mpa and others

gold gun kitten

whore extraordinaire

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2760 posts

LocationNYC

Posted 21 June 2022 - 02:38 PM

flaneur, on 20 Jun 2022 - 07:03 AM, said:

slim thick ?? literally WHERE, you look so good

velvet condom, on 20 Jun 2022 - 08:51 AM, said:

^ echoing the above sentiment. I'm sorry you're struggling so much, I know exactly how it feels to hit certain numbers and it's all very personal. Sending you energy <3

imprecisebuteffortless, on 21 Jun 2022 - 08:02 AM, said:

^^ adding my vote to the you-look-stunning pool. so many people dream of having a body like yours, let alone that face. (that said, bdd is an incredibly valid struggle, and i hope sometime soon you can see how perfect you already are ♥)

thank you so much for your kind words, everyone. it means more than you think. ♥♥♥

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#22 gold gun kitten

whore extraordinaire

Accountability access
2760 posts

LocationNYC

Posted 26 June 2022 - 06:44 PM

–––––––– 26 JUNE 2022

cw: i asked my partner to hide my scale so i won't be weighing for now

intake:

green smoothie

iced matcha latte

avo egg toast + almond butter honey toast

roasted veggie bowl

total: 953 calories – 101g carb, 38g fat, 58g protein

still not really doing well mentally but i'm attempting to harm reduce through med/high restriction. i've also quit caffeine in an attempt to get my anxiety in control. i apologize in advance if i won't be as engaging/interactive here. i'm dealing with a lot of conflicting feelings regarding recovery and i'm trying to work through it.

Spoiler

full disclosure – i've been meeting with a therapist for the past few months. we're not exactly focusing on my eating disorder rather decades of unresolved trauma that could've led me here. there are some days i feel that recovery is possible and within reach but there are more days when it seems impossible and i'm falling back into relapse. i'm not really quite sure where i stand. my therapist constantly reassures me that recovery isn't linear and relapses here and there are normal.

it's been exhausting. the back and forth is draining me mentally. but i suppose nothing compares to the exhaustion i felt when i would be deep into my relapses with no support or professional help. i have to keep reminding myself that it will all be worth it in the end. i just have to muddle through a lot of shit before i get there.