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Advanced Guru
Posted Today, 06:27 AM
will update properly tomorrow maybe, but yesterday i got way too high and spiraled into a panic attack and honestly? i feel like im still recovering lmao. i barely picked up my friend from the airport (after the anxiety/panic), they apparently didn't hear me saying that im high as a kite and thats why im acting weird. so then we spent an entire evening of me not being able to curate myself properly which leads to my natural emotionless//monotone way of being taking over. so i made them feel super uncomfortable, i think. then i repeated that im high which prompted a, "OOOOHHH SO THATS WHATS HAPPENING!" from them.
super embarrassed that i wasted one of three evenings with a friend i haven't seen or rly talked to in over a year like that.
had my psych appt today and had a mild breakdown in front of her. i do feel a bit miserable, for no real reason.
what she said re evaluation was that 1) she agrees that i 'probably' don't have bipolar (i am diagnosed with bipolar, but i told them i think i was misdiagnosed hence ^. the evaluation was really more of a re-evaluation in general), 2) she evaluated me for adhd too and said i fit some criteria but not enough and that what i think of problems associated w adhd are better explained by 3) i got diagnosed with schizoid and borderline personality disorder.
so that's interesting ig. she is referring me for longterm therapy + she said she's also, in her referral, recommending group therapy once im comfortable in norwegian (all the groups are in norwegian). i was kinda still crying from the stress/breakdown thing and reacted quite strongly to this, "how exactly do u find group therapy recommendable for me?!" and she explained that personality formed around broken relations is healed by working on better/healthy relations. which makes sense ig?
idk what i make of the diagnoses. they do make sense. schizoid specifically -- from what i read on wikipedia and what she explained lmao. ig borderline kinda makes sense? what she said yes, but i guess i have some preconceptions specifically by way of knowing a borderline person and his behavior compared to mine is quite different. but that's my problem rly, of course each person experiences stuff differently and there's different things at play. was a lil surprised tho ngl. but yea, no, what she said abt it and me did make a lot of sense.
now im feeling shitty -- this rly may be just some leftover weed thing? ive literally never experienced a come down from weed wtf lmao is this even a thing.
but im feeling very stressed -- im currently researching for a meeting at 5. i meet my friend at 4:30, they r coming to my meeting w me, then we'll go meet another friend and spend the evening together so that should be nice. part of the reason for my mini-breakdown is just the fact that i cannot prioritize and i keep extending myself too much -- i don't say no to people and people keep needing me but then i also need to do daily life chores etc and on top of that deal with my own bullshit in my own time and it just sometimes gets overwhelming. i feel super shitty for sending off my friend (i mean they wanted to go to that museum anyway but still) to do the preparatory event stuff when they r here for only 3 days. but whatever, dealing.
#31 
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- 1667 posts
Advanced Sage
Posted Today, 08:45 AM
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