any given monday
#1 
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Posted 31 January 2022 - 11:50 AM
starting weight: 140.4
life goals:
- getting to sub 130
- catching up in school
- working and making money
- making myself beautiful
stop fantasizing. life is right here in front of you.
#2
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Posted 31 January 2022 - 12:05 PM
january 31st, 2022
i have no idea who i am and what i want to be. i don't even know why i made yet another accountability. i don't know why i keep returning to this notion, repeating endless cycles of abandoning and picking back up this idea that even though i'm in my 30's and have never achieved a single one of the things i always wanted to, this one is the big one and this is the one that will work.
i don't even know how to introduce myself. i'm just a girl who wants to lose weight. let's start there.
my main goal is to find out why the fuck i am here on this planet which is a lot for a diet accountability but this diet is part of it. i am pretty much doing no sugar + IF and basically don't eat unless i literally have to and it's kind of working.
there's two things lately that i've kind of realized i need to stop denying about myself:
number one, i am addicted to smoking and sugar. when one stops, the other comes right in. i am literally being gangbanged by these two addictions every day of my life and without sugar i just can't be strong against the urge to smoke. i think about it probably every single moment of the day and this is probably the number one reason i'm so behind on everything. to be honest, i think i made this accountability because i know today is the day i'm going to pick up smoking once again.
number two is something i'm not ready to get into yet.
today's meal plan is fast until dinner. i'm having middle eastern food i made myself with natural red wine.
#3
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Posted 31 January 2022 - 08:20 PM
today's intake:
one cigarette
stuffed eggplants with grass fed beef
smoked gouda chips
2 glasses of natural red wine
#4
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Posted 01 February 2022 - 09:44 AM
february 1st, 2022
song of the day: washed out "too late"
my house plant gave birth to a new leaf in the night. is that a good sign for my future or just my skills in remembering to water the plant?
i spent time this morning thinking about my past and how i used to be cool. i don't think anything more traumatic has ever happened to me than entering the 30's. i first got an eating disorder when dealing with a severely traumatic breakup with a guy. i wonder if the breakup this time is with my younger years. so many similarities. it's like the rug gets pulled out from under me every time.
i just don't want to hurt anymore.
#5
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Posted 02 February 2022 - 06:51 PM
february 2nd, 2022
made a to-do list but i didn't do any of it.
i'm tipsy and kind of bingeing on candy. the cigs, the sugar, the cigs, the sugar.
today's intake:
toast with 1 oz greek feta and ajika seasoning
egg white egg bites
seven vegetable couscous with a glass of red wine
whatever this is i'm doing now
#6
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Posted 03 February 2022 - 10:44 AM
february 3rd, 2022
days pass and i've made no progress. here i am!
finished my binge urge and just threw food away. is that the first commendable thing?
#7
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Posted 03 February 2022 - 03:51 PM
i started using cronometer. sorry mfp, it's been real. i guess i've been hovering around 700 to 800 calories per day, well, minus the binging maybe.
tomorrow is weigh-in. i need to see the damage for myself.
#8
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Posted 03 February 2022 - 06:37 PM
today's non-binge intake:
toast with feta and ajika seasoning
green drink with baby spinach, blueberries, strawberries
greek salad (just tomato and cucumber)
grass fed steak
roasted delicata squash with harissa
glass of wine
total: 840
#9
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Posted 04 February 2022 - 08:21 PM
february 4th, 2022
accomplished about 20% of my list. pushed all the things i really really REALLY need to do to the bottom and did things i could have let slide one more day.
i went to the dollar store and they asked me if i was okay. like, not if i need anything, but what kind of medication am i on currently are-you-ok. am i so obvious? ugh. i'm good dude. just trying to make it through the fucking day like you are.
intake:
toast with feta and ajika seasoning (same ole same ole)
200g of grapes
green drink with celery and banana
greek salad...ish with just cucumber and olives
blackened shrimp and delicata squash <- YUM
glass or three of white wine
and a cigarette
total: 960
#10
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Posted 06 February 2022 - 08:28 PM
tomorrow is weigh-in
#11
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Posted 08 February 2022 - 03:54 PM
weighed in and i'm the same...140.4
this is stupid but every time i make an accountability here i stop losing weight?
#12
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Posted 10 February 2022 - 08:19 PM
i've been doing bad. i haven't been doing right.
the problem is that nothing's in control.
#13
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Posted 11 February 2022 - 06:05 PM
k i'm not exactly gonna scrub this thread but like.....i think i've changed my gig
this is the beginning of a total rehaul. the first thing is sugar addiction. so this is the goal for beating that:
- read sugar addiction book
in the background, i need a diffuse goal to get my mind of the sugar. so here's goal number two:
- learn about wine
and then, goal number three which is related to school:
- get an A in Nxxx and Jxxx
#14
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Posted 11 February 2022 - 06:06 PM
part two:
everything in my life must be related to The Goals
so goals for today: don't eat sugar, don't eat sugar, don't eat sugar
get schoolwork done and work until midnight on it
read more of the book
STOP DOING THINGS NOT RELATED TO THE GOALS. STOP FUCKING AROUND. STOP LOOKING AT FUCKING ASTROLOGY AND SOME SHIT
#15
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Posted 20 June 2022 - 05:38 PM
starting weight: 140.4
4 months and 20 days (kek) have passed and i have made absolutely zero progress.
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