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Posted Today, 10:19 AM
Winterfae, on 25 Jan 2022 - 3:54 PM, said:
You're so welcome. I definitely feel that. I wish you didn't have to know what it's like but it's good to be understood.
I truly feel that peer support like this goes a long way to reducing the guilt and shame (which perpetuates the disorder) better than anything a therapist or dietician could do. Even in IP with groups and things, it feels like we either can't be totally open or they don't really get it, or you're not allowed to say certain things that are triggering. So although there is 24 hour "support" it's really more like surveillance, and I think that we need the understanding of other people who have been through it themselves.
Not saying IP didn't save my life, but I think censoring didn't help and of anything could it's people who have actually been there themselves. A lot of this is so much a solo fight against ourselves, it's good to have other people cheering us on for the challenge and also commiserating if we slip up.
So true, I feel like the support on here is better cuz u can be way more open and honest abt how ur doing and ppl don't judge cuz a lot are in the same boat too
Also in treatment besides not wanting to trigger anyone some centers have a rule that u can only say "behaviors" which is so dumb imo chz processing abt b/p is totally different than processing abt restriction, and then ppl give u feedback like "its ok to eat! Ur body needs nourishment!" Like yes that's true im not actually getting the benefits and nutrients I need from what I eat but the problems is that I over nourish my body then yak it all up. Imo not the same as not taking in the nourishment at all. Or feedback like "don't count the calories!" Bro I don't even bother at this point cuz it's in the tens of thousands daily and I have no way of knowing how much I actually kept down.
Plus sometimes the environment gets competitive and then the weird flexes abt how they almost died blah blah blah like dude I don't care. I totally get that the competition aspect is a symptom of the ED for a lot of ppl but since it isn't for me I just find it irritating. And at the places that do allow u to say what behavior u are using or used before treatment there gets to be a hierarchy and restriction and exercise get put on a pedestal and binging and/ or purging are looked down upon. And the treatment team chalking up the binging to the fact that u restrict during the day or bcuz ur underweight is stupid to me cuz there's a lot of other factors like the addictive aspect, OCD ritual/compulsion etc that are completely dismissed. Even worse when they do it to ppl who solely have BED amd are overweight, I've had a couple friends even leave AMA from certain places cuz they got so frustrated with their binging basically being ignored and told it was just cuz they needed the food and then just so happened to overdo it. It's almost like BED is invalidated as a legit ED. My roommate at one place was just like dude what the fuck is the point of being here when I came to get help for my BED (obviously cuz she wanted to stop but also at her doctors recommendation cuz she became pre-diabetic at age 20) and they just put an entire pizza or carton of ice cream in front of me and say "follow ur hunger cues and eat til ur full!!" And call it #exposuretherapy. She also ended up losing a little bit of weight, which is totally normal when someone stops binging and is overweight and they threatened to send her to IP if she lost anymore, even tho her doctor at home told her she needed to lose a bit for her health and she was fine with that and wasn't triggered by it as long she just did blind weights at her medical checkups.
And yes IP did stabilize me physically several times especially when my labs and heart were fucked, but the groups amd therapy at best didn't help and at worst made my mental state decline a lot
Ok sorry that turned into a rant about treatment but tldr I feel a lot more supported and understood on MPA than I have at any treatment center I've gone to. (And believe me ove been to a lot lol)
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