JANUARY UPDATE!!!
Hihi.Long story short I’ve been so mentally exhausted over my weight and food that I just took a break from being accountable. My family was so terrible to me about my weight, that ever since the 26th I’ve been majorly binging. Weirdly enough, I made it through the holidays while reaching a new LW (108) which I honestly think I look decent at? But after the 26th I was hit by some very viscous words from people that I love saying how disgusting I looked and how they didn’t even want to be around me which lead into some self harm, “bye bye world” consideration, a crazy panic attack while sobbing and shoving as much bread and fat into my face so maybe I could be tolerable. Anyways… this seriously wrecked me emotionally and physically and I have just gotten back into restricting again as those 10 days have made me look bloated, swollen, and just wrong. I’m staying with my family for longer than I expected so I’m not sure how successfully I can restrict, but I’m going to try to limit my meals as much as possible.
The positive thing is that the most important member of my family is supportive (not in the ED, but in the realization that the others are seriously effecting me).
Gaining is hard… I can’t stop thinking about how nice I looked at 108 when I could see every rib:(
I’ll probably post those pics later but for now I shall just try to get back to there
Also might start a new accountability in restricted- probably once I reach under 109, and maybe focus on exercise and toning w/ slower loss? (I do b rlly skinny fat n jiggly hehe)
in a perpetual state of sorrow...
5'3.5
Hw: 170.4lbs LW:108lbs(Dec 22,2021) CW: 130.2 lbs
Jul SW: 147.6lbs Aug SW: 139.2lbs Sep SW: 137.lbs Oct SW: 119.8lbs Nov SW: 124.6lbs Dec SW: 116lbs Jan SW: 119.8lbs
Gw1: 140 Gw2:135 Gw3:128 G4:124 G5: 121 UGW: 119 GW6: 115 UGW2: 111
it's one thing to be concerned, but what ur family said was really hurtful..
- 3 weeks later...
JANUARY UPDATE!
hi… I’ve moved back to school and am planning on getting back to where I was.
Some noteable things that happened in January…
-binged
-cried
-binged 5 mins later
-gave up and spent every day of January eating 22h a day and just eating whatever I wanted…even when I was stuffed
-gained 22lbs
-realized the mental and physical impact that junk food has on you— I became addicted and uncontrollable, prioritizing eating over social events or wanting to see my friends just so I could get food.
-realized how tiny I was at 108 and damn the body dysmorphia is real
-also realized how fast my body gained weight physically? My thigh gap used to not touch anywhere and now I don’t even have one… my waist is up 7ish” and while I’m not shocked, usually rapid weight gain isn’t as visual on me (other than my stomach)if that makes sense?
-realized I will do anything to get back there and try to maintain so that is where I am at right now.
i was considering creating a new accountability in restricted, but as I need to re-reach my goal I might as well document it here:)
- You, PrettyAbs and ithim_gach_rud
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