#154 H h o p e

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Posted Today, 03:02 PM

Salam~
 

I’m currently listening to Wuji and should be revising  but tomorrow is a new month~
 

the months are flying by haha, i remember when January just started :0 and now bam July already? That means we have hmm 5 months left woah then it’s the end of 2022! 
 

I really wish I had started this (writing) from the moment I made my account but I have a feeling that I would have posted invasive body checks and revealed a lot more than I would have.. If I did I bet I would be so much triggering than I am now like woof back then anything above 500 was a ‘binge’, any meals that wasn’t one meal well you can guess I would have thought it was a binge.. so stupid.. my honeymoon phase wow those thoughts I had then and mindset then is nothing compared to now.. except now im not in my old triggering environment (well i still attend but the trigger isn’t there) 

 

anyway~  im nearly done with my exams!

 

today i had Fiqh which is basically like laws and rulings for example I know it sounds like common sense but it was like for example if someone vomited a mouthful intentionally is their fast [for ramadan] broken? Or like how when it comes to impurity if it’s major impurity or if it’s minor impurity how would you wash it? Or if it’s invisible impurity how would you wash it even if a stain is there? it sounds so easy but there’s so many different scholar opinions like x_x and not just that it’s entirely in العربية 

 

this exam, it’s this teachers exam whom haha I have a headcanon off loool

Spoiler 

my head canon is that she secretly has an ED and is a perfectionist lool

she was like to me when i did the exam in like 20-30 minutes “you write really fast” she’s so sweet bless her I can’t understand how she puts up with me in lessons.. bless her though

 

 

oh also can i say I’m insanely jealous of tall people.. what brought this on? seeing well seeing an old acquaintance and oh my days she’s tall and thin ;; like she had a coat on and ughghg the jealousy in me you can tell she’s stick thin

 

whats funny is this girl eats and drinks like normal ;; 

 

put me and her together, you’d know who’s thinner spoiler

Spoiler 

it’s her

 

 

her face screams skinny, her legs scream skinny 

 

;;; curse my damn stupid height it makes me look like a stump 

 

i mean i guess it kills my appetite lol 

 

if only i was taller? I mean my weight lower and height higher 

 

i wonder if I get to a lower number in the scale would it be evident to those around me?

 

I just want to be thinner whilst i attend that school, my goal last year was hit 35 and guess where i weighed? 36.3 yup

 

so close ;;

 

anyway i can’t complain I have Saturday exams to revise they’re so hard but complaining won’t get me anywhere if all i did was not revise? It’s like you were stupid not to pick a book now face the consequences 

 

anyway I hope July treats everyone well!

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this is a cry for help!

 

 

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