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Posted 21 November 2019 - 07:58 AM
Hey guys. So I am a recovering meth addict. And I think I’m still struggling with addiction. I know I’ve been an alcoholic since 15... now I’m dependent on Valium and my anorexia is coming back hardcore and I’m spiralling and alcohol is next... and after that I know it’ll be meth again. I want to give up and destroy myself. I’m sick of trying to be happy and healthy guys! Here’s some evidence - there’s me in active addiction cos I was using at least a half weight a day (so would’ve been spending over $200 a day... I was dealing though so I managed to get enough every single day) and I was a mess... I got pregnant and I went to rehab. I was doing okay. But I’m not anymore. I’m suicidal. I want something to take my pain away... right now I want to drink. I know if I drink I might end up setting up a deal. But who cares. I’m fat, I’m ugly, I’m too scared to leave my house, I’m alone, i have no one. I am broken. I want to go back to rehab. Without my kids. Just me... I want to just check out for a bit. I seriously want to die. I don’t want to sleep. Don’t want to wake up. Don’t want anything. I’m hungry but I’m too afraid to eat. I want to go for a run but also want to lie down and cry. Someone be my friend?
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part of you is standing in the bakery
mesmerised with hunger and fear.
height: 5'2
bmi: 15.5
cw: 38.5kg
lw: 37kg
gw: 36kg
new new ACCOUNTABILITY sorry
follow it yo.
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Posted 01 September 2018 - 01:59 PM
Saw that too, grossed me out a lot
What stopped me from wanting food was finding a spider in my kitchen while making lunch :L
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Posted 14 September 2017 - 07:10 AM
have a bathroom selfie/weird bodycheck. imagine if someone walked in while i was taking pictures of my ribs lol awkward. i really loved my outfit today but my jeans kind of give me a camel toe hahaha irritating it's like impossible to find jeans that do not do that.and they make my legs look really big. sad
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part of you is standing in the bakery
mesmerised with hunger and fear.
height: 5'2
bmi: 15.5
cw: 38.5kg
lw: 37kg
gw: 36kg
new new ACCOUNTABILITY sorry
follow it yo.
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Posted 19 May 2017 - 07:02 AM
personally I like to eat around 4-6 times a day. sometimes I binge but the I just move on! usually my intake is aroud 1 000cal and other days little under 400cal
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#15 
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Posted 19 May 2017 - 06:56 AM
I high restrict and snack quite a lot. I also eat one of my favourite foods before bed because that gives me something to look forward to at the end of the day. And also, I don't cut out foods completely, like I'll have small amounts of chocolate to keep me satisfied but it only comes to about 100 calories.
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Posted 19 May 2017 - 06:21 AM
Now I say 1200 is my limit. I usually eat way less but I know that if I need to I can eat a little more. Also I take a caffeine tablet in the morning and that gives me heaps of energy and totally gets rid of my appetite. I wait as late as I can to start eating. Like 5pm. Then I have my planned meals. Found low cal options for cravings and I allocate myself some of that every day to keep cravings away. I'm terrified of binging especially because I know for me it'll lead to purging and I don't want to go down that road again. Agh.
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part of you is standing in the bakery
mesmerised with hunger and fear.
height: 5'2
bmi: 15.5
cw: 38.5kg
lw: 37kg
gw: 36kg
new new ACCOUNTABILITY sorry
follow it yo.
- Members
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Posted 19 May 2017 - 06:16 AM
I keep SUPER busy, like as busy as possible and if I start to feel a tiny bit hungry I have a tiny snack like 100 cals at most to stop the cravings. Also, just drink water, tea, or coke until I'm so bloated I can't stand it.
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Original Starting Weight (March 2013): 126 lbs Original Starting BMI: 23.8
Restarting Weight (April 2018): 120.2 lbs Restarting BMI: 22.7
Lowest Weight (August 2015): 94 lbs Lowest BMI: 17.8
Current Weight 05/01/18: 112.0 lbs Current BMI: 21.2
Goal Weight 1: 112 lbs Goal BMI 1: 21.2
Goal Reached 05/01/18
Goal Weight 2: 108 lbs Goal BMI 2: 20.4
Goal Weight 3: 102 lbs Goal BMI 3: 19.3
Goal Weight 4: 98 lbs Goal BMI 4: 18.5
Goal Weight 5: 92 lbs Goal BMI 5: 17.4
Ultimate Goal Weight: 88 lbs Ultimate Goal BMI: 16.6
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Posted 19 May 2017 - 05:43 AM
shyrina, on 19 May 2017 - 05:42 AM, said:
it is common sense and it has not been working for me as of recently.
maybe that's too low for you and you need to try 1400?
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Posted 19 May 2017 - 05:41 AM
I just have a lot of anxiety around reaching a certain weight by a certain day, so there's enough motivation in my mind to not binge. The consequence of binging is greater than the reward of eating foods I like.
Not really a secret, just a situation.
This is abnormal for me btw, I'm just desperate.
I also have sort of a death-wish, so there's that :/
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