordered in and four pharmacies in my town didnt have them and the supplies were completely out of stock so nowhere could order them in, then my mum rang up some pharmacies in the town over (extremely grateful for that bc i was just gonna aimlessly drive to them hahahah) and one had it!!! it was like a 20 min drive so not awful and they only had them in bc theyd accidentally ordered them omg so i GOT THEM at the cost of £102 (LITERALLY HORRENDOUS) because its a private prescription, the 30mg was £68 for a months amount i cannot believe the increase in price for 50mg but thankfully this should be my last month paying for a private prescription as when the dose has settled my consultant will communicate with my gp so i can do shared care so it will be an nhs prescription so the like £9.50 or whatever it is a montj instead of literally 10 times that LOL. so i spent about 3 hours faffing about prescriptions and my head is FRAZZLED. ive done 7,000 steps today which seems much less than i feel ive done
also had a jacket potato with tuna, sweetcorn and mayo on top and a salad with lettuce, red onion, tomatoes and radish (my gma puts radish in her salads and its so good) and then after she insisted i have a kitkat and im actually very surprised that a 4 finger kitkat is 209 cals???? less than i assumed. i dont believe the jacket potato and salad wouldve been more than 600 calories even if she used normal mayo but i think she would get light mayo as she has done weight watchers etc in the past so imagine she would be into stuff like that hahahaha. i have done omad so that was all my intake for today, i also had a healed teaspoon of coleslaw also actually. i cant imagine it has come to over 800 cals but even if it has it defo wont be over 1000.
here are the pics of what i got today! the “an album of” from researching are apparently from 1939?! everywhere i look it says 1939 and no other date im shook. it has no date on the albums but i will get some photos of the inside of them tomorrow but basically the tobacco and cigarette company “player and sons” made these albums you could buy and collect cards to stick in the albums and it had a lil description of each one and these ones are wildlife and wildflower themed they are beautiful! the little what looks like a mead mug haha has a lil peter rabbit on it but hes a bit faded from what id assume is sun damage but i love peter rabbit, the teeth arent real but are acrylic teeth from a denist practice and i am SO EXCITED about the claw brooch! im unsure of the animal, and unsure if it is actually real, the price makes it seem it wasnt but it didnt say. in regards to the rosary, i am not personally religious, but my grandparents on my mums side (not the ones i saw today) are roman catholic and i remember as a child being absolutely in awe of how beautiful rosaries are and was obsessed with one my nonna (italian for grandma idk if ive ever mentioned im half italian hahahah) had so when i saw this one in the shop it reminded me of that. i worry its not particularly respectful to buy a religious item and not be apart of that religion but it has other meanings to me so i hope it isnt too frowned upon :’) and also isnt the teacup the cutest thing in existence omg
ALSO idk if i ever said i booked flights to krakow to see my friend who was travelling and then decided to stay there bc he fell in love, and basically whilst i was in sardinia my flights were cancelled so i had to rebook via another company but it was a nightmare bc flights were stupid expensive probably bc the ones with the company i was going with were cancelled, but i found some that were affordable and now ive heard today they too have been cancelled. im gonna look tomorrow to see if i can find any affordable flights again but i feel like something is tryna send me a sign to not go :’) it would be sad to not go as i was looking forward to it but also with sardinia and my meds my savings have been pretty rinsed so it would be quite nice to get a bit of money back even though what i paid was under £200 anyway but thats still money that will be beneficial! but yeah he comes home mid july anyway so i can see him then
im bloody knackered so will catch up on everyones accountabilities tomorrow!
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Posted 24 June 2022 - 02:57 AM
your grandparents sound so so sweet, that's really good that you still get to go see them (that text from your grandma is heartbreaking )': ) also thank you for the pizza toast recipe & recs, i'm literally gonna buy those tomorrow lmao i can't wait to eat sliced bread >:3
151!!!!! yassss
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Posted 25 June 2022 - 12:38 PM
earthmoon, on 24 Jun 2022 - 02:57 AM, said:
your grandparents sound so so sweet, that's really good that you still get to go see them (that text from your grandma is heartbreaking )': ) also thank you for the pizza toast recipe & recs, i'm literally gonna buy those tomorrow lmao i can't wait to eat sliced bread >:3
151!!!!! yassss
honestly they are adorable
it was so sad but i had such a nice time seeing themlmk what you think!! my palate is a bit weird bc i absolutely adore flavour and trying new foods but when it comes to me at home cooking i quite somehow enjoy bland “childish” flavours lmao n it has nostalgic vibe hahahahah
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#359
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Posted 25 June 2022 - 01:02 PM
weigh in: 1 5 0 on the DOT i cannot believe it. im 65lbs down today! (well 65.2lbs lol). gw 1 REACHED !
intake: 151
so today i went to a flea market in another town which was a 50 min drive, got some cool clothes tho and some other bits! then went to two antique stores nearby n didnt get home until 4ish then immediately started deep cleaning the house bc our tenancy is ending but we are staying on in the same house but you still have to deep clean it for the cleaners to then come and clean it again its a bit weird but i guess its polite for the house to not be grim for the cleaners to come in and i cleaned for four hours straight and all ive had today is a fibre one bar and a packet of lentil crisps bc i had no time to make breakfast and im absolutely dead but i finished cleaning at 8pm which is too late for me to eat so im not having dinner today rip
(this is a huge rant about a really pathetic tiff between me and my housemate feel free to skip its not v interesting hahaha) my housemate didnt offer to help at all when she came home from work nor even say she would do some bits tomorrow or something like she made no comment on it when she came home and saw me on the floor cleaning the skirting boards and then heard me scuttling about for the next two hours so im not impressed but her excuse will be she is tired from work but respectfully thats adult life love, we go to work and come home and have things we need to do like i get she would be tired but she didnt even thank me for cleaning the house and im pretty fucking livid so im gonna keep to myself for a couple days because im quite annoyed by the ordeal but if i say anything she will get lairy bc she was at work today and you know when something isnt worth mentioning? like i will get over the fact that im mad i just need to be mad at it but bringing it up to her will make it a million times worse. we are usually fine and get along great but shes already called me selfish today because i thought her dad bought the loo roll when its her turn to buy it (because she told me he did) and thats why i thought she got the expensive stuff and i only buy the cheap stuff because 1) no one has ever told me they have a problem with it n imo toilet roll is toilet roll and 2) i wasnt gonna buy expensive stuff bc thats what she gets when from my understanding she wasnt paying for it, she has since told me thats not true and said she has a problem with the loo roll i buy bc she can tell a difference when for the past YEAR (a year on the 28th in fact) i have lived with her she has never mentioned she had a problem and anyway she called me selfish and kicked off about the whole thing bc she said id taken it as a personal attack when she said she spent more on the loo roll and that i was causing an argument (i have shown multiple friends this conversation we had because i genuinely couldnt understand her point of view snd didnt know if it was neurodivergent traits that were causing me to not realise what i was saying/the vibe of the convo and everyone is genuinely entirely confused at what point i started an argument and laughed that she said i took it as a personal attack because i literally couldnt of sounded more chill if i tried it was a normal convo of me simply explaining i thought her dad paid for it bc she told me he did n then explained when she said that bc she said she never did and then said bc i cant tell a difference and no one has ever commented they have a problem with the loo roll i buy i will just keep buying it bc it saves me money then she kicked off and said im selfish and have taken it as a personal attack and am being argumentative and then decided to say after a year that she has a problem w the shit i buy bc its cheap and she feels a difference) so anyway i replied apologising if my tone made me seem argumentative but at no point did i even consider it to be an argument we were simply having a convo and said im not happy she called me selfish when from my understanding which was obvs a misunderstanding she wasnt paying for the loo roll which is why she got the more expensive stuff and at no point has it been communicated that the stuff i buy is a problem bc if it had been id of ensured i bought another brand n if im not told things how can i change what im doing n basc shes not even opened it and i assume shes had a bad day and has taken it out on me even tho that was only 15 mins of her being at work so i have 0 fucking clue but i cant be bothered with how ridiculous this has gotten
update: i think she is voice noting a friend about it bc my door was open and hers was too and i heard her talking to someone then i went out to go to the loo (she wouldnt of known my door was open i never usually leave it open n im downstairs so she’d never know) and she immediately stopped talking then when i was in the loo i heard her close her door and i just cannot believe all this is bc i fucking said i thought her dad paid for the loo roll and was gonna continue buying the brand i do bc no one has said they have ever had a problem with it
anyway im bloody knackered so gonna cuddle up in bed!! goodnight everyone x
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Posted 26 June 2022 - 03:01 AM
weigh in: 148.2lbs. so my theory is i actually lost a bit of weight on hol and this is the water weight still coming off? i dont even bloody know but i am CONFUSED how i have dropped 1.8lbs overnight. it has to level out at some point bc this is crazy?! i was 156.2lbs on the 22nd??? an 8lb loss in 4 days is absolutely batshit even for water weight. super confused and paranoid my scales are wrong but i dont see how they could be
intake: 378
going to my parents today as ive not seen them since i left for holiday, gonna omad as i am eating with them i think/will not eat before i go to theirs so if i do eat i can omad that or if i dont i can eat when im home!
my tdee yday was 3100?! pretty shook but not complaining
my heart rate mustve been pretty high from cleaning bc it was quite strenuous to be fair!i have a horrible underlying feeling of anxiety from all this housemate stuff, i just want to talk about it but i dont see her in person much bc shes working and also is definitely avoiding me when she’s home and she hasnt opened my message. i know it will blow over its just rn its uncomfortable and shes really blaming me for causing an argument when at no point was it an argument in my eyes, but she is extremely sensitive and hates confrontation so takes it personally so i guess she probs saw it a lot differently to me. i was simply telling her what she had told me and i think it rubbed her the wrong way and she took it as me being argumentative (im just tryna see it from her pov which ik she takes v minor things/literally just discussions as arguments the second there is any form of disagreement) which is fine but bloody infuriating she can send the messages she did to then not even answer my response
anyway, i have better things to be doing and it isnt in my control. i cant do anything if she isnt gonna reply to my message and avoid me in person, she must be feeling 5 times more uncomfortable than i am if she is doing that. i think she is also stressed from work as there has been drama there so that also will probs be a factor.im feeling a bit sad that im not as happy as i hoped id be when i reached my gw1, like i lowkey feel nothing?? idk it it is disbelief as the water weight fell off so fast and i havent processed it is real or what but it feels quite crappy
but i guess that truly is the ed in full swing - each goal is neverenough
i wanted to put my cw when i finally hit gw1 so i am copying earthmoon n changing my title heh
okay so ive been feeling physically pretty awful all day and went to get dressed to go to my rents and could barely put my clothes on like it took forever to do everything bc i felt so fatigued and weak and i got in the car and could barely push down the bloody pedals and like i felt unsafe driving bc i was so exhausted i couldnt concentrate on anything n then i got to my parents n dad was out in his car n i rang mum to ask if he was defo out or if the car was in the lil side garage thingy he built n she said he was out so i couldnt park over the drive bc he couldnt get back in but i couldnt park on the drive bc hed have to park over the drive and i was feeling tired and irritable and anxious and i was just stressing bc there was nowhere to park that wasnt really far up to road and i physically felt like i couldnt walk that far and in my head it was gonna be a huge ordeal for dad to move his car if i parked on the drive then he parked over it then literally just started screaming and crying on the phone and was literally incoherent in what i was saying n was just like i need to go home and so i drove home but had to stop bc i could barely drive. i feel awful. i havent seen them since my holiday and mum said dad was excited to see me bc he wanted to show me his new bass amp and im sad because i love my parents but i felt fucking horrendous i couldnt do anything when i got home i got out the car and walked round to the passengers seat to grab my bag and like fell against the car bc i felt so weak. i had dinner which was the toast pizzas and some carrots n crisps and i feel a lot better, still lethargic but not as bad as i was and i feel so guilty that ive made mum listen to the ordeal on the phone and ive not come round all bc i hadnt fucking eaten which is why i felt so vile. mum has god damn surgery on wednesday also and i am having a fucking meltdown and not seeing her because ive not eaten. i feel awful, yes physically too but i feel awful at my behaviour when it was meant to be a nice fucking meal and catch up with my parents and ive done that and gone home. i think part of it is a side effect of my medication dose now being too low, like my body has gotten used to it and apparently like major fatigue and tiredness is a sign that your dose is too low but idk. i feel so bad and im so upset that im like this. mum must be so fucking tired of my shit and also upset because things were seeming to be on the up. she hasnt messaged me either which most times she would so i assume shes a bit in shock/confusion/maybe had enough idk
my housemate has also completely ignored what i responded to her messages, and only replied to the two i sent about the new person moving in bc our landlord only contacted me. she cant even say sorry for lashing out at me because she was accusing me of starting an argument. ive rlly had enough atm
my friend has also had horrendous news about her dad. i wont go into detail as it isnt my info to share online but it’s devastating and here i am crying because i have chosen to not eat so am suffering the consequences and therefore missing out on time with my mum and dad when she would atm be giving anything to spend as much time as poss with hers. i know things are relative and im a bit selfish for making her awful news about me but idk. its also one of those things where there is truly nothing anyone can really do for her, its just awful news and all we can do is be there whilst she feels how she feels. life is god damn cruel
okay today is somewhat of a joke, just got a message from mum bc shes really concerned about dad. he’s essentially having a breakdown and i dont use this word lightly. i dont want to go into details of what hes said/done but from witnessing this before i am well aware of how on edge and worried and afraid my mum will be right now. i am scared for her and im scared for dad. he needs help and will never get it and i thought he had gotten better and stuff like this was in the past but apparently not (i understand recovery isnt linear but its been a good couple years since this last happened) and im scared tbh
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sw: 215.2lbs (97.6kg) to gw: 120lbs (54.4kg) 🖤 cw: 148lbs
#361
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Posted 26 June 2022 - 01:26 PM
omg tilldeath i'm sorry i didn't even clock that you hit 150, for some reason my eyes flitted past that line of your entry!!! CONGRATS on GW1!!!! i'm really sorry it doesn't feel as big a moment as it felt like it was going to, but it's still really great that you got there, so happy for you. <3
are you doing ok though? that's worrying that you were so weak, are you going to be ok once your dosage goes up or do you think you'll increase your intake a bit? thinking of you either way, i'm sure that your mum's more worried about you than anything else. go easy on yourself if you can; esp with the news about your friend's dad (which you're not making about you - it's ok for you to be upset) it sounds like you need a bit of gentleness.
also, and this is no offence to her, but your flatmate is being quite immature imo. i understand that she's confrontation-averse, but it would've maybe been better for her not to message you in a way that contributes to the feeling of conflict if she isn't gonna engage with your pov on it? i'm sure you're right that things will even out after a bit but how frustrating and stressful in the meantime. it's really empathetic of you to be giving her so much space with it all and trying to see it from her eyes though, i wish she could meet you some part of the way and just apologise. i hope that blows over soon!
SW: 176 // 80 · GW1: 165 // 75 · GW2: 154 // 70 · GW3: 143 // 65 · GW4: 132 // 60 · GW5: 121 // 55 · UGW: 110 // 50
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#362
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Posted 27 June 2022 - 03:08 AM
earthmoon, on 26 Jun 2022 - 1:26 PM, said:
omg tilldeath i'm sorry i didn't even clock that you hit 150, for some reason my eyes flitted past that line of your entry!!! CONGRATS on GW1!!!! i'm really sorry it doesn't feel as big a moment as it felt like it was going to, but it's still really great that you got there, so happy for you. <3
are you doing ok though? that's worrying that you were so weak, are you going to be ok once your dosage goes up or do you think you'll increase your intake a bit? thinking of you either way, i'm sure that your mum's more worried about you than anything else. go easy on yourself if you can; esp with the news about your friend's dad (which you're not making about you - it's ok for you to be upset) it sounds like you need a bit of gentleness.
also, and this is no offence to her, but your flatmate is being quite immature imo. i understand that she's confrontation-averse, but it would've maybe been better for her not to message you in a way that contributes to the feeling of conflict if she isn't gonna engage with your pov on it? i'm sure you're right that things will even out after a bit but how frustrating and stressful in the meantime. it's really empathetic of you to be giving her so much space with it all and trying to see it from her eyes though, i wish she could meet you some part of the way and just apologise. i hope that blows over soon!
thank you!!! the scale is going down kind of terrifyingly fast atm and i really dont know whats happening! im not complaining but its also a bit spooky tbh
i feel a lot better today, i have no clue what was happening i think it was a mix of not eating that day and also my meds needing to be increased tbh. ive taken my first higher dose today and feel good!
this was my theory, i completely respect she dislikes confrontation, thats completely fine obviously and i understand maybe she was taking it as an attack/an argument bc of how she perceives situations like this but im like, so why get confrontational??? its seemingly already starting to blow over im just a bit unimpressed that she said what she said then when i responded she didn’t acknowledge it. i dont wanna bring it up because i know it will blow up more than it needs to, so im gonna have to just get over it because if im not gonna communicate im annoyed then like what can anyone do but im gonna quietly be pissed off for a bit
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#363
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Posted 27 June 2022 - 03:17 AM
weigh in: 146.7lbs… im now a bit concerned by whats happening lol. i know i my meds increase the metabolism, and id of had a metabolism boost from my maintenance week, as well as food weight, ive also had pretty low intakes since coming home but im just like… ive lost 10lbs almost in 5 days. not all of that couldve been food weight surely?! ive also not peed yet and need a pretty big one but we have cleaners in our house and they are cleaning the bathroom so i cant go in so idk if it’ll go down a wee bit more (if u pardon the pun lol). i dont wanna complain and jinx it but also like this is a bit scary??? i have changed the batteries in my scales and also tried it against my other scale which arent as accurate and that said 146 so the other scales cant be wrong. unless i did lose on holiday but just had a stupid amount of food weight idk wtf is going on
intake: 748
today im going to another town to go to a gig with two pals and we are staying in a hotel as the last train is quite early so we would have to leave early. between three of us it came to £30 each for a night which considering we booked it two days before isnt awful i dont think! i hope i dont feel too crappy today, i am omading again because idk what the deal with food will be but im gonna pack some safe foods just in case and also for tomorrow as well bc idk what we will be doing if we will get breakfast or lunch or what. im gonna suggest we go to itsu for dinner tonight as it was super yummy and low cal so hopefully everyone is happy with that
okay update it is the next day but i forgot lol so the gig was amazing omg so good and one of my friends backed out literally as we were leaving to meet her and it was too late to cancel the hotel so weve had to pay £50 each which is a bit annoying but there is truly nothing we can do lol. the gig was so good imo its worth it but im gonna have to make a few week cut backs this month lol. the friend that backed out just before she did said she was bringing food to eat before we went out so i made a lil lunch box and then when she said she wasnt coming me n my other pal decided to go to itsu but i was feeling grim on the train so ate the carrots out of my lunch box and then had a big thing of sushi that was like 565 cals i think. id also had an apple and fibre one bar that day in the morning bc i was anxious about travelling and walking round the city we were going to on no fuel. so intake was 748. im glad i ate what i did because it meant i could enjoy the gig and not feel horrendous lol.
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#364
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Posted Yesterday, 01:35 AM
weigh in: no weigh in today as im not home till later, maybe i will just to see but wont count it
intake: 326
so today we are celebrating my sisters bday early as she will be in the city where she lives for her actual bday. mum has got her a cake and i think we are getting take out so im gonna omad today bc theres no way in hell i can make that work lol. mum mentioned mcdonalds which would be good bc i can see the cals on their menu but in my bid to blow her off track of me having a prob with food i have spoken a lot about the new burger at maccies n it is 600 calories good fuck and she’d be so sus if i didnt get it after talking about it. i could not get fries tbf n get like 6 nuggets bc thats 300 i think? bc she wouldnt accept me just getting a burger so i guess that might work n then we always dont bother with a drink n just have water at home n then idk the cake isnt gonna be more than 400 a slice n i’ll have a small one so 1,300??? that is TERRIFYING but it is still high res. idk i will have to see how the day goes AH bc my and my mate are gonna be out all day walking so idek if i will make it until then, i will have to see
RIGHT so we walked all round the city from like 12 until 3pm and then sat in a cafe for a while (i got sparkling water lol) and then got the train home and i message mum to say im gonna get home from the train station and make my way to hers and she replied saying my sister has just got there and done a lateral flow test because she has been at glastonbury and felt a bit crappy and she has bloody covid. so obviously i said i wouldnt come as well it would be ridiculous of me to go knowing she has covid. sad to miss celebrating my sisters bday but she is gonna be here for longer than anticipated now bc i would like to hope she isnt gonna get a train back to where she lives whilst she has covid and she can work from home at my parents. but idk what her plan is, but luckily i got her presents delivered to my parents house because i didnt know if id be in and the postman for their road always tucks parcels away in the little porch thingy behind some plant pots if no one is in so she got her presents from me. a bit of a sad situation as dad is away for work so it was just mum and my sister celebrating but we can always do another celebration when shes in the clear. im not sure what mum will do for work as the government rules say she can go to work but she works in a school so idk what the deal is, covid has gotten fairly rampant again as 5 people at mums work are off with it and two at my old work are off with it.
i ended up eating the pizza toast i made yesterday as there was a fridge in the hotel room so i could keep it stored in there so it wouldnt go gross and it was yum still. the crisps were all soggy as i took them out the bag and put them in one of the containers in the lunch box lol so annoyed a packet got wasted but oh well. had carrot and crisps with it. then went to the pub to hang out with some friends as they are back in our home town from uni.
ive ended up having a v low intake today (326) by accident! and done almost 14k steps today, n my tdee was 2634. yesterday because of the gig my fitbit thinks i did 16k steps from the dancing (it logged it as an hour and 40 minutes of cycling
) my tdee was 3107 bc my heart rate wouldve been quite high and i had 54 zone minutes probably from the dancing and how loud it was i find loud places get my heart rate up. was unable to weigh today so curious to see what i am tomorrowSent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
#365
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Posted Yesterday, 02:11 AM
oh my goodness you're losing so quickly, i totally get why that's scary but i have a theory... this might be total nonsense but you most likely were burning fat (sorry that sounds so aggy the way i said it but i hope you know what i mean) the whole time you were plateaued and probably also while you were on your hols so now the food/water weight is coming off you're seeing the results from that whole time. maybe!! or it could be your meds, the boost to your metabolism would make sense with feeling so bad the other day. either way, congrats on almost being halfway out of the 140s ALREADY, absolutely legendary!!!!! and i'm glad you're feeling better than the other day too of course <3
the gig sounds so fun, and also a good opportunity to get some space from the house (you are handling the situation with your flatmate SO WELL). hope tonight's pre-bday bash isn't too stressy cals-wise. 1300 is absolutely still high res and under your TDEE so you'll still be losing AND you'll be walking all day too. you've got this xxx
SW: 176 // 80 · GW1: 165 // 75 · GW2: 154 // 70 · GW3: 143 // 65 · GW4: 132 // 60 · GW5: 121 // 55 · UGW: 110 // 50
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#366
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Posted Yesterday, 04:17 PM
earthmoon, on 28 Jun 2022 - 02:11 AM, said:
oh my goodness you're losing so quickly, i totally get why that's scary but i have a theory... this might be total nonsense but you most likely were burning fat (sorry that sounds so aggy the way i said it but i hope you know what i mean) the whole time you were plateaued and probably also while you were on your hols so now the food/water weight is coming off you're seeing the results from that whole time. maybe!! or it could be your meds, the boost to your metabolism would make sense with feeling so bad the other day. either way, congrats on almost being halfway out of the 140s ALREADY, absolutely legendary!!!!! and i'm glad you're feeling better than the other day too of course <3
the gig sounds so fun, and also a good opportunity to get some space from the house (you are handling the situation with your flatmate SO WELL). hope tonight's pre-bday bash isn't too stressy cals-wise. 1300 is absolutely still high res and under your TDEE so you'll still be losing AND you'll be walking all day too. you've got this xxx
that theory makes a lot of sense because i know they do say when you plateau sometimes that just because theres no change on the scale doesnt mean there are no changes or progress going on in your body if that makes sense? aside from that really crappy day the other day ive been feeling pretty fine which is good! i feel like i must’ve actually of being losing on holiday and just had unreal food weight or something i have absolutely no idea! that would make sense as i think my bmr will be higher bc of the meds. i think theres a lot of factors in one go like with the plateau and metabolism and all of that contributing! i dont wanna complain but you know when youre like oh god wait this is quite a lot
thank you omg about the housemate thing, im just so over petty arguments like i just cant be bothered with all of it, but we are officially okay now which im glad about. im not impressed she didnt apologise but i also know thats probably because she’s embarrassed/uncomfortable that she lashed out and i also just do not care enough to say anything so all i can do is let it go
i just updated today as to why i didnt end up going to my parents to celebrate my sisters, v sad about it because it would’ve been nice but also im not about to risk covid :’)thank you so much for the encouragement and support! because i managed to get through the day with no food i was kinda somewhat excited to have a junk food day as i didnt have a choice so couldnt feel overly guilty so was a teeny bit bummed in that regards when i couldn’t go (and obvs bc i couldnt see my mum n sister) like you know that relief when you can eat something youd never let yourself eat if it was up to you🥲
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#367
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Posted Today, 01:50 AM
tilldeath that was so helpful to read, thank you!!! definitely it's so fair enough to be like surprised and also a little cautious with it! hopefully since you're feeling alright energy-wise, that was a temporary adjustment the other day. it's a good idea to keep an eye on it and if it doesn't happen again then this is just an amazing whoosh haha
ahhh i'm glad things are alright between you both now (although i would also be vexed that she didn't apologise, despite her embarrassment), seriously you took the high ground like nobody's business - 100% the right decision (but i hate being mature, BOOOO)!!!!! omg is your sister ok??? is your mum going to be alright, is she testing positive? i'm sorry you didn't get to see them but defs it's absolutely everywhere right now so better for you to avoid getting sick. i SO SO hear you on being disappointed to miss a planned junk day! it's like you've been given External Permission to eat something totally off the usual menu and then it gets ripped awayyyyy aghhhh
SW: 176 // 80 · GW1: 165 // 75 · GW2: 154 // 70 · GW3: 143 // 65 · GW4: 132 // 60 · GW5: 121 // 55 · UGW: 110 // 50
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#368
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Posted Today, 07:16 AM
weigh in: 147.2lbs. okay it has gone up so i feel like this is my body evening out because my moving average is now the same instead if like a lb higher.
intake:
so im doing group dbt therapy, it is a 6 month long course and for some unknown reason it is online, despite all other appointments and therapies with the same team are in person. there are also NO covid restrictions anymore. i missed the first two due to holiday and have just tried to attend this weeks group and it took FORTY minutes for us to get started due to the amount of technical difficulties there were with audio and connection etc, and even when it started it was constantly “can you hear me???? i cant hear you” and all kinds of crap like that and i am sat there, camera off because im literally crying over how overwhelming and jarring it is that everything is going wrong and how i cannot concentrate for shit bc it is essentially like an online lecture and it was just horrendous. ive waited a year for this and i am devastated. i left because i was so overwhelmed and all the static and feedback sounds from people talking on teams put me into a sensory overload. how the hell am i supposed to learn how to cope with the feelings i was experiencing in that moment when i CANNOT HEAR THE SKILLS THEY ARE TEACHING ME TO COPE AND ITS SO INTERRUPTED EVERY 30 SECONDS. i also have to sit in my bed as i dont have a desk chair and my desk is a state anyway so its so hard to concentrate and also i cannot go in the living room as it has to be a private area where no one else can hear due to confidentiality etc. the next course is in 6 months and is in person and at first there was no way i was waiting as ive already waited a year for this as when i was first referred to the team im with the person who had been running the dbt had retired and they had to reorganise the entire thing bc for some reason they couldnt just take over where she left and it took an entire year. so i will of been waiting over a year and a half for therapy whilst part of a mental health service that is for people with severe mental illness. the majority of patients have schizophrenia and personality disorders. they have literally rejected referrals from people who are not severe enough or at risk enough (literally horrendous but that is a whole separate problem). like this is one of the highest levels of care before inpatient care where i live. and this is what you get. a year wait for online therapy to which you cant learn anything because of the technical difficulties. ive also been waiting about two months for a new psychiatrist as i sincerely didnt get along with my last (told me that despite more than qualifying for an assessment, there is no way possible i have adhd or autism, that its not possible to have either alongside bpd, says i dont need a diagnosis of both to get help i can get help with a bpd diagnosis alone, kept me on medication id been on since i was 13 because “well youre not depressed so its clearly working so we will keep you on it” - i am not depressed, i had no side effects or withdrawals at ALL when i quit my medication cold turkey after being on it for 7 years, no one in my life even realised id stopped taking it thats how little of a difference it made because my symptoms were due to neurodevelopmental issues which is why they didnt effect me in the slightest) anyway it took 2 months potentially longer maybe 3 and i got an apt througu but it was whilst i was gonna be in poland which has now been cancelled so had to get the next available date which was a week later as they only do appointments for new patients on one day so i have messaged in hopes i can get the apt that was on the 12th but it wouldve probs been taken. so i am super anxious that i have nothing in place all over again. im also really eager to meet my new psych and see his stance on whats been going on and my diagnoses and to make a plan with him about my care as after a year i am back at square one. im bloody exhausted and ive had enough.
my sister for some unknown reason has gone back to her town, on a train with covid. extremely irresponsible imo. mum had a surgery date that has been cancelled (it was in a couple weeks time) which she has been waiting months upon months for (since last year) and the next available date is not until august which due to some things that cant be changed she cant make it so the dates after that are even further away than that so she is not doing well after the situation with dad then my sister and now this news she is extremely stressed and wants me to go round. idk how i feel, my sister wore a mask in the house, as did mum when she was home for that brief few hours (from like 6pm yday til like 10am today) and mum is testing. she also sat in the other room away from mum (we have two rooms that have been knocked into one so its one huge room so she was in one side and mum was in the other) and she slept downstairs as to not contaminate upstairs. mum has wiped down the sides and the bathroom etc and there is a blanket that goes over the sofa so she has washed that and the pillow covers. i feel like that is sort of all she can do, and she really isnt feeling great and dad is still away for work so she wants my company and i feel like at this point mums emotional wellbeing is more important as my sister who had it is now gone and they took all the precautions possible, and there is not actually any regulations or guidelines in place anymore. i feel pretty guilty but also i went to a gig and also to the pub in the same 24 hours so there is just as much chance of me picking it up from there.
we are getting malaysian food (never tried it before, sounds really interesting) and so this is finally my “i have no choice” take out so i can enjoy some indulgent food without feeling guilty. ive done omad today so all is good.
sorry that is so bloody long, so many thoughts n feelings are flying round my head lmao. i have an apt with my careco tomorrow which is much needed to get some shit of my chest :’)
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Is there any… genuinely pro ana sites
#3
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Posted 13 June 2022 - 01:42 PM
the ed'd side of twitter is exactly like that lol dunno if you wanna go there though because theres a lot of nonsensical drama! but its funny sometimes, and i go there when i want genuinely proana stuff :3
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Posted 13 June 2022 - 01:55 PM
"I could eat my body weight in sushi"
- Mikey Way.
- What brought you into the hospital?
- I turned myself in on a 5150 because I felt like killing myself
- Okay, so you came here voluntarily?
- Yeah. So I could stop killing myself
- And what was going on that you felt like killing yourself?
- It was three o'clock in the morning, I couldn't sleep, all the same thoughts kept racing through my mind over and over again. I just wanted them to stop. Period...
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Posted 13 June 2022 - 02:28 PM
some parts of edtwt are pro but the drama is unbearable and it skews younger than MPA. its also against twitter TOS so people are suspended fairly often. some pretty good threads though
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Posted 13 June 2022 - 02:42 PM
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Posted 13 June 2022 - 04:21 PM
mikeysfreezingmoon, on 13 Jun 2022 - 1:55 PM, said:
Lol no the people there have a holier-than-thou attitude regarding people with eating disorders especially bulimia. They may be pro-skinny but definitely not proanaskinnygossip maybe? it’s not an ed website i think but it’s really close
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Posted 13 June 2022 - 04:34 PM
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Posted 13 June 2022 - 06:14 PM
mikeysfreezingmoon, on 13 Jun 2022 - 1:55 PM, said:
skinnygossip maybe? it’s not an ed website i think but it’s really close
omg my problematic vein is pulsing to join this site. anyone have a membership? they arent taking people apparently
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How many people are still on here?
#1
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Posted Today, 05:13 AM
#2
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Posted Today, 05:15 AM
I don't know why I'm on this planet 
CW: 18.4 (barely underweight smh)
GW: 15
https://www.myproana...accountability/
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