Tell my irrational brain that I'm not stupid pls (high restriction to stop binging?)
#1 
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Posted 14 December 2021 - 04:09 AM
I've had problems with binging for years now. Recently (for at least a few months) my binges have gotten less extreme; at most 4000, usually 3000, not the 6000-8000 binges I'd commonly have in the beginning of the year.
That doesn't mean I'm not still affected by them a lot mentally. I've been stuck in a loop of binging once or twice, fasting or restricting for days or a week, and thusly losing and gaining the same 1.5kg/3lbs over and over and over again. I'm going a bit insane because of it...
So I figured, maybe instead of plunging myself into fasts or <1000 calorie restriction, I could work my way down to high restriction? I'd go from like 1900 for a day or two to 1800, to 1700, etc until I'm around 1200-1400 maybe?
I frequently eat above that when I'm binging or overeating but it's really difficult for me to commit to it as a conscious decision, if that makes any sense. I know realistically, high restriction should work, people here have said they've gotten to their lowest bmi's eating like 1400 a day, but it's really hard for me to not feel like I already messed up anyway if I'm aiming for that amount, even though I rationally know it's not that much and I frequently eat above that anyway.
I got out of my worst binges by eating around maintance for a while so my body would stop telling me I'm hungry all the time. I gradually worked my way down to restricting again. It stopped my major binges like before, but the binge/restrict cycle I have now kinda happened instead. I also still feel hungry all the time, but I'm starting to realise that might be related to my ADHD at least partially. In a month I'll probably start medication for that which will probably also help with feeling hungry all the time, but until them I'm trying to find other ways.
I guess I just need some reassurance that I'm not inherently making a mistake for stopping to aim for lower restriction. I can't help but overthink it. I'm sorry this post became so long, thank you for reading and any advice is appreciated. <3
69kg 68kg 67kg 66kg 65kg 64kg 63kg 62kg 61kg 60kg 59kg 58kg 57kg 56kg 55kg
BMI 24 23 22 21 20 19
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Bear in mind, people with eating disorders tend to be both competitive and intelligent. We are incredibly perfectionistic. We often excel in school, athletics, artistic pursuits. We also tend to quit without warning. Refuse to go to school, drop out, quit jobs, leave lovers, move, lose all our money. We get sick of being impressive. Rather, we tire of having to seem impressive. As a rule, most of us never really believed we were any good in the first place.
#2
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Posted 14 December 2021 - 05:13 AM
Dollhouse Cat, on 14 Dec 2021 - 04:09 AM, said:
I've had problems with binging for years now. Recently (for at least a few months) my binges have gotten less extreme; at most 4000, usually 3000, not the 6000-8000 binges I'd commonly have in the beginning of the year.
That doesn't mean I'm not still affected by them a lot mentally. I've been stuck in a loop of binging once or twice, fasting or restricting for days or a week, and thusly losing and gaining the same 1.5kg/3lbs over and over and over again. I'm going a bit insane because of it...
So I figured, maybe instead of plunging myself into fasts or <1000 calorie restriction, I could work my way down to high restriction? I'd go from like 1900 for a day or two to 1800, to 1700, etc until I'm around 1200-1400 maybe?
I frequently eat above that when I'm binging or overeating but it's really difficult for me to commit to it as a conscious decision, if that makes any sense. I know realistically, high restriction should work, people here have said they've gotten to their lowest bmi's eating like 1400 a day, but it's really hard for me to not feel like I already messed up anyway if I'm aiming for that amount, even though I rationally know it's not that much and I frequently eat above that anyway.
I got out of my worst binges by eating around maintance for a while so my body would stop telling me I'm hungry all the time. I gradually worked my way down to restricting again. It stopped my major binges like before, but the binge/restrict cycle I have now kinda happened instead. I also still feel hungry all the time, but I'm starting to realise that might be related to my ADHD at least partially. In a month I'll probably start medication for that which will probably also help with feeling hungry all the time, but until them I'm trying to find other ways.
I guess I just need some reassurance that I'm not inherently making a mistake for stopping to aim for lower restriction. I can't help but overthink it. I'm sorry this post became so long, thank you for reading and any advice is appreciated. <3
My hard advice: stop the fasting and stop the low restricting if you want to get out of this endless cycle. I have been there within my weight range - fasting/binging/restricting over and over again. It is extremely depressing and you just want to end it all, horrible.
My problem has been (and still is, because the monster is still inside of me, waiting to attack) binging at my night shift work. Not so much at home. When off work I tried to repair the damage from the job-binges (they were huge). So between work shifts I fasted and restricted, then went back to work and binged like a mofo.
I have had enough for a long time but still continued the cycle. But then I stumbled upon the book "Brain over binge" by Kathryn Hansen. I read it but it didn't really sink in until I found her channel on youtube. I downloaded the videos, they went through the chapters in her book. I listened to these videos over and over again (on my daily walks) and then it started to sink in.
What I had to do was to up my intake, stop restricting and fasting and all that shit. Then I had to understand what a binge-urge consisted of and then try to break the habit of binging at work. It was hard but not impossible.
I still slip up and binge at work, but not by far as often as before (knock on wood).
Fasting is nowadays totally impossible for me, the body just refuses to do it. Low restriction is also super hard for me.
I eat around 9500 cals per week, and I cycle the intake:
- -1400
- -1250
- -1400
- -1300
- -1300
- -1350
- -1500
During the night shift I go keto and raise the intake by 100-200cals extra to prevent binge urges. During the work-night I unfortunately still depend on artificial sweeteners - I drink tons of sweetened tea to curb the hunger that usually comes around midnight (any eating sets off a binge, believe me, it is all or nothing with me).
I have made a deal with myself: if I can stay away from binging, I can accept a higher body weight.
So yeah, sorry for long story but in essence: go high res and stop fasting.
Muuuuuuch love
❤️❤️❤️❤️
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