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Posted Today, 02:19 PM
Day 26, Post 1
My day has been less than ideal. Lots of bingeing, a ton of purging, and near-constant thoughts of self loathing. I try to redirect my mind to think opposite thoughts when I think negative of myself. I try to view myself from a more compassionate angle. It works to some extent, but no matter how much I mentally argue against them, the negative thoughts have not gone away. Still feels good to put effort into invalidating them, though.
I took my first body photo of the year, I think. The first I remember, anyway. I honestly cannot tell how I look, but I feel like I’ve maybe gained. As I look at the photo, I see a mixture of “fat” features and “thin” ones. It’s like mismatched parts all fused together and no matter how much I try, my mind just cannot make sense of it. My slim upper arms and the visibility of some bones are indicative of thinness. I feel like some paddings of fat might be bulging outward, though, as my bones don’t appear sharply anymore.
Body photo hidden with spoiler. Please do not view if you think it could negatively affect you. Just posting so I can view it for comparison on days where I don’t have good body image. It can be reassuring to have photo proof that my appearance hasn’t changed much.
I’m just going to try to relax and take it easy for the rest of the day. Today is one of those shit days that I have to get through in order to see better ones. Hoping things begin to change for the better soon.
Stats under spoiler:
Trying to survive alongside this disease, and hoping I will someday find my way out. I am not ready to recover, but I will not willingly succumb to my eating disorder.
M y A c c o u n t a b i l i t y : https://www.myproana...hotos-included/
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