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#372 
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 04 July 2022 - 10:08 AM
Your dad probably opened up to you because he trusts you & I'm sure he would miss you terribly.
Your dog & cat would be lost without you.
I really hope you can find the strength to get some help because I am so worried about you.
#374
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Posted 04 July 2022 - 12:54 PM
Anyway. The police had access to my medical records somehow and started asking about anorexia etc. Then they were like what do u eat a day and then said they needed to go on diet etc. I swear on of them was really skinnny and I’m sat there this fat ass fucker and she saying that. Just. No.
Asking how long I been diagnosed anorexic etc. Then saying I’m thin etc. Like they were taking the piss.
Anyway they wanted me to do street triage but apparently I’m on list for crisis team call back - I don’t expect a call back - and they said they can see I have an assessment soon too. Which is what I’m dreading. I can’t go to my assessment this fat. I just can’t. Do I take lax now? I’m so so big it’s awful. I was so ashamed having to talk about Ed stuff when I’m sat there all fat.
Like no. I’m massive. Fuck off. It’s all just a lot. It’s just a bit too much.
#375
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 04 July 2022 - 02:35 PM
Is there anything we can do that will help you feel better about yourself?
I'm so sorry you're in such a dark place right now, and I really want to see you happier.
#377
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Posted 04 July 2022 - 10:16 PM
onemoretime, on 04 Jul 2022 - 2:35 PM, said:
Is there anything we can do that will help you feel better about yourself?
I'm so sorry you're in such a dark place right now, and I really want to see you happier.
I’m good really. Just wish people would leave me alone. Not here I mean in real life. Like stop contacting the police on me u know?? Fking annoying me and making my mental health worse cos I’m paranoid about people coming here all the time. Especially since I have no window still. It’s just making me a bit more upset.
Aside from that tho I am losing weight. So I’m happy. But you’re all lovely on here messaging me and I do really appreciate it. So Thankyou. So much xx
#378
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Posted 04 July 2022 - 10:17 PM
uponanaswings, on 04 Jul 2022 - 3:05 PM, said:
I'm sorry that you are struggling so much
I’m ok like really it’s just like I said above my mental health is being made worse by people around me doing things. If I could be left alone here to just lose and get o N with things I think I’d be much better u know?
#379
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Posted 04 July 2022 - 10:21 PM
Didn’t sleep much as I was worried the police might come back. And also now I’m worried about going outside as people Obv saw them here again. It’s a lot and I just want to be left alone.
The crisis team didn’t call me - shocker - but I’m glad they didn’t. I don’t need that. Before all this started I wasn’t doing too bad!! I was a bit down cos I’m fat but I wasn’t all paranoid about people after me etc.
Honestly tho my window being out is making me feel a lot worse. Like a lot. And I’ve called to find out when it will be done and it’s a couple weeks. Not great.
With regards to the assessment I have coming up - I don’t really want to go because I need to lose. But maybe they will help body image wise or something. I will get to my goal weight tho. I’m working too hard to give up. I want to be thin. I can’t stay this size. No chance.
Also my cold is back which isn’t fab ha. Been couging and sneezing loads - coughing like throat cough not chest. So not covid.
At least my period cramps have gone anyway!!
Just praying for a nice quiet calm day today. I need to rest my mind.
#380
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Posted Yesterday, 03:14 AM
https://www.myproana...hin/?p=78128213
487 calories in today. It’s 11.30am and I haven’t been walking yet. Need to get my ass moving!!
20Not posting anymore. Ignore.
#382
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Posted Yesterday, 10:32 AM
you are extremely thin. you're not being ignored because you're annoying, if you're not getting many responses it's just a down hour or because this site has a lot of content to get through. nobody has a grudge against you, most people don't even look at who the poster is before responding.
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#383
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Posted Yesterday, 10:37 AM
aloof!, on 05 Jul 2022 - 10:32 AM, said:
you are extremely thin. you're not being ignored because you're annoying, if you're not getting many responses it's just a down hour or because this site has a lot of content to get through. nobody has a grudge against you, most people don't even look at who the poster is before responding.
I’m not thin. (If U look I can see I’m fat as fk still ) But Thankyou. That’s prob why yes.
#384
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Posted Yesterday, 11:34 AM
Skinnyminnie1984isback, on 05 Jul 2022 - 10:37 AM, said:
I’m not thin. (If U look I can see I’m fat as fk still ) But Thankyou. That’s prob why yes.
i did look at the pictures you posted. i know what i see. i dont see your dysmorphia. i see a very thin and frail person.
#385
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Posted Yesterday, 03:54 PM
aloof!, on 05 Jul 2022 - 11:34 AM, said:
i did look at the pictures you posted. i know what i see. i dont see your dysmorphia. i see a very thin and frail person.
Thankyou. I appreciate this. But it’s ok I know I’m tubby. I wish I was thin!! That would be amazing xx
#386
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Posted Yesterday, 03:57 PM
What the actual frick. That’s what I said to them haha. They said oh can we look around to make sure ur ok. I’m like yea. My dog might jump on u (she actually weed on them ha).
But like. Fuck man. If someone wants to call them etc. Then why not talk to me??! I don’t know who or why this is happening.
They said they just had ‘call of concern’
I said ok. But I won’t talk to crisis team as they don’t bother calling you back etc. And I am actually ok. They’re like ok is it true u have a diagnosis of anorexia I said yea but look at me. Clearly not now.
Like fuck off. I am fine. I am FAT. I am clearly ok. I haven’t sh. I haven’t od. I’m just a fat bitch who needs to lose weight and wants left alone.
Luckily they were happy and said they leave me alone to go back to bed.
I’m getting so tired of this. I really am.
All I want is to be thin and happy. That’s it. Being fat is so draining.
#391
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Posted Today, 05:26 AM
But my head feels like it’s spinning like thoughts wise it’s flying around and around.
I’m not sure if it’s the fact I keep having police turn up, an ambulance (who arrived last night. They didn’t know why. I didn’t know why. They left after aboyt 2 mins) I haven’t spoken to crisis team etc so dunno. Could have been the police tho but they had a look around my house and seemed happy.
Or the fact my window is still boarded up and I’m worried about that.
Or because I am getting really really fat. Really fat.
Or a combination. But I feel like I’m losing my shit.
Argh. Just wish I wasn’t such a fking pig.
#392
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Posted Today, 05:26 AM
But my head feels like it’s spinning like thoughts wise it’s flying around and around.
I’m not sure if it’s the fact I keep having police turn up, an ambulance (who arrived last night. They didn’t know why. I didn’t know why. They left after aboyt 2 mins) I haven’t spoken to crisis team etc so dunno. Could have been the police tho but they had a look around my house and seemed happy.
Or the fact my window is still boarded up and I’m worried about that.
Or because I am getting really really fat. Really fat.
Or a combination. But I feel like I’m losing my shit.
Argh. Just wish I wasn’t such a fking pig.
Also sucks I can’t post in the forum anymore too. Ah well. My own fault isn’t it.
#393
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- LocationUnder a rock deep in the forrest
Posted Today, 05:39 AM
Please don't listen to people question why you are venting in a ana forum! Of course you should do that! It is your thread!
I find it interesting so may I ask what country you live in since the police is showing up all the time? Would not happened here where I live. You do not have to answer!
Please take for now!
Spoiler; Latest update 21 January 2022.
Height: 170 cm
Lowest weight: 33.0 kg - 78 lbs
All time highest weight 78,1 kg - 172.1 lbs (28/6-2021 - after 12 weeks of fasting I ended up around 42kg (92lbs) To little but had a hard time stopping the fasting routine.)
Current weight: 61,1kg
1. Goal weight: 58,0 kg - 127 lbs
2. Goal weight: 54,0 kg - 119 lbs
3. Goal weight 50.0 kg - 110 lbs
Ultimate goal weight: 47.0 kg - 103 lbs
Fasting Blog
#394
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Posted Today, 05:42 AM
amihuman, on 06 Jul 2022 - 05:39 AM, said:
Please don't listen to people question why you are venting in a ana forum! Of course you should do that! It is your thread!
I find it interesting so may I ask what country you live in since the police is showing up all the time? Would not happened here where I live. You do not have to answer!
Please take for now!
Hi no it’s ok. They were right. Plus I’m not exactly anorexic or whatever am I so I prob should be posting anyway.
I’m U.K. and if I didn’t answer they’d kick my door in. Or window. Hence it being boarded up as I wasn’t in the other day when the came so they smashed my window in to get in.
I hope they don’t come back
#395
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Advanced Warrior
- LocationUnder a rock deep in the forrest
Posted Today, 05:50 AM
Hi,
No it is not ok since you do have a diagnosed anorexia. I do to and no matter weight it is about our behaviors. You hardly eat and walk hours and hours a day and that is being in a anorexia-mode. <3 <3 <3
You don't think it is your workplace calling the police in concern for you? I bet they have seen a remarkable change in you and on you and what I understand your co-worker have even asked about your weightloss... Just a thought.
Spoiler; Latest update 21 January 2022.
Height: 170 cm
Lowest weight: 33.0 kg - 78 lbs
All time highest weight 78,1 kg - 172.1 lbs (28/6-2021 - after 12 weeks of fasting I ended up around 42kg (92lbs) To little but had a hard time stopping the fasting routine.)
Current weight: 61,1kg
1. Goal weight: 58,0 kg - 127 lbs
2. Goal weight: 54,0 kg - 119 lbs
3. Goal weight 50.0 kg - 110 lbs
Ultimate goal weight: 47.0 kg - 103 lbs
Fasting Blog
#396
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Posted Today, 06:05 AM
amihuman, on 06 Jul 2022 - 05:50 AM, said:
Hi,
No it is not ok since you do have a diagnosed anorexia. I do to and no matter weight it is about our behaviors. You hardly eat and walk hours and hours a day and that is being in a anorexia-mode. <3 <3 <3
You don't think it is your workplace calling the police in concern for you? I bet they have seen a remarkable change in you and on you and what I understand your co-worker have even asked about your weightloss... Just a thought.
I never thought about that. I hope it isn’t them. I’m just really hoping that it’s done now and I will be left
#397
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Posted Today, 06:23 AM
Eating under 300. Getting a good amount of steps in. Lax on Tuesday next week.
That’s it. Might have a few sleeping pills to just shut up my brain and get some rest. I might also get some alcohol then purge it so I can get zoned out but not the cals. Tho I don’t like to purge alcohol as sometimes it comes out my nose and stings. But no way do I want them cals
Got a lot to lose by the end of this month. Then I will post another selfie in the forum under the one I did already so I can see if there’s a difference. Probably not tho. There’s so much to lose that it won’t really make a visible difference
#398
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Posted Today, 07:07 AM
I thought people here got me. But no. Just had a rude comment on my ignore post as well. After I said I’d stop.
Feel like shit. So thanks to that person.
But I am aware this is on me. All of this is me.
I just don’t think I can be in this site anymore.
#399
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Warrior
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Posted Today, 07:21 AM
Skinnyminnie1984isback, on 06 Jul 2022 - 07:07 AM, said:
I’m done with this site. Why is it ok for other people to post stuff re how they feel / even if suicidal / struggling etc but I’m getting shit for it. I get I’m a lot. But I already said I’d stop posting and I did.
I thought people here got me. But no. Just had a rude comment on my ignore post as well. After I said I’d stop.
Feel like shit. So thanks to that person.
But I am aware this is on me. All of this is me.
I just don’t think I can be in this site anymore.
minnie im sorry you feel like this and i can see you're struggling a lot. it is totally okay for you to post how you feel and everyone has been telling you that. if venting helps you to cope, then keep doing it. no one is saying not to. it's what this website is for! people who struggle with similar things come together. but you're misinterpreting what people are trying to say, especially the person on your ignore post. they were not intending to be rude and it's not very nice to blame it on them. it's hard trying to help someone who is clearly in distress but then denies it when given comfort. we are just worried and can't do anything to give you the proper help you deserve, which is why everyone is encouraging you to seek that help. from reading the replies on your other posts, no one is really attacking you in anyway. people are just concerned. i hope you do end up seeking help because you deserve to feel better. but accepting that you need it is the first step, and if you're not willing to take it then there is not much anyone else can do. the sad truth is that it is on you to do what you need to get better. we can sit here behind our screens to support you, but that is all. no one else can save you. i just hope you find the ability to save yourself. please dont take this the wrong way or as me coming at you. i wish you the best 
#400
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Posted Today, 07:26 AM
may i ask what you're looking for when you vent on the AN forum instead of your accountability? is it because you want to be heard, you want support, or advice?
Not posting anymore. Ignore.
#401
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Posted Today, 07:30 AM
aloof!, on 06 Jul 2022 - 07:26 AM, said:
may i ask what you're looking for when you vent on the AN forum instead of your accountability? is it because you want to be heard, you want support, or advice?
I post like others post? Why does anyone post on there?
#402
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Posted Today, 07:34 AM
Skinnyminnie1984isback, on 06 Jul 2022 - 07:30 AM, said:
I post like others post? Why does anyone post on there?
but why? just because everyone else does so you tihnk you should too? what are you looking for when you put your feelings out there? when i do it's because i want reassurance and support.
#403
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Posted Today, 07:36 AM
aloof!, on 06 Jul 2022 - 07:34 AM, said:
but why? just because everyone else does so you tihnk you should too? what are you looking for when you put your feelings out there? when i do it's because i want reassurance and support.
I really don’t know what u want me to say tbh. I post because it’s a forum that people post on. It’s what people do. Should I not have? Probably. But I did.
I do regret it now.
#404
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Posted Today, 07:38 AM
luvsick, on 06 Jul 2022 - 07:21 AM, said:
minnie im sorry you feel like this and i can see you're struggling a lot. it is totally okay for you to post how you feel and everyone has been telling you that. if venting helps you to cope, then keep doing it. no one is saying not to. it's what this website is for! people who struggle with similar things come together. but you're misinterpreting what people are trying to say, especially the person on your ignore post. they were not intending to be rude and it's not very nice to blame it on them. it's hard trying to help someone who is clearly in distress but then denies it when given comfort. we are just worried and can't do anything to give you the proper help you deserve, which is why everyone is encouraging you to seek that help. from reading the replies on your other posts, no one is really attacking you in anyway. people are just concerned. i hope you do end up seeking help because you deserve to feel better. but accepting that you need it is the first step, and if you're not willing to take it then there is not much anyone else can do. the sad truth is that it is on you to do what you need to get better. we can sit here behind our screens to support you, but that is all. no one else can save you. i just hope you find the ability to save yourself. please dont take this the wrong way or as me coming at you. i wish you the best
I get what ur saying. I do.
I wasn’t blaming the whole situation on them. I was saying I felt like shit from what they said like saying they want to slap me and also I’m like a sad little kid. Makes me feel crap tbh.
But as I said there and here etc I won’t post anymore.
I’ve requested thread be locked too.
I don’t know what else to do other than not post.
I appreciate your reply.
#406
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Warrior
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Posted Today, 07:57 AM
Skinnyminnie1984isback, on 06 Jul 2022 - 07:38 AM, said:
I get what ur saying. I do.
I wasn’t blaming the whole situation on them. I was saying I felt like shit from what they said like saying they want to slap me and also I’m like a sad little kid. Makes me feel crap tbh.
But as I said there and here etc I won’t post anymore.
I’ve requested thread be locked too.
I don’t know what else to do other than not post.
I appreciate your reply.
they said its like they want to slap you then hug you. its a commonly used phrase, basically saying they're frustrated you dont want to get help but only because they care and dont want to see you suffer. i can understand why it would make you upset though.
i dont know how much more it can be emphasised - the problem is not you posting. you can keep posting as much as you want. just dont be shocked when people give up with words of advice and sympathy when you reject it. you should be aware yourself from writing the posts that there is clearly an issue and you need help. you either accept that or keep living in distress.
#1
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Posted Yesterday, 12:50 AM
#2
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#3
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Posted Yesterday, 01:00 AM
Cappucinoprincess, on 05 Jul 2022 - 12:58 AM, said:
Your ribs point out.
Your thin!!
Thanks 😊 Don’t agree tho I’m so flabby. They look better if I suck in but I wanted accurate photos.
#6
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Posted Yesterday, 02:19 PM
GraveMortal, on 05 Jul 2022 - 12:50 PM, said:
You’re not huge you look so skinny 🥺
Ah Thankyou for being nice.
But I know I’m fat. It’s ok.
I appreciate you so much tho xx
#8
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Posted Yesterday, 05:13 PM
Skinnyminnie1984isback said
Ah Thankyou for being nice.
But I know I’m fat. It’s ok.
I appreciate you so much tho xx
I genuinely don’t think you are but I can’t shame you for feeling that way because I feel the same about myself constantly 🥲
Ignore.
#2
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Posted Yesterday, 11:55 AM
I've seen your selfies you're not fat at all, but I understand that's how you feel and I wish it wasn't hurting you so much. I'm sorry your dysmorphia is so bad, but please consider, even if you were as fat as you feel like you are there's nothing wrong with that.
You don't need to be scared of it, and it's not something that needs to take over your life even if it feels like it right now.
You keep saying your fine but clearly everyone irl both personally and medically disagrees and on here we can tell you're not well either, you need to reach out and get help.
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Niko | They/Them | ASD | ADHD | 25 | 5'6"/168cm | USA
SW: 50.2 bmi
CW: 26.8 bmi
Gw1: 22 bmi
GW2: 20 bmi
GW3: 18 bmi
GW4: 16.5 bmi
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"The girls with anorexia were so sweet they would come into the hospital with cookies they baked and give them to the nurses and staff, and they would constantly talk about food, but they never ate anything." Mom <3
#3
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Posted Yesterday, 12:36 PM
Dude you need real help. I've seen a lot of your posts here recently and they are all very concerning. I'm not sure what kind of help you need to seek first, but I would get in touch with someone even if it's not a professional. The pill popping post, the suicide ones, why are you venting here? Your posts make me really sad and worried.
I'm not saying this to be a dick, but as a fellow concerned member here, your posts are very manic/depressive which may be something you can address to ease everything else going on in your brain. I hope you find what you need in this life because clearly you are missing something, you need to find that something that will give you hope.
H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#4
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Posted Yesterday, 12:49 PM
find a good therapist plzzz even if you gotta pay a lot !!!! don't let yourself spiral into negative thinking, don't tell yourself that you don't deserve help just because you're "too fat" to you.
stop comparing yourself to others and hurting yourself....go to a therapist and talk about how you feel right now. don't lie, express yourself, communicate your emotions and work on it so you can feel better.
#5
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Posted Yesterday, 03:58 PM
TheHollowBones, on 05 Jul 2022 - 12:36 PM, said:
Sorry. I shouldn’t vent here.Dude you need real help. I've seen a lot of your posts here recently and they are all very concerning. I'm not sure what kind of help you need to seek first, but I would get in touch with someone even if it's not a professional. The pill popping post, the suicide ones, why are you venting here? Your posts make me really sad and worried.
I'm not saying this to be a dick, but as a fellow concerned member here, your posts are very manic/depressive which may be something you can address to ease everything else going on in your brain. I hope you find what you need in this life because clearly you are missing something, you need to find that something that will give you hope.
I just thought I could but it’s ok. I won’t again.
#6
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Posted Yesterday, 04:01 PM
Skinnyminnie1984isback, on 05 Jul 2022 - 3:58 PM, said:
Sorry. I shouldn’t vent here.
Honey. We all keep telling you the same things. You can vent here, you don't have to apologize.
But we're all going to keep telling you the same things. You just need to please please stop ignoring us and trust us.
Your dysmorphia is so strong, but YOU ARE STRONGER. You can and deserve to feel better than this. Please go talk to someone.
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#7
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Posted Yesterday, 04:02 PM
MindOverFatter, on 05 Jul 2022 - 4:01 PM, said:
Honey. We all keep telling you the same things. You can vent here, you don't have to apologize.
But we're all going to keep telling you the same things. You just need to please please stop ignoring us and trust us.
Your dysmorphia is so strong, but YOU ARE STRONGER. You can and deserve to feel better than this. Please go talk to someone.
It’s ok. Everything is fine. I am all good. Thankyou.
#8
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Posted Yesterday, 04:04 PM
Skinnyminnie1984isback, on 05 Jul 2022 - 4:02 PM, said:
It’s ok. Everything is fine. I am all good. Thankyou.
Just for a minute, imagine that you have a little cousin, or niece, or young neighbor, whom you love. Imagine that she tells you that she feels about herself the way that you describe yourself.
What would you say to her?
#9
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Posted Yesterday, 04:06 PM
MindOverFatter, on 05 Jul 2022 - 4:04 PM, said:
Just for a minute, imagine that you have a little cousin, or niece, or young neighbor, whom you love. Imagine that she tells you that she feels about herself the way that you describe yourself.
What would you say to her?
I appreciate you’re replies. Really. I do
But everything is ok. I should never have posted.
I’m all fine.
#10
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Posted Today, 06:30 AM
Skinnyminnie1984isback, on 05 Jul 2022 - 4:06 PM, said:
I appreciate you’re replies. Really. I do
But everything is ok. I should never have posted.
I’m all fine.
If you don't want to be helped I get that too. Sometimes you just aren't in the right mindset to receive help. But it's frustrating for all of us to see you put everything out here and then deny anything is wrong.
We all know that obviously there is something seriously wrong and we're here to let you vent, you don't need to apologize and I wasn't getting onto you for venting (literally that's what this website is for). But the topics you are venting about and the way you just brush them off after like a sad little kid, THAT is the problem. That's what's infuriating here.
You can't help anyone who doesn't want to help themselves and you have been very contradictory lately. You want to be okay, you want to die, you want to vent, then you're sorry for venting and everything is suddenly fine. Like I want to slap you across the face really hard and then hug you. I don't know what it is you need and I feel like all of us here want to help you find it, but you can't just pour everything out on this website and expect us to know what to tell you from behind a screen when you do a complete 180 and then boom, you're fine. Everything is fine.
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H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#11
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Posted Today, 06:32 AM
TheHollowBones, on 06 Jul 2022 - 06:30 AM, said:
If you don't want to be helped I get that too. Sometimes you just aren't in the right mindset to receive help. But it's frustrating for all of us to see you put everything out here and then deny anything is wrong.
We all know that obviously there is something seriously wrong and we're here to let you vent, you don't need to apologize and I wasn't getting onto you for venting (literally that's what this website is for). But the topics you are venting about and the way you just brush them off after like a sad little kid, THAT is the problem. That's what's infuriating here.
You can't help anyone who doesn't want to help themselves and you have been very contradictory lately. You want to be okay, you want to die, you want to vent, then you're sorry for venting and everything is suddenly fine. Like I want to slap you across the face really hard and then hug you. I don't know what it is you need and I feel like all of us here want to help you find it, but you can't just pour everything out on this website and expect us to know what to tell you from behind a screen when you do a complete 180 and then boom, you're fine. Everything is fine.
Why ru bringing this back up? I said I’d stop posting.
#12
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Posted Today, 06:53 AM
Skinnyminnie1984isback, on 06 Jul 2022 - 06:32 AM, said:
Why ru bringing this back up? I said I’d stop posting.
Fucking impossible. Take care of yourself please, seriously.
H: 5''5"
HW: 208 (after birth - May 20, 2021)
**This journey began January 1, 2022**
LW: 101 (April of 2014)
GW 1: 180 - On 5/7/22
GW 2: 150
UGW: 110
Accountability/journal I guess because my husband read the one on paper
#14
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Posted Today, 07:02 AM
#15
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Posted Today, 07:09 AM
flaneur, on 06 Jul 2022 - 07:02 AM, said:
love i mean this in the best way possible, while you deserve to post here and have mpa as your safe space just as much as anyone else, i don’t think that we can offer you any support to get you out of the dark place you’re in. you need professional help or you’ll die
I know you mean well here.
However I don’t expect anyone here to get me out of where I am.
I said I wouldn’t post. Tho others do post similar etc but that’s ok. I am o B my accountability but that’s it.
I’m requesting this thread be locked cos tbh it’s making me feel like shit. I already know I’m annoying as fk and that’s fine. I know that.
I’d rather just be left alone. Thankyou.
#16
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Posted Today, 08:00 AM
I hope you're alright. I don't think anyone is meaning to upset or offend but it is just that no one knows what to say to help. It's alright to vent but there does not seem to be a right thing to say without upsetting you unintentionally.
Again, I hope you're alright. And I hope you consider reaching out to talk to someone in person. sending love.
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Posted Yesterday, 11:16 AM
july 4th
TOTAL
1142
INTAKE
pb cereal + almond milk: 256
cheesy pasta + broc + saus'ge: 335
maple donut protein bar: 230
buttered toast: 121
munchies chips: 200
THOUGHTS
didn't really celebrate the 4th of july. i usually love seeing fireworks
but i'm not too sure if my parents lit any, and i don't think they went out to go see them.
unless they did and didn't invite me. either way, i spent a good chunk of my day studying for a midterm.
i had 3 hours to take it and nearly used up all the time, and boy was it tough. i despise tax with a friggin passion.
i avoided taking this professor all of undergrad, but he was the only one available this semester.
i heard he's an easy grader but takes ages to actually grade anything. pray for me ya'll
excuse my sausage fingers and poor lighting, but i've been digging my nails! they're holding up surprisingly well.
sadly, the corners of some of the stars have peeled off. i should start painting them weekly or something:
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#102
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Posted Yesterday, 03:19 PM
Ohmygosh I love that color! And the little stars!!! Your nails look so cute
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Posted Today, 12:52 AM
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#242
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Posted Yesterday, 01:05 PM
days binge free: 3
water intake: 1 L
food intake
pain au chocolate
total: 183/500 calories
lols i am so sick. i left the nursery at 1pm bc i felt like shit and i’ve been in bed drifting in and out of sleep since then. idk where it came from, i had muscle aches yday but i didn’t think that it’d lead to a fever. it’s completely gotten rid of my appetite tho so i’m not complaining too much. i was thinking ab having a high cal day or a maintenance day bc i wanna get better by tom but ed mind was like no lol. i feel bad enough for the pain au chocolate bc i know that i could’ve turned today into a fast day without much trouble
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Posted Yesterday, 10:52 PM
#244
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Posted Today, 12:56 AM
SαdSυn, on 05 Jul 2022 - 10:52 PM, said:
Please take care of yourself Flaneur, if you have a seizure I will walk on water like Jesus, straight to England, to slap you for being stupid. (I could never slap you tho, I'm sorry) Have a maintenance day, or two or three or a week. Be safe and smart, and if you're too sick to be at the nursery than eat more than chocolate!!! You will lose!!! You don't need to fast and stay so low!!!
LOOOOL stop 😭😭. maybe someday i will (‘: in my defence i am v convinced that anything over 800 will make me gain bc obv my body defeats the law of thermodynamics so for now this is the best i have 🥲
#245
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Posted Today, 10:00 AM
weight: 95.2 lbs
days binge free: 4
water intake: tba
food intake
pain au chocolate
crisps
french fries
choc chip cookie
total: 594/500 calories
disappointed w my weight even tho 1lb in three days is p much what i expected. i forget that it’s unrealistic to expect to lose 8 lbs in a few days. i am just v sick of the 90s
disappointed with my food intake too. i tried to have a higher intake to recover from this fever but it didn’t go well. i saw a number over 500 and freaked out even tho my goal for today was 800 rip. it took me a lot to even consider it so i guess the fact that i tried is something
it’s still p early rn. might reorganise my bookshelf or clean out my makeup drawer. i’m seriously slacking on both
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Posted Yesterday, 06:57 AM
earthmoon, on 04 Jul 2022 - 09:11 AM, said:
BMI 23s!!!!!! omg that's wild!!!! you have been so consistent and it's REALLY paid off!!! not to be an OCD weirdo on your thread but these numbers and stats are vvvv satisfying to read, your progress is really so good!! are you gonna do anything to celebrate?
also BIG waheyyyyy that they could postpone the interview (i wonder if they're hiring a couple of candidates? either that or they're well keen to hire you)!! and little BOOO on the rubbish depop seller. i hope she gives you a refund so you don't have to deal with posting them >:3
honesty it feels like i didnt even go through the 24s it just jumped to 23 its so weird how fast that was
i do truly love a number n percentage hahahhaha. thank you!!! i dont even know i feel like i should but also dont know what?? ive bought hella clothes recently so feel like i probably shouldnt buy anything else as a reward hopefully heading to brighton the week after next to see the friend who hasnt seen me since like a week into this relapse so i guess his response (if he has one hes not very attentive lol and its something he probs wouldnt comment on) could be the reward hahahahim so happy because ive almost gotten through my savings from having to live off them so it’ll be great to have some income! especially as my PIP benefits have had no progress, ive heard nothing for 7 weeks
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#382
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Posted Yesterday, 07:00 AM
anitsirk2.o, on 04 Jul 2022 - 2:29 PM, said:
wow you have made tremendous progress!! over 70 pounds!!!
what is your ugw?
i wouldn't stop cold turkey without asking my doctor. but eventually i would like to be off all meds.
when i was 18 i was put on meds for the first time. then i went to college in a different state and stopped taking them. but it wasn't a lot and it wasn't a big deal. i was fine for years. then after i graduated college i got really mentally sick and back on meds. i was hospitalized a LOT over a 12 year period (ranging from overnight to 4.5 years). so in the hospital they put me on a lot of meds. they have had tons of side effects. but i'm only on 3 now and it's not so bad.
thank you! it feels super weird to say out loud its crazy! my ugw is 110lbs as of current.
its so messed up that in order to function and even stay alive we have to take so many meds with so many side effects, im glad it isnt too bad for you. but it would be so nice to be med free one day i feel you!
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Posted Yesterday, 07:34 AM
tilldeath, on 05 Jul 2022 - 06:57 AM, said:
honesty it feels like i didnt even go through the 24s it just jumped to 23 its so weird how fast that was
im so happy because ive almost gotten through my savings from having to live off them so it’ll be great to have some income! especially as my PIP benefits have had no progress, ive heard nothing for 7 weeks
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genuinely from the outside it's like you've leapt to 23, i am SO jealous and SO happy for you!! hopefully brighton's a good reward and your pal feels bold to say something. there's no way he wouldn't notice but i have some v polite friends who wouldn't comment even if i shaved my head
keep us posted on the job, that sounds like the timing is perfect since the govt are being shit with your PIP (why am i not surprised and also i hope that also comes through soon; 7 weeks is absolutely ridiculous)
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Posted Yesterday, 11:14 AM
earthmoon, on 05 Jul 2022 - 07:34 AM, said:
genuinely from the outside it's like you've leapt to 23, i am SO jealous and SO happy for you!! hopefully brighton's a good reward and your pal feels bold to say something. there's no way he wouldn't notice but i have some v polite friends who wouldn't comment even if i shaved my head
keep us posted on the job, that sounds like the timing is perfect since the govt are being shit with your PIP (why am i not surprised and also i hope that also comes through soon; 7 weeks is absolutely ridiculous)
thank you sm
i hope so toothe annoying part is i wont even get the pip after this wait, i have to wait however long just to arrange a time to do a phone assessment for them to decide if they believe i need it or not which is wild to me like you send off this HUGE form like gcse looking answer booklets and then they arrange an assessment and then its another wait to see how much you will get and when! its crazy im gonna ring up next week i think because its been such a ridiculous wait for a bloody phone call and my careco said another one of his patients sent theirs off after i did and have already got an assessment so idk whats gone on!
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#385
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Posted Yesterday, 11:27 AM
weigh in: 142.6lbs
intake: 722
day 6 of covid, feel almost entirely fine just tired and making lunch etc takes it out of me but thats the extent. im really hoping to test negative tomorrow as its day 7 and most people have been testing negative by then! i tested yday and it was positive but havent tested today as im tryna be sparing with my tests
lunch was pizza toasts, grapes and pom bears (360) and dinner was a low cal prawn linguine which was a really big portion and only 309 cals but had a really weird sweet taste to it idk it was odd! super filling but wouldnt get it again it was a weird flavour. had it with some broccoli which is past its use by date by a week but looked fine and has been in its packaging until now but i couldnt tell if it tastes okay because of the weird flavour from the linguine
ive literally done nothing all day but draw teeth onto cardboard to make a stencil for a patch hahahah but for some reason when i sit up and craft it makes me feel really unwell and i have to lie down its so strange. when i test negative i think im gonna go to the town over n go charity shopping. also need to post some stuff for vinted and if i dont post it before the 7th the sale will be cancelled and v annoying lmao
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#386
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Posted Today, 02:18 AM
weigh in: 143lbs - up today unsure why but then again i’ve literally not moved for 7 days LMAO
intake:
day 7 of covid, still testing positive blugh. i am going to pride in the city near me on saturday then the tattoo convention they hold each year on sunday so im worried i will still be positive then! saturday will be day 10 so i am so hoping im negative by then AH. my mum keeps telling me its fine to go out etc bc my viral load apparently isnt contagious and after day 5 people are going back to work etc but like my mates know im positive, they are not going to want to be out and about with me whilst i have bloody covid but she cant seem to understand that. i keep saying like cool i might not be infectious (but then also how the hell does anyone know that??? i genuinely dont trust or believe anything the government says about covid and thats also not common knowledge i dont think) but my mates arent gonna want to be hanging around with someone who literally has covid??? like if this was one of my friends id be like do what you wish but respectfully i will be keeping my distance until you are negative lol. also my friend who works with very vulnerable people isnt going back to work until shes negative so how can it be that after day 5 you arent contagious if shes not going back and she works in a facility that worked through covid so i feel like theyd be clued up. also it literally says on the govt website that some people stop being contagious after day 5 and others can be contagious for 10 days so its like which one is it?? how the hell can you tell if you are the 5 day or 10 day person theres no test for it
its just so annoying that she is like just go its fine and im like I DONT CARE IF ITS FINE NO ONE IS GOING TO WANT TO BE AROUND ME KNOWING I HAVE COVID 🫠 its driving me insaneSent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
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