🌻 (5ft 7 sw 179 - cw huge) watch my life unravel - TW
#321 
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🌻 (5ft 7 sw 179 - cw huge) watch my life unravel - TW
#301
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Posted 28 June 2022 - 09:32 PM
Skinnyminnie1984isback, on 26 Jun 2022 - 03:34 AM, said:
I absolutely dont think you should censor yourself. please be honest. it just hurts to see you hurting. I'd rather you're honest than lying or silent. please keep posting.Thing is. I don’t even feel like this is really a problem? Like I’m really fat so it’s ok? I’m sorry my posts are hard. I will try to censor them
I hope you are ok xx
#302
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Posted Yesterday, 01:01 AM
I refuse to stay this fat and fking disgusting. I have a plan.
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#303
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Posted Yesterday, 03:31 AM
Breakfast - cereal bar
Lunch - jacket potato, tuna, quark (fat free) and lettuce
Dinner - pea and ham soup
Snack - monster and 2x ice pops
Total: 756/800
Trying really really hard to eat. I am. But I’m onto just my lunch. I won’t eat even half of the lettuce (still counting the complete cals tho), I feel so sick and it’s really difficult to just shovel it down.
But I’m trying to have 800 calories for the next month. I should still lose. I think. No idea how I’m going to manage my dinner. Or my ice pops. I dunno.
I just want to starve.
Edit: I ate most of my lunch. But gave the last away to my dog (didn’t give her the lettuce) Don’t wanna risk wanting to purge because I forced myself to eat it all
Final edit: well I did it. I ate the soup and the ice pops. I feel really bad about it. And I want to weigh myself. I know I’m going to gain. I’m going to give this a few days and then weigh and see. But I’m desperate to drop back down again
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Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#304
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Posted Yesterday, 08:08 AM
Jacket potato and tuna with monster one day and then soup and monster the next. I can’t manage having both the same day. It’s fking me up mentally. It just means I will only be able to do around 20,000 steps a day without wanting to pass out. Which I don’t know how I feel. But I need to lose this weight.
800 is too high for my body. I honestly look like one of them bloated corpses that’s pulled from the river who’s been killed. That u see on tv programmes. It’s disgusting.
Then I worry that maybe that’s what I should be. If I already look like that. Fks sake.
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
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Posted Yesterday, 09:54 AM
Skinnyminnie1984isback, on 29 Jun 2022 - 08:08 AM, said:
Ok. So I’m having major anxiety. Really bad. So. I think I’m going to do the following:
Jacket potato and tuna with monster one day and then soup and monster the next. I can’t manage having both the same day. It’s fking me up mentally. It just means I will only be able to do around 20,000 steps a day without wanting to pass out. Which I don’t know how I feel. But I need to lose this weight.
800 is too high for my body. I honestly look like one of them bloated corpses that’s pulled from the river who’s been killed. That u see on tv programmes. It’s disgusting.
Then I worry that maybe that’s what I should be. If I already look like that. Fks sake.
the bloating is just because you've been low restricting for so long. it will get better, if you keep eating 800. youll still lose. but if you zig zag itll stay uncomfortable.
#306
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Posted Yesterday, 10:50 AM
Genuinely been worried for you, I check here every day to see if you’ve posted and when you don’t it’s concerning.
I know this is mega hard but you’re doing the best you can for yourself. 800 cals, I know it seems like thousands to you but please, please keep going with it.
Sending you all the good vibes x
#307
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Posted Yesterday, 12:27 PM
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#308
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Posted Yesterday, 04:12 PM
I need to push myself now. Keep going. That’s it. Today. Is a new day. I will lose it. I won’t stop
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#309
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Posted Yesterday, 06:01 PM
Skinnyminnie1984isback, on 29 Jun 2022 - 12:27 PM, said:
Did u know if you contact a crisis service. Having a bit of a panic. Then I go out to shops. The police will come and put ur window in?? Yea. That.
Oh no are you ok. You were out when police did that?
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Posted Yesterday, 06:08 PM
Skinnyminnie1984isback, on 29 Jun 2022 - 4:12 PM, said:
It’s just after midnight. I’m still up. I’m so tired. But I’m so fat.
I need to push myself now. Keep going. That’s it. Today. Is a new day. I will lose it. I won’t stop
you deserve rest.
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Posted Today, 02:07 AM
uponanaswings, on 29 Jun 2022 - 6:01 PM, said:
Oh no are you ok. You were out when police did that?
Yep I had called to the shops. I got back snd they had done that. I got a voicemail from them too. They said they saw me driving out of the estate and could I call them back ASAP. But they still out my window in. I don’t get why.
Really upsetting tbh. Glad I had my dog with me.
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#312
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Posted Today, 02:08 AM
aloof!, on 29 Jun 2022 - 6:08 PM, said:
you deserve rest.
I dunno. I don’t know what I’m doing with anything anymore
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#313
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Posted Today, 03:08 AM
At least I’m getting some exercise in today. That’s good. Food wise I dunno. Not wanting any tbh. Shocker lol
I have 2 weeks today then I get another week off work. And I’m hoping when I go back after that that I’m finally under 120. Hope so anyway.
I really need to work as much as I can these next 2 weeks. I’m sick of having no cash. I need to save.
But ugh I feel a bit sick as well. Wish my heart would chill out
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#314
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Posted Today, 05:37 AM
I just wanna be small again. If I was small it would be ok. I will be on 698 calories today. That’s far too much. I wanna rip my skin off.
I want the fat gone so I wanna start tomorrow - July 1st fasting maybe? I just need to lose. And fast. I’m so fat. FAT. I wanna really hurt my disgusting self.
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
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Posted Today, 07:56 AM
there's no way you're getting bigger. your heart racing is very concerning. 698kcals is absolutely nothing and you won't gain if you have double that. please don't fast, your heart and body can't handle it. you're too fragile. fasting doesn't help weight loss. are you taking any vitamins? they won't make you gain and they'll help a lot. electrolytes, like gatorade and coconut milk, will help your heart too.
#316
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Posted Today, 08:00 AM
aloof!, on 30 Jun 2022 - 07:56 AM, said:
there's no way you're getting bigger. your heart racing is very concerning. 698kcals is absolutely nothing and you won't gain if you have double that. please don't fast, your heart and body can't handle it. you're too fragile. fasting doesn't help weight loss. are you taking any vitamins? they won't make you gain and they'll help a lot. electrolytes, like gatorade and coconut milk, will help your heart too.
I’m not no. I did try for 2 days. But I can’t. I just cannot do this. I just sat and counter all the pill I have. I wanna take them.
I’m so fat. So so fat. It’s killing me.
I can’t cope wirh this anymore really. It’s ok tho. I’m fine. It’s all ok.
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#317
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Posted Today, 08:39 AM
I’ve got plenty of pills. They will kill me I think. I’m done.
I’m too fat. Goodbye to everyone. And Thankyou for replying to me. Or posting. But I just can’t do it. I need to go od
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#318
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Posted Today, 08:53 AM
Skinnyminnie1984isback, on 30 Jun 2022 - 08:39 AM, said:
NO! I know I'm just a stranger on the internet but you matter to me! I care about you & so do so many other people! Please do not give up! I promise you it can & will get better! Hang in there.I’m gknna do it
I’ve got plenty of pills. They will kill me I think. I’m done.
I’m too fat. Goodbye to everyone. And Thankyou for replying to me. Or posting. But I just can’t do it. I need to go od
Is there someone you can call? Your mom, your dad, another family member or friend, a doctor you trust? You are beautiful & loved. You deserve life & happiness.
#319
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Posted Today, 08:57 AM
Please don't hurt yourself, you're worth living a wonderful life. You are wonderful and amazing and all these thoughts are just thoughts they're not real
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🌻 (5ft 7 sw 179 - cw huge) watch my life unravel - TW
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Posted 25 June 2022 - 07:28 AM
aloof!, on 24 Jun 2022 - 09:42 AM, said:
what changed between you saying you don't want to die to wanting to starve to death?
I don’t want to die how I am now. The idea that someone will see my body how it looks now terrifies me. If I can starve myself and get thin. Then I don’t care
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#282
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Posted 25 June 2022 - 07:28 AM
uponanaswings, on 25 Jun 2022 - 06:28 AM, said:
I hope you have a good Saturday
Thankyou. I hope yours was good too 😊
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#283
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Posted 25 June 2022 - 07:29 AM
Guess it’s the fat.
I feel a bit bad for my animals and family. Well. My dad. The rest of my family don’t bother wirh me. But I want to royally fuck myself up like die. I want to disappear. I’m beyond fat now and this fluid swelling is making things 10x worse.
I want it all gone. I have decided. I will do anything. A.n.y.t.h.I.n.g.
By the end of July. I will be at my goal.
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#284
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Posted 25 June 2022 - 09:20 AM
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#285
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Posted 25 June 2022 - 11:12 AM
Currently sat on kitchen floor in corner crying over how fat I am. Wow. Love my life.
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#286
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Posted 25 June 2022 - 03:02 PM
Skinnyminnie1984isback, on 25 Jun 2022 - 07:28 AM, said:
I don’t want to die how I am now. The idea that someone will see my body how it looks now terrifies me. If I can starve myself and get thin. Then I don’t care
you will die before you make it to your goal the way you're going now. and your goal wont be enough. i think you know that deep down. you're already thin. it hurts to watch a good person killing themselves like this. this accountability is hard to read. i dont want you to die. nobody wants you to die. im absolutely terrified for you, you're so deep into this disease.
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#288
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Posted 26 June 2022 - 03:34 AM
aloof!, on 25 Jun 2022 - 3:02 PM, said:
you will die before you make it to your goal the way you're going now. and your goal wont be enough. i think you know that deep down. you're already thin. it hurts to watch a good person killing themselves like this. this accountability is hard to read. i dont want you to die. nobody wants you to die. im absolutely terrified for you, you're so deep into this disease.
Thing is. I don’t even feel like this is really a problem? Like I’m really fat so it’s ok? I’m sorry my posts are hard. I will try to censor them
I hope you are ok xx
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#289
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Posted 26 June 2022 - 03:34 AM
Gracie25, on 25 Jun 2022 - 11:20 PM, said:
Worried about you. You’ve gone quiet… Are you ok?
*edit* ohh my browser hasn’t updated properly and I see your recent replies now. Phew! Still though, how are you doing?
I’m ok Thankyou. Fat. Obv. But ok.
How ru??
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#292
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Posted 27 June 2022 - 04:44 AM
I truly don't think aloof! means that you need to censor your writing. Just that we are many that are worried about you. We do care and I really hope that you are alright, I do get worried when you don't write here for a couple of days.
So please, don't censor your writing, it is good to get heavy things on our minds out from our system. Keeping them inside only makes us feel worse.
Take care and please stay safe!
- dandelion wine, EtherealWanderings, aloof! and 1 other like this
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Spoiler; Latest update 21 January 2022.
Height: 170 cm
Lowest weight: 33.0 kg - 78 lbs
All time highest weight 78,1 kg - 172.1 lbs (28/6-2021 - after 12 weeks of fasting I ended up around 42kg (92lbs) To little but had a hard time stopping the fasting routine.)
Current weight: 62,9kg
1. Goal weight: 58,0 kg - 127 lbs
2. Goal weight: 54,0 kg - 119 lbs
3. Goal weight 50.0 kg - 110 lbs
Ultimate goal weight: 47.0 kg - 103 lbs
Fasting Blog
#293
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Posted 28 June 2022 - 08:58 AM
I’m just really fat. And so so tired of this all. It’s getting to be too much now. I am too big. I can’t do anything because of my size.
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#294
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Posted 28 June 2022 - 09:08 AM
You're not big you're super super tiny i promise you, your brain is playing tricks on you it's not real. I hope you feel better soon please try and eat something even if just a little bit
Sent from my BLA-L29 using Tapatalk
#295
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Posted 28 June 2022 - 09:19 AM
violet_liketheflower, on 28 Jun 2022 - 09:08 AM, said:
Heyy, I'm so so so happy you're ok.
You're not big you're super super tiny i promise you, your brain is playing tricks on you it's not real. I hope you feel better soon please try and eat something even if just a little bit
Sent from my BLA-L29 using Tapatalk
Thankyou. I’m going to try to do 800 from tomorrow. Dunno how it will go.
I just don’t want to stay big. But I want to exercise more. I dunno. I will see.
Thankyou for messaging me xx
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#296
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Posted 28 June 2022 - 10:37 AM
I'm so glad to see that you are back and writing!
Just sorry that you don't feel well. I hope it will work with 800 for you, you are still going to lose with that intake. I promise you!
And lastly, you are not big! You are so tiny! Please believe that!
Spoiler; Latest update 21 January 2022.
Height: 170 cm
Lowest weight: 33.0 kg - 78 lbs
All time highest weight 78,1 kg - 172.1 lbs (28/6-2021 - after 12 weeks of fasting I ended up around 42kg (92lbs) To little but had a hard time stopping the fasting routine.)
Current weight: 62,9kg
1. Goal weight: 58,0 kg - 127 lbs
2. Goal weight: 54,0 kg - 119 lbs
3. Goal weight 50.0 kg - 110 lbs
Ultimate goal weight: 47.0 kg - 103 lbs
Fasting Blog
#297
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Posted 28 June 2022 - 10:50 AM
amihuman, on 28 Jun 2022 - 10:37 AM, said:
I'm so glad to see that you are back and writing!
Just sorry that you don't feel well. I hope it will work with 800 for you, you are still going to lose with that intake. I promise you!
And lastly, you are not big! You are so tiny! Please believe that!
Thankyou. So much xxx
How ru?? I hope you’re as ok as you can be xx
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#298
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Posted 28 June 2022 - 11:03 AM
I dunno.
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#299
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Posted 28 June 2022 - 11:25 AM
I can’t do it. I need it all to stop
I’m done. I just can’t. I’m fucking disgusting and fat.
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#300
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Advanced Warrior
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Posted 28 June 2022 - 05:03 PM
Skinnyminnie1984isback, on 28 Jun 2022 - 10:50 AM, said:
Thankyou. So much xxx
How ru?? I hope you’re as ok as you can be xx
I'm ok, I'm fasting and it is going better today then yesterday. It's in the middle of the night here and I have been baking and cooking for tomorrow to my family. They think I eat during the nights due to the heat we have here.
Take care and if I can do anything please let me know. Going around with suicidal thoughts is so energy consuming. Please be safe.
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Spoiler; Latest update 21 January 2022.
Height: 170 cm
Lowest weight: 33.0 kg - 78 lbs
All time highest weight 78,1 kg - 172.1 lbs (28/6-2021 - after 12 weeks of fasting I ended up around 42kg (92lbs) To little but had a hard time stopping the fasting routine.)
Current weight: 62,9kg
1. Goal weight: 58,0 kg - 127 lbs
2. Goal weight: 54,0 kg - 119 lbs
3. Goal weight 50.0 kg - 110 lbs
Ultimate goal weight: 47.0 kg - 103 lbs
Fasting Blog
🌻 (5ft 7 sw 179 - cw huge) watch my life unravel - TW
#241
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Posted 18 June 2022 - 05:48 PM
No idea what I weigh. Scales are just too scary right now because I feel like when I can see myself in the mirror I do look to have gained. I don’t know how I would have. But I did.
Anyway. I’ve had my two half coffees and also 200ml ribena (which I don’t count. Well. Yet.).
Really hope I can get through this shift ok. Because I really feel like I won’t be able too.
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#242
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Posted 18 June 2022 - 06:14 PM
I'm glad that you are back to write in your thread! I just wished that you felt better, and I'm so so sorry for how the crisis team treated you! How is it even possible?! You had a crisis and called them!
I can relate to many of your feelings about food, weight and the fear about people commenting on our weight and looks. It is funny, if a person is overweight it is a big NO to comment on that, but if you are skinny then people blurt out what ever they want. I've never understood why?
Glad your mom is planing on protect you against your aunt and comments.
I did get a new medicine myself this week, apparently one side effect is anorexia and weight loss and she prescribed my this because she knows that I do not eat medicine that could make me gain weight.
I don't know what your medicine are but if you are thinking about suicide you might want to try it?
Thank you for being so open about your situation, I really appreciate that and it makes me feel that I'm not alone with these kind of thoughts. I just wished you felt better, you deserve that.
Take care!
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Spoiler; Latest update 21 January 2022.
Height: 170 cm
Lowest weight: 33.0 kg - 78 lbs
All time highest weight 78,1 kg - 172.1 lbs (28/6-2021 - after 12 weeks of fasting I ended up around 42kg (92lbs) To little but had a hard time stopping the fasting routine.)
Current weight: 62,9kg
1. Goal weight: 58,0 kg - 127 lbs
2. Goal weight: 54,0 kg - 119 lbs
3. Goal weight 50.0 kg - 110 lbs
Ultimate goal weight: 47.0 kg - 103 lbs
Fasting Blog
#243
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Posted 19 June 2022 - 12:47 AM
amihuman, on 18 Jun 2022 - 6:14 PM, said:
I'm glad that you are back to write in your thread! I just wished that you felt better, and I'm so so sorry for how the crisis team treated you! How is it even possible?! You had a crisis and called them!
I can relate to many of your feelings about food, weight and the fear about people commenting on our weight and looks. It is funny, if a person is overweight it is a big NO to comment on that, but if you are skinny then people blurt out what ever they want. I've never understood why?
Glad your mom is planing on protect you against your aunt and comments.
I did get a new medicine myself this week, apparently one side effect is anorexia and weight loss and she prescribed my this because she knows that I do not eat medicine that could make me gain weight.
I don't know what your medicine are but if you are thinking about suicide you might want to try it?
Thank you for being so open about your situation, I really appreciate that and it makes me feel that I'm not alone with these kind of thoughts. I just wished you felt better, you deserve that.
Take care!
Hi Thankyou
I hope you find your medication helps you. I’d love one that made me lose weight. That would be amazing!!
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#244
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Posted 19 June 2022 - 12:54 AM
I don’t know if I can try having the upped calories today. Because I’m already thinking if I do I will have to purge it and my chest felt very weird earlier. So probably isn’t the best idea.
I was really quiet and a bit upset in work as well. Because I feel really big. Bigger than I have in a while and I just did feel uncomfortable. So I just didn’t really speak to many people and pushed on until I could go home.
I just wish I knew my weight. But I’m too scared to get on and see it.
I hate myself for being too big. This week I have off work tho I plan on dropping some good weight so I won’t be so embarrassed when I’m back.
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#245
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Posted 19 June 2022 - 01:56 AM
And I just took lax. Had to force them down. Even now I wanna be sick. I hate them. But I feel like there’s so much food weight sitting in me.
I wonder how much I could drop this week weight wise?
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#246
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Posted 19 June 2022 - 09:07 AM
Not my finest hour.
I dunno. Maybe I will just fast.
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#247
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Posted 19 June 2022 - 12:41 PM
No matter what.
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#248
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Posted 19 June 2022 - 08:30 PM
Motivated to get myself to 119 this Sundayv I think I will weigh myself Wednesday. To be on track I need to be at 123 I think? So if I’m that I will be happy. As I’m aware because I purged and lax then I will be retaining my fluids. Which sucks. But it will go.
I’m hoping for 30,000 steps today as I’m off work this week so I do 15,000 there so I minuses that from my 44,000 goal (well. 45,000 lol).
30,000 feels Acceptable today. Not sure how it will feel tomorrow or even later. But right now that feels alright.
Food wise. I dunno. I have no idea what to do tbh. I want to have my usual safe foods but the lettuce I feel like I need to purge it if I have it so do I risk it and try to eat it? I don’t know.
Edit: it’s 08.30 and I’m just almost halfway to 30,000 steps. Going out again at 11.30 then again at 2.00. Feeling good. I was slightly light headed but other than that good. I’m pleased. Feels like I could lose some weight this week
At 20,000 now. I forgot how much having a cold etc zaps you. Drained isn’t even the word
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Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#249
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Posted 20 June 2022 - 11:13 AM
Also. I have 30 lax. Should I take them? I’m fking massive. I posted in selfies forum. I look fatter than ever.
It’s just a bit much. I can’t weigh. I’m too scared.
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
#250
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Posted 20 June 2022 - 12:34 PM
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
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Posted 20 June 2022 - 01:54 PM
Sent from my SM-N986B using Tapatalk
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Posted 21 June 2022 - 07:59 AM
I had my food (called to shops and bought some hoops and lettuce with my remaining money) . Panicked. Purged. Too lax. So I know tomorrow is going to suck too.
I just want to go back to work on Sunday smaller. I’m getting back to being scared to go outside walking due to embarrassment so I’m gonna need to cut my intake more. Hence purging my 288 today.
I can’t stay awake for a full day either. It gets to around 11am and I’m exhausted and I sleep until 2. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
I still can’t weigh myself. But I know I’m fatter. I look it. So if I weigh myself I will end up Sh. And I’m trying not too.
Also fighting the temptation to take more lax.
I can’t contact docs. They will refer me back to Cmht and firstly I’m too fat. I don’t want them to see me. Secondly. They will stop me losing. And third - do I even need to see anyone. I’m sure I be fine.
Ugh and it’s 4pm now and I’m really sleepy again. Really really sleepy. Gonna try to stay up tho. Really. Wtf is up with my body. It’s just too fat and I think that’s why it’s giving up.
Should I fast. More lax. Get some water pills? Ffs. I feel like I’m going insane.
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
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Posted 21 June 2022 - 12:10 PM
Should I end it??
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
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Posted 21 June 2022 - 12:19 PM
Skinnyminnie1984isback, on 21 Jun 2022 - 12:10 PM, said:
So so so fat.
Should I end it??
no no no no and no. please stay with us. you can send a message if you like, talk about anything you want but please - stay
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#256
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Posted 21 June 2022 - 11:54 PM
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
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Posted 21 June 2022 - 11:59 PM
We have similar stars and similar stories.
5'8
Accountability
Http://www.instagram.com/lunaxfaex
Body Checks 124 lbs to 105 lbs:
5'8
hw :124 lbs bmi 18.65
lw : 96 lbs bmi 14.44
124 109 105
[/img]
[center][center]
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Posted 22 June 2022 - 12:43 AM
please keep fighting. you deserve better.
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#259
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Posted 22 June 2022 - 03:52 AM
Scrap that.
I WILL starve myself into non existence.
Relapse sw 184 (bmi 28.8 😫 Thankyou olanzapine)
Cw FAT. Bmi? Fat. It’s all too big.
Lw 106
Gw 106
Ugw 98
Dx : an/r sh eupd traits
https://www.myproana...walking/page-10
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Posted 22 June 2022 - 03:58 AM
hi love, please stay with us. i'm so sorry you've been going through this all this time, and that the crisis team were absolute fuckwits too. you definitely should reach out to your doctor again if you can. you're very thin and seriously ill. we care about you, please take care xx
SW: 176 // 80 · GW1: 165 // 75 · GW2: 154 // 70 · GW3: 143 // 65 · GW4: 132 // 60 · GW5: 121 // 55 · UGW: 110 // 50
🍃 accountability 🍃
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