mpa and others

Blighty

Sage

Accountability access
1296 posts

Locationhell

Posted Yesterday, 07:00 PM

2/28/22

I have been in a lot of emotional distress, hence going MIA. I'm nervous to talk to my therapist tomorrow because I haven't been keeping up with my DBT homework very well. I'm extremely scattered. Seems all I can do is cry right now.

Random thought I had today: I can't believe I spent 20 odd years of my life thinking I was white. My mom was always open about our heritage, but because I was always perceived as white by others, I felt way too awkward telling anyone I'm middle eastern without seeming like I'm pulling the "oh I'm 1/16th Cherokee" card. But I'm half Lebanese! And yet I have spent most of my life feeling like a sham somehow...I don't speak Arabic, I only know a handful of my tayta's recipes....but I'm still mixed. As I've aged I found that other mixed people could clock me as mixed, while white people still perceive me as white. I benefit from white privilege and yet it saps elements of my identity from me...almost like I feel guilty for taking pride in my heritage. I don't know, just some random thoughts.