I know, I'm a cheater ~bariatric surgery journey~
#1 
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Posted 11 July 2020 - 11:08 PM
I want to document my journey in the next months getting help to overcome my morbid obesity.
I meet my surgeon last thurday, he thinks I'm a great candidate for weightloss surgery. I'll get a SADI, which is the most efficient bariatric surgery.
I'll receive the call from the secretary of my surgeon in the next few days to set the date, which will be in september.
Until my surgery, I'll have to go through a few tests, I'll post about it.
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5'3", possibility of PSEAD, mother of 4 kids
HW : 351 
CW : finally normal LW : 125
*~~~~ IT WON'T BE EASY, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT ~~~~*
My bariatric surgery (sept 2020) and the results : https://www.myproana...urgery-journey/
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Posted 11 July 2020 - 11:13 PM
A bold move. People have success with this, and so can you.
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Posted 11 July 2020 - 11:16 PM
Thank you!
My surgeon has high hopes for me. He thinks I'll reach a BMI of 30 in the next year, 25 within two years. At 61, I think I have the highest BMI on this forum.
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5'3", possibility of PSEAD, mother of 4 kids
HW : 351 CW : finally normal LW : 125
*~~~~ IT WON'T BE EASY, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT ~~~~*
My bariatric surgery (sept 2020) and the results : https://www.myproana...urgery-journey/
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Posted 11 July 2020 - 11:25 PM
Do whatever is best for you! I'm interested in the updates and wish everything goes smoothly and that you be kind to yourself!
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Posted 12 July 2020 - 10:45 PM
glyxblood, on 12 Jul 2020 - 02:56 AM, said:
A cheater?
I feel like I'm taking the easy way to lose my extra weight... I failed at restricting and dieting
5'3", possibility of PSEAD, mother of 4 kids
HW : 351 CW : finally normal LW : 125
*~~~~ IT WON'T BE EASY, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT ~~~~*
My bariatric surgery (sept 2020) and the results : https://www.myproana...urgery-journey/
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Posted 13 July 2020 - 12:03 PM
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#8
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Posted 13 July 2020 - 12:27 PM
You're not a cheater. You have a metabolic disorder and you opted for the most effective treatment we currently have for it. However imperfect it may be, it's the best shot at extending your life and improving the quality of it long term. I wish I could have gotten it too, but the public health care system here is retarded when it comes to controversial conditions, and I couldn't afford to go private. I'm jealous, haha.
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Posted 13 July 2020 - 02:52 PM
Having bariatric surgery is NOT cheating, especially if it's to drastically improve, not only your life and aesthetic, but your health! You are taking care of you and that's absolutely number 1.
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#11
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Posted 13 July 2020 - 05:22 PM
Nobody thinks you're a cheater. You're incredibly brave. I thought briefly about surgery at my hw and it was genuinely terrifying. You're awesome. 
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Posted 13 July 2020 - 08:05 PM
Coucourou, on 12 Jul 2020 - 10:45 PM, said:
I feel like I'm taking the easy way to lose my extra weight... I failed at restricting and dieting
Bariatric surgery is definitely not the easy way out. It's incredibly brave to get that kind of surgery, and it really takes hard work. My parents both got bariatric surgery, and they had to change everything about their eating habits for the rest of their life. I don't want to scare you away from it though. My parents had amazing success from it, and they're so much happier.
I wish you the best of luck! You've got this, and we're all here to support you 
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Posted 13 July 2020 - 08:18 PM
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Posted 14 July 2020 - 12:34 AM
AmethystAna, on 13 Jul 2020 - 8:18 PM, said:
If eating 1/2cup meals is the answer then eat 1/2 cup meals. It is not some magic fix to cut off your stomach. Eat less.
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Posted 14 July 2020 - 03:35 AM
AmethystAna, on 13 Jul 2020 - 8:18 PM, said:
If eating 1/2cup meals is the answer then eat 1/2 cup meals. It is not some magic fix to cut off your stomach. Eat less.
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Have you done any research or even know what bariatric surgery does or...? Here's some info on bariatric surgeries if you care to read about it.
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Posted 14 July 2020 - 08:52 AM
Kumper, on 14 Jul 2020 - 03:35 AM, said:
Have you done any research or even know what bariatric surgery does or...? Here's some info on bariatric surgeries if you care to read about it.
Yes, I do. They all make your stomach smaller. It is still up to the person to eat less and because many people don't have the willpower they still overeat and stretch out their stomach after surgery. I hear people say I wasn't able to do it on my own so I needed surgery. If you aren't able to eat that small you won't be able to do it after surgery either. I know it is hard. I have overcome BED and a couple other addictive behaviours. People need more support to be able to change their behaviours.
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Posted 14 July 2020 - 08:59 AM
tielcas, on 14 Jul 2020 - 12:34 AM, said:
Are you FR? Do you know where you are?
I think surgery is drastic and if people can't be successful on their own they are setting themselves up for failure. People need more support to do it the right way, not cut out parts of their body. I'm sorry if this comes off as harsh. I am angry at our society that even allows it to get this way and people never even consider things are a problem until it is too late. I do wish the OP good luck.
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Posted 14 July 2020 - 10:04 AM
Coucourou, on 12 Jul 2020 - 10:45 PM, said:
I feel like I'm taking the easy way to lose my extra weight... I failed at restricting and dieting
It's not cheating. It's a surgical treatment.
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Posted 14 July 2020 - 12:25 PM
AmethystAna, on 14 Jul 2020 - 08:59 AM, said:
I think surgery is drastic and if people can't be successful on their own they are setting themselves up for failure. People need more support to do it the right way, not cut out parts of their body. I'm sorry if this comes off as harsh. I am angry at our society that even allows it to get this way and people never even consider things are a problem until it is too late. I do wish the OP good luck.
oh shut up, get off of here if you have no positivity to share. good luck OP you have my support! and clearly lots of it from others! you're gonna feel good again <3
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#20
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Posted 14 July 2020 - 01:28 PM
Bariatric surgery is drastic, but that's why it is considered a last resort and is reserved for those who have tried very hard to lose weight the traditional way and couldn't. To even qualify, one must be assessed for a variety of things, including psychological and motivation - so if OP has been approved, her willingness to abide by the strict post-op program shouldn't be an issue. I'm also certain they must go through pre-surgery weight loss and some other lifestyle changes before even being completely approved. The problem is, after a certain size, the stomach grows so large that the person's hunger cues are severely skewed and the only way to normalize it is by physically "shrinking" it.
Of course there are others that truly want to take the "easy route" by cutting their stomachs and continuing to eat the way they do. Like, I totally understand what you're trying to say, but OP has been a member of this forum for years and like many of us, struggle with trying to lose weight. And to add to that stress, op has kids to care for. Doesn’t seem fair to put her under the same umbrella.
@AmethystAna I’m happy you were able to overcome your BED, but your SW is a weight that most larger people could only dream to be in. Consider yourself lucky. It’s not fair to harshly criticize others who aren’t like you. Especially if you’ve never physically been in their shoes. Everybody is different.
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#82
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Posted 02 January 2021 - 12:40 AM
I'm down to 281lbs. 70lbs gone. My BMI is now 49.8. It seems weird, but being out of the fifty-something range makes me feel a little bit more normal. I'm still morbidly obese, but I feel more human. I'm also happy to lose weight again. I've been stuck in a stall for almost 3 weeks. I can't wait to be under BMI of 40. Just being obese. No more morbid. I kept an old pair of jeans of my highest weight. I'll take a picture in the next few days to compare with the jeans I'm wearing now.
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5'3", possibility of PSEAD, mother of 4 kids
HW : 351 CW : finally normal LW : 125
*~~~~ IT WON'T BE EASY, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT ~~~~*
My bariatric surgery (sept 2020) and the results : https://www.myproana...urgery-journey/
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Posted 02 January 2021 - 10:54 PM
I wanted to show you the progress
I started training tonight. 30 minutes of HIIT workout. I have no energy left. According to my watch, I burned 245 cals.
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5'3", possibility of PSEAD, mother of 4 kids
HW : 351 CW : finally normal LW : 125
*~~~~ IT WON'T BE EASY, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT ~~~~*
My bariatric surgery (sept 2020) and the results : https://www.myproana...urgery-journey/
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Posted 31 January 2021 - 10:19 PM
My weight is still going down. I lost so far 95 lbs. I will reach 100 lbs lost at the end of the week probably.
This was a rough week. My mother died on January 26th. I had a bad relationship with her. Her death also means I'll never be able to tell her everything I needed to. She was the main cause of my ED. I was never enough for her. She hated my dad for that. I look like him and I was his little princess. I missed him so much. On January 30th, it has been 28 years since his death. This cause me more pain than my mother's death. To his eyes, I knew I meant something, that I was important. He was proud of me no matter what I did. For my mother, having a grade of 95% meant only that I failed some questions I could have have right. This was how she was.
Oh Gosh I miss my dad. I'll continue my hard work to reach health, I know he would approve and be proud of my choices.
5'3", possibility of PSEAD, mother of 4 kids
HW : 351 CW : finally normal LW : 125
*~~~~ IT WON'T BE EASY, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT ~~~~*
My bariatric surgery (sept 2020) and the results : https://www.myproana...urgery-journey/
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Posted 04 February 2021 - 04:48 PM
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Posted 20 February 2021 - 11:31 PM
It's been a rough month. I was stuck in a 3 weeks stall. Just before hitting the 100 mark. I'm now down to 249.6 lbs.
It means a lot to me. Most furniture can now support my huge ass. I'm scared of full body picture because I would try to show you what 100 pounds less looks like. But nobody wants to see my huge rolls of fat.
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5'3", possibility of PSEAD, mother of 4 kids
HW : 351 CW : finally normal LW : 125
*~~~~ IT WON'T BE EASY, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT ~~~~*
My bariatric surgery (sept 2020) and the results : https://www.myproana...urgery-journey/
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Posted 20 June 2021 - 09:37 PM
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5'3", possibility of PSEAD, mother of 4 kids
HW : 351 CW : finally normal LW : 125
*~~~~ IT WON'T BE EASY, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT ~~~~*
My bariatric surgery (sept 2020) and the results : https://www.myproana...urgery-journey/
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Posted 25 July 2021 - 08:19 AM
The emotional energy that you've brought to this work is just so impressive.
I hope you can feel good about yourself, because you deserve to.
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Posted 09 September 2021 - 10:45 PM
I finally reached my surgeon's goal, I'm 175. It's not low enough so I'll keep on working on my weight.
a before/now comparison :
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5'3", possibility of PSEAD, mother of 4 kids
HW : 351 CW : finally normal LW : 125
*~~~~ IT WON'T BE EASY, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT ~~~~*
My bariatric surgery (sept 2020) and the results : https://www.myproana...urgery-journey/
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Posted 10 September 2021 - 04:54 PM
that's super kami guru to you
Daily reminder that if you ate at a deficit you lost weight even if the scale hasn't budged
The more you feed the binge monster, the longer he will stay.
Have him in for a cup of tea then send him on his way.
240 239 238 237 236 235 234 233 232 231 230 229 228 227 226 225 224 223 222 221 220
219 218 217 216 215 214 213 212 211 210 209 208 207 206 205 204 203 202 201 200
199 198 197 196 195 194 193 192 191 190 189 188 187 186 185 184 183 182 181 180
179 178 176 175 174 173 172 171 170 169 168 167 166 165 164 163 162 161 160
159 158 157 156 155 154 153 152 151 150 149 148 147 146 145 144 143 142 141 140
139 138 137 136 135 134 133 132 131 130 129 128 127 126 125 124 123 122 121 120
27 | 5, 9" | BMI 22.6 | 32C | Works in IT
#94
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Posted 26 October 2021 - 10:26 PM
it's been a while but I wanted to share something positive with you!
I'M NO LONGER OBESE!!!
I reached 167.8 lbs which is a bmi of 29.7
I know it's high for most of you, but quitting the status of obese is a big milestone for me. Next step, an healthy weight,
My bariatric surgeon also approved me for a tummy tuck. I wish the plastic surgeon will accept also skin removal on my arms and thighs.
Thank you for all your support <3
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5'3", possibility of PSEAD, mother of 4 kids
HW : 351 CW : finally normal LW : 125
*~~~~ IT WON'T BE EASY, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT ~~~~*
My bariatric surgery (sept 2020) and the results : https://www.myproana...urgery-journey/
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Posted 21 February 2022 - 10:42 PM
I'm so happy my friends! It's been a while since I weighted myself (2-3 weeks) and I dropped the last pounds needed to be finally normal.
At 140lbs, my bmi is now 24.8. I'm normal. Fricking normal. Last time I was this weight, I was in high school.
I'm on the waiting list for loose skin surgery, I'm eager to get rid of it.
Thank you all for your support xxx
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5'3", possibility of PSEAD, mother of 4 kids
HW : 351 CW : finally normal LW : 125
*~~~~ IT WON'T BE EASY, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT ~~~~*
My bariatric surgery (sept 2020) and the results : https://www.myproana...urgery-journey/
#96
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Posted 14 April 2022 - 07:05 AM
Je voulais juste dire, bravo pour vrai! You've done amazingly! You look great! You must feel so much better (: I'm sure your father would have been thrilled you are healthy again. Well wishes from Montréal.
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Posted 14 April 2022 - 09:23 PM
berin, on 14 Apr 2022 - 07:05 AM, said:
Je voulais juste dire, bravo pour vrai! You've done amazingly! You look great! You must feel so much better (: I'm sure your father would have been thrilled you are healthy again. Well wishes from Montréal.
Merci beaucoup pour ces mots gentils! I really miss him, I wish he could see me now. My half siblings are there, it feels good to know he's there by their presence.
5'3", possibility of PSEAD, mother of 4 kids
HW : 351 CW : finally normal LW : 125
*~~~~ IT WON'T BE EASY, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT ~~~~*
My bariatric surgery (sept 2020) and the results : https://www.myproana...urgery-journey/
#99
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Posted 16 April 2022 - 11:26 PM
thank you all for your kind words <3
I'm living some frustration right now. I haven't lost a pound in 2 weeks, since I had covid. I'm stuck at home, my kids all had covid too and we have to stay isolated until monday. I'm not moving enough to burn enough cals to lose weight and I'm pissed. My next goal is to reach 99lbs for my birthday in december. It means I have to lose 36lbs over 8 months, about 5 pounds a month.
5'3", possibility of PSEAD, mother of 4 kids
HW : 351 CW : finally normal LW : 125
*~~~~ IT WON'T BE EASY, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT ~~~~*
My bariatric surgery (sept 2020) and the results : https://www.myproana...urgery-journey/
#100
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Posted 13 June 2022 - 10:16 PM
I hit a new low today
132.8 lbs, a bmi of 23.5
My doctor thinks I have 15 to 20lbs of extra skin... I can't believe if I got rid of this skin, I would weight about 115lbs (bmi of 20.4).
I'm a little behind in my progression for my goal weight. I'll try to eat less cals from sugary stuff (I'm addicted to that).
5'3", possibility of PSEAD, mother of 4 kids
HW : 351 CW : finally normal LW : 125
*~~~~ IT WON'T BE EASY, BUT IT WILL BE WORTH IT ~~~~*
My bariatric surgery (sept 2020) and the results : https://www.myproana...urgery-journey/
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Posted 04 May 2022 - 05:03 PM
I'm just starting fresh from my old thread.
After a LONG time of being in denial about it, yep, yep, I do need to start over.
There's no "accountability" in it to be had when I haven't logged more than two days in a row in about a year.
Gotta go. Log laterrr
Edit: old thread for my reference:
https://www.myproana...w-155-5-9-🏃♀️/
that's super kami guru to you
Daily reminder that if you ate at a deficit you lost weight even if the scale hasn't budged
The more you feed the binge monster, the longer he will stay.
Have him in for a cup of tea then send him on his way.
240 239 238 237 236 235 234 233 232 231 230 229 228 227 226 225 224 223 222 221 220
219 218 217 216 215 214 213 212 211 210 209 208 207 206 205 204 203 202 201 200
199 198 197 196 195 194 193 192 191 190 189 188 187 186 185 184 183 182 181 180
179 178 176 175 174 173 172 171 170 169 168 167 166 165 164 163 162 161 160
159 158 157 156 155 154 153 152 151 150 149 148 147 146 145 144 143 142 141 140
139 138 137 136 135 134 133 132 131 130 129 128 127 126 125 124 123 122 121 120
27 | 5, 9" | BMI 22.6 | 32C | Works in IT
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Posted 05 May 2022 - 05:31 PM
168.0
Things I swallowed:
40g Coco pops and milk (350)
Coffee with milk (30)
Scrambled egg (1.5) and 2 buttered slices of bread (350)
2 ripple bars (440)
3 of my muffins (450)
3 slices of large pizza (750)
Tea with 2 sugars and milk (60)
2/3 of a bag of magic stars (350)
My pride
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Posted 06 May 2022 - 06:58 PM
Today I ate
Coco pops and milk: 350
Coffees with milk: 60
Five slices of leftover pizza: 1250
Fancy iced lemon muffin: 400
Stir fried pork mince, peas and rice: 600
Two twirl bars: 420
Tea with sugar and milk: 50
Two custard cream biscuits: 150
Total: 3280
Why can't or won't I purge anymore?
I think of it but it feels stuck, tense, impossible.
I feel like I'll burst!
When was the last time husband went out straight after a meal, anyway..?
I wanted to purge after lunch, and after dinner, but I just can't get myself off my arse.
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Posted 07 May 2022 - 06:23 PM
Scalp says thanks.
Today I ate
2 slices of buttered toast: 300
Coffee with milk: 30
A double decker bar: 220
An entire bag of fruit pastilles: 510
And some jelly babies: 180
Two and a half slices of frozen pizza: 700
Half a bottle of mulled wine: 300
Went for a walk to go shopping, was out just over an hour.
Tea with milk and sugar: 50
Managed to not succumb to eating a late night snack!
Total: 2290
It was a pretty productive day, I cut the hedge, got a load of washing done, did a reasonable amount in the kitchen, and did some hoovering, and played games a little. I'd like to spend some more time with daughter tomorrow. Sure I went out to buy her snacks but I wasn't a great mum today.
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Posted 08 May 2022 - 07:02 PM
Today I ate:
A bowl of krave cereal: 300
Coffee with milk: 30
Lunch: one small chicken strip: 100 and a chocolate croissant: 350
A double decker bar: 220
A chocolate muesli bar: 100
Dinner: a slice of buttered bread: 150 and a small bowl of homemade cheese and broccoli soup: 200
Accidentally smashed a large and important glass item of husband's, I had put it in a stupid and overhead place and the cleanup was horrendous and I still pricked my foot on a bit afterwards and I feel so bad about it
Chocolate caramel nougat bar: 190
Tea with milk and sugar: 50
Total: 1700ish gotta go
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Posted 09 May 2022 - 06:07 PM
Today I ate:
A bowl of krave cereal: 300
Coffee with milk: 30
A caramel dream bar: 190
Half a tin of soup: 100 and half a buttered baguette: 280
A double decker bar: 220
A chocolate chip rice cake: 70
A tiny bowl of a new cereal: 100
Dinner: two sweet chili braised chicken thigh fillets: 200 and yakisoba: 300
After eights: 250
Coffee with milk: 30
Tea with milk and sugar: 50
Resisted another snack
I was on my feet a lot, cleaning and cooking. It was a chill work day.
Total: 2120
If I just halve my intake, I can lose weight.
I have our meals planned out for the next week and a half to save money. Let's go.
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Posted 10 May 2022 - 05:34 PM
Today I ate:
A buttered crumpet: 150
Coffee with milk: 30
Homemade cheese and broccoli soup: 150 and a quarter of a buttered Baguette: 150
Half a 250g bag of m&ms: 610 and most of a bottle of iced mocha: 140
Purged, or tried to
Six after eights: 210
Dinner: braised pork and rice: 450
Chocolate waffle: 190
Total: 2080
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Posted 11 May 2022 - 07:14 PM
Slept in through breakfast
Lunch: Chicken sandwiches: 350
Chocolate: 250
Dinner: soup and buttered bread: 450
Mars bar: 220
2 homemade chocolate chip muffins: 450
Small handful of shreddies: 30
Coffees: 60
Tea: 50
Total: 1860 but I'm probably forgetting stuff
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Posted 12 May 2022 - 06:18 PM
Control..
Today I ate:
FUCK YOU I DON'T WANNA LOG!!
Ok now I got that out...
Breakfast: buttered crumpet 150
Coffee and milk 30
Mars bar 220
Egg and cheese sandwich 200
Gotta go.. butts
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Posted 13 May 2022 - 05:29 PM
Breakfast: chocolate cereal and milk: 300
Two ripple bars: 450
Lunch: leftover curry 450
Rice cake: 60
Coffees: 100
Dinner: spaghetti Bolognese: 700
Doughnuts: 600
Purged
Coffee: 30
Rice cake: 60
Mulled wine 100
Total 2850+
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Posted 14 May 2022 - 06:40 PM
I'm starting a 30 day squat challenge today.
I did 10 squats, tomorrow is 15.
Ok, I don't remember all of what I had today but I'll try
Breakfast: buttered crumpet 150
Coffee: 30
Lunch: chicken sandwiches: 350
Coffee 30
0.75 sandwiches: 300
KitKat pieces: 250
Chicken, bao and rice: 700
Watermelon monster ultra
Purged
Coffee 30
Breadstick 25
Mulled wine 400
Total 2275+
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Posted 15 May 2022 - 05:19 PM
...
Did my 15 squats, tomorrow is 20
Breakfast: porridge oats and milk: 300
Magic stars: 250
Lunch: leftover spaghetti, mince, sauce and cheese: 400
Coffee: 30
Strawberries and sugar: 50
Went walking for food shopping, a bit over an hour
Caramel croissant: 350 (refund please)
Dinner: rice, teriyaki pulled chicken, garlic mushroom, fried egg: 500
2x chocolate caramel bars: 400
Purged
Total: 2280
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Posted 16 May 2022 - 08:43 AM
Coffee: 20
Lunch: egg and cheese sandwich: 200
Jelly babies: 300
Apple jelly sweets: 700
Dinner: burrito 700
Chocolate: 300
Total: 2420+
Did my 20 squats before bed.
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Posted 17 May 2022 - 05:19 PM
Lunch: chicken sandwich 350
Banana milk 250
Tea 20
Burrito 700
Coffee 50
Total 1400
We went to meet daughters future teacher tonight. It was really nice. Stressful as heck day though! Got my coffee bday presents from my mum in advance
I ended up getting there to drop daughter off super stressed and almost cried and was open about my husband's stressed out apparent passive aggressiveness getting to me which I regret.
It's hard to have 2 conversations and resolve conflict via text and figure out how I'm getting from a to b at the same time without imploding lmao
But I feel shitty about it
Today was a rest day but I ignored it and did 20 squats before bed anyway. Tomorrow is 25
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Posted 18 May 2022 - 05:25 PM
Went for a short walk with husband
Took daughter to the library
Breakfast: chocolate cereal: 350
Lunch: egg and cheese sandwich 200
Entire bag of chocolate pretzels: 440
Dinner: burrito 800
Cherry Bakewell 300
Homemade chocolate muffin 250
Coffees 100
Total: 2440
Work was tough and didn't feel productive- I'm running behind but I got a new approach near the end.
Made muffins
Got 3 gbop matches in
I really need to reply to a bunch of people.
Also the kitchen is a disaster (but at least the sink is empty)
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Posted 19 May 2022 - 05:17 AM
Homemade chocolate muffin: 250
Coffee: 30
Muesli bar: 100
Lunch: chicken sandwich 350
Binged, purged, let's call it 600
Dinner: pizza 700
Yum-yum: 320
Chocolate 350
Vodka: 400?.. and Coke zero
Total: like 3200
Did my 30 squats
It's my 28th birthday tomorrow.
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Posted 20 May 2022 - 06:57 PM
It was surprisingly a pretty great birthday! I was in a suspiciously good mood and got my hair dyed black
Husband was super cute and awesome
I ate sooooo much today.
Breakfast: chocolate waffle: 190
Lunch: chicken sandwich 350
Large matcha milk tea with pearls: 600
Coffees: 100
Some of a huge pizza box full of kebab meats, naan, chips, salad and fried starters: ??? 1400?
Vodka: 200
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Posted 21 May 2022 - 06:06 PM
(That's now enough to make me sweaty!)
Breakfast: 2 ripples (66g): 350
Lunch: fish finger sandwiches: 375
Cookie: 300
Dinner: rice, garlic and ginger minced beef: 500
Sweets: 300
Giant pancake with jam: 300?
Muffin: 300
Coffee and teas: 100
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Posted 23 May 2022 - 06:11 PM
45 squats before bed
Breakfast: chocolate croissant 330
Caramel chocolate bar: 190
Coffee: 30
Lunch: chicken sandwiches 350
Muesli bars: 200
Bread sticks 75
Dinner: pizza and sweet potato fries 850
Chocolate biscuit bars: 500
Cookie: 300
Tea and coffee: 80
Total: 3000+ ish
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Posted 29 May 2022 - 05:53 PM
Ate: quite a bit
Had some whisky and pepsi too
that's super kami guru to you
Daily reminder that if you ate at a deficit you lost weight even if the scale hasn't budged
The more you feed the binge monster, the longer he will stay.
Have him in for a cup of tea then send him on his way.
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199 198 197 196 195 194 193 192 191 190 189 188 187 186 185 184 183 182 181 180
179 178 176 175 174 173 172 171 170 169 168 167 166 165 164 163 162 161 160
159 158 157 156 155 154 153 152 151 150 149 148 147 146 145 144 143 142 141 140
139 138 137 136 135 134 133 132 131 130 129 128 127 126 125 124 123 122 121 120
27 | 5, 9" | BMI 22.6 | 32C | Works in IT
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Posted 06 June 2022 - 04:44 PM
Tell you what.. 150lbs for September isn't happening, is it? Not unless I somehow dive into low restrict mode right this second.
Feeling pretty big, because I am.
The other morning, I was sitting on husband's lap, and he tried to stand up with me in his arms.
Slowly at first, getting faster, unstoppably, my weight pulled him forward and down, one step, two steps, three steps, into the TV stand- I was so sure I had hit the tv- I realised I had started screaming -
With a crash and a searing pain in my arm I slid off the TV stand to reach the floor.
Damn thing's half destroyed lol!
TV and consoles are all ok so that's good. Can't afford to replace the stand let alone the TV.
Husband was so so worried about me and upset and apologetic. He bruised his toe pretty badly and grazed a knee, so walking was difficult for a while but he was still more worried about me, sillyyy
I have a long cut going around my upper arm, from a screw probably, but thankfully it's just a scratch with a bunch of bruising around it and it didn't bleed much. Still bloody sore.
So yeah... A stone or so ago, that wouldn't have happened. Now he knows he can't pick me up like that and it's sad.
Literal painful consequences of regaining weight haha
It might scar, but it's whatever, yano
TW minor injuries
150 Or Bust: Losing Weight, Getting Out of my Bad Marriage
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Posted 24 August 2021 - 10:25 PM
I'm not even going to post my weight yet. I'm overweight. It's probably 185? Maybe worse? I'm 5'9". I've been through hell. I've been pregnant twice this year and lost both pregnancies. Not my fault, we did tests, there were genetic problems that may have come from my husband. My husband is abusive. I have put up with it for years but I'm starting to feel I've had enough. They say a woman tries to leave like 7 or 8 times before she actually does. I don't know what try I'm on now, but I've started to change how I feel about it in my dreams. In my dreams there is someone else. Another man. A version of me that no longer wants my husband. So I am trying to get there. Stress and fertility treatments and pregnancy have left me fat and I want my life and body back. I was always thin until about five years ago. I didn't have to try. This wasn't me. This isn't me. I want the real me back.
I'll start an accountability here and lose the weight, and then get out.
I'll be beautiful again and I"ll get out.
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Posted 24 August 2021 - 10:31 PM
I accidentally posted this three times, because I'm an idiot. Obviously this is the one I'll be doing.
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Posted 24 August 2021 - 11:50 PM
Just wanted to pop in and say that most dieting math is a LIE. It's not "calories in, calories out." If it was, most of us wouldn't be on this damn site.
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Posted 26 August 2021 - 05:54 PM
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Posted 07 September 2021 - 08:24 AM
Hi hello, well, for the last two weeks I haven't done much for weight loss yet. I was moving and it was all just too much to deal with. No binging or anything (I'm not really a binge-er at all) but not really dieting either.
However for the past four days I have gone back to eating just two meals a day.
It's a start.
For breakfast I have half a baguette or something like that with butter and jam, and then tea. Maybe I should try switching to oatmeal or yogurt but for now, I'm okay with bread.
Then I have an early dinner, no earlier than 4pm (because I guess that would be lunch), and I let myself have a little dessert too, like a small scoop of ice cream or a cookie. Just so I don't freak out. For the dinner I'm also not allowing carbs for now, just fruits, veggies, and proteins. The last four days it has been salad with cooked fish for three of those days, and yogurt and fruit for one, because my husband was being a jerk, and I was upset and didn't go to the store to get stuff in time.
I haven't started weighing myself yet. Maybe after doing this for the full week?
For someone with hypothyroidism, it's not much. But I've still been in pain from my last miscarriage so it's been hard to exercise.
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Posted 07 September 2021 - 09:47 AM
DAY FOUR
I am not holding myself to doing calorie counting every day. For now, I'm just trying to do the two meals, and to not eat between meals. That is the goal for now. However since I'm trying to get back into all this, and it helped me to lose about fifteen pounds last year, I'll start doing it again. Also I'm going for a walk later, since I know that in order for me to lose weight I have to net less than 500 calories a day. It's not fair but that's how it is for me.
Meals today:
Breakfast:
1/2 baguette
butter + jam
2 cups tea w milk & sugar
431 calories
Dinner:
Mint salad with feta, figs, scallops, olive oil, balsamic
581 calories
Dessert:
Small scoop haagen dazs caramel ice cream
with strawberry
81 calories
Total calories today: 1,093
NET calories after exercise: about 576
#7
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Posted 07 September 2021 - 10:30 PM
Probably nobody will read these, but I could use the support if people do read and want to like or comment.
The thing about being in a bad relationship, a bad marriage, especially an abusive one, is that you end up so isolated. People pity you, or they are angry at you for not leaving, or they don't believe you, or they just don't want to deal with it. So you end up alone.
I want to blog here instead of continuing to fight with my husband. Now I am only planning to get out, so I can leave with a PLAN, and feeling GOOD—NOT being helpless and sad and fat. I need to do all of this the RIGHT WAY and not just run away or throw him out without the proper preparations. I have to make FINANCIAL PLANS. I have to be smart. I need to protect myself as much as I can, financially, logistically, emotionally.
I think if I can come here to tell you all (or I guess myself since no one will probably read or care lol).
Last night we went for a walk and he was so happy. After something happens and we go back into the honeymoon phase, he is always so happy and giddy! And for him he snaps into that RIGHT AWAY. He always acts like nothing has happened, like he hasn't been abusive. He acts so happy. But for me, it no longer feels like a honeymoon phase. I feel sick and scared about when it will happen again. I don't care how loving and affectionate he wants to act now, because he will only go back to being an abusive jerk in a matter of days. Except that usually I will bring this up to him, like I need him to KNOW that *I* know what is up.
But not anymore. I don't want fights. I'll tell you, not him, and I'll get thin again.
I am not weighing myself yet. I want to wait until I've been doing TLMAD (two light meals a day) for at least a week.
I never thought I would be here. I used to be like BMI 18 or 19, trying to get back down to 17 and all that. Ha. Never in a million years did I think I would be here, weighing this much. But I am going to end it now and be thin again.
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Posted 08 September 2021 - 08:09 AM
I am really falling apart today. Of course I am not okay at all, I am back on this website.
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Posted 08 September 2021 - 09:51 AM
Shit of course this stuff is so dangerous. I have already fallen into not eating when I am supposed to. This is what happens to me. I fall into starving myself for weeks, and then...I have to eat normally, I gain weight. I don't binge but it's enough to undo any losses. It's awful. I just want to high restrict but it is so hard.
Anyway no one is reading this and no one cares!!!!!!!
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Posted 08 September 2021 - 10:35 AM
Hi,
can I ask you where you are from ?
Here in germany there are a lot of places especially for women who are trying to get out of an abusive marriage/relationship. They'll help with finding a safe place, finding a network of help and stability and everything that needs to be considered in leaving an abusive partnership. Are there such places from where you are too ?
Stay safe !
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Posted 08 September 2021 - 05:17 PM
Nobody should judge you for having a hard time leaving a relationship you've invested so much of yourself into that you've held on through that much shit.
Much love
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that's super kami guru to you
Daily reminder that if you ate at a deficit you lost weight even if the scale hasn't budged
The more you feed the binge monster, the longer he will stay.
Have him in for a cup of tea then send him on his way.
240 239 238 237 236 235 234 233 232 231 230 229 228 227 226 225 224 223 222 221 220
219 218 217 216 215 214 213 212 211 210 209 208 207 206 205 204 203 202 201 200
199 198 197 196 195 194 193 192 191 190 189 188 187 186 185 184 183 182 181 180
179 178 176 175 174 173 172 171 170 169 168 167 166 165 164 163 162 161 160
159 158 157 156 155 154 153 152 151 150 149 148 147 146 145 144 143 142 141 140
139 138 137 136 135 134 133 132 131 130 129 128 127 126 125 124 123 122 121 120
27 | 5, 9" | BMI 22.6 | 32C | Works in IT
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Posted 08 September 2021 - 09:18 PM
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Posted 09 September 2021 - 01:06 AM
Thank you so much to everyone giving support. I really appreciate it a lot. I'm doing what I need to do I think with the relationship even though it is hard. I am not in physical danger, just it's bad for you to be in an abusive relationship obviously. Thank you for the support. xo
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Posted 09 September 2021 - 01:21 AM
Day Five (yesterday)
I didn't log anything yesterday. One of my parents is in the ICU and I'm so so so worried. I just hope they are okay. It's consuming my every waking moment and I only slept a few scattered hours in the night. I don't mean to sound shallow to still be restricting and stuff but I just don't know what else to do while I wait.
I weighed myself this morning for the first time with this "diet" or whatever the hell I'm doing. I'm trying so hard to just high restrict but it's hard not to swing into starvation— I won't call it "fasting," because it's not in control. I was freaking about about dinner but in the end I ate something.
So anyway I weighed myself this morning and it was 85.5 kg. Or about 188 lbs. Worse than I had thought. Oh well.
Here is my food from day five yesterday:
Breakfast
1/2 baguette with butter + jam
tea with milk and sugar
431 calories
Dinner
mint and arugula salad with feta and figs in vinaigrette
small OJ
457 calories
Dessert
few spoonfulls haagen dazs caramel ice cream
3 small strawberries
yeti ice pop
102
Total calories: 990
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Posted 09 September 2021 - 04:03 AM
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Posted 09 September 2021 - 07:56 AM
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Posted 09 September 2021 - 07:56 AM
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Posted 09 September 2021 - 11:33 AM
Day Six
Today is hard but my parent is doing a little better in the ICU—just in that they are not doing worse. That is something. Here's what I ate today. I really made myself eat because I didn't feel like eating at all.
Breakfast
(more like lunch since it was late but whatever)
1/2 baguette with butter + jam
tea with milk and sugar
431 calories
Dinner
filet of fish cooked with lemon and butter
steamed asparagus
small salad of mint, arugula, feta with vinaigrette
415 calories
Dessert
2 yeti ice pops
small glass of milk
185 calories
Total today: 1,031 calories
EDIT: Had to make an edit because I had another yeti pop and some milk in the night when I was up dealing with sick parent.
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Posted 11 September 2021 - 04:34 PM
Day Seven
I didn't do this post when I was supposed to. Things have been too stressful.
Breakfast
1/2 baguette with butter + jam
tea with milk and sugar
431 calories
Dinner
Plain omelette with side of chanterelle mushrooms
side salad of arugula, mint, feta, vinaigrette
pomegranate juice
409 calories
Dessert
yeti pop
36 calories
Total: 876 calories
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Posted 11 September 2021 - 04:39 PM
Day Eight
This is actually today's intake. It's late. My whole schedule has been thrown off. I feel anxious and stressed because of it but oh well, what can you do.
Breakfast
1/2 baguette with butter + jam
tea with milk and sugar
431 calories
Dinner
filet of fish with butter and lemon
steamed asparagus
242 calories
Dessert
lemon sorbet
74 calories
Total: 747 calories
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Posted 12 September 2021 - 02:46 AM
Day Nine
Lol so of course I weighed myself this morning and I have...not lost any weight. Still 85.5 kg, as I was three days ago. Maybe this scale doesn't work, it's not my usual scale, which is broken. I don't know.
People always say stupid things to me, like that at 85.5 kg, if I eat less than 900 calories for a few days, that it is IMPOSSIBLE that I won't lose weight. They assume that I have messed up somehow, that I am stupid, I'm lying, I can't count, whatever. I would ask that those people kindly eat a d*ck because that's just not how it works with me.
Maybe if I add in the exercise, then I will start to lose. I'll see if I have the energy to do that today.
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Posted 12 September 2021 - 07:55 AM
It is great to work out because it motivates you more to eat less, at least that's what I find for myself. Even if you just work out 10 minutes, it's just getting yourself into that mindset and you eventually find yourself doing it more and more and enjoying it a bit more as well. As for your relationship, even if you aren't in physical danger, mental abuse is really terrible and causes scars on the inside. I would definitely try to find resources and talk to a therapist to help you leave that relationship because you really need to get out of it. I know it's easier said than done but you have to start making steps towards it otherwise you will just continue to be unhappy and a lot of times it does eventually turn physical. I wish you the best
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Posted 20 May 2022 - 05:51 PM
Trying to get back on track. It's been a hellish ten months for many reasons that I won't even get into.
Today I ate:
1/2 baguette with butter and jam
large glass immune zest juice
glass of milk
Don't even know what the calories for these are right now. Previously I hadn't eaten at all in about 30 hours.
Like I said things are bad in general.
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Posted 21 May 2022 - 01:51 AM
Hi again.
I had a piece of toast with butter when I woke up in the middle of the night. I always wake up in the middle of the night. I had bad pain from endometriosis and I don't like to take pain killers on an empty stomach.
I'm on a medium dose of anti-anxiety meds right now. It's left over from a previous scrip and I don't have very many, it was just an emergency. I needed them to save my life. I don't think I'm abusing them. I am trying to get more to help me get through this. I'm only supposed to take them for a few weeks at a time.
Anyway, I am wondering if what I will do with food this time is allow myself to eat once I feel really, really starving. And then, just a normal small meal. Like if it doesn't feel like a big deal to not eat, I won't eat. I don't have too many problems with will power and I don't binge eat.
This year was really bad. I had to stop my whole life for months to take care of a sick parent. They are still alive but disabled now and it was a really harrowing experience. A lot of people in my family took advantage of me. People who should have supported me, didn't.
So I don't know what or when I will eat today. The toast was at like 2am, so I'm not sure it counts for today's food. I don't know.
I threw my husband out because of the bad dynamics and abuse. He only left two days ago and it's been really hard. I don't know how to get through it. Yesterday was the first day since Wednesday that I was able to get up and get dressed at all. I went out to get just some milk, juice, and some small things to eat. Basically breakfast but I ate it for dinner, more or less. Last night and this morning I did some laundry. I also bought some flowers yesterday to try to cheer myself up.
Really I need to clean the apartment, and then I should try to get outside for a bit. Or maybe the other way around.
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Posted 21 May 2022 - 08:06 AM
I've spent the day (it's Saturday) cleaning the apartment. I don't really feel that hungry or anything. I've drank a little water. I didn't clean the bathrooms or the bedroom, but I did the main room at least. I found some things my husband forgot to take with him and set them aside in a bag. I still haven't eaten anything, so it's getting on 24 hours now. I guess I should figure out if there is something I want to eat. I'm not sure what.
Later...
I didn't feel like I could have a real meal, so I just had a 1/2 baguette with butter and jam, a fresh apricot, and some juice.
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Posted 22 May 2022 - 01:45 AM
Good morning. Sunday morning. I had a piece of toast in the night again, or well, around 5am really, because I had to wake up and take pain killers which I don't want to take on an empty stomach. Just one piece of toast. I went back to sleep for a bit after.
My husband is still trying to do his usual bullshit. But like, he can't even decide what approach he wants to take. He's so manipulative. He is just desperate to say whatever I want to hear, so what he actually tells me is so garbled. He wants to be with me and doesn't want to break up, but also he's totally fine with breaking up, no worries, he just wants things to be pleasant between us. It's like he's really almost literally saying "whatever it is that you may want to hear right now, imagine I am saying it." And of course, if I don't bite, the next stage is rage and cruelty and threats.
Anyway I still look like shit. I had to be on high doses of prednisone after I got Covid and my face is all round and fat in ways it wouldn't normally be. I hate it so much.
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Posted 22 May 2022 - 06:24 AM
I hadn't really planned in advance that this was going to be my meal today, but I made some soup from the broccoli and carrots that were nearing their end in the fridge. I didn't have any stock cubes but in the end it didn't matter. Threw in salt and pepper and herbs with the water, cooked the veggies with some onions in a bit of olive oil first. In the end added some goat cheese to mix in. Pretty good actually. I don't know how many calories but it can't be too bad. I had one bowl, there are probably 3 bowls left in the pot.
Ingredients were:
1 large head of broccoli
3 carrots
olive oil ( 3 tbsp?)
1/2 white onion
3 cloves garlic
salt and pepper
dried basil, oregano, and parsley
curry powder
soft goat's cheese
#30
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Posted 22 May 2022 - 06:44 PM
Yesterday, Sunday 22 May, I ended up eating:
1 bowl broccoli carrot soup with goat cheese
(like 300 calories?)
2 fresh apricots
100 calories
4 small strawberries
about 100 calories?
Total: About 500 calories?
Unless you count the small toast I had at 2am, in which case more like 600 calories
I mean, this isn't too bad. It's mostly fruits and vegetables with some healthy fats from olive oil and goat cheese.
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Posted 22 May 2022 - 10:38 PM
Okay, today I have decided to eat two meals instead of one. I need to do some work and want to do something besides just stay inside all day. I want to get some exercise. I guess I just mean I'm going to have a meal now in the morning instead of waiting until the afternoon, and then IF I want to later, I can have a second light meal. I'm thinking I might do something like a reverse 5:2, where I eat around 600 calories 5 days a week, like I just did, and about 1500 two days a week for maintenance. My maintenance is supposed to be higher, but with hypothyroidism, it just isn't.
Anyway I want to go for a walk today to get some exercise, and I want to have a productive morning with work.
I'm having:
Crepes with butter and light maple syrup
2 small pears
tea with milk and sugar
(about 600 calories)
Still not ready to weigh myself.
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Posted 23 May 2022 - 11:55 AM
Today I went for a long walk to the good pharmacy and bought a bunch of expensive collagen powder so my skin doesn't sag.
Since today is a maintenance day, I had a second meal of asparagus and burrata in pasta.
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Posted 23 May 2022 - 11:38 PM
Doing another low calories day today. I'm having tea in the morning though, and just had two collagen drinks, which are supposed to suppress appetite as well. It may end up being, however, that I need to eat breakfast if I am going to get any work done. And then I can just deal with being hungry later on in the day and in the evening when I don't need to focus. My job requires sharp thinking.
Still not ready to weight myself, but someone said I looked a little thinner and my face looked better. I've been back to doing this for six days. I don't know if anyone is even following this, but maybe when I start to lose and am weighing, then people will care.
I think I want breakfast food today, and will do baguette and fruit and stuff later. We'll see. For now it's just the collagen drinks and tea. The collagen I am taking is not calories free—it is 50 calories, but worth it to feel full AND most of all to prevent loose and sagging skin. I told the pharmacist I planned to lose 60 pounds and was coming off fertility drugs and steroids and she gave me this stuff to prevent the loose skin and aging of the face when you lose weight. She also put me on bromelain supplements to help clean out the lymph nodes. So I guess I am doing this semi-healthfully????
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Posted 25 May 2022 - 01:04 AM
Back on a second low calorie day today. Yesterday I went out for a fairly long week, at least for me right now. I didn't feel too good yesterday but I feel okay today so far. I don't feel that I am desperate to eat anything. I thought maybe I would need to eat breakfast in the morning, but after having no dinner last night and really just one meal, I don't feel bad not eating this morning.
0
sad virgo vibes | 10kgs lost, still too much left
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Warrior
- LocationGermany
Posted 03 September 2021 - 10:29 AM
sad virgo vibes
19, depressed and yes, a virgo
I had an accountability on here years ago, coming back and starting a new one feels wild.
So much stuff has gone down, not just irl but on the site too
idek the state of mpa anymore but i guess i'll find out
I've struggled with some amalgamation of an ed for years now, officially diagnosed with bulimia because that's when people started caring all of a sudden
never really got over it, never really treated it, now no one cares anymore and i've absolutely never hated myself more so let's go i suppose
I gained a lot of weight due to recovery and isolation and sadness
I've honestly never felt more uncomfortable with my body, even when it was smaller and my mind was worse i didn't feel this bad about it
Not only do i hate the way it looks but i hate the way it feels to live in it
god
enough about me
stats:
170cm
sw:79.1kgs || 27.4bmi
cw:69.0kgs || 23.9bmi
gw1:75kgs || 26bmi
-72kgs || "normal" bmi (24.9bmi)
gw2:70kgs || 24.2bmi
gw3:65kgs || 22.5bmi
gw4:60kgs || 20.8bmi
gw5:58kgs || 20.1bmi
ugw:50kgs
#2
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Warrior
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Posted 03 September 2021 - 11:06 AM
september 3rd
cw: 79.1 || 27.4bmi
intake: ????
thoughts:
wow
today was a really bad day, just exceptionally shitty.
there was a whole big fight with both my parents, it didn't go well, it never does
i really don't want to face them
seeing that number on the scale is wild, i remember promising myself it would never go above 70 and now my bmi is well into the overweight category. i don't even believe in or trust the whole bmi system but just
god man
#3
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Warrior
- LocationGermany
Posted 04 September 2021 - 03:38 PM
september 4th
cw: 78.1 || 27bmi
change: -1kg
total: -1kg
intake: vegetarian lasagna (514)
vegan snacks (379)
apple (110)
total: 1003
thoughts:
i didn't want to type it all out yesterday but i b/ped hard on birthday cake,, like 3/4 of a whole double stacked cake (that was all that was left) so i know that the loss is just dehydration, but
idk it still felt good to see that difference even though i feel so gross from the b/p yesterday
i drank so much diet coke today? geeze
#4
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Warrior
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Posted 05 September 2021 - 01:39 PM
september 5th
I just really like this picture,,
cw: 77.2 || 26.7bmi (huh??)
change: -0.9kg
total: -1.9kg
intake: vegan patty thing + green beans & egg (570)
dr pepper can (90)
vegan skyr joghurt + choc chips and coco pops (474)
total: 1134
thoughts:
i am royally confused
i guess? it's just my weight on empty??
I am also pretty dehydrated so it could be my regular fat ass shriveled up body with less food in it
i go back to school tomorrow, it should be relatively easy to not eat? unless i meet up with someone after that is
my mom got me a can of dr pepper aa
i feel like its worthless sugar calories but i can't just not drink it
that would be really sus, especially since dr pepper is like my favourite worthless-sugar-drink
my intake today is a lil high, usually when restricting i go lower than that, but as long as i don't binge i think i should be fine right?
My aunt is visiting from the states on tuesday and i'm scared we'll have to go out to eat together at some point,,
#5
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Warrior
- LocationGermany
Posted 06 September 2021 - 09:25 PM
september 6th
cw: 77.5 || 26.8bmi
change: +0.2kg
total: -1.7kg
intake: chia + vanilla porridge pack + choc chips (400)
cranberry juice (75)
1 Laugenstange + 1 Croissant (403)
bbq style next-level burger (446)
veganz choc bar (231)
total: 1480
thoughts:
i knew it was gonna happen
ugh
im too tired to write anything
#6
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Warrior
- LocationGermany
Posted 08 September 2021 - 03:30 PM
september 7th
cw: didn't weigh
change: /
total: -1.7kg
intake: big oof
it started off okay but devolved into a lot of b/ping, my aunt came to visit from america today and idk this sucks
______________________________________________________________
september 8th
cw: 77.1 || 26.7bmi
change: -0.4kg
total: -2.1kg
intake: bottle caps (60)
ramen (broth, peas, kale, soy things) (523)
vanilla-cookie dough ice cream (175)
total: 758
I overslept today, i was supposed to go to school and an appointment
I had a dream that felt a little too real, whenever i have these kinds of dreams i'm fucked up for the rest of the day
it's the type you wake up from and wonder where you are and why you're not where you're supposed to be and want to go back
holy shit i went on a wild trip this evening
its a really weird situation that i might get into at some point, but basically i remembered a friend i used to have that just disappeared. it would've been fine if he had just ghosted me, but he disappeared for others during the same time
basically i'm worried
#7
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Warrior
- LocationGermany
Posted 09 September 2021 - 03:16 PM
september 9th
cw: 76.9 (nice) || 26.6bmi
change: -0.2kg
total: -2.3kg
intake: fruit (nectarine, apple) (142)
ginger shot (28)
laugenbuttergipfel (278)
bottle caps (60)
vegeterian salami snack (96)
wrap (avocado, tofu, cheese, lettuce) (571)
total: 1175
I don't know to what extend mpa is still wonky but i very much so love this font and i hope others can see it? i don't see it around too much, i hope it's not uncool or pretentious or anything :')
i think weighing myself every day isn't the best, seeing weight fluctuate or not change as much as i would like is not really good for me mentally
then again, neither is any of the other stuff going on
i think i'll aim to weigh in again on sunday? that feels like its not too far away but still a bit of a stretch for me with my mind rn
I couldn't go to school today. I walked all the way to school, i got ready in the morning, i took the bus on time, but i couldn't go in anyways. i hate this so much
i know i could, why is it so hard?? this year i'm the new one and every class in which i have to introduce myself absolutely zaps my energy. it never used to be this bad
at least my doggo's sleeping in my bed tonight
#8
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Warrior
- LocationGermany
Posted 10 September 2021 - 01:46 PM
september 10th
cw: ////
change: ////
total: -2.3kg
intake: bottle caps (60)
vegan protein bar (187)
broccoli patty + green beans + (50% less) ketchup (497)
total: 744
thoughts:
when i walked into the livingroom this morning, my mom asked me if i was wearing her pants (these comfy ass pajama pants, she got one for each of us) and i said "no, why?" she said "because it's so baggy!"
am i supposed to be happy or offended by that? right now i honestly don't feel either
I know I've gained a substantial amount of weight since i got them, but they were never really tight on me and i don't think my tiny lil weight change -that i don't really consider real yet it's all water and food weight i mean it's barely been a week and it's not like i'm restricting really low- could've really changed the way my pants fit me
ah man
tiny little things that make me just feel : / the rest of the day
UHHH???
apparently my mom and aunt are leaving for a week? they said they'd visit on and off a bit (especially for cooking since they don't want to bring ingredients with them)
since my father gives approximately 0 fucks about what i eat this should be interesting
but istg i always find out about family things 2 minutes before they happen
additionally, if my father leaves at any point i'll have some spare unwatched time to work out
suddenly being really into working out would be insanely suspicious so i have to keep it private, i might be able to slowly start introducing going for walks with my dog? ah heck
#9
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Warrior
- LocationGermany
Posted 11 September 2021 - 04:25 PM
september 11th
cw: ////
change: ////
total: -2.3kg
intake: vanilla soy-joghurt + choc chips + apple (551)
bottle caps (60)
20oz dr pepper bottle (240)
total: 851
thoughts:
thank you aunt for the dr pepper : )
no it's great i love it : )
why the fuck is it 240 calories??
this evening i had a really strong craving for soda?
i searched and searched but there isn't a single drop of any kind of diet soda in the house
i just drank water instead
I'm happy about that
drinking more sweet stuff comes with the expense of calories and i need to get rid of this weight so i can't allow myself to go over my tdee
#10
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Warrior
- LocationGermany
Posted 12 September 2021 - 05:33 PM
september 12th
cw: 75.5 || 26.1bmi
change: -1.4kg
total: -3.7kg
intake: straciatella-joghurt + choc crisps + chia seeds (490) vegan choc & peanut protein bar (199)
total: 689
pls i just wanna get out of the 26bmi range
thoughts:
I need to drink a shittonne of water today
i still don't trust my weight
i think i'll start trusting that i actually lost weight when the scale tells me i weigh around 73kgs?
1kg of fat is about 7700cals, if I want to lose 1kg a week I'll have to stay at a daily deficit of about 1000cals, that plus the on and off exercise stuff i do should get me there? if i stick to that and it actually works that should be about 15 weeks until a high 20s bmi, and 20 weeks till bmi 19
15 weeks is december 26th... ugh christmas time has so much food
i really dont want to have to purge but i also don't want to eat all the stuff we usually do
i think it might take longer
but it's comforting to know that its pretty possible to be a "healthy" weight before next year, one that is in the middle of the healthy range, not borderline overweight
I took measurements today, maybe I'll trust them more over time
#11
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Warrior
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Posted 13 September 2021 - 02:59 PM
september 13th
cw: 74.8 || 25.9bmi
change: -0.6kg
total: -4.3kg
intake: too much ://
total: /
praise be holy shit
thoughts:
I couldn't sleep yesterday (this morning?) so i went for a walk in the dark. I really needed to sort my mind out
I found out what happened to my friend that I haven't heard from in forever. I'm really confused. I felt sick to my stomach but also very calm when I found out. I knew that I would stay there for him and be his friend if he needs one immediately, which is something I had to process, since it's a situation in which i would normally never want to look at the person who would do something like that again.
I really don't know how processing things works, does it just get less terrible-feeling over time?
Will I have to be constantly thinking about it until my mind has taken apart the situation into tiny processable bits and pieces? Usually i just ignore things and live on as if it doesn't affect me, which is bad or absolutely panic over something i can't change.
It was nice listening to music and laying on the ground outside at 3am, but I do get really paranoid really quickly so I had to go back in eventually.
Somewhere I feel bad about not being upset but I just am not, it's something that I had considered and i'm just,,, disappointed?? i guess??
oh god how rich "I'm not mad, just disapointed"
that aside
later today I visited my friends house to tell them about all this. it's insane
I feel disgusting
we ordered pizza and i was full after 2 1/2 slices, additionally i found a hair so yay
she was sus of my intake and gave me iced tea and candy
i feel so fat and gross
#12
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Warrior
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Posted 14 September 2021 - 08:25 PM
september 14th
cw: didn't weigh
change: /
total: -4.3kg
intake: avocado toast with eggs + nectarine (496)
total: 496
here i am at 5 am, having just eaten, what's the point
thoughts:
I am still awake. It's 5am. My best friend told me to eat something, I promised. That was at like 1 am so I made a full beautiful meal to fullfill my promise hell yea
The up & downside of having ed friends? their bullshit meter is absolutely pristine
I could not get away with absolutely anything
they even told me they were suspicious of me ever since i had started eating less pasta when I was over, which was 0% relapse related, I just didn't have that insane hunger anymore
I contacted my friend and I got a reply
and
holy shit I missed him so much
I had no idea I really did
but
when I received that reply back, I cried
I haven't cried like that in literal years, I'm usually a hollow husk of a person that is completely apathetic apart from the occasional burst of guilt or empathy
I wish i could send unlimited texts back and forth or stay up in a call until way past any kind of healthy bedtime
I wish I could hug him yknow
Part of me is still internally fighting my morals on this, I still have a bit of a sick feeling but it never made me doubt wanting to be there
I feel like if I attach to someone they cannot get rid of me, I wonder if that's a good or a bad thing
ED related woo:
after eating half of my portion I felt sick
after eating the other half I once more felt sick
in conclusion I feel sick
I want to think that's bad but I'd be lying if I didn't say I was happy about it
#13
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Warrior
- LocationGermany
Posted 15 September 2021 - 05:50 PM
september 15th
cw: didn't weigh
change: /
total: -4.3kg
intake: vegeterian lasagna + vegan cheese (508)
total: 508
currently 2 am man im so good at health
thoughts:
I feel like I've just given up on school entirely
I don't know what to do about it
it feels like going to school and improving mentally cannot coexist
It's one or the other
man
I'm going to town with a friend tomorrow, we'll see how that goes
she wants to look for clothes but I know food is inevitable
I'm pretty scared to weigh myself currently, I'll plan for my next weigh in to be on Saturday?
I feel like that might be good
#14
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- 171 posts
Warrior
- LocationGermany
Posted 16 September 2021 - 04:40 PM
september 16th
cw: didn't weigh
change: /
total: -4.3kg
intake: maki-avocado-cucumber sushi pack (160)
mushroom-baguette-pizza (564)
vegan choc protein bar (187)
apple (81)
total: 992
2am once more, look out I'm forming a habit!
thoughts:
I don't know man school is just not on my radar at all anymore
I'm so very focused on my outer appearance
I need to improve
-my skin (acne ugh)
-my weight (also ugh)
-style (buy clothes?)
-build muscle
I've got such contradictory body ideals ah man
I don't have much to say it seems
#15
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Warrior
- LocationGermany
Posted 17 September 2021 - 05:22 PM
september 17th
cw: didn't weigh
change: /
total: -4.3kg
intake: vegan cinnamon rice pudding (198)
1/4 watermelon (152)
spelt pasta (684)
(tofu, green beans, nutritional yeast, vegan cheese)
total: 1034
2am again, ate the pasta in 2 sittings but still ugh
thoughts:
I'm really nervous about weighing myself tomorrow, especially since i JUST ate and I'm gonna get up at 8am, god
I'm such a fat fuck, I could've just not eaten and ended at 350 but noo
#16
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Warrior
- LocationGermany
Posted 19 September 2021 - 02:29 PM
september 18th
cw: 75.3kgs | 26.1
change: +0.5
total: -3.8kg
intake: depression
god fiucking goddamnit
i didn't binge, i didn't purge
fuck fuck i eat too much fuck
today was CSD and i met up with friends, I'm estimating around 3000cals fuck i need to eat less if I want to lose any weight at all
______________________________________________________________
september 19th
cw: didn't weigh
change: /
total: -3.8kg
intake: skyr style vegan joghurt + choc pieces & apple (455)
total: 455
I hate absolutely everything and everyone I just want to be gone why am i so much
#17
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Warrior
- LocationGermany
Posted 20 September 2021 - 03:56 PM
september 20th
cw: 74.8 || 25.9bmi
change: -0.5kg
total: -4.3kg
intake: cabbage salad? keto stuff? my moms keto recipe? (75)
stirfry (tofu, peas, broccoli, kale, egg) (401)
a few bites nectarine (18)
apple + cinnamon (75)
total: 569
I want to be in the 73s by the end of september
thoughts:
idk why i even left space for thoughts i have no thoughts i just want to lose weight
A situation happened with my mom again i might talk about it later
#18
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- 171 posts
Warrior
- LocationGermany
Posted 21 September 2021 - 04:06 PM
september 21st
cw: didn't weigh
change: /
total: -4.3kg
intake: bottle caps (60)
ramen (broccoli, soy stuff, kale) (357)
vegan raspberry joghurt + choc chips and coco pops (431)
rice & veggies in peanut sauce? (~850?)
nutella sandwich (~400?)
total: ~2098?
to sum up the day: my mom got us chinese takeout stuff, i ate like a third of mine and she took me to the hospital because I stabbed myself in the arm
if i can muster up the energy I might rant about that here it was such a wild situation
i feel so misunderstood,, like no one in my family takes me seriously : (
I was literally crying and physically pushing my father away telling him to stop over and over again and he didn't listen, he was annoyed that i said anything at all
I tried sososo hard to get him to stop because it was too much for me, i threw stuff at him i yelled at him i begged him nothing worked
when I finally got out of my room it was all too much i was freaking out panicking so hard i took it out on myself
he didn't do anything insanely bad but
what should i have done to get him to stop
idk
i know this doesn't make sense completely without context but man
it hurts me so much that this happens and I'm told I'm the problem, that I'm crazy and should be locked up or committed
the doctor we went to at the hospital was very confused why my mom was freaking out so much
i was calm and had only self harmed to somehow get myself out of the mindset I was in, I wasn't trying to kill myself or hurt myself more, she bandaged me up, but didn't have to stitch anything
She had asked me if I could maybe do it on my leg next time since my arms will be so noticeably scarred when I'm recovered, which was such an oddly sweet gesture, she asked if i could've done something else to get rid of that destructive energy and started listing things, but everything she listed i would've gotten in trouble for
I will never
ever
I will never ever forget the moment I was standing just outside the kitchen, shaking vigorously, my mom clutching on to my arm with a towel to stop the bleeding, crying, but trying to calm my mom down, when my father said she was overreacting
I will never
ever
I will never ever forget standing in the hallway leading to the garage when I was begging my mom to let me go to the hospital with her, not my father, pleading to please be brought without him, when he looked at her and told her that I'm not worth arguing with, that I don't know what I'm saying and I just want to get her alone so I can manipulate her
he didnt even look at me
he never even acknowledged me
why does she always take his side in everything
well so much for not ranting or maybe ranting later
i made myself cry writing this
oh man
the worst part is that i know he thinks hes done nothing wrong
he will never apologize for pushing me past my limit whenever i beg him to stop
he doesn't respect me, he doesn't see me as a person
#20
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- 171 posts
Warrior
- LocationGermany
Posted 24 September 2021 - 04:39 PM
september 24th
cw: 74.5 || 25.8bmi
change: -0.3kg
total: -4.6kg
intake: maultaschen (546)
rice pudding (200)
pink lady apple (93)
2x Hanuta Riegel (406)
most of hazelnut choc bar (410)
total: 1655
BRO TELL ME WHY I READ ONE (1) THING ABOUT HOW SKINNY GIRLS EAT SO MUCH SWEET STUFF AND I THINK THIS IS OKAY
ugh
I can feel so much more than just a while ago and I don't know why. For a long time I felt like I was just pretending to be affected and have emotions but it feels real now, I cried without forcing myself to, I just did.
That's probably not healthy lmao
thoughts:
I have 6 days to be below 74kgs
I feel so fat all the time, but I can start seeing my ribs a little if I lay down
I don't know if it's placebo or what but I feel like my pants fit a little bit looser
I don't know, maybe I actually have lost like 4kgs? maybe more like 3
I still feel like I don't really believe it I need more proof, lower numbers
I should drink a lot more water I think
It's not that much either way, I'm still overweight anyway, I remember feeling really fat at a 23bmi
I'm not really close to 23, that would be aaattt 69kgs hah nice, 23bmi is 69 - 66.5kgs
seems like so much but still so far away ugh ew
How often do y’all see irl thinspo?
#1
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Advanced Warrior
- LocationAmerican living in Europe
Posted 07 May 2022 - 06:39 AM
I immediately went and returned everything that was in my basket and bought a Diet Coke instead.
Grateful that I saw her, because she totally snapped me into wanting to lose weight again.
So i’m curious, how often do y’all see your dream thinspo in real life?
#2
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Advanced Sage
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Posted 07 May 2022 - 07:01 AM
My country doesnt have high obesity rate so a lot od young people are slim (Like BMI 21 on average) and its common to see a skinny young person.
However if you mean thinspo as 14 and under BMIs, not just slightly underweight then I dont see people like this at all.
#3
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Sage
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Posted 07 May 2022 - 07:04 AM
Not really often, but I think that's because my ED brain doesn't consider anything under bmi 16 a real inspo
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#4
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- LocationTim Hortons, probably.
Posted 07 May 2022 - 09:19 AM
#6
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Sage
Posted 07 May 2022 - 03:37 PM
Also they usually are in a relationship/ have a family when my age so how fun is that. Feel left out in this city.But not real envy.
#7
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Omniscient
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Posted 07 May 2022 - 03:42 PM
Just kidding I'm a fucking fatass
Sent from my SM-A326B using Tapatalk
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#9
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Advanced Guru
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Posted 07 May 2022 - 06:38 PM
Anyway, even if I get that bmi, I bet my legs will never look like that.
And if they did, my family would be horrified..
that's super kami guru to you
Daily reminder that if you ate at a deficit you lost weight even if the scale hasn't budged
The more you feed the binge monster, the longer he will stay.
Have him in for a cup of tea then send him on his way.
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27 | 5, 9" | BMI 22.6 | 32C | Works in IT
#10
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- 379 posts
Advanced Warrior
- LocationThe Moon
Posted 07 May 2022 - 06:59 PM
I don't see other people that often. When I do manage to get out, chances are high that I'll see someone and think 'goals'. I just want to be less than whatever I am at any given point in time. That isn't too hard to come by.
Distortion, or Dis for short.
They/Them | 21
Accountability/Rambles
6'/180 cm
Gender envy.
#13
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Omniscient
Posted 09 May 2022 - 09:30 AM
however I live in/near a posh part of the city and the majority of ppl I see are on the thin or slim side.
as for BMI 14 and under, rarely, but not impossible.
#17
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#18
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- 14 posts
Member
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Posted 11 May 2022 - 09:19 AM
Often. I consider myself compared to other people based on a few factors. If a woman is a little chubbier than me but is older, then that’s to be expected due to the fact she’s probably given birth and, if not, then I’m pretty sure menopause and pre-menopause can cause weight gain, and ultimately I will make myself think of her in terms of, “well, when she was my age she was probably thinner.” Even if I’m the same weight and height as someone, I assume that I have more fat than them because I’ve never been a very active person. If someone is significantly shorter than me and is a little chunky, I consider that I might actually be the same weight as them. Every time I see an obese person, I think of myself more in terms of what we have in common than what sets us apart. The closer I am to underweight, the more this mentality shifts and the bigger my ego kinda is, but as of right now everyone is my thinspo in a way because every time I see a pocket of fat hiding in the same area as a person who is overweight it makes me want to self-destruct. When I think that, if I were a few inches shorter, I might actually be clinically overweight, it kinda makes me want to fast for a month. When I think of what I’ll look like after giving birth if I stay at this weight for the rest of my life, it makes me want to gag. I’m already an unattractive person, so weight loss is the only shot I have at improving my appearance
#19
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Advanced Member
Posted 11 May 2022 - 10:31 AM
skinnyminnie120, on 07 May 2022 - 06:39 AM, said:
I normally see thinspo on social media, like Tiktok and Instagram. Where I live, most people are out of shape and not very thin. Today I was in the store about to buy a meal to binge one, when I saw the smallest girl I’ve seen in a long time! She looked exactly like a K-pop idol. She only had a diet coke and was walking to the check out.
I immediately went and returned everything that was in my basket and bought a Diet Coke instead.
Grateful that I saw her, because she totally snapped me into wanting to lose weight again.
So i’m curious, how often do y’all see your dream thinspo in real life?
All. The. Time. There is a girl in my class who is so thin I am jealous of her very day
#20
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Member
Posted 12 May 2022 - 05:18 AM
When I was still going to church, there were always girls that were dressed up perfectly with their hair just right, makeup done and tall and thin in heels. I'd leave feeling like a potato every time lol. When I was working this one girl was EXTREMELY TINY. Like she was barely taller than me and I felt like she was the width of my upper arm. She didn't look sickly but damn she was a one way ticket to hate-yourself-ville for me anytime she came by my office.
I think what gets me the most is when someone is close to my height like my coworker was, but smaller. It makes me realize what I could be if I just stopped being fat. Seeing someone like that is just a reminder that my body is a personal failing and that I should be like them.
#22
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Warrior
Posted 12 May 2022 - 06:49 AM
literally every day. where i live most people are average or just below. being obese, anyone who is average skinny is like thinspo to me but i definitely see a lot of underweight people as well in the specific area i live in. its a super health conscious/organic/that girl neighborhood.
StopTheWorldIWantToGetOff
#1
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 13 May 2022 - 04:17 PM
Okay. So I have attempted an accountability thread before and it went absolutely nowhere because I never posted.
I've gained 50 lbs. I can't believe I let this happen. But I'm only 25, I can get in shape pretty easy if I really stick to it.
My boyfriend and I have decided to buddy up to lose weight, and I feel like having a partner will be very motivating.
Day one:
183.2 lbs
554 calories
No workout, but plenty of water
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#2
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- LocationNamek
Posted 13 May 2022 - 05:32 PM
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that's super kami guru to you
Daily reminder that if you ate at a deficit you lost weight even if the scale hasn't budged
The more you feed the binge monster, the longer he will stay.
Have him in for a cup of tea then send him on his way.
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27 | 5, 9" | BMI 22.6 | 32C | Works in IT
#3
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 13 May 2022 - 06:17 PM
liberatedLiberator, on 13 May 2022 - 5:32 PM, said:
So cute welcome back and happy losing!
Thank you so much 
I am focusing on the long game this time. I've gotten fat and my partner still loves and adores me. My fears came true and literally nothing bad came of it other than my body image and my clothes don't fit right anymore.
That helps me feel like I can take it slow and be sustainable, because I don't have that huge fear looming over me: FAT lol
Now it's like, been there done that and I do not enjoy it! take me back to being slim lmao
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#4
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Omniscient
- Locationbumfuck nowhere
Posted 13 May 2022 - 06:34 PM
Sent from my Nokia G10 using Tapatalk
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Desmond/Des/Mosh
Current Weight and BMI
200.0 / 36.6 (05.16.2022)
26
closeted questioning ftm gender dysphoria pls use they/them or he/him
my new accountability: Coming Undone - Mosh's accountability - Higher BMI accountability Forum - Forums and Community (myproana.com)
#5
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 15 May 2022 - 09:10 AM
Day two
I'm only going to be weighing on Fridays for now, because the number makes me feel bad.
1,028 calories
I did 30 minutes with a weighted hula hoop, went swimming for an additional 30 minutes. I probably had too much caffeine and not enough water but oh well.
So, this was yesterday, I just didn't log it last night haha. Today is Day three and I work a double shift so I should be able to keep myself distracted and not overeat. I also have a ton of downtime so I can pace around inside. Will update tonight!
#6
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 15 May 2022 - 07:49 PM
Day three
630 calories
I paced a lot, tried to stay on my feet lol. No real exercise though
I know it's only been a few days, but here I am saying "I'm going to do this slowly and sustainably" Blah blah blah. Maybe it's just a sort of honeymoon phase, but it's been hard to make myself eat. Like yesterday was counted as 1,028 but let's break that down lol. 235 calories were mini chocolates that I had at 2am before going to bed the night before, but it was after midnight so it counted for the next day. The highest calorie item I had was a spicy kimchi noodle bowl, 360, I only had half, if that. So I probably made it a lot higher. Idk, I would love to lose quickly but I don't want to gain it back.
#7
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 17 May 2022 - 08:15 AM
Day five
0 calories so far because it's morning haha
Last night I ate a ton of chocolate before bed, but the rest of the day was fine. I have an anatomy final today, so stress and staying busy will be good. I really wanted to weigh mysef yesterday and resisted the urge because I really don't want to start weighing daily again. slippery slope.
I've been alchohol free for one month, 11 days. I'm feeling really good mentally and starting to wake up and see myself. I think I just drank myself into oblivion and gained a fuckton of binge weight since I am really trying not to purge(Or maybe my drunk ass just couldn't be bothered to get up and get it out after my late night binges).Anyway, I think I can control it this time -insert clown image-
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#8
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- LocationNamek
Posted 17 May 2022 - 06:19 PM
- well.here.we.go.again likes this
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that's super kami guru to you
Daily reminder that if you ate at a deficit you lost weight even if the scale hasn't budged
The more you feed the binge monster, the longer he will stay.
Have him in for a cup of tea then send him on his way.
240 239 238 237 236 235 234 233 232 231 230 229 228 227 226 225 224 223 222 221 220
219 218 217 216 215 214 213 212 211 210 209 208 207 206 205 204 203 202 201 200
199 198 197 196 195 194 193 192 191 190 189 188 187 186 185 184 183 182 181 180
179 178 176 175 174 173 172 171 170 169 168 167 166 165 164 163 162 161 160
159 158 157 156 155 154 153 152 151 150 149 148 147 146 145 144 143 142 141 140
139 138 137 136 135 134 133 132 131 130 129 128 127 126 125 124 123 122 121 120
27 | 5, 9" | BMI 22.6 | 32C | Works in IT
#9
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Advanced Warrior
Posted 20 May 2022 - 03:18 PM
I got an 84% on my final, not bad!
I haven't been updating this thread the last few days because I definitely slid backwards.
I did weigh today, I'm at 179.4 lbs. So still down from last week but if I hadn't been silly and binged a bunch it could have been way better. Ugh. I also haven't been active today. But I did say I was okay with slower progress.
I have a nail appointment tomorrow morning and to keep me on track, I'm not going to go back until I've hit 165lbs. I hate when my nails are grown out, but I can push a set of acrylics like 3 weeks if I need to. I better stay on track lol.
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