diet pill
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In Topic: about to od
17 February 2021 - 01:01 AM
just did it
sorry, but i don't think ill be able to reply from here on 
thankyou once again
0
about to od
#1 
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Posted 17 February 2021 - 12:44 AM
ive tried to ignore it
but ive come to realize
ive been nothing since forever
everything was fake. i was day dreaming the whole time. when i snapped back to reality, i didnt realize how bad it was. i'm dying with no memories, ive never made any.
...
however, i will never forget the kind words spoken to me by MPA members
it made me happy every time i got a like or a reply
i remember all profiles ive come across. i only wish i would've made more of an effort to speak to everyone
i'll be going now,
farewell, and thank you
- diet pill
(if no activity or logins are made 2 weeks after this post has been made, ive finally been successful. if so, i would be happy if my account can be banned or deleted. thank you in advance)
#3
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Posted 17 February 2021 - 02:23 AM
Sent from my CPH1979 using Tapatalk
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#6
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Posted 17 February 2021 - 02:18 PM
I don't know how to help but I want to. If you want to talk about something I would love to listen. I hope you are okay.
"I can't open up and cry. Cause I've been silent all my life" - Marina and the Diamonds.
Update 2/14/2021 So I fucked up again because I'm a fuck up
HW 328 CW 319 New Goal 315 (2021)
(2019) HW- 315. CW- 259 NEXT GOAL - 249
kik: imminentnightmare
(no longer this one shattereddove)
My Accountability https://www.myproana...nning-on-empty/
#7
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Posted 18 February 2021 - 10:10 AM
I'm checking in and hoping to see that you come back! Please come back and say you are okay
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"I can't open up and cry. Cause I've been silent all my life" - Marina and the Diamonds.
Update 2/14/2021 So I fucked up again because I'm a fuck up
HW 328 CW 319 New Goal 315 (2021)
(2019) HW- 315. CW- 259 NEXT GOAL - 249
kik: imminentnightmare
(no longer this one shattereddove)
My Accountability https://www.myproana...nning-on-empty/
#8
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tiny fairy
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Posted 18 February 2021 - 10:37 AM
nonono no !! please come back :[[ ur my friend, i really hope u change ur mind. please return to us, we love u vv much!!
#9
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Sage
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Posted 18 February 2021 - 10:45 AM
but please life is so precious !! you only get one life to live. I know things might seem shit at the moment but as cliche as it sounds things do get better! I promise you that. I was in the same situation years ago, alone, had no one and SUPER suicidal I just wanted to end it all. Now im with my boyfriend who I love, I have a daughter and I have my own house. I never in a million years thought I’d be here. Things do change. Please don’t do this. Please reach out to someone! Deep down you mustn’t want this if you’re posting on here it seems like you just want to be heard
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#10
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Posted 18 February 2021 - 12:15 PM
op, please, please do update if you're okay.
i've always seen your posts around and i really do think you're a really sweet person. i've always hoped that things would look up for you, and that it would never come to this, but it has.
we all love you, so i really hope our little wishes will keep you alive. i really, really hope you're okay <3
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#11
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wildly inappropriate whore
- LocationAlmost heaven, West Virginia Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River Life is old there, older than the trees Younger than the mountains, growin' like a breeze Country roads, take me home To the place I belong West Virginia, mountain mama Take me home, country roads All my memories gather 'round her Miner's lady, stranger to blue water Dark and dusty, painted on the sky Misty taste of moonshine, teardrop in my eye
#15
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beauty behind the madness
#17
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#18
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Emo princess
- LocationIn my own little bubble, surrounded by pillows and blankets. Drinking tea and listening to my music, watching Netflix and Disney+.
#19
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tiny fairy
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Posted 21 February 2021 - 11:47 AM
bumping this. please come back, when you can. i hope you didn't....:[[
#22
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Posted 23 February 2021 - 07:46 AM
it's almost been a week and still nothing from op ... i know it might take a while to hear from them if they're okay, but still ... i really hope you're okay.
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#23
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Posted 23 February 2021 - 07:51 AM
There's a chance that the OP may have been hospitalized, so they might not be able to get back to us for a while. I'm hoping the case is something like that. OP, I hope you can get some help, we'll be here for you if you come back.
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#25
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Posted 23 February 2021 - 08:01 AM
Hey op no please don’t T.T Im sorry u r hurting so bad. I really hope you’re safe! You’re loved and I promise it will get better someday
please let us know if you’re ok
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[Updated: July, 2022] CBMI = ~11.8
Fasting | AA | Randoms | <3 | Recipes | Story-time | No Sugar Challenge | Thinspo
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#28
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tiny fairy
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Posted 25 February 2021 - 11:01 AM
i went on op's profile and it says last active yesterday :[[
if that was you, pls let us know ur okay
if it was a parent, take this as warning that you need to take better care of your child. you've done a lot of damage :[[
pls come back, i promise nobody will b mad, ok? we just want u to b okay <///3
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#30
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Posted 25 February 2021 - 12:12 PM
meloroll, on 25 Feb 2021 - 11:01 AM, said:
i went on op's profile and it says last active yesterday :[[
if that was you, pls let us know ur okay
if it was a parent, take this as warning that you need to take better care of your child. you've done a lot of damage :[[
pls come back, i promise nobody will b mad, ok? we just want u to b okay <///3
you're right! i really hope it is op though, because i'm scared it might do more damage than good if it's their parents )) :
to op: really really wishing you're okay, please update us if you can <3
#31
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Posted 01 March 2021 - 05:53 AM
Omg lovely are u back? I’ve been so worried and praying for u (sorry if you don’t feel comfortable about people praying for you I won’t do it anymore) but please be ok. I’m so worried
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[Updated: July, 2022] CBMI = ~11.8
Fasting | AA | Randoms | <3 | Recipes | Story-time | No Sugar Challenge | Thinspo
AN - r
#32
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Posted 01 March 2021 - 05:58 AM
op was online moments ago? i'm assuming if our messages were liked then it was really op? i really hope you're in a better place now <3 please update us when you feel safe to do so!
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#33
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tranorexic trainwreck
Posted 01 March 2021 - 08:28 AM
You'd be missed if you left <3
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#34
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tiny fairy
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Posted 03 March 2021 - 09:14 AM
OP, i saw you active two days ago. assuming it was you....when you're ready, pls come back to us, okay? i hope you're ok, ilysm! <333
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#35
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tiny fairy
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Posted 27 March 2021 - 11:37 AM
hey. i saw u were active on the first of the month! i rlly miss you, i hope you're okay. please come back, you are a very dear friend. 
#37
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Sage
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Posted 30 March 2021 - 11:49 AM
I hope you're doing okay <3
69kg 68kg 67kg 66kg 65kg 64kg 63kg 62kg 61kg 60kg 59kg 58kg 57kg 56kg 55kg
BMI 24 23 22 21 20 19
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-
Bear in mind, people with eating disorders tend to be both competitive and intelligent. We are incredibly perfectionistic. We often excel in school, athletics, artistic pursuits. We also tend to quit without warning. Refuse to go to school, drop out, quit jobs, leave lovers, move, lose all our money. We get sick of being impressive. Rather, we tire of having to seem impressive. As a rule, most of us never really believed we were any good in the first place.
-
I love everyone's quotes and images in their signature!
#39
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Posted 14 June 2021 - 02:07 PM
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into the void
#1
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Posted 09 August 2020 - 10:56 PM
it feels like ill never get any better. what i worried about 3 years ago i worry about now. my problems 3 years ago are my problems now. i will rot into disgusting mush without ever having been done anything or changed in anyway. the only thing that is different is my rapidly deteriorating mental well being.
i will rot
i will rot
i will rot
and everyone will be relieved. and the sun will come up tomorrow. and people will go on with their lives
as my decaying body seeps through the cracks on the floor and drip steadily, rhythmically
seeyoulater
#2
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#3
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Posted 09 August 2020 - 11:01 PM
are you not a repulsive thing ? repulsive things do not need to live. repulsive things will be repulsive things iin this reality. maybe you can die. life in the hereafter do not posses bodies; they are souls. maybe you can be a beautiful soul . isn't that happiness ? ? beauty and purity ? ? is it not perfection ? ? what more do i need
#6
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Posted 10 August 2020 - 04:07 PM
i was looking for a nail clipper in my fathers nightstand and found a utility/box cutter knife with extra blades. i was feeling very dissociated today, yet very suicidal. i felt like i was drowning. it made me smile slightly. i'll see if i can sneak it somehow. i am glad to part ways with my dull blade
#12
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Posted 18 January 2021 - 07:31 PM
i dont expect anything from anyone. not to be cold, but in fact, i wish to erase the arrogance of expectation.
i only have me, i can only count on me, only i can fix me, and only me and make me happy!!
#18
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Posted 21 January 2021 - 01:35 AM
a detailed plan is needed for every aspect of life, here and 3 years from now
i will dedicate my time completely to plan everything thoroughly ! i feel safe when i know what to do, and what to expect
#19
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Posted 21 January 2021 - 01:37 AM
i was thinking . .
romance, isn't it kind of nice?? fluffy? and warm??
im not thinking about boys, but it would be sweet to find a soulmate in the future (who's also eye candy.. duh )
(read too much shoujo manga)
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Posted 21 January 2021 - 01:43 AM
i kinda wanna sleep... but then i would have stayed up for nothing
it's almost 4 am ;; and i have to wake up at 6 ;; and i can't go back to sleep as ive planned to do work ;;
it would've made more sense to sleep earlier !
i denied myself sleep but still couldn't muster up the energy to do work (damn you, bird brain . . it's been a week of this!)
#29
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Posted 26 January 2021 - 10:41 PM
There is an idea of diet pill, some kind of abstraction, but there is no real me, only an entity, something illusory. Although I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand a feel flesh gripping yours, and even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable, I simply am not there.
#36
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Posted 11 February 2021 - 05:14 AM
ill go to an alternative school march-may and get all important credit
ill retake all classes ive failed or had an unsatisfactory grade in during my high school career over the summer
ill take ap classes over the summer
i desperately need ECS. i have 0. all ECs need to be leadership position. i need an outstanding award. i need a passion project. i need success.
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Posted 15 February 2021 - 04:08 PM
i woke up this morning to my mom and dad cursing at me and telling me to die, screaming in my face
#45
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Posted 17 February 2021 - 12:22 AM
just what have i been doing these past 16 years????
im going to kill myself but im just empty, I JUST REALIZED I HAVE NO MEMORIES. I HAVE NO MEMORIES. I NEVER DID ANYTHING WORTHWHILE. I NEVER TOUCHED ANY PEOPLE. I NEVER CONNECTED WITH ANYONE. I DIDN'T STAY AFTER SCHOOL TO WORK ON A PAINTING, I DIDN'T LAUGH WITH A FRIEND WHILE DISCUSSING LOVE, I NEVER GOT AN AWARD, I NEVER MADE FRIENDS WITH MY CLASSMATES, MY TEACHER'S NEVER FAVORED ME, I NEVER WENT TO SLEEP AFTER A HAPPY DAY
what have i been doing?
#46
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Posted 17 February 2021 - 12:31 AM
i wonder how my funeral would be like . .
id like to be buried with flowers, and of course, no casket. its nice to think ill be buried in 2 pieces of cloth. i came from the earth, i return to the earth. i worried about dying looking the way i do, but my body will surely decompose and funerals in my faith are held very, very quickly. but its gross to think my parents will bathe my corpse. i hate them. they'll really see for themselves that my body isn't like a little girls anymore. they'll probably be angry at me even when my soul has left my body. they'll be so pissed to see my scars. i wonder if they'll notice the beauty mark on my neck, or that i've stopped growing out my nails. well, about the body being bathed... whatever, i wouldnt be an inhabitant of this earth anymore. ill be on the other side, waiting for everyone.
i wonder how those who have known me will react? truthfully, i don't care much. but if i had to guess, it would be an "oh..."
my grandparents worry me... especially my grandfather. im his favorite, but i never felt the benefits since we don't see him, he's in another country. id hate if he died by shock, so knowing my family, they'll tell him it was something else, maybe a year after my passing.
#48
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Posted 25 February 2021 - 09:06 AM
idk if you want comments or even people to read this
just wanted to say, you have the most beautiful way with words. even writing about horrible stuff you manage to convey so much emotion and meaning etc. plus, you clearly really think about things. and that's so, so important in these times.
I saw your od post and although I don't know you, what you're going through makes me feel so sad. I wish there was something I could do to help. I can empathise, having been somewhere really dark myself in the past, but at the same time I know it doesn't really matter what others think when you feel this bad.
you sound like you're hugely empathic, which sucks because, well, me too. it's awful feeling like there's nothing you can do to help other people in shitty situations
anyway. I really hope you're okay, I hope things change for you and you're able to be appreciated for the wonderful person you sound like you are.
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using heelies to escape my feelies (with pics) » a mopey blog.
#1
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wildly inappropriate whore
- LocationAlmost heaven, West Virginia Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River Life is old there, older than the trees Younger than the mountains, growin' like a breeze Country roads, take me home To the place I belong West Virginia, mountain mama Take me home, country roads All my memories gather 'round her Miner's lady, stranger to blue water Dark and dusty, painted on the sky Misty taste of moonshine, teardrop in my eye
Posted 25 February 2019 - 03:49 PM
hello, and welcome to my accountability;
» This blog was originally an accountability about trying to ditch my BED habits, but later turned into more of a personal blog (not gonna lie; half this shit's not even ED related anymore).
» If you want to hear my rants and extensive (very useless) opinions, you've come to the right place!
>>> In June of 2019, I was admitted to residential treatment. Life is now a horse dick. <<<
3/6/20 - added photos of body checks. i don't have that many, but please don't include images in quotes!! thanks <3
12/20/20 - taking down personal images, or as many as i can find.
Original first post:
this won't load so here: http://www.image.farm/image/RMJ2AX
WOOOOOOOOO
so ive been binging for a week straight, and im ready to end it! (and get my fucking thigh gap please like god how did i ruin it all in one week)
SO starting tomorrow im making some resolutions, and we'll see how long i stick to them!! (im aiming for a week right now, but maybe ill last longer??)
rules/guidelines
• under 1,000 kcal a day!!! (i would say 800 but who am i kidding)
• only swallow vegan foods!
• exercise daily!
• you can c/s whatever the fuck you want but be careful
and most importantly: the scale cannot drop. im in outpatient, which makes this whole challenge pretty wacky. i get weighed every wednesday and saturday, so those will be my high sodium/water loading days. if the scale drops then im in deeeep shit.
ALRIGHT LETS DO THISSSSS
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#2
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wildly inappropriate whore
- LocationAlmost heaven, West Virginia Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River Life is old there, older than the trees Younger than the mountains, growin' like a breeze Country roads, take me home To the place I belong West Virginia, mountain mama Take me home, country roads All my memories gather 'round her Miner's lady, stranger to blue water Dark and dusty, painted on the sky Misty taste of moonshine, teardrop in my eye
Posted 25 February 2019 - 04:06 PM
alright just had my final binge whoop that marks exactly one week of binge eating!! 2,173 calories ickckck (back to anorexia now brain please.)
im going to work on eating more protein and slow digesting carbs this keep to keep my appetite down, but i honestly think it just came from excessive exercise (and the fact that im in outpatient and everyone cheers me on during binges lmfao).
i ran over 30 miles this weekend (not including walks or sports games) so i've still had a net of under 1,000 this whole week. (my bmr is 1,200 so ive technically still been on a deficit, which makes me hope that this 10lb gain is partially water weight).
this past week:
1. each day i ate around 2,000 kcal
2. each night i burned around 1,400-1,600 kcal (i worked out for 5+ hours every night im so sore lmfao)
3. my bmr is 1,200 so that still puts me on a deficit but i looK LIKE i gAINED 40 poUNDS fML
im in outpatient, but i pride myself on deviation lmfao so for the first three weeks i kept losing weight (got down to a bmi of 18.3) before i started this binge cycle (week four of outpatient). now im bmi 20 (5'1 106 lbs, was 96.7 lbs).
my goal is to get to a bmi of 15 before september. most of the summer ill be away, so i shouldnt have a problem outpatient-wise.
i dont plan on eating for the rest of today, and maybe even all of tomorrow?? im pretty hesitant to fast for over 24 hours because thats triggered a binge for the last few days (yknow the binge fast binge fast) ill probably eat wednesday though (for the weigh in) but i can bullshit a good 6 lbs with water alone.
have a good day!!
#3
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wildly inappropriate whore
- LocationAlmost heaven, West Virginia Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River Life is old there, older than the trees Younger than the mountains, growin' like a breeze Country roads, take me home To the place I belong West Virginia, mountain mama Take me home, country roads All my memories gather 'round her Miner's lady, stranger to blue water Dark and dusty, painted on the sky Misty taste of moonshine, teardrop in my eye
Posted 25 February 2019 - 05:46 PM
new rule: no chocolate!! there's literally no way i can eat chocolate and expect not to binge so gotta cut it out entirely
(also i obliterated my fingers playing bass; sorry for any typos my fingers are bandaged and i cant hit the right keys)
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#4
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wildly inappropriate whore
- LocationAlmost heaven, West Virginia Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River Life is old there, older than the trees Younger than the mountains, growin' like a breeze Country roads, take me home To the place I belong West Virginia, mountain mama Take me home, country roads All my memories gather 'round her Miner's lady, stranger to blue water Dark and dusty, painted on the sky Misty taste of moonshine, teardrop in my eye
Posted 25 February 2019 - 10:34 PM
looool i was supposed to work out for another hour (its 12:30 am rn) but im sooo tired i shouldnt have taken my meds so early auugh
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#5
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wildly inappropriate whore
- LocationAlmost heaven, West Virginia Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River Life is old there, older than the trees Younger than the mountains, growin' like a breeze Country roads, take me home To the place I belong West Virginia, mountain mama Take me home, country roads All my memories gather 'round her Miner's lady, stranger to blue water Dark and dusty, painted on the sky Misty taste of moonshine, teardrop in my eye
Posted 26 February 2019 - 05:59 AM
i def should have turned off signatures before starting this but oh well loool
day one - breakfast!
assigned outpatient meal:
- two slices of french toast - 310
- fruit cup - 75
- two veggie burgers - 140
- glass of whole milk - 130
total - 655
what i actually ate:
- veggie burger - 70
- creamer - 40
- 2 strawberries - 12
total - 112
#6
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wildly inappropriate whore
- LocationAlmost heaven, West Virginia Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River Life is old there, older than the trees Younger than the mountains, growin' like a breeze Country roads, take me home To the place I belong West Virginia, mountain mama Take me home, country roads All my memories gather 'round her Miner's lady, stranger to blue water Dark and dusty, painted on the sky Misty taste of moonshine, teardrop in my eye
Posted 26 February 2019 - 09:35 AM
okay i totally thought lunch put me at 860 calories but its actually only 655
edit: oops never mind its 718
lunch:
aom:
- nothing specific since its a school lunch day
what i ate:
- tofu - 224
- croissants - 330
total - 554
#7
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wildly inappropriate whore
- LocationAlmost heaven, West Virginia Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River Life is old there, older than the trees Younger than the mountains, growin' like a breeze Country roads, take me home To the place I belong West Virginia, mountain mama Take me home, country roads All my memories gather 'round her Miner's lady, stranger to blue water Dark and dusty, painted on the sky Misty taste of moonshine, teardrop in my eye
Posted 26 February 2019 - 12:38 PM
mmmm when i got home there was a fruit cup (131) and granola bar (140) but i put them down the disposal and drank coffee. the creamer smelled really good (i wanted to chug the bottle lmaooo), but i used almond milk in the coffee and poured the rest of the almond milk carton into the whole milk carton.
ill probably run nine miles before my mom gets home to burn everything off (edit: i ran 8.6 and burned 662 cal)
ugh she set up the second security camera in our house, and i turned it off without thinking which is going to raise suspicion. shes going to tell my therapist, whos going to make me stop just like she does with everything. (i hate that womannn) everyone already suspects im lying, and ive been asked an unimaginable amount of times if im purging in the toilet (whiCH IM NOT).
after i gained weight, no one believed it was real either, which fucking sucked bc it was > 
now i have to completely strip for weigh ins (which are blind by the way. i feel so bad for the young nurses: i always try to look and they freak out lmaoo idk what the doctor said to them but whenever i try to see it theyre like NONONONONONONO)
i have a weigh in tomorrow, which means water loadinggggg!! but im pretty upset because i have to miss school for it (again), and im already behind. i get nothing done in therapy anyway, all i do is sit in silence while my mom pisses and moans about how hard this is for her.
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#8
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wildly inappropriate whore
- LocationAlmost heaven, West Virginia Blue Ridge Mountains, Shenandoah River Life is old there, older than the trees Younger than the mountains, growin' like a breeze Country roads, take me home To the place I belong West Virginia, mountain mama Take me home, country roads All my memories gather 'round her Miner's lady, stranger to blue water Dark and dusty, painted on the sky Misty taste of moonshine, teardrop in my eye
Posted 26 February 2019 - 09:51 PM
ahhhh first day done and it feels greattttttttt
i had a final net of over -2000 calories, which feels amazing after a week of around -200 net. thats like getting rid of a whole binge day ahhh
i have therapy tomorrow ;/ and the therapist weighs me too which fuckin sucks because everyone in this world seems to know my weight
im not supposed to know it either (and with all my unsuccessful attempts of sabotaging blind weigh-ins i wouldn't have) except for about two weeks ago i found the scale. i had been starting to give up, and thought i was going to have to buy my own if i ever wanted to know again, when i found it!! no one knows i have it, and ive weighed every time ive had the chance since. ive plateaued this whole week but im prayyyyying ending my binge will make it drop again.
my thighs have began to touch again, and i honestly just want to rip them off. the first thing i want back from ending my binge cycle is my thigh gap, and im working hard for it! (lol im doing leg exercises with weights strapped to my leg as i type). then i want my hip bones back!! i know its totally weird, but theyre my favorite bones since i had to work the hardest to get them.
ugh im just so disgusted with myself for the stupidest things, like how it barely hurts to sit anymore. also, i used to need two pillows for sit-ups, and now i only need one. my spine used to press painfully into the back of my chair, but now its cushioned in fat. god i hated that feeling at the time, but now id give anything to get it back.
one thing i am giving up a lot of though, is school. im falling further and further behind because of appointments and therapy and the fact that i cant fucking focus for the life of me. ive also been unable to fall asleep for the past few nights, so ive been running of caffeine. (damn this is a whole ass rant thread now isnt it).
speaking of sleep, i should probably get some soon. ive been up at 1am every night working out to burn off the calories from last weeks binging, but now i guess i can go to sleep earlier. part of me still wants to keep working out like crazy despite the restriction.
ive been increasing my intake since the start of outpatient, but id never gone over 1,300 calories before last week. even that much feels like it made me sooo fat and im just begging myself to get back to my lw. no one tells me how pretty i look anymore, or how skinny i am; thats how bad ive let myself go.
the most compliments i ever received in one time period was during december when i was restricting to 600kcal a day, and dropping weight like a mad man. that was the first time id gotten under 100 lbs, and it was a huge milestone for me. everyone was telling me how pretty i looked, and how tiny my thighs were. people picked me up like it was nothing, and i felt so amazing.
everything fell apart in january, when my heart rate reached 41 bpm. the doctor wanted to put me on a ng tube right away (no one even asked me if id eat first rrgh). thankfully my parents talked her out of it (the nicest thing theyve ever done) but i wasnt allowed to have a plant-based diet anymore which was really hard for me. (my mom tried serving me fish and chicken on the first week and i was just so upset. i almost threw up on the table eating the chicken and ended up sneaking it into a napkin). i probably should have tried harder but didnt. im a pretty big waste of money.
anyway the scales went up and down and up and down again at each weigh in, and it made the doctors fucking insaaaaaane lmao
most of the time it wasnt even weight loss, i was on my period the first week (which ive since lost) then the next week i had been fasting so it look like id lost a ton, then id salt loaded and it looked like id gained, and so on. i remember one time the doctor was 'super disappointed' in me for going back to my start weight. everyone was like "how did you even manage that in four days" and i was like "idk mystery i swear to god ive eaten everything" which was a huge fucking lie but hey.
the doctors were convinced it was water loading, so they started taking urine samples before each weigh in. id just pee in the cup and then drink the water afterward and it still seemed to work.
so then they were convinced it was weights. (yeeeees i mayyyy have had pennies sewn into my bra and underwear but barely enough to change the scale it was honestly nothing and they never found them anyway so its fine) but now i have to strip before each weigh in, socks and all. at the last weigh in the nurse asked me if i wanted two gowns, what does that even mean?!?! my first thought was, "wow im just that fat that she thinks i need two gowns" but that wouldnt make any sense because all gowns are the same size, so itd just be like two pieces of paper tied over you rather than one????
also they still have to use child sized everything on me 
im 5'1 so its not that impressive but hey its still something
ive gotten pretty good at faking my heart rate though. when its a young nurse sometimes theyll leave me alone "to rest" before my reading while they run the urine sample and i usually sprint around the room or do jumping jacks until they return. (lmao one time my heart rate got to 80 and they asked if id taken caffeine pills, to which my parents convinced them i had not, as i "don't have access to any caffeine." i have a whole jar of caffeine pills, also, who hides the coffee in a drawer under the coffee machine?? im not that stupid. my parents tossed all my matcha powder though which im still sort of sad about 
)
i like the nurses, but i feel sort of bad for them too. im pretty sure not one of them knows i have an ed?? theyll ask me what sports i play and explain to me how to pee in the cup like i dont do it every fucking week haha but theyre nicer to me this way. i also always try to find the other anorexics in the waiting room for some reason lmao
the hospital has unrestricted wifi, so thats were i do most of my browsing on mpa. (or at school)
alright its almost 12am so ill probably do my sit ups then head in
g'nightttttt!
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Posted 26 February 2019 - 09:54 PM
oops forgot dinner
aom:
3 meatballs - 100
pasta - probably close to 315, it was hugeeee
sauce - 40
salad - 160
milk - 130
total 745
what i actually ate:
fruit cup - 60
sweet potato 115
seaweed - 15
total 290
i think my daily total was 980 or something, but thats wayyyyy better than this past weeks 2,000+
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Posted 27 February 2019 - 11:08 AM
LOOOOOOOOL I FUCKED UP BUT YKNOW WHAT ITS FINE
breakfastttt
aom:
yogurt - 160
bagel - 150
fruit cup - 40
milk - 130
total: idk too much (edit: 380)
what i ate:
veggie burger - 70
coffee creamer - 20
total: 90
lunchhgjdfskghf
aom:
nothing its a weekday
what i aTE:
frickgigngg tHRee biscUITS because i wAS dUMB ughghhghggh - 635
tofu - 51
peas - 27
sOOO my daily total wOULD have been at 857 buTTTTTTT we had a guacamole making contest (out of the blue lmao) and i mmmmaayyyyyy or may not have binged around 500 calories sooo (7 chips were 160 kcal and i ate like 20 loooooool) i feel physically sick like just so so so full which makes zero sense because all the binging ive been doing
also can i like please have my thigh gap back like this is so weird and bad and uncomfortable and just ughg
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Posted 27 February 2019 - 04:14 PM
just eavesdropped and heard my mom say i gained
rrgh
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Posted 27 February 2019 - 08:35 PM
lmfaoo i typed out a hugeee rant but hit the wrong button and deleted it so
basically therapy was ass and now my mom's hiding all the food in the house but hey at least i wont binge
aom:
pasta and sauce - 315
chicken - 60 (arrrgg im vegetarian and the fucking DOCTOR said i could stay vegetarian but my mom disagrees and says i wont be recovered until i eat meat again so i guess ive got to get over putting it in my mouth even if i dont swallow 
)
kale DROWNED in oil - 170
naan - 250
what i actually ate:
-diet coke lol
after dinner (c/s into water bottle, maybe 800 kcal-ish tonight) my mom tried to give me dessert (because according to my therapist shoving cookies down my throat at 9pm will end my anorexic ways) and we'd been fighting the whole night so i told her i wouldn't eat them.
hoooooo boyyy
it ended in a screaming match, but luckily i wasn't involved. (heard some great quotes though, such as "IM GOING TO BREAK THE TOILET" *proceeds to repeatedly smack toilet lid*) buuuut after that was done, she ran over to my dad and was like (i think im going to refer to myself as scarecrows or crow) "DID CROW ACTUALLY EAT HER DINNER, OR DID YOU LIE TO ME ABOUT THAT TOO?"
and my dad was like "lmao calm down"
mom: "SO SHE DIDN'T HUH?"
dad: "no, crow ate it, but i wasnt watching her"
mom: "WELL I WASN'T EITHER. I'M GOING TO TELL HER DOCTOR SHE SKIPPED DESSERT AND DINNER."
what. the. fuck.
okay so yeaaaah i dont actually eat dinner but i c/s that entire motherfucker to make it look like i did, and i get zero credit?? lmfaoo they had a security camera on me but i disabled it.
anyway, id been going on daily walks, but my mom told my therapist and now i cant do those anymore. back to dancing in my room i guess. its about 10:30pm here, so ill probably go until 11:30 (or longer if i can stand it). my joints are starting to hurt again, which is really annoying because they didn't the whole week i was binging.
BY THE WAY, i almost revived my thigh gap!! before lunch when i got super bloated, they didnt touch when i walked!!! but then i ruined it. and while i was chilling in my room i decided to film some of my mom's tantrum (im an atrocious fuck who likes some good blackmail) but when i looked back on it i was caught in some of the film, and i looked...... .. okay??
i was really surprised by how flat my stomach was?? i thought i was severely bloated but i guess not?? also my tendons in my arm and neck were looking nice 
can't wait until my dad leaves again so i can weigh myself (the scale is hidden in my parents bedroom).
until then, goodnight!!
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Posted 28 February 2019 - 07:51 PM
hey whats uppp
im at 1,036 kcal for the day which is mmm okayy because i ate more than i planned to and thought id had at LEAST 1,200 so i guess this is fine
my parents are persistent with dessert and im kind of tempted to eat it but at the same time i felt pretty satisfied with my progress yesterday so yknow.....can't mess that up. im kind of sad about how much i ate for lunch, but its a hugggge improvement from last week.
okay i just got home and had a really intense binge urge aughh i ate a mini pancake (45 cal) and some coffee to try and get under control but it wasnt going away. i knew where my mom had hidden the chocolate, so i snuck into her room, and opened the box. the lid seemed so loud and i thought for sure someone was going to hear, but no one did. i grabbed a cookie, and walked all the way back to the kitchen.... and threw it out.
i threw the cookie out!
i've never stopped a binge like that before, and im really proud 
one week ago i would have eaten the whole box and more. im still sort of tempted to fish the cookie out of the trash, but i dont think i will. i feel weirdly empowered over a damn cookie!!
i guess im just that big of a control freak.
i never wanted to eat when everyone was telling me to, but now that the sweets are being hidden and people are treating me more leniently, i want the food?? not even to eat out of hunger, purely out of the fact they said i couldn't.
my friend invited me to a concert next weekend, which has given me extra motivation to stay on track! if i can get below 102 lbs by then, my bmi will be down to the 19s. im pretty tired of being in the 20s, especially after working so hard to get to 18.3 oh well. my mom really doesn't want me going to the concert, and i'm pretty nervous that she'll pull some eating disorder shit and say i cant go. (she already emailed my friends mom and told her about it )
i'll probably go for a run in a bit (bout an hour until sun set, and i have to go before then since i can't use the treadmill anymore). i want to run since i didn't yesterday, and although my joints hurt a lot today i think they can take it. i found some measuring tape last night too, so maybe i'll start posting measurements.
byee
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Posted 28 February 2019 - 07:52 PM
hiiii soo
ugh. i binged. but i ran another nine miles for compensation, and as long as i dont binge again i think i might feel okay. i tried to sprint really hard during the run, and it gave me the worst. cramps. ever. i usually wait around an hour after binging before running, but this time i was eating my last few bites out the door and MAN i sure paid the price. i ran the first 4.5 miles in under 30 mins which is WAYYYY faster than i usually do, but the other 4.5 took about 50 mins (the cramps really caught up to me, plus its up hill on the way back).
my stomach was sooo bloated though, and a few times i thought i was going to puke. (would have helped with those calories though). I ATE THE COOKIE which i was REALLY mad about so now i'm going to try extra hard to stick to a plant-based diet.
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Posted 28 February 2019 - 08:06 PM
heyoo
my calorie counting app glitched and uploaded all my food twice so i thought my intake was 2,400 
i finished the day with 1,700 which is a loooot but i burned 662 cal from running and now that my internet is working ill work out some more
AND
MY THIGHS DONT TOUCH
AHHHHHHHHHHH
i know the second i eat theyll touch again but yess!!!! i dont know how most people measure their thighs (there's a four inch different between the bottom and top half of my thighs?? like above my knee cap is 14 but higher up is almost 18) or stomach (which part?) but my wrists were under 5 inches. my measuring tape is some ikea paper thing from four years ago, so im trying really hard not to rip it.
also yesterday i poured out all the milk and refilled it with almond milk, since my mom gives me a glass at every meal. WELL today my dad thought he'd get a glass too. oops. thankfully he didn't figure it out, but i was soo terrified the entire time.
dad: "crow, does this milk taste weird to you?"
me: "uhhhhhhhh maybe"
dad: "it tastes almost like...... soy milk or something"
me: "thats weird. is it a new brand?"
dad: "yeah we've never tried this brand before"
me: "oh well that must be it"
haha also i cut my foot while running and it bled EVERYWHERE. 
now my running shoes are covered in blood but hopefully no one notices. (i told my dad it was from a blister, but no blister bleeds that bad from "walking"). i have a doctors appointment tomorrow so i probably won't fast, but i definitely will sunday and monday. monday night is a "family dinner" with my therapist, which means i have to stuff my face to prove i'm recovering. awesome.
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Posted 01 March 2019 - 07:35 AM
hiya
its a friday and i just woke up, but there's no school since it's the end of semester. i can smell the pancakes my dad made from my room and i'm pretty tempted to eat some lmao
i have a runny nose as well, and the only thing i can think of every time i sniff is the calories in snot. i feel so dumb arg it's probably not even true but my brain just won't stop.
also, yayyy it's march! just a little closer to summer, and i'm excited!
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Posted 01 March 2019 - 11:17 AM
mpa plssss stop deleting my posts ahhhhh
anyway, heyy! i had this huge post written out but it got deleted by accident 
basically, i binged what i had THOUGHT was 1,004 calories, which would have been okay because i was going to burn them all off (220 from sports, 660 from running, 150 from dancing) but while i was at the doctor's office i found out that the pancakes that i'd thought were 225 calories are SIX HUNDRED. my dad grinds up 400 calories of walnuts and puts them in!!!
augh time to recalculate calories. i have wifi now though, so hopefully i overestimated something in my original calculation.
original calculation:
half clif bar- 115
apple - 54
pancakes - 225
cookies - 560
cheerios - 50
creamer - 20
total - 1004
calculation with internet:
half clif bar - 115
half small apple - 35 (found out it was actually only half)
pancakes - 464 (its 600 for 9, and i ate 7)
cookies - 360
cheerios - 50
creamer - 20
total - 1044
hhhhh phewww i thought it might have gone into the 1,200s
anyway im not allowed to do any exercise so my "walks" might be put to an end, but hopefully not. i had a really nice nurse today, but she left me alone for two hours, so guess who got two hours of pacing in??
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Posted 01 March 2019 - 07:39 PM
guess who thought they were binging in private only to find their dad 10 feet away
dad: "don't eat the panckes, crow" *walks out of room*
me: *stuffs pancakes down throat*
HE WAS RIGHT THERE AND HHHHHHHHHH
he didn't make any commentary but i just ughhhh where has my self-control gone?!?!?!
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Posted 02 March 2019 - 08:37 AM
hiiii
so he didn't care about the pancakes (phew) buuuuut i may have clogged the sink by flushing food down it 
definitely sticking to the toilet from now on!
im sort of trying a fruit mono, we'll see how it goes.
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Posted 02 March 2019 - 07:04 PM
i can't figure it out. why do i binge? i'm not hungry, i don't like the food. why do i keep doing it??
well, i've got quite a few hours of exercise ahead of me tonight.
using heelies to escape my feelies (with pics) » a mopey blog.
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 08:22 AM
my dog
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 08:22 AM
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Yup me too ! (Down 40lb, 10lb to go)
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Posted 09 January 2020 - 09:20 AM
Got to stop purging its making me fatter, I need to get out of the habit, and that means restriction.
So the story so far:
June 2017 - December 2017, 265lb to 190lb, did it relatively healthy, high restriction and walking.
December 2017 decided to start dating again (single for 8years), wow that put so much stress on my mental state. Which caused crazy ed brain take control.
In the last 2 years my weight has gone up and down, dependant on relationship happiness.
I'm currently in a very stable happy relationship just had our first anneversary. I've worried in the past of giving the ed game away, so have over compensated. But this time I have a plan.
Yesterday I brought a book, I don't normally subscribe to normies diets, but this one caught my eye. Why, it's called fast800, yup it's saying eat 800 cals a day. I had to have a quick flick through,
So the basics max 800 cals
Eat low carb (pretty much keto but not quite)
Intermittant fasting (he suggest a big window to start but!!)
So this book says basically to do all the things that I know work for me (except I normally eat more)
So now I have permission to be as ed as I want lol, I'm going to be normal, im doing a normie diet.
So for the first time in 2 years, I'm not going to hide my eating habits, my family and partner know I'm dieting, no more secrecy, and working out ways to hide what I'm up to. Flipping the switch to restriction normally stops me b/p. But it's keeping the restriction phase going, I struggle with.
I'm hoping I can do the first phase for at least 8 weeks, then switch to the second phase which should be 5:2 but I'm thinking more 2:5 dependant on how the loss is going.
So here goes xx
Little update, finding 800 to be a good number for me, yes I go over sometimes but it's pretty balanced by the times I go under to. So im going to do another 4 weeks. Extending the first phase to 12 weeks.
Stopped at 10 weeks and pretty much doubled cals.
Results, Thursday weigh ins.
Weeks 1 - 4 weights 190lb - 185lb - 185.8lb - 180.2lb - 177.8lb
total of 12.2lb
Weeks 5 - 8 weights 172.6lb - 172.8lb - 170.4lb - 167.4lb
Total of 10.4lb (22.6lb grand total)
Week 9 - 12 weights 164.8lb - 165lb - 162.4lb - 164lb
Total of 2.6lb (26 lb grand total)
Weeks 13 - 16 weights 159.6lb, 159.6lb
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Posted 09 January 2020 - 09:34 AM
Yesterday I weighed 191lb, Tuesday 193lb both days I ate OMAD and kept it very low carb all fresh, diddnt count cals but estimate well below 1000cals.
First day of new diet ooops forgot to weigh first thing so tomorrow will be start weight.
Was feeling hungry so decided to eat about 1.30pm
Strange meal 4 hard boiled eggs, cucumber and lettuce. (It was what was in the fridge)
Dinner is planned for about 6.30, chicken, cheesy cauliflower mash and brocoli.
So should give me a 5-5.5 hour eating window and it's just under 800 as planned.
As I'm sitting here typing this I'm feeling really satisfied, it's been 3 hours since I ate, and the way I feel right now I could easily skip dinner, but I won't as I know it will have a knock on effect tommorrow.
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Posted 09 January 2020 - 09:45 AM
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Posted 10 January 2020 - 01:59 AM
rateddmformorbidd, on 09 Jan 2020 - 09:45 AM, said:
Following! I feel like my fat fuck brain cannot do 800 calories yet
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It's a weird one for me too, I'm usually ok at 500, fasting or 1000 for short periods but if i go 1200, to much makes me want more. I'm hoping 800 will be the magic number, the fast800 suggests 800 for everyone, no weight gender or height taken into consideration.
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Posted 10 January 2020 - 02:24 AM
Feeling good this morning, slept really well last night, not missing the carbs yet, no cravings so far. Going to try and get the ingredients to make keto bread today, not that i need it yet, but it would be nice to do normal Sunday brunch.
Because this is not keto, I'm happier, I struggled with keto, trying to balance the macros having to add so much butter and olive oil to bring the fat % up. Seemed I was eating the same volume of food as now but cals are 400 less.
I've adjusted the macros in the app I use to the maximum carb % for 800cals and still fit keto, they come in at.
8% carbs, 50% fat, 42% protein, goal set by app
9%, 50%, 41% yesterday's breakdown
Yesterday was a low step day, only just made 12k, my youngest was off school and I had to fix the boiler so I was pretty sedentary. Knock on was a drop in TDEE from the norm of around 3k to 2.6k
The plan for today, it's sausage and mash day here, I'm going to eat the sausages because I'd all ready brought them, but going to aim for little to no processed meat from now on.
Mine will be served with mashed cauliflower and kale (might stir fry the sausage with some mushrooms and throw in the kale at the end to flavour it up)
Not sure if I'll need to eat late afternoon or not but I'll stick to tinned tuna or eggs if I do. That's the plan, now to get busy xx
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Posted 10 January 2020 - 09:49 AM
thesekidsdrivememad, on 10 Jan 2020 - 01:59 AM, said:
Very intriguing! Hopefully once my body gets used to 1200 then I can just go lower and lower. My stomach and brain are so used to my binge mode with billions of calories.It's a weird one for me too, I'm usually ok at 500, fasting or 1000 for short periods but if i go 1200, to much makes me want more. I'm hoping 800 will be the magic number, the fast800 suggests 800 for everyone, no weight gender or height taken into consideration.
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Posted 11 January 2020 - 05:10 AM
Not quite the lb a day I've been getting so far but close enough, haven't had a bm in a few days, which is unusual for me, must just be a volume thing as my fiber and water intake is pretty good.
My cals came in just under 650 yesterday, wasn't planning on cutting so low, but struggled to balance macros. Wanted to bulk up my meal a bit, but out of carbs. My protien and fats were low, couldn't add another sausage as the carbs would have taken me over, and adding butter or oil to bring up the fat% seemed pointless as it wouldn't add any bulk. I make lettuce wraps with a mix of tinned tuna and cold left over scrambled egg, it was lush.
Today's plan
Cheese and ham omelette for dinner
Slow cooked pork with Swede and carrot, served with cheesy mashed cauliflower.
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Posted 11 January 2020 - 05:12 AM
rateddmformorbidd, on 10 Jan 2020 - 09:49 AM, said:
Very intriguing! Hopefully once my body gets used to 1200 then I can just go lower and lower. My stomach and brain are so used to my binge mode with billions of calories.
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Restricting is the only way I can get out of binge mode, need to shrink the stomach back to regular portion size. I could easy eat a billion cals and then still have room for ice cream lol
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Posted 11 January 2020 - 06:50 AM
thesekidsdrivememad, on 11 Jan 2020 - 05:12 AM, said:
Omg me too! I'm taking it slow this time around lol! Especially since I can't restrict too much with my boyfriend and daughter around.Restricting is the only way I can get out of binge mode, need to shrink the stomach back to regular portion size. I could easy eat a billion cals and then still have room for ice cream lol
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Posted 12 January 2020 - 04:50 AM
rateddmformorbidd, on 11 Jan 2020 - 06:50 AM, said:
Omg me too! I'm taking it slow this time around lol! Especially since I can't restrict too much with my boyfriend and daughter around.
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I hate being stuck home with the kids, they want feeding, seems like constantly. I seem to spend the whole day in the kitchen. My partner, although dosnt officially live with me, dose seem to be at mine 90% of the time, he only goes home when he has his kids, then they get brought to mine. With his 2 my 2 and him it's like feeding 5 bottomless pits. I really struggle not to just join in, or pick, having struck rules like keto or low carb helps, because I can't have what they do or eat left overs.
My partner seems to be pretty excepting of my need to lose weight, think as long as I eat dinner with him, and he sees me eat a good size meal, don't think it will be a problem, just need to make it clear that I'm just following what it says in the book.
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Posted 12 January 2020 - 05:18 AM
Adjusted my food again yesterday, stuck with the omelette for lunch, but ended up cooking the pork with mushrooms and peppers, for dinner. Did a big bowl of oven chips for my partner to have with his.
Weirdly I'm still feeling pretty good, no sign of keto flu. I know I'm not meant to be aiming for for full on keto, but was expecting some symptoms. Might be to early yet, it's been 5 full days since I've been low carb I've lost 5.2lb so far. But haven't been doing the constant peeing that normally acompanys the first weeks of low carb, maybe I'm all ready adjusted as I have cut the carbs so many times before.
Did a bit more research on the need for the fat in keto, think what I've got from it, is if I drop the fat % my body should use it's own fat for fuel, as long as I keep the carbs below 20g net.
So I'm planning to eat fatty cuts, I prefer the taste of chicken thigh too breast anyway. Stick what I've been doing by only adding oil or butter if it's needed to cook or for taste. Eggs for lunch seems to be the way, both filling and yummy.
Today's plan, lunch left over kids omelette, cucumber, tuna, lettuce wraps. Roast chicken thigh, with blue cheese stuffed mushrooms. Have to throw in some potatoes for the rest lol.
I made my partner a massive full English this morning, I had a black coffee, he said nothing. I've only had to outline intermittant fasting once, he seems to have got it lol.
Oh and yesterday I decided to get on with the on-suite I'm building, should of stuck to walking the dog. Ran out of gas, mid soldering the joints on the new radiator. Had to go out to find some, builders merchants only open morning's on Sat, ended up having to drive further away, by the time I'd got it all back together, and the heating back on. It was getting dark, so the dog never got her walk, so I diddnt get mine. So yesterday's steps were only 5.5k and TDEE was only 2.4k.
Need to get off my arse today, get my steps back up, it really does make a difference.
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Posted 12 January 2020 - 08:52 AM
thesekidsdrivememad, on 12 Jan 2020 - 04:50 AM, said:
I know how you feel! I'm trying to make sure my daughter has healthy eating habits. I rarely eat with her. My boyfriend has been working 12 hr shifts so I don't have to worry about him being mad with me for not eating with him yet. Once he's back to normal schedule I'll have to eat dinner with him lolI hate being stuck home with the kids, they want feeding, seems like constantly. I seem to spend the whole day in the kitchen. My partner, although dosnt officially live with me, dose seem to be at mine 90% of the time, he only goes home when he has his kids, then they get brought to mine. With his 2 my 2 and him it's like feeding 5 bottomless pits. I really struggle not to just join in, or pick, having struck rules like keto or low carb helps, because I can't have what they do or eat left overs.
My partner seems to be pretty excepting of my need to lose weight, think as long as I eat dinner with him, and he sees me eat a good size meal, don't think it will be a problem, just need to make it clear that I'm just following what it says in the book.
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Posted 13 January 2020 - 12:10 AM
I know weight loss isn't linear, but this is the first time It's gone in my favour, if I average it out that's a 1lb a day so far.
Yesterday went pretty good, ate lunch about 2pm then dinner at 6.30, had chicken thighs with blue cheese stuffed mushrooms. Felt a bit hungry around bedtime, but just waited out, feel ok this morning.
Diddnt manage a good step count yesterday on 11k which gave me 2.5k TDEE. But it seems 800cals is the right number for me at this level of activity.
Not sure if I'm in ketosis yet, still feeling good and sleeping well. Might check later, but it dosnt really matter, never managed to get a good read in the past.
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Posted 13 January 2020 - 01:30 AM
Eating a high protein, med fat, very low carb meal for lunch (@1.30) seems to be working for me. I'm having around 300cals and feeling satiated. When I've tried to eat 2 meals a day before my first has been more of a snack, and this has led to hunger and nibbling, as dinner is hours away. Think this has led to binging in the past, so if it means splitting my cals into a 2 meals then I'm doing it.
My aim for this week, get more greens. Keep at it, it's working.
According to my fitbit I'm 6 days away from period, so in theory my body and hormones will cause me to plataeu this week. In the past I've had some very mild losses at this point in my cycle with high protien and keto so fingers crossed.
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Posted 13 January 2020 - 03:16 AM
Just tested and my ketones are at low, last time I did keto properly I only saw low once, most of the time I was at trace. So hurrah and I'm not even sposed to be doing keto lol
Thinking about my goals for this year
First goal 175lb, almost all my clothes fit and I'm happy in shorts. (End of Feb at the latest but end of Jan would be great)
2nd goal low 160's, the lowest I've got in the past 2 years. (Mid April latest)
3rd goal 154lb my pre pregnancy weight (Going on holiday mid May love to be there by then)
4th goal 139lb my ultimate goal Weight and late teen set point. (Long term but if i can get there by September that would be awesome)
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Posted 14 January 2020 - 12:07 AM
Messed up last night, ate some of my boys wine gums when I was putting him to bed. The dry mouth is driving me nuts, it seems to way way worse in the evenings. Just having something to suck helps, I normally stick to sugar free polos, but last night the wine gums were just too tempting.
My cals were already over by about 100 before the wine gums, but for some reason I was hungry in the evening. Looking at my macros, before the wine gums my carbs were at 10g around 5%, fat was 65% and protein 30%. I had oily fish both meals yesterday, great for good fat, but I think the lower protein was what left me hungry.
Anyway left the day at just over 1000cals and carbs were at 41g.
Weirdly laying in bed I could smell a strange smell, thought it was my partners breath, sort of garlicky, herby. But apart from the kippers his dinner last light was just vegetables and rice. Think the smell was coming from me, not breath I checked.
So the plan for today
Bulk it up, going to aim for 20g of carbs, which is about 10% and aim to get the protein to 50 - 60%
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Posted 14 January 2020 - 07:20 AM
Had a little play with loser town
If I put in couch potatoe at 800 I should be goal @ end of July.
That's 5.5months of strict 800 cals a day no slip ups.
If I go by my typical TDEE (pro athlete) and 800 cals I should hit goal mid April
That's way more doable 3.5months
In reality my TDEE is even higher when I'm working at it, 3 - 3.5k but I don't lose accordingly. In the past I've created that perfect minimum of 1750cals a day deficit for weeks on end but still only lost bare minimum.
Going to be interesting to see how it comes off this time, going to have to chart progress to see where I fit in the loser town scheme of things.
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Posted 15 January 2020 - 12:04 AM
Really good day yesterday, upped the protein % kept the carbs to 20g and had a full and satifiying 800 cals. Also got my steps in yesterday 18k giving me a TDEE of 3k. Took a bit of tweaking with my planned dinner, to increase the protien without adding more fat. Had to substitute some of the mince in my bolagnaise for chicken breast, but couldn't taste the difference once cooked.
Not sure what I'm going to have for dinner tonight yet, will do some freezer raiding later. So for planning, going to keep with eggs and tuna for lunch the high protein and med fat combo seems to work well for me in the hunger game.
Going to work at home today, got to get all the pipework finished in my on-suite. Been finding it really hard recently to find time to get on with my projects. Got a couple of errands to run first thing after the school run, and will make sure the dog gets 1.5 - 2 hour walk.
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Posted 16 January 2020 - 12:25 AM
Week one loss, 190 - 185 = 5lb down in week one ( 8lb since start)
I'm quite pleased with that, I'm thinking that this week's loss is actual weight. The 3lb loss in the 2 days previous was the water and food weight.
Think I might of actually of hit the right combination so get the magic 1/2lb a day. Yesterday I diddnt get the steps in, the pipework took longer than I thought, and couldn't be left, as we would have had no water in the bathroom unless I got it finished. The dog never got a walk, but I was pretty active all day. 8.5k steps TDEE 2.6k. With my intake at 800 Deficit came in at 1800 and for once science actually did it's thing and I lost 1/2.
Yesterday's food and macros came in spot on, but if haddnt had that fudge sweet when putting the boys to bed it have been at 9g of net carbs. But oh yeah I'm not going keto lol it's crazy that one small lump of fudge was nearly all my days carb allowance, I know fudge is just sugar but wow. It was nice though, I bit off tiny bits and sucked it, omg it was heaven, took a good 15m to eat.
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Posted 29 July 2020 - 03:29 AM
Think I need to take a bit of a break from here, give myself a rest from the constant pushing to do better.
Not sure how long I'll be able to keep off the site, think its actually part of my ed now. But if I can get down to once a day, that would be a great start.
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Posted 29 July 2020 - 07:22 AM
How much are Halo when on offer? I find Tesco are bastards on price.
Have you tried Aldi's icecream?
Hope the break does you well. x
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Posted 03 August 2020 - 01:35 AM
Well I think I've got my head round what was going on.
Last week, think may even have started the week before, but most of last week, I started b/ping again. My lowest weight last Tuesday was the last time I recorded a loss after b/p. From there on I was gaining every day, decided Thursday evening just to give myself a break and just eat whatever I wanted. So for the past 4 days I've indulged in everything, and lots of drinking too.
I'm up to 157.6lb, I know most of that is water from going back to eating carbs, but there probably is a couple of lbs of real weight too as I've been eating more than double TDEE every day.
My light bulb moment this morning, why I was feeling so tired and shit, and bloody hungry. What put me back in that binge mindstate, I think id put myself in that low carb grey area. Not enough fat for ketone energy, too many carbs to be in ketosis, like a constant state of mild keto flu.
Since I've re-fed I'm going to stay eating carbs for a bit, I'm going to try and eat around maintenance for a while and see if I can get my metabolism back up closer up to where it should be.
I want to get to between 150 and 154lb and maintain there, then when I'm feeling strong and refreshed (hopefully with a higher metabolism). I'll go back to strict keto and shed the last stone.
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Posted 03 August 2020 - 01:41 AM
Duplo, on 29 Jul 2020 - 07:22 AM, said:
How much are Halo when on offer? I find Tesco are bastards on price.
Have you tried Aldi's icecream?
Hope the break does you well. x
£3 But not all flavours, I tried the blueberry cheese cake, diddnt rate it. The salted caramel was ok ish.
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Posted 03 August 2020 - 05:13 AM
75g porridge oats made with water, Stevia and collagen protein.
Lunch normal high fat low carb keto lunch, smoked mackerel cream cheese and lettuce.
Dinners I've shopped and planned.
Chilli con carne and rice
Chicken, veg and couscous
Lamb kebabs salad and mini pitta
Homemade burger in bun with sweetpotatoe fries
Should be between 1500 and 1800 a day, I should be aiming for more but I'm going to see how this works out.
I'm going down to Portsmouth on Friday for a old ship mates reunion, I'm staying with a old friend I've not seen in a couple of years. I will be drinking and don't want to be awkward over food choices, so I'm just going to relax and enjoy my night away.
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Posted 03 August 2020 - 11:38 PM
Yesterday's stats
TDEE 2,556 -20% = 2,044
Intake 1,638
Deficit 406
I was actually quite shocked with my weight this morning, wasn't expecting it to drop that much, down 3.6lb overnight. Puts me at the top end of my planned maintenance zone already, i was expecting it to take a week to get there. I'm thinking 5lb of extra water whilst on carbs is a realistic number, but that would mean I diddnt gain any real weight with basically a whole week of bingeing.
Carb face, is real and I love it. I see people comparing pics on keto groups going on about carb face. But all I normally see is a person whose lost a lot of weight and their face is smaller by comparison. But after eating carbs for just over a week, my face has plumped up, filling out some of my wrinkles, I actually look better, cheeks are slightly less sunken.
Wasn't going to record all my data whilst I'm maintaining, but then how will i know if a change in diet is going to have any effect on my hormones, it will be interesting to see if I still get the large fluctuations in water weight mid cycle (pms is understandable sort of)
Got the day to myself today, shopping??
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Posted 04 August 2020 - 01:44 AM
I just got back from walking the dog, needed another poo, that's the second one this morning (had 3 yesterday) my body obviously loves the roughage.
Got back on the scales, as you do, and da da I'm now 153.4lb, that's 4.2lb of my binge gain gone.
Just comparing some numbers
Lowest may weight 152.8lb keto
Lowest June weight 149.6lb keto
Lowest July weight 148.8lb low carb/keto
June day 11 151.6lb
July Day 11 151.8lb
Aug day 11 153.6lb standard carb diet
So it looks like I'm currently up 2.6lb (1.8lb + the 0.8lb I lost last month) if you only compare cycle day 11 weights lol.
I've got so many food ideas and recipes rushing round my head at the moment, can't wait to add them all back into my repitour.
Definetly adding chicken and chickpea curry to my list of meals this week.
Last night's chilli was lush and so much food, had my portion of rice with my first bowl, and just chilli for seconds.
Future forward thinking, might keep with the carbs for a couple of months, completly reset my body, so it will react harder to keto when I switch back. I know come October when the daylight hours drop is when I normally start gaining, but I've got my sad light this year and I'm hoping to prevent the normal winter bulking.
I'd love to hit my next goal before hibination sets in (10 1/2 stone, 147lb), maintain it till the new year then push for under 10 stone next year. Seems crazy to be setting such slow goals, when I know I could just do some fasting and low restrict for a few weeks and shed the weight quickly. But I'd just gain it back as soon as I tried to eat normally again.
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Posted 04 August 2020 - 08:39 AM
Sounds like you had an epic bowel movement Did you block the bog?
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Posted 04 August 2020 - 10:00 AM
Na, posted it in instalments, 3 times again today. Reckon it's the oats for breakfast.
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Posted 04 August 2020 - 12:17 PM
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Posted 04 August 2020 - 11:22 PM
Yesterday's stats
TDEE 2,369 -20% = 1,895
Intake 1,437
Deficit 458
Well I'm just going to put it out there, "a change is as good as a rest". I feel great, I feel full and I'm not gaining, possibly even losing, even though im eating the same cals as previously.
My belly is still like a spare tyre, but my waist measurement is the same as before, definetly puffier on carbs. My man likes it, been getting stacks over the last week, might be all the naughty food hes got to eat too, I've joked with him for a while that if I wanted some all I needed to do was give him chocolate or biscuits.
Diddnt go shopping yesterday, had some indulgent me time. Spent ages trying on clothes, trying to work out what to wear Friday night. Then played with makeup, its been ages since I actually wore any, wanted to try out a new colour and look on my eyes. Getting my hair cut and coloured tomorrow, really looking forward to it, my roots are mental.
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Posted 05 August 2020 - 02:33 AM
Omg my porridge this morning was super lush, tasted like cake. I put mixed spice cinnamon, ginger and sultans in it.
Been contemplating BOTOX, this pic just makes me want it more, I know it's accentuated by the raised eyes look up but, no!!
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Posted 05 August 2020 - 11:04 PM
Yesterday's stats
TDEE 2,581 -20% = 2,064
Intake 1,840
Deficit 224
Had pork belly for dinner last night, with creamy braised cabbage. Probably holding a bit of food weight this morning, can't imagine I went over maintenance.
Got to get moving this morning, need to take the dog out for a quick hour, need to be at the hairdressers for 8:30.
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Posted 06 August 2020 - 05:56 AM
Feeling kinda pretty today xx
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Posted 06 August 2020 - 09:05 AM
You are STUNNING. Living your best life!
Botox not necessary AT ALL. However if you think it will enhance your confidence, why not. It seems pretty safe these days.
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Posted 06 August 2020 - 10:23 AM
Duplo, on 06 Aug 2020 - 09:05 AM, said:
You are STUNNING. Living your best life!
Botox not necessary AT ALL. However if you think it will enhance your confidence, why not. It seems pretty safe these days.
My stylist is my age and has been doing it for years. I've ummed and arhed for a while now, but the loss of fat on my face is really not helping, definetly starting to show my age.
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Posted 06 August 2020 - 11:20 PM
Yesterday's stats
TDEE 2,345, -20% = 1,876
Intake 1,529
Deficit 347
Supposed to be the hottest day of the year so far today, I'm going to be sat in my car on the M25 in the midday sun. Not really the best plan, but don't want to get stuck in traffic jams either, so leaving early to travel down to stay with a friend.
Not sure how I'm going to play it tonight, will be drinking, so will need to eat. We are going out to eat so think I might just give myself the night off and eat whatever I fancy and really enjoy my night out.
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Posted 08 August 2020 - 06:41 AM
Don't know how much I ate and drank last night. Had a couple of small slices of pizza and lots and lots of wine, a few bits of kebab. But I drunk chundered so dont think much counts lol.
Had a brilliant night away, even if the drive was a nightmare.
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Posted 08 August 2020 - 10:36 AM
thesekidsdrivememad, on 06 Aug 2020 - 10:23 AM, said:
My stylist is my age and has been doing it for years. I've ummed and arhed for a while now, but the loss of fat on my face is really not helping, definetly starting to show my age.
Every silver lining has a cloud 
How did you find getting to sleep on Friday? Boy was the weather HOT!
Where did you stay last night?
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Posted 08 August 2020 - 07:44 PM
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Posted 08 August 2020 - 11:42 PM
Duplo, on 08 Aug 2020 - 10:36 AM, said:
Every silver lining has a cloud
How did you find getting to sleep on Friday? Boy was the weather HOT!
Where did you stay last night?
I crashed and burned, I toddled off to bed (at my friend house in portsmouth) after I was sick the other girls stayed up chatting and eating the takeaway we had brought back. I woke at 4.30 in the morning not knowing where I was, but apart from needing 4 pints of water to stop feeling shaky, i was fine no hangover.
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Posted 08 August 2020 - 11:43 PM
Dr Pepper, on 08 Aug 2020 - 7:44 PM, said:
You're so beautiful! I am following
Thank you, that's really sweet of you xx
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Posted 08 August 2020 - 11:48 PM
Just to let you know I've decided it's time to start a new accountability, I've migrated to the main accountability board.
Going to start a new plan to lose the next 10lb. Starting Monday, but my new accountability is up and running over there.
Thank you all that have been following here, feel free to pop in over there for more of the same, but with carbs lol.
https://www.myproana...lb-down-so-far/
5'8" 150lb, 115lb down, trying to get a grip on grelin x
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Posted 08 August 2020 - 08:33 AM
I started this current journey just over 3 years ago @ 265lb bmi 40.3 I'm now around 150lb, bmi 22.8.
I've been mistreating myself where foods concerned since my late teens, but things got worse in my 30's. I struggle mainly with b/p and BED but I'm also pretty awesome at restricting too.
I'm currently trying to lose healthily, up until very recently I'd been keto. The shift in diet promted the fresh start in accountability. But this time I've decided that maybe I now fit better here on the main board.
I tend to spew nonsense about my day, post random food pics, the odd recipe and of course body checks. And I follow my monthly cycle religiously, stressing about the crap hormones throw us.
I've stuck links here to my previous ramblings, mainly for me, I get nostalgic.
No. 1 Not quite the very beginning but close.
https://www.myproana...0-pounds/page-1
No.2 pre boob op lots of crappy bloke shit as I started dating again.
https://www.myproana...y-update/page-1
No.3 losing the winter binge weight and meeting Mr right.
https://www.myproana...rt-191lb/page-1
No. 4, this year's adventure into keto
https://www.myproana...page-1?hl= days +lose +50lb
Me where I'm at right now
How far I've come
My personal trainer
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Posted 08 August 2020 - 10:48 PM
I'm not admitting defeat, I've lost this battle, but I'm going to win the war.
I have a battle plan, but it's a rather long term strategy.
Firstly the enemy's
Grelin, our hunger hormone.
Insulin, puts us in fat storage mode.
Cortisol, the stress hormone, floods our body's with glycogen so we can fight or flight.
On our side
leptin, the satiety hormone.
Will power, or as I like to call it the subboness to succeed.
Normally the hormones would be in balance, and we would happily go about our day eating the right amount of food and maintaining our weight. But if they get out of wack then it all goes pear shaped. (Well strawberry shaped in my case).
I'm currently in a daily battle with grelin, and my will power has dwindled, I've slipped into the dreaded binge cycle (Well b/p mostly as I'm predominantly mia)
Going to use science to rebalance and quit this binge cycle.
Reverse diet. Minimum of 12 weeks, only walking and light weights.
When maintaining @ TDEE, 're start training.
New year 4 week, hard diet, 800cals intermittant fast, low carb. (10-15lb, 10%)
Back to maintenance, for at least 3 months
Early summer, re assess wether I need to lose more or just maintain.
https://www.myproana...grelin-x/page-6
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Posted 08 August 2020 - 11:08 PM
Yesterday's stats
TDEE 1,933 by fitbit, -20% to adjust for my crap metabolism = 1,546
Intake, 1,807
Deficit, - 260
Can't believe how sedentary I was yesterday I did go for a short walk in the morning but only got 6k steps in over the whole day. Weekends are meant to be maintenance, so it's not the end of the world I'll just have to be sensible today and create a small deficit to even it out.
According to fitbit I'm mid cycle, I do normally bloat (mini pms) but my last 2 cycles have been slightly longer than my normal average so fitbit might be off.
Need to go grocery shopping as there's no healthy food in the house, but it's Sunday nothing's open till 10am so will have to do breakfast first. Can't decide should I stick with my normal Sunday cooked brunch treat meal or have porridge this morning? Going to finish my coffee throw some shorts on and take the dog for a long walk I'll decide when I get back.
Need to work out a plan, how to drop the next 10lb.
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Posted 08 August 2020 - 11:52 PM
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Posted 09 August 2020 - 02:06 AM
Starduss, on 08 Aug 2020 - 11:52 PM, said:
Looking forward to this new one. I didn't know you had 5. I'm definitely going back to look at your first one. I'm so impressed and I so wanna see how it all began.
I read through no1 yesterday, omg so nostalgic. Definetly going to take some tips and inspiration from there, to put together my new plan.
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Posted 09 August 2020 - 02:06 AM
Good enough time to do it as I'm going to be maintaining my weight for the next 4 months, the results won't be screwed by weight loss.
Be prepared it's not pretty lol.
First day rolling for a while, Sunday 6th September.
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Posted 09 August 2020 - 02:17 AM
I've been drifting a bit the last few months losing a couple of lbs here and there, time to get a bit rigid with myself. Looking back I had great success high restricting at 1000 - 1200 cals, loss is going to be slower as I've not as much to lose now, but 1lb a week has to still be acheivable.
Plan
700 cal deficit on weekdays, going to aim for 1200cals intake.
300 cal deficit - maintenance on the weekends. Around 1800cals intake, allows for wine and chocolate.
Hopefully loss will follow science and the 3,500 cal deficit will give me a lb of loss.
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Posted 09 August 2020 - 08:14 AM
You are deffo more suited to this forum!
I am SHOOK to discover you started at 265lb!! You've came so bloody far girl! So proud of you. Do you have before and after comparison photos?
I love the phrase 'mini pms'. That's getting stolen right now Bloating mid-cycle is my jazz.
Your high restriction challenge is realistic. You'll be having the same intake as me.
btw, I am BESIDE MYSELF waiting for these pinafores!! 
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Posted 09 August 2020 - 11:27 AM
Duplo, on 09 Aug 2020 - 08:14 AM, said:
You are deffo more suited to this forum!
I am SHOOK to discover you started at 265lb!! You've came so bloody far girl! So proud of you. Do you have before and after comparison photos?
I love the phrase 'mini pms'. That's getting stolen right now
Your high restriction challenge is realistic. You'll be having the same intake as me.
btw, I am BESIDE MYSELF waiting for these pinafores!!
They went first class so you should get them soon, I used to do 1000 - 1200 when I was over 200lb, should in theroy be easy now I actually need less.
There are pics on my other threads, I'll try and link the specific pages. There's defo pics at the end of the first accountability.
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Posted 09 August 2020 - 11:28 AM
Shichi, on 09 Aug 2020 - 05:02 AM, said:
Fallowing body twin I’m organekuma....
Yay xx
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Posted 09 August 2020 - 10:54 PM
Yesterday's stats
TDEE 2,479 by fitbit, -20% to adjust to my crap metabolism = 1,983
Intake 1,443
Deficit 540
Had a really good day food wise yesterday, did try to rein the cals in a couple of time, but reminded myself that it was still the weekend, and I could eat more. Had plain porridge for Breck, homemade lamb kebab, wrap with sald for lunch, and pot roasted chicken with red cabbage new potatoes and turnip for dinner.
It was meant to be really hot here, but I wasn't that impressed, but did have a lovely afternoon laying in the garden in my bikini, snuggled with my man on the daybed. Good book and a cheeky alfresco bunkup.
Plan for today, get in as much activity as possible and keep the cals under 1,200. Shouldn't be to hard if I get going and stay busy, so I'm signing off now and going for a run.
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Posted 10 August 2020 - 12:00 AM
Duplo, on 09 Aug 2020 - 08:14 AM, said:
You are deffo more suited to this forum!
I am SHOOK to discover you started at 265lb!! You've came so bloody far girl! So proud of you. Do you have before and after comparison photos?
I love the phrase 'mini pms'. That's getting stolen right now
Your high restriction challenge is realistic. You'll be having the same intake as me.
btw, I am BESIDE MYSELF waiting for these pinafores!!
If you scroll down the first page of accountability no 2 there are before pics and omg they are bad, I'd forgotten just how bad they were. My boobs, God knows how I used to be able to walk carring them things.
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Posted 10 August 2020 - 02:47 AM
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Posted 10 August 2020 - 07:48 AM
thesekidsdrivememad, on 10 Aug 2020 - 12:00 AM, said:
If you scroll down the first page of accountability no 2 there are before pics and omg they are bad, I'd forgotten just how bad they were. My boobs, God knows how I used to be able to walk carring them things.
You don't look 18 stone in the pics! Damn I'm jealous of your height. I looked like that at 11 stone. fml
Your bikini shots look AMAZING, and the gold bikini is lovely. Even when I'm skinny I won't be wearing a bikini. My mum-tum is too offensive lol.
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Posted 10 August 2020 - 08:01 AM
Duplo, on 10 Aug 2020 - 07:48 AM, said:
You don't look 18 stone in the pics! Damn I'm jealous of your height. I looked like that at 11 stone.
Your bikini shots look AMAZING, and the gold bikini is lovely. Even when I'm skinny I won't be wearing a bikini. My mum-tum is too offensive lol.
I thought mine would be too, used to have the overhang, right up to about 10lbs ago. I hate the loose crepy skin, but honestly it's not as bad as I thought it would be. It's sort of stayed at the same level of looseness as ive lost more weight, like its trying to catch up, maybe one day it will.
I'm currently derma rolling it, not sure if it's making a difference but loose skin is a long process. I'm lucky that the only stretch makes I have are so old and completly silvered they don't show anymore.
I've always worn a bikini, my boobs always needed some sort of support. I could get away with a swimsuit now but I think it looks weird on me, long torso thing.
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Posted 10 August 2020 - 08:27 AM
Have you tried bio oil on it? That stuff WORKS but you need to apply daily and results kick in after a few weeks. I need to start using it.
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Posted 10 August 2020 - 10:53 PM
Duplo, on 10 Aug 2020 - 08:27 AM, said:
Have you tried bio oil on it? That stuff WORKS but you need to apply daily and results kick in after a few weeks. I need to start using it.
I used to use bio oil, back at the beginning of this journey. I've now progressed to using what ever I'm trailing on my face. Plus I take collegon powder every day, I think that's making the most difference, my skin is softer and smoother since I started taking it.
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Posted 10 August 2020 - 11:13 PM
Yesterday's stats
TDEE 2,858 by fitbit, -20% = 2,286
Intake 1,268
Deficit 1,018
My weekly lb, 3,500 - 1,018 = 2,482
Had a really good activity day yesterday, ran 5k and walked for about 2.5 hours, almost 22k steps.
Food wise, porridge with pb2 for brekky, tuna, lightest cream cheese and lettuce for lunch, made a veg stir fry for dinner with my home made lamb kebabs in a tahini and low fat creme fraiche sauce, added some pasta for my man.
My kids come back from their holiday with their dad today, going to have to start adulting again. It's been so quiet round here without them, sure I'm going to end up with a headache within 10mins of them being through the door.
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Posted 11 August 2020 - 12:47 AM
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Posted 02 September 2020 - 07:06 AM
Firstly a starting point.
Basically need to start from the level I've been restricting too, this is not going to be easy to calculate, as I've been up and down all over the place for the last couple of months. I know I lose if I restrict to 1200 - 1400 consistently, but because my body is fighting me so hard doing this has caused binges and b/p. So following weeks have been over by unknown amounts. When I did all the calculations a few weeks back, I worked out my metabolism was running 20% under my fitbit TDEE. At the moment I'm averaging 2,200 to 2,300 TDEE by fitbit which puts me around 1,800, I'm just about coping at that level, but it's not enough. But 1,800 is my start level I think.
Macros matter
It's all about hormones, this time not girly ones. Leptin the satiety hormone, comes from body fat, so as you lose fat you have less, bummer. Grelin, the hunger hormone, when you restrict this goes into over drive, your bodys way of trying to restore the fat stores to prevent the incoming famine.
Carbs increase leptin, so for this to work quickly and effectively I need to embrace the carbs!
I like to eat high protein, and I find it the most saitiating of the macros I'm going with 150g (1g per 1lb) need to keep fat to 20 - 30% im going to aim for 20%, 40g of fat, the rest needs to come from carbs. That puts me at roughly 20% fat, 40% carbs and 40% protein, at 1800 cals, as the cals increase the extra should come from carbs.
Cheats and treats
Aim for 80/20 split between clean eating and cheating.
This means in theroy I can have 360cals a day of treat food if I want it. I can have that 1/2 bottle of wine, yay! (But not everyday )
Reverse diet plan
The guidelines say weigh weekly, if maintained or lost, add 100 - 150cals if gained repeat the week at the same cals.
I'm going to tweak this a little, firstly I have a range 149lb to 154lb as my water weight fluctuates wildly so I need to workout within my range and menstrual cycle whether I'm going up or down or maintaining. I'd love for this range to only be 3lb, hopefully with the balanced macros and consistent cal levels I should be able to achieve this.
I'm going with add 100cals if I lose (below my range), add 50cals if I maintain low end of range, stay the same if going up or at high end of range.
Weigh in day is Friday, using these three days to practice eating at 1800 and hopefully reset from my weekend blow out. If my weight is over 153lb on Friday morning, I might have to reconsider my 1800 start limit.
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Posted 02 September 2020 - 11:08 PM
Yesterday's stats
TDEE 2,456
Intake 1,804
37% carbs, 23% fat, 40% protein.
Had porridge with desiccated coconut for breakfast (also a hard boiled egg, boys breakfast left overs).
Jacket potatoe with light cream cheese and tuna for lunch.
Roast chicken breast with braised Swede and carrot for dinner.
No cheats or treats yesterday all cals were clean and gluten free.
My youngest went back to school yesterday, felt a bit anxious, but coped without turning to food. Only walked my dog for 1hour, which has become my new norm. So the rise in my TDEE is from being more active during the day, I don't feel like I'm moving more, but obviously I am. I've gone from 18-20k steps down to around 14-16k and getting better Tdee's. I'm taking it as a good sign, our body's are so clever, more energy in and NEAT rises.
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Posted 03 September 2020 - 11:43 PM
Yesterday's stats
TDEE 2,456
Intake approx 900 intentional cals + b/p
Still struggling with hunger, and that feeling when you know it's just a snack but because I've gone over plan, might as well b/p. That's what happened yesterday, was hungry at 10.30, had a small banana and some cold chicken. Adjusted the rest of my day to make it ok, but I was still hungry, if I'd had made and eaten lunch early, would I have been able to get through till dinner? My brain just went to binge, it's our last chance, come on we can really enjoy this, we have the house to ourselves. The binge was a big one, but not massive, probably about 3.5k but most of it was cake and sweet junk, so very quick digesting.
But that's it, no more, I'm determined to make this reverse diet work. To do it, I need to be contistant, so I can see what is happening with my weight. It's going to be tough but I need to be stricter this weekend to get a good start. 1,800cal is enough, it's 3 good filling meals, I can even squeeze it to allow wine. Just got to keep busy.
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Posted 03 September 2020 - 11:49 PM
My fasted/keto LW is 149lb after bingeing and carb re-feed I'm around 153lb, would like 154lb to be my maximum for this journey.
Week 1 @ 1,800cals, 4-10 September
Weight 153.8, 152.8, 152.2, 152.2, 153.2, 153.8, 153.4
Total intake, 1,624 + 1,879 + 1,792 + 1,807 + 1,864 + 2,128 + 1,563 = 12,657
Total expenditure, 2,468 + 2,410 + 2,453 + 2,412 + 2,503 + 2,273 + 2,259 = 16,778
Average weight 153lb
Average in 1,808
Average out 2,397
Week 2 @ 1,850cals 11 - 17 September
Weight 152.8, 154.4,
Total intake 2,616 = 2,616
Total expenditure 2,203 = 2,203
Average weight
Average in
Average out
#105
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Posted 04 September 2020 - 04:14 AM
So its come to my attention it's grelin that is my problem, and it's probably the most common reason most of us binge. Leptin is like grelins nemisis, but leptin is produced by our body fat. As we lose body fat we produce less, but at the same time our body is ramping up grelin because it thinks there's a famine and it's trying to force us to eat. I read some really interesting stuff about weight set points and diet breaks, whilst doing my research on reverse dieting. And some of it really hit home.
The biggest one is this 10% theroy, we can lose 10% body fat before the body goes into panic mode. After that point it gets harder, lots of stalls and frustrating low loses. I'd always put the blame on me, sort of diet fatigue. But now it makes logical sense, this year I lost from 168lb - 154lb pretty easily, but I've been stuck losing and gaining the same 5lb ever since. I'm not including the 20 odd lb of over winter binge weight I dropped in the first 6 weeks of this year as that wasn't proper weight, it was winter blubber, easy come easy go.
So my new plan is going to incorporate this, I'm going to do a 4 week, 800cal diet in the new year. Starting with a completly ramped up metabolism. I'm only going to do it for 4 weeks, and only to a maximum of 10% fat loss. Then maintain for at least 3months the restore all hormones and reset that new weight as my set point.
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Posted 04 September 2020 - 11:53 PM
Yesterday's stats
TDEE 2,468
Intake 1,624 (84 from unclean)
32% carbs, 22% fat, 46% protein.
Had plain porridge for breakfast, made chicken and couscous for lunch, but it tasted off so I diddnt eat it, had some pre packed chicken for the kids so I had that instead with light Philly and lettuce, totally messed up my carb loading. Made salmon with baked butternut squash for dinner, and had a cheeky slice of cold pizza (kids left overs) only a small slice of stone baked margeretta so about 85cals but it bumped my carbs up. Ended up finishing the day with cals left over, not a great start, but I'm more likely to overeat on the weekend so it's good to have some in the bank.
Weight wise, I'm pretty happy, obviously I would have preferred it to settle at 149lb, but I think 153lb is an accurate reflection of where I'm at, high carb/fully hydrated and a good level of food weight.
Still haven't decided whether or not I'm drinking this weekend, im going to say probably not. Bf is going to his ex's today, as he has to learn how his daughters new insulin pump works, before he's allowed to have his kids again. It's his weekend to have them, and his ex still hasn't decided whether he will be allowed to take them home (his not mine). So he may not be back tonight anyway, so that makes the decision easier, I haven't drunk alone in a very long time.
The bf also brought up the sober for October thing, he wants to do it, I was shocked, he drinks every day. He said he wants to weigh in at the beginning and see if it really does make a difference stopping for a month. (Erm, yes lol). Will be a bit odd for me, as I'd not actually planned to give up, just cut back.
I'm still in shock at how high my TDEE has been this week, I've cut my dog walks in half, yet my TDEE is consistently at the higher end of a normal active day. This is making me very happy, when I get my metabolism firing right, I could potentially have 600-700 more cals to play with.
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Posted 05 September 2020 - 11:30 PM
Yesterday's stats
TDEE TDEE 2,410
Intake 1,879 (23 dirty cals)
46% carb, 26% fat, 28% protein
Breakfast plain porridge
Lunch mushroom, pepper and tuna couscous
Afternoon snack small banana and 2 blackcurrant and licorice sugar free sweets
Dinner rump steak, chip shop chips and fried red cabbage with cream cheese.
Watched some interesting YouTube yesterday on reverse dieting, I'm really getting into this now. It's like it's become my new obsession. I'm determined to make it work. There were even cases where people lost weight whilst reverse dieting, omg that would be a dream.
I had planned to do sweet potatoe mash with dinner, but bf was late coming home (he had been allowed to take his kids to his for the afternoon). Decided to get chips from the chippy, because I can, and actually their clean! Not perfect as the oil is vegetable and therefore processed but probably a cleaner option than frozen oven chips.
The one thing I was finding difficult was hitting the goal number exactly, but it seems it's more of a average over the week, so a little bit of discrepancy either way is ok, as long as they average out.
Had a couple of hungry moments, late afternoon, that's why I had the banana and just before bed, ignored that one.
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Posted 06 September 2020 - 09:48 AM
I'd planned a dirty lunch, was going to have pasta. And a lovely higher fat meat dinner. Was just heading out to get what i needed for dinner, when bf text me to say he'd brought a bottle of jammy roo, my favoite wine.
So I've had to re-think both meals, to include 1/2 bottle of wine. Today will have the full quota of dirty cals (wine). Went for a keto style lunch, and doing a lean protein dinner with lots of veggies.
My new tip for today on reverse dieting. I need to eat at my new increased maintenance cals for at least as long as I plan to diet (cut) for after.
If this all goes to plan it should take 12 weeks, @ 50cals a week increase, to get up to 2,400. That takes me to end of Nov, so in theroy I've the whole of December to eat at my new maintenance, ready to do my 4 week diet in the new year. But this is all dependant on how my body responds.
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Posted 06 September 2020 - 10:56 PM
Yesterday's starts
TDEE 2,453
Intake 1,792 (320 dirty cals, from wine)
41% carbs, 26 % fat, 33% protein.
Plain porridge for breakfast
Smoked mackerel, light cream cheese/fat free Greek yog and lettuce, lunch.
Chicken fajita style stir fry veg and red kidney bean, with reduced fat creme fraiche and lettuce. 1/2 bottle of red wine, dinner.
Had no instances of big hunger yesterday, in fact I felt pretty full all day, stuffed even. But the kidney beans gave me a lot of wind, going to take so getting used to eating beans and pulses again.
I'm so excited for this to work, if I can do this, stop my b/p behaviours by never being hungry, stop the total overwhelming obsession with food, by not being hungry, be able to deal with emotions and stress in constructive ways not turning to food, because I'm not hungry.
Science is going to win this battle, grelin needs to be put back in its box, and leptin needs to be improved. And the way to do this is to eat (the right way) until the body dosnt think its heading into a famine anymore.
Oh and I've started lifting weights, nothing major, just working on slowing building/toning some muscle. It's a good time to do it, I'm not eating in a deficit I'm eating lots of protein, and I'm not allowed to do lots of cardio.
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Posted 07 September 2020 - 01:31 AM
Decided not to turn these charity shop jeans into shorts after all, they look quite cute as is. I did finish the other pair but haven't done pics yet, I will do it later, cos they look really good.
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Posted 07 September 2020 - 11:27 PM
Yesterday's stats
TDEE 2,412
Intake 1,807
36% carbs, 31% fat, 33% protein
Plain porridge for breakfast
Corned beef, lightest cream cheese and lettuce for lunch
Small Banana, fat free greek yog, protein powder and blueberries afternoon snack
Bolagnaise with lots of veg and couscous.
Can't believe it was still dark when I got up this morning, how did that happen?
I was quite uncomfortable when I went to bed last night, think I might be a bit backed up, i feel very full and bloated, I've been pretty slack on getting any water in since I started eating like this. I'm sure it's just a transitioning thing and will settle as my body gets used to eating high carb.
And some of my muscles feel a little achey, wow I can actually feel the lifting working.
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Posted 08 September 2020 - 11:19 PM
Yesterday's stats
TDEE 2,503
Intake 1,864 (159 dirty cals, garlic bread)
42% carbs, 27% fat, 31% protein.
Porridge with dates for breakfast
2 tins of tuna, lightest cream cheese and lettuce for lunch
Chicken stew with garlic bread for dinner.
Still feeling really full virtually all the time, sleep is not normal, I keep waking and struggle to get back off. But I've had no binge urges or cravings, it's really easy to ignore food when your body isn't manically telling you your starving to death.
Weight gains, hmmmm, I'm still in my range, just! Ok chill. I'm coming up on mid cycle, it could just be mini pms bloat, I'm also lifting heavy weights, ok I'm not doing lots, but it's not something my body is used to.
So far I'm happy how this reverse is going, im amazed how quickly the grelin, leptin balance has started to sort itself out. Definetly need to remember this, week long diet breaks in a restriction phase, should give me a quick reset.
Summer body's are made in winter, starting now for summer 2021.
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Posted 09 September 2020 - 09:30 AM
Ate lunch was hungry so made it a bigger portion, adjusted dinner plans, all ok.
But couldn't switch off the hunger monster, made a black coffee, started the cupboard rounds. Decided on a couple of slices of malt loaf only 72 cals, but couldn't stop there, ate what was left of the loaf. Still feeling hungry/bingy, so made a bowl of 0% fat Greek yogurt, 2x small bananas and some frozen blueberries. Finally felt full enough to be content.
Although this felt like a binge, because of the volume of food, but it wasn't out of control. I made conscious decisions, I could fit it all into my daily cals, the only thing that's going to suffer is my protein amount for the day, as I've only enough cals left for veg at dinner.
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Posted 09 September 2020 - 11:02 PM
Yesterday's stats
TDEE 2,273
Intake 2,128
55% carbs, 26% fat, 19% protein
I had a plan to bring dinner in under my remaining cals, but failed, I added some reduced fat creme fraiche to my roasted spicy veg. Nothing to bad there, but I then ate my son's left over McDonald's chicken nuggets x6. I don't feel bad about yesterday's overeat, I needed it, i was hungry, killing the binge/purge monster is still my number one priority.
But I do need to get productive today, yesterday was a very lazy day.
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Posted 10 September 2020 - 02:53 AM
Goal 1, 1 week b/p free
Goal 2, 1 month
Goal 3, 3 months
Goal 4, 6 months
Goal 5, 1 year
My current pb is 112 days, but I'm more aware now of my hunger ie grelins role in my binge mind. So im hopeing I can use strategies like diet breaks, and only restricting for short stints so I can keep some balance in my hunger signalling hormones.
I'm coming up on the end of the first week, and all ready I'm feeling impatient to see results, and worringing that it won't work. The more research I do the more conflicted i get, take yesterday for instance. I was reading stuff on TDEE and what maintenance cals we should be aiming for. Advice is we should aim for 12-15cals per lb of body weight (I'm assuming this is sedentary) that would put me at 1,800 to 2,250. I'm @ 1,800 an maintaining now so does that mean I'm not going to get a great result from this? But then it goes on to say some can push it as high as 20cals per lb (3,000 for me) I just want to get it to roughly what my fitbit says (about 2,400 average at the mo).
My planned food today is very lean, and my 3 meal currently come in at just over 1,500cals. This gives me 2 options, I either even out yesterday's over spend or I have a snack if I really need it, let's see how my hunger levels are today.
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Posted 10 September 2020 - 09:53 PM
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Posted 10 September 2020 - 11:00 PM
Shichi, on 10 Sept 2020 - 9:53 PM, said:
You are doing Awsome need some your willpower girl!!!
It's easier to have will power when your not hungry and constantly obsessing about food.
I'm playing the long game, next summer I'm going to have the body I want, until then I'm going to enjoy food. I saw something yesterday that really hit home, you have to enjoy the process your in, stop looking over the fence, the grass isn't always greener. I had a little bit of that the last couple of days, reading others accountabilitys and seeing their progress, I got a bit of loss envy.
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Posted 10 September 2020 - 11:14 PM
Yesterday's stats
TDEE 2,259
Intake 1,563
39% carbs, 31% fat, 30% protein
Couldn't finish all my dinner, and I only had 2 sausages, cabbage and sweetpotatoe. I don't get my appitite, unless it's like growth spurts, maybe the day befores hunger was a ramping up in my metabolism, oooo that would be cool.
I'm not sure if this is just wishful thinking but I feel leaner, my fat/skin folds don't feel as thick. From what I've researched, women weight training can expect to gain between 0.5 - 1.5lb of muscle a month. I'd hope to hit the lower end of that as I'm not doing big workouts, so that would be 2lb over my planned 4 month reverse diet. If I can replace 2lb of fat with 2lb of muscle that's got to make quite a significant difference on the tape measure.
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Posted 11 September 2020 - 12:43 AM
Looking at the average stats, it all looks spot on. Just need to work on consistency, going to aim for 130-140g of protein and 50-60g fat this week's as it seems to fit how I like to eat and gives a good level of satiety.
Need to try harder to hit those macros daily, consistency is important to see the results more clearly.
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Posted 12 September 2020 - 12:38 AM
Yesterday's stats
TDEE 2,203
Intake around 3k (+ anything left from my b/p)
Diddnt really start out as a bad day just went a little pear shaped, decided to have a tsp of peanut butter with my carrot mid afternoon instead of the small banana as planned. Ooops I fell in, wasn't that bad, still salvageable just carrots and a couple of hundred cals of pb. But I kinda panic binged, because I'd fucked up, wasn't a massive binge and mostly slower digesting foods only one piece of cake. But I broke my streak now I'm back to day one. 0 days b/p free.
Then my decisions went from bad to worse. I got Chinese takeaway for dinner, I ordered the set meal for 2. There are 4 of us the boys don't eat massive but they do still have a decent portion. My partners portion was at least 50% larger than mine. So im estimating that I diddnt eat terribly, I've logged it as 750cal. But we also had wine and chocolate, in for a penny lol.
So I'm up 1.6lb overnight, im going with most of that is food and bloating from b/p. Struggling with how to continue the weekend, I want to drink wine, i want to enjoy food. I'm thinking I might start not counting wine in my official cals for this reverse diet. Hang on hear me out, I'm skimping on food to allow for wine, but the whole point of this reverse is to ramp up my metabolism by eating more. Alchol cals are processed differently, they are dealt with solely by the liver and treated as a toxin. We get no nourishment from alchol, it just stops all other processes whilst it's being dealt with, so basically any food consumed goes straight to storage because the body is busy dealing with the alchol.
Basically I'm going to drink anyway, I've not drunk more than a bottle a day in a very long time. Think if I set myself a limit of that and try to keep the rest sensible then its worth a try. Pretty sure that's how I'm going to play the weekend, need to be strong and avoid anymore sweet treats though. All my 1850cals need to come from good nourishing food.
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Posted 13 September 2020 - 12:39 AM
Yesterday's stats
TDEE 2,213
Intake 2,778 total, 2,353 was food
In reality even if you count the wine I only went over by about 900 so definetly not 1lb of fat, it's just food weight.
Shouldn't have brought the coconut, I can't resist it, it was only a small one, but it's so high cal. Got to be better in the long run than chocolate though.
Ate really well though yesterday had a pretty standard breakfast and lunch, and did one of my keto fave meals for dinner. Steak with cheese stuffed mushrooms and asparagus wrapped in bacon with goats cheese.
I've a chicken, for Sunday roast today, so I should be able to pull a lightish dinner. But it's full English breakfast brunch today and we still have wine.
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Posted 23 September 2020 - 11:08 PM
I went on a major b/p bender, full on several times a day, buying in and stocking up on binge junk even did the drive through. I pushed it to its limit and even carried on after the need had gone, almost forcing myself to binge when I diddnt even want too. It was 10 days and there was a lot of binging that wasn't even purged. I just wanted to get the need out of my system as quickly as possible.
Monday I decided it was time to end, weighed in just under 160lb, OMG!
So its now Thursday morning and I've been eating maintenance cals for 3 days straight and I'm now back to 154.4lb, reckon I'll be be back under 154lb and back in my zone by tomorrow.
I'm hoping this has really given my metabolism a boost, I'm averaging around 1,900cals which is where I should have been on week 3 of my reverse diet. But the speed the binge weight is coming back off its a real happy feeling.
Tomorrow should be the start of week 4 and 1,950cals, but I'm not being as rigid with the cals just aiming for under 2k at the mo. But I reckon I should be able to push it to 2,100 without any gain.
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Posted 24 September 2020 - 11:22 PM
Week 4 of my reverse diet official cals this week 1950cals per day.
I'm definetly in the pms bloat zone, so not too worried about my weight being slightly higher than what I was maintaining at the start.
Yesterday's stats
TDEE 2,154
Intake 1,791
Slightly low on cals but felt pretty good, think I was mindfully adjusting as I diddnt walk the dog as it was raining all day.
young goddess' journey to 49 kilos
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Posted 05 April 2020 - 02:46 AM
SW: 108 kg
GW: 49 kg
LW: 65 kg
GW1: 99 kilos
GW2:89 kilos
GW3:79 kilos
GW4:69 (nice)kilos
GW5:59 kilos
UGW:49 kilos
i have quite literally lost count of how much i tried to create an accountability and gave up around 5-6 days in because id wake up one morning weighing myself and seeing the number go up even though i have been doing so good so here are some rules i give myself:
1- dont go above 100 calories of food that isnt fruits & vegetables. -- update: this changed since it was very difficult for me to do.
2- weigh-ins every 3 days not everyday
3- no binging since we dont know how to purge
4-little exercise (starting 4/12/2020 since i need to get used to this intake before exercising or else i binge)
i tried accountability with pics, didnt end up enjoying it so much, same with the fancy fonts but i can add a picture of taylor lashae everyday since she's my ultimate thinspo and i wish to look like her in every way. -- update: adding in "inyourdre4mz" on instagram, she's also my ultimate thinpso and she's very perfect.
*****
Day 1:
breakfast:
1 piece of whole wheat toast // 70 calories
1 triangle of cheese (la vache qui rit) // 25 calories
2 tangerines // 94 calories
1 large orange // 94 calories
approx 300 calories for breakfast, i dont feel so good about it
think i'll be able to do better for lunch and dinner
lunch: apple //100
dinner: 0 calories
total: 400 calories
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Posted 05 April 2020 - 02:53 AM
sOrry that cracked me up
all the best, I’d suggest taking one step at a time until it becomes an automatic habit instead of doing it all at once!
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Posted 05 April 2020 - 11:50 PM
Yesterday was..incredibly difficult and don't want to do that again.
The rule of food other than fruits and veggies being below 100 calories is too difficult for me, let's allow some sort of protein for lunch, and maybe honey for drinks since i quite literally don't know how to enjoy anything without honey.
ALSO should be noted I have hypothyrodism and weight loss for me atm is difficult since my TSH is still too high but i'm taking meds for it and im excited to reach a normal TSH level and be able to lose weight easier.
breakfast: 350 calories
lunch: peas and carrots and some boiled meat, half a cup of rice approx 400 calories
dinner: skipped! -- update: ate a tangerine 50 calories
total: 800 calories
I would pay my entire lifetime of savings to recreate this photo and look like that.
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Posted 05 April 2020 - 11:51 PM
boolimeeyer, on 05 Apr 2020 - 02:53 AM, said:
“no binging since we don’t know how to purge”
sOrry that cracked me up
all the best, I’d suggest taking one step at a time until it becomes an automatic habit instead of doing it all at once!
oh my god I've tried to purge i quite literally never could
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Posted 06 April 2020 - 10:09 AM
Feengirl, on 06 Apr 2020 - 10:00 AM, said:
follow
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Posted 07 April 2020 - 02:22 AM
so i made the mistake of weighing myself today and im 107 kilos not bad since its only been 2 days im very happy with this.
Day 3:
breakfast: 2 pieces of whole wheat toast approx 140 calories, 150 to be safe, two triangles of la vache qui rit cheese 50 calories, tangerine approx 50 calories, breakfast = 250 calories
lunch: salad with beans and one egg (250 calories)
i also snacked on one guava(50)
one carrot(30)
dinner: one banana (105)
total: 685 calories
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Posted 08 April 2020 - 02:04 AM
i got my period
now this is bad news (painful as FUCK cramps, bleeding, feeling gross, bloating, etc.)
but also good news because it will force my not to weigh myself for like two weeks
so next weigh in is: 22nd of april
this is DANGEROUS BUT EXCITING.
since i wont be able to know what weight i am
but at the same time im very excited to keep restricting and see the number go down
also two weeks id have no expectations as well
meaning if i lost 5 kilos or 7 kilos to me its the same -- update: thinking of um not doing that since im going insane, will weigh myself in 3 days
anyways im in PAIN OW
Day 4:
breakfast: carrot (30 calories)
two toasts(150) one teaspoon of cream cheddar spreadable cheese (25) on one toast
other toast: 1 teaspoon of apricot jam (approx 30)
total for breakfast: 235 calories -- update: gave my little sister the jam toast so subtract 105 calories. 130 calories.
lunch: skipped, my cramps are horrible i can barley move
dinner: also skipped, these cramps are really bad
total calories for today: 130
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Posted 08 April 2020 - 12:07 PM
stay strong....
sorry for your bad periode...i am happy that i lost my...since 1 year no periode...
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Posted 08 April 2020 - 12:19 PM
Feengirl, on 08 Apr 2020 - 12:07 PM, said:
stay strong....
sorry for your bad periode...i am happy that i lost my...since 1 year no periode...
i remember losing mine two years ago for 7 months but oh my goodness id rather lose it than these cramps.. my cramps are never this bad unless im restricting thank you for the kindness you're truly an angel
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Posted 08 April 2020 - 02:36 PM
Young Goddess, on 08 Apr 2020 - 02:04 AM, said:
so next weigh in is: 22nd of april
this is DANGEROUS BUT EXCITING.
since i wont be able to know what weight i am
but at the same time im very excited to keep restricting and see the number go down
also two weeks id have no expectations as well
meaning if i lost 5 kilos or 7 kilos to me its the same -- update: thinking of um not doing that since im going insane, will weigh myself in 3 days
I'm actually going insane, let's weigh in 3 days..
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Posted 09 April 2020 - 12:42 AM
GOOD NEWS:
So i couldn't wait and I knew it was wrong to weigh myself on my period but i weigh 105 kilos!! that means 3 kilos (6.6 pounds) less than my sw , 13.2 lbs to GW1 instead of 19.8 lbs
CW:231.48 lbs// 105 kg
SW:238 lbs//108 kg
GW1: 218 lbs // 99 kg
108 107 106 105 104 103 102 101 100 99
Day 5:
Breakfast: 2 pieces of whole wheat toast - 150 calories
2 teaspoons of spreadable cheese - 50 calories
1 cup guavas- 112 calories
total for breakfast: 312
as a snack: had a guava and a tangerine for a snack approx 100 calories
Lunch: 100 calories of grilled fish, 50 calories of rice, around 30 for salad
total for lunch(to be safe)= 200 calories
planning on skipping dinner
Dinner: skipped!!
total calories: 612 calories
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Posted 10 April 2020 - 05:47 AM
So i still weighed myself in the morning and i'm still 105 kg
Next weigh in: 4/14/2020 in 3 days
my cramps are actually killing me
Day 6:
Breakfast: cooked egg whites( 2 small eggs) 40 calories, toast 75, two cups of chopped guava 205
total breakfast calories: 320 calories
thinking of skipping lunch and dinner.
Lunch: skipped
Dinner:skipped
total calories: 320 calories
update: just weighed myself and 104 kg // 229 lbs !!!
lost 9 lbs in just 6 days!!!
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Posted 11 April 2020 - 03:59 AM
This morning 104 kg!!
I keep breaking my promises to weigh every single 3 days and i end up weighing myself a lot throughout the day
kind of very obsessed with my weight
in a week i lost 9 lbs
108 107 106 105 104 103 102 101 100 99
Day 7:
Breakfast: 1 roasted medium eggplant, no skin, mashed with half a teaspoon butter and a fresh tomato approx 150 calories
1 whole wheat toast slice approx 75 calories
total calories for breakfast: 225 calories
thinking of skipping lunch and dinner again
Lunch: skipped
Dinner:skipped
total calories for today: 225 calories
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Posted 11 April 2020 - 10:04 AM
Feengirl, on 11 Apr 2020 - 08:22 AM, said:
you do it great ♥
everytime i get a notification from you i really smile, youre always so so incredibly sweet
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Posted 11 April 2020 - 02:27 PM
Young Goddess, on 08 Apr 2020 - 02:04 AM, said:
i got my period
now this is bad news (painful as FUCK cramps, bleeding, feeling gross, bloating, etc.)
but also good news because it will force my not to weigh myself for like two weeks
so next weigh in is: 22nd of april
this is DANGEROUS BUT EXCITING.
since i wont be able to know what weight i am
but at the same time im very excited to keep restricting and see the number go down
also two weeks id have no expectations as well
meaning if i lost 5 kilos or 7 kilos to me its the same -- update: thinking of um not doing that since im going insane, will weigh myself in 3 days
anyways im in PAIN OW
Day 4:
breakfast: carrot (30 calories)
two toasts(150) one teaspoon of cream cheddar spreadable cheese (25) on one toast
other toast: 1 teaspoon of apricot jam (approx 30)
total for breakfast:
235 calories-- update: gave my little sister the jam toast so subtract 105 calories. 130 calories.lunch: skipped, my cramps are horrible i can barley move
dinner: also skipped, these cramps are really bad
total calories for today: 130
her <3
Young Goddess, on 11 Apr 2020 - 03:59 AM, said:
This morning 104 kg!!
I keep breaking my promises to weigh every single 3 days and i end up weighing myself a lot throughout the day
kind of very obsessed with my weight
in a week i lost 9 lbs
108 107 106 105 104103 102 101 100 99Day 7:
Breakfast: 1 roasted medium eggplant, no skin, mashed with half a teaspoon butter and a fresh tomato approx 150 calories
1 whole wheat toast slice approx 75 calories
total calories for breakfast: 225 calories
thinking of skipping lunch and dinner again
Lunch: skipped
Dinner:skipped
total calories for today: 225 calories
you are doing amazing.... xo
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Posted 11 April 2020 - 02:27 PM
Young Goddess, on 08 Apr 2020 - 02:04 AM, said:
i got my period
now this is bad news (painful as FUCK cramps, bleeding, feeling gross, bloating, etc.)
but also good news because it will force my not to weigh myself for like two weeks
so next weigh in is: 22nd of april
this is DANGEROUS BUT EXCITING.
since i wont be able to know what weight i am
but at the same time im very excited to keep restricting and see the number go down
also two weeks id have no expectations as well
meaning if i lost 5 kilos or 7 kilos to me its the same -- update: thinking of um not doing that since im going insane, will weigh myself in 3 days
anyways im in PAIN OW
Day 4:
breakfast: carrot (30 calories)
two toasts(150) one teaspoon of cream cheddar spreadable cheese (25) on one toast
other toast: 1 teaspoon of apricot jam (approx 30)
total for breakfast:
235 calories-- update: gave my little sister the jam toast so subtract 105 calories. 130 calories.lunch: skipped, my cramps are horrible i can barley move
dinner: also skipped, these cramps are really bad
total calories for today: 130
herrrrrr
have you ever tried homeopathic meds for cramping? let me send you what i use. i also looooove boiron homeopathic meds for migraines, etc... mostly use boiron. you can find on amazon
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Posted 11 April 2020 - 02:32 PM
hippie_bones, on 11 Apr 2020 - 2:27 PM, said:
herrrrrr
have you ever tried homeopathic meds for cramping? let me send you what i use. i also looooove boiron homeopathic meds for migraines, etc... mostly use boiron. you can find on amazon
yes taylor lashae is so perfect
i need to try these!! thank u so much youre such an angel
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Posted 11 April 2020 - 02:48 PM
Young Goddess, on 11 Apr 2020 - 2:32 PM, said:
yes taylor lashae is so perfect
i need to try these!! thank u so much youre such an angel
i didn't know who she was... i love her hair ahhh and her hair is sooo thick! gorgeous!!!
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Posted 05 July 2020 - 09:42 AM
Kiimas, on 04 Jul 2020 - 09:07 AM, said:
Thank you so muchBest of luck to you!
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Posted 07 July 2020 - 07:18 AM
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Posted 09 July 2020 - 08:44 AM
im currently reading never binge again hoping it'll stop me from eating trash food
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Posted 09 July 2020 - 05:41 PM
Today's food:
Breakfast: After working out with chloe ting I made:
About 40 grams of cottage cheese: 42 calories
1 tomato : 20 calories
1 cucumber: 15 calories
3 small carrots: 60 calories
1 slice of whole wheat toast: 65 calories
1 teaspoon of olive oil: 40
Lunch:
1/2 chicken breast cooked with butter and spices and veggies: 200 calories
salad: 100 calories
Snack:
1 frozen yogurt (60) and honey (40)
Dinner:
1 slice of whole wheat toast (65)
1 cucumber (15)
1 egg (100)
Total for today: 822 calories
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Posted 10 July 2020 - 04:15 AM
You can do this!!!
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Posted 11 July 2020 - 06:11 AM
diedunknown, on 10 Jul 2020 - 04:15 AM, said:
You can do this!!!
Thank you#149
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Posted 13 July 2020 - 02:38 PM
finally went to a doctor...
i got medicines for bloating and did a blood test to see if my hypothyroidism med dosage was correct. i need to see some results soon because i fit exactly the same in all my clothes as if i lost nothing at all..
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Posted 14 July 2020 - 09:11 AM
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Posted 14 July 2020 - 01:26 PM
Yesterday's meals:
1st meal:
1 apple - 95 calories 25g carbs
1 carrot (originally 3 but i got too full) - 30 calories 7g carbs
1/2 cup cantaloupe - 27 calories 13g carbs
1 cucumber- 34 calories 6g carbs
2nd meal:
chicken - 150 calories 0g carbs
2 cucumbers - 68 calories 12 g carbs
ketchup - 20 calories 4g carbs
1 whole wheat toast - 70 calories 12g carbs
1 tomato - 22 calories 5g carbs
total calories: 516 calories
total carbs: 84 grams... not keto friendly...
someone please help me and tell me what to do so the carbs dont add up!! as you can see i just 500 calories, mostly fruits and veggies except for roasted chicken and a slice of toast, yet that's over 80 grams of carbs!
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Posted 14 July 2020 - 10:12 PM
Today's meals:
First meal:
Applesauce (100 calories)
i made it myself with 1.5 cup peeled apple - 80 cal,14g carbs
cinnamon - 3 calories, 1g carbs
tsp honey - 21 cal, 6g carbs
2nd meal:
Chicken salad - 100 calories (carbs from the veggies 1.5g from peppers + 6g from cucumber + 5g from tomato + 1g from lettuce) i had very little chicken
1 whole wheat toast - 70 calories, 12g carbs
2 small hard boiled eggs (120 calories)
3rd meal:
Wheat porridge made with 100 calories of belila (sorry guys i can't find an english alternative for "belila" but https://www.myfitnes...lila-1069013201 this is the link to the nutrition details, also written on the box i have and i ate 30 grams) (20g carbs) and 34 calories of milk (3 g carbs) and honey (21 calories, 6g carbs)
Total calories : 540 calories
Total carbs: 72.5 grams (better than yesterday!!)
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Posted 16 July 2020 - 08:43 PM
Today's meals:
First meal:
1/4 cup of overnight oats (85) with cinnamon (6) and honey (22) and 1/4 cup of milk (26)
Second meal:
Tuna (172) 2 pieces of bread (140) tomato (30) cucumber (15) tsp olive oil (40)
Third meal:
1/2 yogurt - i freezed it- (34) blended with 1/2 cup milk (52) and frozen strawberries (24) honey (22)
Fourth meal:
Not what I would usually eat but my sister made Mac and Cheese and since I'm on my period I was really craving it (not included in my snap stories) and I ate like 4 tbsp which idk how many calories that is but I would say max 200 calories (pls correct me if im wrong)
Fifth meal:
2 eggs (200) scrambled and cooked with 1/8 cup cheese (50) and some bread (50)
Not gonna even count the carbs because I know they'll be like a LOT and im not angry at myself I don't feel bad I'm actually proud that I didn't binge because I usually binge when im on my period and after i "taste" something I usually binge on it. but i didnt this time!!!
total calories: 1200 calories (1168 to be exact but I'll add 32 just in case)
I don't feel bad or regret anything though because my goal is 800 and ive been eating lower the past few days so on average im eating 700-800 calories a day
Also sorry if some of those weren't mentioned in my snap story i always forget to take a pic of the food
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Posted 22 July 2020 - 11:33 PM
Sorry guys
I've been staying on track eating 800 a day but sometimes I just don't wanna lay out everything and take pics of everything#155
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Posted 27 July 2020 - 11:22 PM
hello everyone!
finally fixed my sleep so that i can workout in the early mornings
been stress eating but not binging
have not weighed myself
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Posted 02 August 2020 - 07:53 AM
todays calories: 1300
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Posted 03 August 2020 - 10:03 AM
So I know I have not been updating and that's because recently I've really stopped being accurate with my calories.. I eat healthy and workout but I don't weigh myself or count my calories obsessively.
I guess this is recovery or just an attempt to stop my food obsession. I'm as healthy and happy as I can possibly be given the damage I've already done and I will try my best to keep that. Thank you for understanding and maybe I'll update here or post on snapchat, maybe I won't.. Hope you guys are not disappointed with this decision. Taking a little break or maybe a long one, just trying to fix my life and eating habits.
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Niece is reposting Ed content
#1
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Sage
- Locationuk
Posted 28 March 2022 - 05:09 AM
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#2
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Advanced Guru
- LocationUK
Posted 28 March 2022 - 05:16 AM
What sort of ED content are we talking about?
Personally I reeeaaaally don't think suggesting healthy ways to lose weight is a good idea at all. It basically just reinforces fat phobia and will almost confirm that there is something wrong with your niece/ that she needs to change.
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#3
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Advanced Sage
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Posted 28 March 2022 - 05:24 AM
My accountability:
https://www.myproana...h-your-husband/
HW: 69 kgs - 152 lbs
after I tried recovery with the help of medication, and I really, really tried
LW 1: 38 kgs - 84 lbs
as a minor
LW 2: 42 kgs - 92 lbs
as an adult
GW: 47 kgs - 103 lbs
Height: 166 cm - 5.4 feet
- AN-R diagnosed at the age of 9
- AN-b/p diagnosed at the age of 13
- since then a mix of AN and B
- 37, mom of two, healthy BMI
- I suffer, I am not on a diet!
02/25/2022
After two days and 15 hours of b/p (fainted out the third time during a session) smart brain kicked in:
Trying to maintain BMI 19 at the moment.
#4
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 28 March 2022 - 05:34 AM
Okay so my sister-in-law developed an ED, and I was the only one who noticed. She's 20, so the situation is a bit different, but here's what I did that lead to her going into treatment and ultimately recovering.
1) I brought it up with her first, without telling someone. I told her that I noticed, because I had an ED (although I didn't specifically say that I was still disordered). We talked about how and why it developed, and I just.. related to her and validated her feelings (NOT that she needed to lose weight, more how difficult and isolating it is). EDs can make you feel alone in the world, so having someone who knows without judgement can really help.
2) I told her about all the horrible side effects that I experienced and how my health declined with time. I explained how once your in the thick of things, it can be incredibly difficult to recover- it doesn't just magically go away at a certain age. I told her that I felt fine at first, but looking back I could see how much it affected my academic performance and my social life. I told her that most people with EDs weren't underweight- you just end up miserable.
3) I brought up telling her parents (more on this in a minute). I told her that she could be happy with how she is, but she needs help to do so, and she has a supportive family who would do anything for her. I didn't pressure her. It took about a month for her to tell them, but I kept reinforcing how happy she could be, and how important it was that she sought out help now.
4) After she did tell them, I spoke with her parents. I explained my own experience. I told them how not to trigger her. I spent a lot of time telling them how it was not there fault, and WHY it was not there fault. Parents can feel a lot of guilt over this, and it's important not to neglect that aspect. I also stressed what not to do- not to overtly watch her eating like a hawk, not to judge or pressure her on bad days, not to comment on her gaining weight (NO saying she looked healthy, no mentioning if she over ate, but telling her how much happier she looks (if she does) when she starts gaining weight and how proud they are of her for having the courage to tell them and seek treatment. Focusing on the mental side of this). I also talked with the rest of the family who knew, and told them that bringing it up could make it worse and embarrass her, and they should leave it to her parents and therapists. I told all of them to treat it kind of like a broken arm- she's injured, but hovering over her wouldn't help. She also had attempted suicide, and I told them the same things when that happened.
She's at a healthy weight and a lot happier now.
That said, she's a minor. I think it's pretty important to tell her parents because of this. BUT I also think you need to consider how they'll react, and if they'll make it worse. Some parents will make it about them and blame their child. But still, they'll eventually notice, and if they find out that you knew and did nothing, they'll blame you and it will likely cause a huge rift in your relationship.
Absolutely do not suggest healthy ways to lose weight. In her head, it will likely mean that you agree with her that she needs to lose weight and will make it much worse. She needs professional help.
Good luck. I hope she recovers.
5'8
HW: 179 (27.2)
LW: 112 (17.0)
CW: 153 (23.3)
171 - 164 - 158 - 151 - 145 - 138 - 131 - 125
26 - 25 - 24 - 23 - 22 - 21 - 20 - 19
#5
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Warrior
Posted 28 March 2022 - 05:59 AM
I'd definitley make that sure first, by telling your sister about your thoughts.
If she has no ED you can still discuss with her healthy ways to lose weight, because I believe that ignoring this topic doesn't help, if someone wants to lose weight they won't change their mind because you ignore it. You could ask her why she wants to lose weight, to make sure she isn't trying to reach any stupid beauty standards for example. Though I'd almost think that's mabye something her parent/s will discuss with her afterwards anyway, but you know that better than me.
(EDIT: What I mean is when she has no ED because a therapist told you so, and also suggested to talk with her about it, rereading what I wrote makes me see I did't made that clear. I would absolutley not discuss any weight loss with her as long as you're not 100% sure she is healthy, because that could easily reach the opposite effect and even worsen her mental health. Maybe I'm wrong here, but thats my opinion about it.)
If she has an ED, or is on the way to developing one, than a therapist would still be the best option. In that case I'd again leave any decisions and discussion about weight loss in the hands of the therapist unless the therapist tells you otherwise.
I still think it's a complicated topic, but I'd really suggest to not keep quiet about your suspections of her developing/having an ED, I believe the risk is too high.
#6
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 28 March 2022 - 08:46 AM
kitn, on 28 Mar 2022 - 08:17 AM, said:
ur advice was great and I'm so happy you helped your sister in law like this and I hope she stays recovered
however I just wanted to say sometimes parents are the problem I know mine definitely contributed :')
Ugh I just realized that I managed to use the wrong their twice. Good job, brain.
The parents thing made this a super difficult question, because she’s a minor. I think if she wants any professional help, it would have to go through them. Even if they just got her general therapy, I think the parents would still know.. my therapist told my parents about my ed and cutting myself, which I was then punished for by my dad, and consequently fostered a lifelong mistrust of therapists. Woohoo. Granted, this was like 15 years ago, so idk if things have changed.
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5'8
HW: 179 (27.2)
LW: 112 (17.0)
CW: 153 (23.3)
171 - 164 - 158 - 151 - 145 - 138 - 131 - 125
26 - 25 - 24 - 23 - 22 - 21 - 20 - 19
#7
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Sage
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Posted 28 March 2022 - 09:41 AM
I think you should talk to your niece directly about therapy without involving your sister. It’s better for everyone if you sister hears it from her daughter, not you
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